Am I a jerk for not being willing to help my kids financially with college?

[SolaScriptura]

My wife and I do not intend to help our kids pay for college. We did it ourselves and we're better for it. The only possible way they may potentially get me to even consider chipping in would be for them to attend either VMI or The Citadel.

So, am I a big mean jerk?

For context: many of my friends and family think that I'm a big mean jerk for not being willing to start up a 529 plan for the kids. (Some of these family members were the same ones who wouldn't help us out! Their excuse for why I should pay for my kids' college: I can afford to do so, but they couldn't afford to help us...)

 

[SolaScriptura]

So I AM being a jerk unless my reasons are "substantial?"

 

[Prudence and Passion]

Without knowing all the details, it is hard to say "yes" or "no." My Dad did paid for my local community college, but not my Bible college. I took out loans to pay for that... hard lesson learned.

I think that "NO" you are not a jerk, so long as your kids know how to manage their own money and stay out of debt! I think that they will thank you ... someday.

 

[Prudence and Passion]

So I AM being a jerk unless my reasons are "substantial?"

Greed would certainly be a bad motivation... if you were doing it to keep your money for yourself (as the end goal) then you would be a jerk.

 

[Brother John]

NO not a jerk.

Your helping your children. Not all children are the same but my experience at school was that the kids who had to work jobs while there did much better. It seemed that the parents pay and scholarship kids (me being one of them) saw college as four or six years to have no responsibility and live it up(to be fair I was a reprobate and so were all that I came in contact with. So maybe a believer would treat the oppurtunity better.). Im sure that there will be others that will say Im crazy and they were this or there friend was that but I stick by my vote.

Also do NOT let your children get student loans. I have several friends and coworkers who are buried under them. Run away from debt. They should look into CollegePlus! - Home it is a much faster and cheaper way to get your undergrad.


After thinking about it, I would not pay for it but I would find ways to help them financially as they worked through school....

 

[TimV]

Nowadays you can't do it yourself, not normally. Where on earth is a kid going to get 100,000 dollars? My parents didn't have any money, but I got an athletic scholarship and I worked and got the basic government grant.

My oldest who just graduated got through with only 5,000 debt, but he lived at home, and worked for me (at a loss to myself) for a very large hourly wage. And that's helping. I also bought him his first car.

So, bottom line is that nowadays almost all parents help their kids; it's just a matter of degree.

 

[Calvinist Cowboy]

There needs to be a third option- Do you agree Ben is a jerk if...

(and no, I'm not talking about myself!)

 

[Pergamum]

I wouldn't use the word jerk, but if you live well and then start your kids off in loads of debt when you could have saved them from this, then yes, that is selfish.

I know 4 or 5 missionary families that grieve because their kids did not receive any help. But if you are an officer in the army you are not hurting for funds.

College is a vital transition time; nothing wrong with launching the kids right.

They can learn hard work and good savings in other ways besides strapping on a millstone of debt until their 30s or working at burger joints trying to eek their way through college.



One irony is that 2 or 3 of the reformed homeschoolingfamilies I know reserve the right of picking a husband for their single daughters until they are in their 30s but, on principle, will not help them through college...I think this strange.




p.s. I paid my last 3 years of college off with work and ROTC, but thank God for my dad who helped me as a freshman. He opened up choices for me and keptme from getting into a dead end spiral of debt and low paying jobs. I graduated with 70 USD in my bank account.

 

[Calvinist Cowboy]

NO not a jerk.

Your helping your children. Not all children are the same but my experience at school was that the kids who had to work jobs while there did much better. It seemed that the parents pay and scholarship kids (me being one of them) saw college as four or six years to have no responsibility and live it up(to be fair I was a reprobate and so were all that I came in contact with. So maybe a believer would treat the oppurtunity better.). Im sure that there will be others that will say Im crazy and they were this or there friend was that but I stick by my vote.

Also do NOT let your children get student loans. I have several friends and coworkers who are buried under them. Run away from debt. They should look into CollegePlus! - Home it is a much faster and cheaper way to get your undergrad.

Oh ho! Excellent program. One of their mentors goes to my church, and the fellow who started CollegePlus! is a personal hero of mine. I followed his example and got through college in one year and paid only a minimal amount in tuition and fees. Get a copy of Accelerated Distance Learning by Brad Voeller. That is not a suggestion soldier!

 

[AThornquist]

My parents aren't helping me through the vast majority of my college years. I am totally fine with it. I will be willing to work harder in my college years if I know that my own money is on the line Oh yeah, and I also plan to go through CollegePlus.

 

[Kevin]

No.

I am saving (in seperate accounts) for my (5!) kids education. However, I will never be able to fund more than one year of post-secondary education for any of them.

God Bless 'em & Good Luck, but I will never be able to pay the 3 to 5 hundred thousand $ that liberal arts BA education will cost for them.

