Materialism...how much is too much?

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Grace Alone

Puritan Board Senior
The reason for this post is that my husband recently asked me what I want for Christmas and our anniversary which are a day apart. I have always liked jewelry and I found a very nice ring half price (second hand but still not cheap) at a reliable source online. Before I ask my question, let me say that we are blessed financially and have no debt and tithe, etc.

I do not "need" another piece of jewelry. I know that biblically women are to be beautiful inside and not through external adornment. So when I desire something material that is a luxury, I usually have this feeling of guilt like I am not spiritual enough. I also think about this when we think of buying a new house closer to our new church.

We have adopted an orphan and give to those kinds of needs, but maybe we should give more and spend less on ourselves (we actually are very conservative spenders 99% of the time). I DO want to store up treasures in heaven. But is it wrong to desire material things that you can afford? (I suppose for men a better correlation might be a big screen TV, a certain kind of car, or here on PB, a nicer gun or something!).

I guess we all know some really rich Christians (definitely not us) who are very generous but still live in luxury themselves. I am just not sure how God views this.

This is one reason Christmas is troubling to me. Even Christians get caught up in materialism while we earnestly try to keep the focus on the meaning of the holiday.

Thanks in advance for your thoughts on this topic!

(I just realized that there are people here who do not participate in Christmas related activities at all. Let's please not get into that debate here, if you don't mind. I understand that aspect.)
 
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This is a difficult question that I cannot give a reasonable answer to finding myself too impoverished to even pay all my bills on time. I am still wondering how I am going to heat my home for the next month.(not anxious, God always provides, just stating circumstance, not begging or crying)

No offence here, respectfullly, I cannot even fathom this kind of question as I have never found myself to be in such a position.

Also, respectively, if you are going to be Christmas-y, think about the nature of Christmas, as seen from the gift giving point of view in light of the nativity. Christ is a gift to the impoverished saints of God who are incapable of paying the debt they owe their Creator God. True Christmas spirit does not give gifts to those who have, but those who have not. Respectfully.

-----Added 12/15/2008 at 12:10:33 EST-----

Also, on the other hand, I know that husbands love to buy their wives things that show their affection and delight in them, I would do the same for my wife. A ring would be great I think.
 
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Go for it. Birthday's, Christmas and Anniversary is about the only time we spend money for a want or need we have. Some time practical, sometimes not.
 
Maybe we can separate this into two different questions? One relating the presents, the other to wealth?

Relating to presents, I think it's all about the giver, even if they are following along on ideas from the recipient. To me, you need to be inside someone's head to select just the right gift. I love sorting out the ideas my husband has given me and keenly observing what he likes to try to come up with just the right gift. It is an act of love.

Wealth is a more difficult question. All that we have is a gift from God, even if we are struggling to make ends meet. I teach my children to pray thanking God because he gives them all good things, mindfully recognizing that we may not always recognize that the situation we are in is for our good and His glory.

We also see from scripture, that we are to be merciful, and that can include financial assistance (or help in kind) for those in need. I think it is a matter of conscience what we keep and enjoy for ourselves and what we give to others. And I really do mean enjoy, because God has given that wealth.

Christ himself taught us that there will always be poor among us, and gratefully accepted the gifts (even if on some level they could be considered luxuries) given him. At the same time, he showed us to be merciful at all levels, spiritually as well as physically.
 
I would be the last to say that a ring is wrong but expenses like this grate on me. My viewpoint is different.

I usually live in Ethiopia where the nationals are almost all hungry almost all of the time. In my clinic I rarely see a woman who weighs over 100 lb, and these are not pygmies. The believing poor to whom I minister have only the clothes on their backs, no second set, live in leaky grass houses with mud floors, and most have no blanket or mat on which to lie at night. Rainstorms are invariably at night so these people end up spending their nights sitting in cold mud puddles and then don't have anything to change into the next morning. If they are given clothes, the new clothes are immediately sold for food money. Yet they are not complainers or beggars, just grateful (to the point of tears) to get one can of dried corn every 2 weeks.

