HAIL SWITZERLAND!
Hail, Switzerland!
December 13, 2001
by Joe Sobran
Whenever I hear someone brag that America is "the
greatest country on earth," I want to ask, "Have you ever
been to Switzerland?"
Well, I have. I spent a whole week there once. Very
dull. No war, no international crisis, no crime, none of
the things that give life its savor for red-blooded
people like us. Nobody even knew who the president of the
country was. The Swiss have never even had a great
president. Their national hero is still that guy with the
crossbow. Their national pastime is yodeling.
I don't intend the blasphemous suggestion that
Switzerland is the Greatest Country on Earth, but it has
a fair claim to be the sanest. It has had less history
over the last thousand years than most African countries
have had in the last generation. You know the old Chinese
curse: "May you live in interesting times." The Swiss
have no memory of interesting times. They have a proud
history of not making history.
Switzerland sat out two world wars, for which it is
resented by the sort of people who think war is a duty.
The Swiss seem to feel that the rest of the world can
enjoy mutual slaughter perfectly well without them. They
have never joined the United Nations, NATO, or the
European Union. They are content to hunker down within
their sheltering Alps, while Americans will cross two
oceans, simultaneously if necessary, to get into a good
war. Nor do they have troops, battleships, submarines,
and military bases around the world. And no nukes.
In short, the Swiss are what all right-thinking
people have learned to call "isolationists." They have
stubbornly maintained their independence. As a result, an
awful lot of Swiss didn't die violent deaths in the
twentieth century.
Oh, by the way, the Swiss aren't afflicted by
terrorism. Osama bin Laden has probably never heard of
Switzerland, unless he stashes his money there. It may
not be the Greatest Country on Earth, but nobody calls it
the Great Satan, either.
Not that the Swiss aren't ready to defend
themselves. The men are required by law to serve in the
militia and to keep firearms in their homes. But when
they say "defense," they mean defense -- not empire, not
New World Order, not "global leadership."
They have a federal system of government, and in
Switzerland "federal" still, oddly enough, means
"decentralized." Each canton treasures its independence.
The national president has little power, little
opportunity to achieve "greatness." The Swiss franc is
one of the world's most stable currencies. Swiss banks
are the world's most secure vaults.
Naturally, a country like that, free, peaceful, and
prosperous, isn't going to be left alone. A few years ago
there was an outcry against Switzerland as a repository
of "Nazi gold," which turned out to be a scam, an attempt
to blackmail the Swiss. They were given a choice between
coughing up billions or facing international opprobrium
and sanctions. It later transpired that the Nazi gold was
mythical, the accusations a cynical smear campaign.
Independence is always hated by centralizers and
internationalists. The papacy is hated because the Pope,
unlike politicians and journalists, can't be bought or
bullied. Switzerland is hated because it remains aloof
from the "international community." I'd offer other
shining examples of resistance to the pressures of
internationalism, if I could think of any.
Switzerland has enjoyed the kind of history
Americans once hoped for. But while America has been
drawn back into the quarrels of the Old World its people
had hoped to escape, Switzerland has in effect managed to
secede from that world's strife without leaving the
continent. If you want excitement in Switzerland, you
just have to roll your own; the state won't provide it
for you. You can sum it up by saying Switzerland is a
country that has lost more lives in skiing accidents than
in war.
The story of Switzerland is the greatest political
success story of the modern world, yet we never hear
about it. Why not? Because it puts all other states to
shame. Most rulers want to Americanize their countries;
but if they really cared about their people's welfare --
lives, liberty, property, and all that -- they would try
to Swissify. It's a sign of the times that I am forced to
coin this indispensable verb.