 

[Grymir]

Parents don't have to pay for their kids college. If they are stinking filthy rich, well, that not a problem, but poor parents like mine couldn't nor should they have. (Of course, now I'm a big shot manager/chef without going to college) All my brothers worked and found ways to pay for college. One has his PHD and was working on the next super-computer. All without help $$ for college from parents.

 

[Brother John]

NO not a jerk.

Your helping your children. Not all children are the same but my experience at school was that the kids who had to work jobs while there did much better. It seemed that the parents pay and scholarship kids (me being one of them) saw college as four or six years to have no responsibility and live it up(to be fair I was a reprobate and so were all that I came in contact with. So maybe a believer would treat the oppurtunity better.). Im sure that there will be others that will say Im crazy and they were this or there friend was that but I stick by my vote.

Also do NOT let your children get student loans. I have several friends and coworkers who are buried under them. Run away from debt. They should look into CollegePlus! - Home it is a much faster and cheaper way to get your undergrad.

Oh ho! Excellent program. One of their mentors goes to my church, and the fellow who started CollegePlus! is a personal hero of mine. I followed his example and got through college in one year and paid only a minimal amount in tuition and fees. Get a copy of Accelerated Distance Learning by Brad Voeller. That is not a suggestion soldier!

That's very intresting that you followed this path. What did you get your degree in and where did you get it from? I left school my junior year for a sales job and now I am getting ready to go back and finish. I have been looking into all my options and from what I can tell College Plus with Thomas Edison College in New Jersey is going to be my cheapest and quickest route to a degree. What did you like best about doing school this way and what did you like least?

 

[Prudence and Passion]

No.

I am saving (in seperate accounts) for my (5!) kids education. However, I will never be able to fund more than one year of post-secondary education for any of them.

God Bless 'em & Good Luck, but I will never be able to pay the 3 to 5 hundred thousand $ that liberal arts BA education will cost for them.

I think you mean "Good Providence," Sir.

 

[OPC'n]

I would only help them out if they got into a crisis. Example: they are paying for their education and their living expenses and then all of the sudden their car breaks down and they cannot afford this dilemma. That happened to me, but God provided for me without my parents' help. Otherwise, they will not appreciate it if you hand them their education money. Besides, we shouldn't be the only ones who have huge school loans!

 

[SolaScriptura]

In my view, college is not a right. In addition to cost needing to be a determining factor in their decision of where to attend, ff they want it there are several ways to pay for it. UPS will pay a substantial amount. As will Fed Ex. As will Starbucks. As will Lowes. As will Home Depot. I could go on.
And don't forget the Reserves or the National Guard who will both pay... (combine the Guard and UPS for an almost free ride!)

Or just do a stint on active duty and they'll pay for it all.

Or take out a ROTC scholarship or bust your tail in highschool and get into one of the Academies.

The way I see it, there are several ways to go to school with minimal debt.

 

[Brother John]

My parents aren't helping me through the vast majority of my college years. I am totally fine with it. I will be willing to work harder in my college years if I know that my own money is on the line Oh yeah, and I also plan to go through CollegePlus.

What caused you to decide to work with College Plus? Have you started any classes yet or taken any CLEPS?

 

[Calvinist Cowboy]

There are plenty of ways to earn an accredited degree without spending big bucks. Clep tests, DANTES exams (you should be familiar with those Ben), community college courses, etc, are all ways to save money and earn college credit. My alma mater (I love big, fancy, Latin words!) is Thomas Edison State College, a regionally accredited college in Trenton, New Jersey, that focuses on distance education. Many of their students are in the military.

 

[SolaScriptura]

My alma mater (I love big, fancy, Latin words!) is Thomas Edison State College, a regionally accredited college in Trenton, New Jersey, that focuses on distance education. Many of their students are in the military.

Speaking of that, folks... did you know that (at least in the Army) you can get your bachelor's degree for free while on active duty and then get out and use your new and improved GI Bill to fund grad school? Wow!

 

[Brother John]

I had a professing christian coworker tell me last week that if he does not believe that he will be able to pay for his future children's college that he will simply not have any. Apparently he believes that if one does not go to college life is not worth living .

 

[Pergamum]

Financial necessity is one thing, but to "teach them a lesson" is another; unless a son or daughter has a consistent past history of laziness such that they need to get a lesson in real life. Otherwise, help is a good thing.

 

[Ivan]

My parents didn't help me. I was able to get a scholarship for college and work part-time. In seminary I worked full-time and was given a scholarship also. I left seminary with more money than when I arrived. I got another masters degree that the library I worked at paid for. There are ways, as mention in previous threads.

My parents weren't mean. You aren't either.

 

[Calvinist Cowboy]

NO not a jerk.