Many Ethiopian families have taken in orphaned nieces and nephews who now, with the famine, are excess mouths to feed. The options are death or adoption. Older orphans and sibling groups are particularly needy.

Direct aid to them is almost impossible because of corruption. However some suggestions that are feasible are
1. Adopting a sibling group
2. Sponsorship through one of the standard child-sponsoring agencies (Concern, Christian Children's Fund etc.) and/or
3. Financially supporting a family that wants to or is in the process of adopting an Ethiopian orphan.
4. Responding to an appeal from a Western missionary who has personal knowledge of particular need(s), such as Pergie, someone functioning under the authority of a mission board. It should be someone who is at least a year post-language-school, so he/she is less likely to be taken in by fast-talking national con artists.

Kingdom Kids is a reputable adoption organization that places older children in Christian homes and provides post-placement support. They will give grant money to worthy and needy families. Avoid CWA and Children's Cross Connection.
 
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Grace Alone;


Is it materialistic for your husband to buy you a ring when you can afford it? No

However it doesn't sound like the issue is materialism, but more guilt.

Should a Christian feel guilty/bad or whatever that God has provided for them financially that they can make such purchases when others are suffering? No, I don't believe they should, especially when you are not neglecting those who don't have as much.

And it's not a matter of needing it, but that your husband wants to give you a gift--should you also reject every other gift your husband desires to give you from finances God has provided him?

I really hate this mindset that has taken over, that those God has blessed financially should for some reason feel guilty that God has blest them.

And you never know, if you make the purchase now, in a year or two you may need that ring to barter or even sell it for something else you do need, especially given the state of financial affairs of the world today. It could be God's way of providing for your future; so in that respect it could be seen more as an investment and not a frivolous purchase (that being your biggest concern) but there is no reason to feel guilt over such a purchase if God has provided for you to do so.

I've seen gold parties popping up recently where women are selling their gold to be melted down for cash--some because they need the cash, others are doing so for fundraisers, people have various reasons for turning to this venue, but the value of the dollar is said to be going down, while the value of gold and silver is going up, so again, you can look at it as an investment and not a materialistic purchase.

Host a Gold Party and earn CASH!

'Gold parties' cash in on metal's high price - USATODAY.com

Partygoers trade in jewelry for cash at 'golden parties' - Quincy, MA - The Patriot Ledger
 
i think that it would be a very sad thing for your husband if you were to refuse the gift or feel bad about it... You seem to be very frugal with your money and very generous in adopting a little child so I would say Go for it... not only will it bring you pleasure but your husband as well.
 
Bottom line - it is a stewardship issue.

If you are honoring God with your life and finances, it is no sin to present good gifts to one another.

There will always be more need than any one family can fill.

Give as the Lord leads and enjoy the bounty He has given you in a pious manner.
 
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I don't see how it could be a problem at all (in and of itself). I would caution you to be careful with your conscience. If this goes against you or your husband's consciences then hold off until you can act with freedom in faith.
 
I would be the last to say that a ring is wrong but expenses like this grate on me. My viewpoint is different.

I usually live in Ethiopia where the nationals are almost all hungry almost all of the time. In my clinic I rarely see a woman who weighs over 100 lb, and these are not pygmies. The believing poor to whom I minister have only the clothes on their backs, no second set, live in leaky grass houses with mud floors, and most have no blanket or mat on which to lie at night. Rainstorms are invariably at night so these people end up spending their nights sitting in cold mud puddles and then don't have anything to change into the next morning. If they are given clothes, the new clothes are immediately sold for food money. Yet they are not complainers or beggars, just grateful (to the point of tears) to get one can of dried corn every 2 weeks.

Many Ethiopian families have taken in orphaned nieces and nephews who now, with the famine, are excess mouths to feed. The options are death or adoption. Older orphans and sibling groups are particularly needy.

Direct aid to them is almost impossible because of corruption. However some suggestions that are feasible are
1. Adopting a sibling group
2. Sponsorship through one of the standard child-sponsoring agencies (Concern, Christian Children's Fund etc.) and/or
3. Financially supporting a family that wants to or is in the process of adopting an Ethiopian orphan.
4. Responding to an appeal from a Western missionary who has personal knowledge of particular need(s), such as Pergie, someone functioning under the authority of a mission board. It should be someone who is at least a year post-language-school, so he/she is less likely to be taken in by fast-talking national con artists.

Kingdom Kids is a reputable adoption organization that places older children in Christian homes and provides post-placement support. They will give grant money to worthy and needy families. Avoid CWA and Children's Cross Connection.

Respectfully, I must question the idea that we can just throw off guilt and act as if excess is warranted because God has placed us in such a wealthy land. Even in my family's poverty we are rich beyond measure.

While some on this board are sick of the guilt cast upon Christians because of their wealth, I for one disagree with this sentiment. The fact that we do not want to feel guilty about our wealth lends to the fact that we do all struggle with this in the US and other wealthy countries that are represented on this board. Is this guilt unwarranted?

Consider our forefathers in this regard. For centuries our forefathers lived without the ammenities that we call necessities. How far would our goodwill go if we could be more like them?

Read the post by Leslie and think long on what she is saying. May this move us all to be more self sacrificing in this season of self centeredness(not an attack on Christmas, just stating the facts). Seriously, if we could all be in the shoes of the people that Leslie speaks of we would answer the OP quite differently.
 
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I would be the last to say that a ring is wrong but expenses like this grate on me. My viewpoint is different.

I usually live in Ethiopia where the nationals are almost all hungry almost all of the time. In my clinic I rarely see a woman who weighs over 100 lb, and these are not pygmies. The believing poor to whom I minister have only the clothes on their backs, no second set, live in leaky grass houses with mud floors, and most have no blanket or mat on which to lie at night. Rainstorms are invariably at night so these people end up spending their nights sitting in cold mud puddles and then don't have anything to change into the next morning. If they are given clothes, the new clothes are immediately sold for food money. Yet they are not complainers or beggars, just grateful (to the point of tears) to get one can of dried corn every 2 weeks.

Many Ethiopian families have taken in orphaned nieces and nephews who now, with the famine, are excess mouths to feed. The options are death or adoption. Older orphans and sibling groups are particularly needy.

Direct aid to them is almost impossible because of corruption. However some suggestions that are feasible are
1. Adopting a sibling group
2. Sponsorship through one of the standard child-sponsoring agencies (Concern, Christian Children's Fund etc.) and/or
3. Financially supporting a family that wants to or is in the process of adopting an Ethiopian orphan.
4. Responding to an appeal from a Western missionary who has personal knowledge of particular need(s), such as Pergie, someone functioning under the authority of a mission board. It should be someone who is at least a year post-language-school, so he/she is less likely to be taken in by fast-talking national con artists.

Kingdom Kids is a reputable adoption organization that places older children in Christian homes and provides post-placement support. They will give grant money to worthy and needy families. Avoid CWA and Children's Cross Connection.

Mary, I sincerely am sensitive to these things. We had a son and daughter by birth and felt called by the Lord to go adopt an orphan in China when the older two were 10 and 13. We have always sponsored (monthly) an orphan through Holt. We have donated to individuals adopting internationally. We sponsor two children in a Haitian orphanage. We give to missionaries working in China, Uganda, and Salt Lake City and these are outside of our church giving.

I really don't like mentioning these things because the Lord is the One who we give to and not for the praise of men. But I want to emphasize that we DO feel that these things are important and that's why I had to ask the question initially. If the Lord would like us to buy a smaller house and live more simply so that we can give 20%, 30%, or whatever to Him, that is what I would want to do. We aren't rich by American standards at all, but we are by third world standards, most definitely.

Thank you sincerely.

-----Added 12/15/2008 at 04:13:15 EST-----

Thank you all so very much! I can see that Christian liberty is an issue here and that is why I had a problem with the question in the first place! I will leave the decision to my husband and not worry about it!

Thank you again!
 
"While some on this board are sick of the guilt cast upon Christians because of their wealth, I for one disagree with this sentiment."