Your helping your children. Not all children are the same but my experience at school was that the kids who had to work jobs while there did much better. It seemed that the parents pay and scholarship kids (me being one of them) saw college as four or six years to have no responsibility and live it up(to be fair I was a reprobate and so were all that I came in contact with. So maybe a believer would treat the oppurtunity better.). Im sure that there will be others that will say Im crazy and they were this or there friend was that but I stick by my vote.

Also do NOT let your children get student loans. I have several friends and coworkers who are buried under them. Run away from debt. They should look into CollegePlus! - Home it is a much faster and cheaper way to get your undergrad.

Oh ho! Excellent program. One of their mentors goes to my church, and the fellow who started CollegePlus! is a personal hero of mine. I followed his example and got through college in one year and paid only a minimal amount in tuition and fees. Get a copy of Accelerated Distance Learning by Brad Voeller. That is not a suggestion soldier!

That's very intresting that you followed this path. What did you get your degree in and where did you get it from? I left school my junior year for a sales job and now I am getting ready to go back and finish. I have been looking into all my options and from what I can tell College Plus with Thomas Edison College in New Jersey is going to be my cheapest and quickest route to a degree. What did you like best about doing school this way and what did you like least?

TESC is an amazingly versatile school! That's what I liked best about them! True it takes an incredible amount of study (I took an exam every two weeks), but it is not too hard. I was able to balance a part-time job, courses at a community college, and those exams, all without going insane! The tuition at TE is reasonable, and they accept a wide variety of tests and life experience for credit. It does take a large amount of organization, and I think that is the hardest part of it. You have to discipline yourself to study, and then study some more. Those "insignificant" pleasures have to go (like watching movies, reading books [other than textbooks], listening to sermons [except for John Piper of course], etc.)

You've probably asked me something else by now, so forgive me if this post isn't current!

 

[larryjf]

Just have them go to the completely free North American Reformed Seminary.

I know...that was a bit of a shameless plug.

 

[Calvinist Cowboy]

Just have them go to the completely free North American Reformed Seminary.

I know...that was a bit of a shameless plug.

Free is nothing to be ashamed about!

 

[fredtgreco]

Ben,

Can I make a suggestion that I am surprised no one has made before:

Don't worry about that now. How old are your kids? Why would you possibly lock yourself (metaphorically speaking) one way or another into a position that might not be applicable in 20 years? Seriously. Go chill out and have an iced tea.

 

[Zenas]

This is all opinion in the end, so it really doesn't matter all that much.

It's hard for me to give an opinion without more information. Personally, I don't plan on being able to help my kids with college because, hopefully, I'll have too many to pay all those tuitions.

Potentially, you may not need to pay tuition if your children do well in school and earn scholarships. My fiancee' and her two brothers didn't pay for nearly any of their college because they had scholarships to cover it. Her younger brother actually gets paid a substantial sum to go to school over what he needs for tuition.

On the information I have, I would say no because you're doing it for their benefit in the end. In your judgment, it will be better for their character if they have to suffer through it. This probably has some truth to it.

 

[kvanlaan]

I would say no. BUT you then have a severe responsibility to teach them to manage their money and save. If you don't teach them that and don't provide for college, then I wouldn't call you a jerk, but I would say you were irresponsiblefor taking that tack.

We've got nine, we're not paying for college. But they know that from the time they are old enough to get an allowance for dish/laundry/bathroom duties. To me, that's fair.

 

[VictorBravo]

Ben,

Can I make a suggestion that I am surprised no one has made before:

Don't worry about that now. How old are your kids? Why would you possibly lock yourself (metaphorically speaking) one way or another into a position that might not be applicable in 20 years? Seriously. Go chill out and have an iced tea.

I think he's responding to pressure to start a 529 plan now. It's all the rage because it allows for tax free growth that can be used for any sort of educational expense (and some other things too).

I actually have clients in the same quandry. They want to do right by their kids, either give them a head start or give them a lesson in self-sufficiency.

There are other approaches that might relieve the burden some. You could set up different kinds of trusts or forget the whole thing and put savings in your IRA that they could inherit when they are adults and presumably responsible. There are many ways you can have more control over how the built-up funds are spent in the future.

But I agree with Fred. You don't have to do any of this right now. There is time to give it deliberate thought without being pressured.

 

[AThornquist]

My parents aren't helping me through the vast majority of my college years. I am totally fine with it. I will be willing to work harder in my college years if I know that my own money is on the line Oh yeah, and I also plan to go through CollegePlus.

What caused you to decide to work with College Plus? Have you started any classes yet or taken any CLEPS?

Well, I live in the dirt hole of California. Having heard about College Plus through Vision Forum and considered my other options, going the College Plus route seems to be my best option. And no, I haven't been able to start yet. I just started working at my new job (Praise God!) so I have a while until I can even afford it. Are you considering College Plus, or are you associated with it?