Why should I feel guilty about my "wealth"? Also, please define wealth. Put a number on it.
What we all need to be concerned about is our stewardship.

Blessings,
Terry
 
I think we have to be careful. I just left a job (almost a year ago now) where with benefits my wife and I made over 100k per year. Now we make maybe 30k. Did our wealth damn us? Certainly not. Did it keep us further from reliance upon God? Absolutely!
 
The fact that we do not want to feel guilty about our wealth lends to the fact that we do all struggle with this in the US and other wealthy countries that are represented on this board. Is this guilt unwarranted?

I agree, wealth should be defined, and why should one feel guilty that God has blessed them financially? So tell me, what is financial wealthy? can we put a number on it?

Even many of the poorest in America are considered wealthy by third world standards. A person making $20k a year is wealthier than someone making $10k a year, or $5k a year..should the one making $20k feel guilty because God has blessed them with that income?

Should we not appreciate and be thankful with what God has provided, no matter what the amount? Should we not praise Him for what ever amount He provides?

I do not feel guilty that I have a home to sleep in and clothes to wear, and people in other countries don't..but I do have compassion for them.

Guilt and compassion are not the same thing, and if someone is guilted into giving to others merely because they have and the others don't is not Christ-like giving. It's not even giving with the right motives, it's giving to ease unwarranted guilt.

I give because God has blessed me to do so, not because I feel guilty that God has blessed me in ways He may not have blessed someone else.

So yes, in my opinion any guilt is unwarranted.

Should we also feel guilty when God has blessed us with good health and He didn't bless someone else with good heath? I don't think so.

Respectfully, I must question the idea that we can just throw off guilt and act as if excess is warranted because God has placed us in such a wealthy land. Even in my family's poverty we are rich beyond measure.

What is excess? is a husband buying his wife a gift for their anniversary excess? If so, would any gift be excess or would all gifts be excess?

Is having a change of under garments for every day of the week excess?

Given people in other countries only have one pair of clothes?

Is you child having a bed to sleep on excess when kids in other countries are sleeping on mud floors? Should you now throw all your beds out and sleep on the floor so that you don't feel guilty because you have something they don't?

or should we sell our homes and live in mud houses and give the proceeds to those in other countries so that we don't feel guilty?

At what point would the guilt be eased? It would never be eased, because if you have good health and you hear or meet someone who doesn't you'll feel guilty..or if you sleep in a mud hut and someone else is sleeping under a bridge you would still feel guilty..because you have something they don't.

So again, yes, I believe the guilt is unwarranted..given God blesses whom He will bless in ways of His choosing. It is up to us to use those blessings wisely and with Thanksgiving, not guilt...
 
How much is too much? Tough question.

How much is enough? Even tougher. (The answer, invariably, is 'just a little more'.)

My father just recently got over this issue. He has always done well in business, but never bought a car that would be considered normal in his income bracket because he would not feel comfortable driving it to church and being seen in public on the Sabbath in what many would consider a decadent vehicle. He's OK with it now (and I get to drive it when he's not using it!). :)

That being said, he gives like there's no tomorrow, lives in a 1000 sq ft home, and spends about 2 months of the year on mission trips.

So be thankful for what you have, continue to give as you do, and enjoy the ring.
 
Thanks Paul, I enjoyed that. Piper's got a thing for the prosperity Gospel - I've always enjoyed a clip of one of his sermons on youtube (just search "John Piper prosperity"). Thanks again.

-----Added 12/16/2008 at 11:23:29 EST-----

Guess I might as well just post it...

[video=youtube;khvWTwPX0Dk]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khvWTwPX0Dk[/video]
 
To the OP, it can be subjective, if you owe no debts, if you tithe, and if you are like me I like to give to a local Charity that provides everything one can think of for needy people in my community, bikes for kids on Christmas, coats in winter (and not some 30 year old ratty coat that would shame the recipient as t should the giver, I have little respect for those who "in charity" make a "gift" of a thing they truly know needs to go to the dump, don't give me "beggars can't be choosers" if it would shame you, don't give it to the needy and act pious.:2cents:) BUT back to my point if you do for your family, gift to your church, and set some for the needy in your community, and set some aside in wise investments. Then, do enjoy the fruits given you! I have a Pastor friend who make a very insightful remark, he said the Heretical "Give me A Rolls-Royce right now" preachers have not only created a false doctrine but in some irony have created a problem for orthodox believers, they are AFRAID to ask the Father to bless their work or business because they think that this would put them in the "Hinn-Camp", there is an older couple in his church that have a small shop and are terrified it will go under, he wanted to go into prayer about it, they were reluctant, when he probed about why, they thought it was part of that "new giant-churches heresy!" He had to walk them through a Biblically based balanced view on asking Our Father to Bless us! By extension I can address the OP (FORGIVE how long it is there are many untrue teachings around that lead to extremes.) If you have done your duty with what has been given you, then accept the blessing for what it is! We needed a new TV when we moved, there is a LOT of junk on TV BUT my wife and I enjoy it for DVD's we rarely go to the theatre, but our "date nights" are often, to go out for a meal, and rent some DVDs so in getting a new TV we got a very nice DLP, not cheap, but we did it paying cash, and having other duties done! In short:Do not let the Prosperity Gospel scare you into an equally bad heresy a Christian Communism.:2cents:
 
Pilgrim's Progeny;

John Piper - Wealth is Almost Always a Curse, Not a Blessing

yes ALMOST always, but not ALWAYS.

When one's heart is right with God, it's not a Curse it is a Blessing.

However, being poor can also be a curse, when one doesn't know God, as they are always striving for more money and more things...thinking if they were only rich all their troubles would go away.

1Ti 6:10 For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.

A person can be wealthy and love money or a person can be poor and love money, just as a person can be wealthy and not have a love of money or a person can be poor and not have a love of money..but having financial wealth in and of itself is not a curse.
 
Pilgrim's Progeny;

John Piper - Wealth is Almost Always a Curse, Not a Blessing

yes ALMOST always, but not ALWAYS.

When one's heart is right with God, it's not a Curse it is a Blessing.

However, being poor can also be a curse, when one doesn't know God, as they are always striving for more money and more things...thinking if they were only rich all their troubles would go away.

1Ti 6:10 For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.

A person can be wealthy and love money or a person can be poor and love money, just as a person can be wealthy and not have a love of money or a person can be poor and not have a love of money..but having financial wealth in and of itself is not a curse.
VERY good point BJ! I had a Pastor who spoke on the issue of "relative wealth" he stated, the rich, the middle class, the working class and the poor all have particular sins tied to each, he stated he has as a Pastor, met kind and giving poor, and greedy wealthy, BUT, he said he has also seen loving, kind ,and generous wealthy individuals and greedy poor! It is a matter of the persons heart.:2cents:
 
1 Tim 6:17-19 admits that God has called a few to be rich in this world, and his instruction to them is not to trust in their riches but in him, and to be generous and ready to give. But he never tells them to just give it all, or most, away as a necessary part of being Christian.

I do believe it is biblical that those whom God has blessed with more materially in this life are allowed to enjoy more. Job was a rich man and because of that his family enjoyed a better life, his sons and daughters holding feasts of eating and drinking (Job 1:4). Job never stopped their feasts, and his concern was not that the luxury itself was wrong, but that one of them might have, carelessly cursed God during the party. And God described him as “a perfect and an upright man, one that feareth God, and escheweth evil” (v8)

I would agree that the OP is a question that is hard to answer in the abstract, as every christian’s individual circumstances are different, and the answer will in truth vary from person to person, family to family and from circumstances to circumstances. If you are being generous with your giving, and your financial affairs are in order, I do not believe there is anything wrong with splurging a little to enjoy, if you can afford it. The fact than a item like a ring is not really “needed” does not really resolve the issue either way. Proverbs 31:22 tells us that dressing nicely is a virtue in a christian woman (just not the main virtue, which should be the fear of the Lord).
 
Something that occurs to me after reading these responses is that there is a belief that financial difficulties cause one to have a greater reliance on God. I am sure that could be true. However, this is not the only way that the Lord can cause this. To some, He brings sickness; to others he brings a child or spouse with alcohol or drug addiction. Certainly there are many other ways as well. So while I may be blessed to have a good financial situation, it does not mean life is easy in all respects. I have suffering in another area of my life which causes me to have to trust God for the outcome.
 
Jesus did say (and maybe imply as well?) that it was harder for the wealthy to follow after Him.

But I would say most Americans fall into this category (wealthy) when you compare us to believers in places such as China and Africa. Most Americans have TV's and other distractions (cars to repair, etc.) that take away attention from following Him.

-----Added 12/29/2008 at 11:39:02 EST-----

12/29/08

Okay, no one probably cares, but my husband did get me the ring I had shown him online (when he asked what I wanted for a Christmas/anniversary gift). I did tell him in advance that I wasn't sure about it and thought it might be too extravagant. So he bought it to please me which was very sweet, but he didn't have his feelings tied up in having picked it out himself. I tell you all that in order to say that I returned the ring today. It was certainly beautiful, but it was not something I would have been comfortable wearing much of the time. It really helped to see it in person to confirm that. So I was able to thank my husband for his generosity, yet we will not be keeping this item. I certainly have other lovely things that he has given me over the years, and this time I just didn't feel right about the expenditure even though we probably had the liberty to do it.

Thanks to all who replied!
 
The OT had many feasts and it seems from the Song of Solomon and other pictures of marriage that husbands like to give gifts to their wifeys. I think there is a place for Christians to spend and enjoy just for the sake for enjoying. I wish I could more often. We need not feel guilty about it.

However, all my neighbors are poor and my evangelists have literally run out of food (one here ran out of clothes too and spent 4 months in "native dress"..they still tease him about it, but it shows his devotedness). In the book of Acts we had people selling all their land to give to the church and folks seeming to give MOST of their wealth for the Kingdom. I rarely see this in the West.
 
As many have said above, the guilt that results from being more providentially blessed by God is not a righteous kind of guilt. I would say it is a variation on survivor's guilt, which we all know is a perversion of guilt in the correct sense of the term.

I'm not trying to impose another kind of burden on you, but I think if you make any kind of monetary decision out of guilt for being blessed by God, then you are not making the decision with the right intention. The advice I can give you (not that it would be significantly different from others') is simply to pray to God for wisdom constantly, to praise God for His blessings constantly, and to partake or not as you feel so led. As long as you act in faith -- as long as your decisions are motivated by righteous factors -- you are further protected by God's wonderful providence.

EDIT: How did I miss the bolded notification above? Oh well...
 
Janis, I had laugh when I saw your update. But I also understand. My wife found a fur coat for five dollars at a garage sale (really beautiful - nothing we could ever afford at retail) but I don't know that I've seen her wear it, it's very different once the item is on you and others see you in it, makes you feel all self-conscious.

In somewhat related news, we received a Christmas basket from a Dutch charity through a church deacon (because to many, we qualify as 'the poor') this Xmas and I can't think of anything more incongrous than a food-basket recipient sashaying about in a fur coat!
 
Janis, I had laugh when I saw your update. But I also understand. My wife found a fur coat for five dollars at a garage sale (really beautiful - nothing we could ever afford at retail) but I don't know that I've seen her wear it, it's very different once the item is on you and others see you in it, makes you feel all self-conscious.

In somewhat related news, we received a Christmas basket from a Dutch charity through a church deacon (because to many, we qualify as 'the poor') this Xmas and I can't think of anything more incongrous than a food-basket recipient sashaying about in a fur coat!

Oh, my! You 100% understand the situation! That would be quite funny for your wife to show up in the fur coat after receiving the food basket!:lol:

I love great deals, but I have to be careful to be sure the item is in my comfort zone!

-----Added 12/30/2008 at 11:53:16 EST-----

The OT had many feasts and it seems from the Song of Solomon and other pictures of marriage that husbands like to give gifts to their wifeys. I think there is a place for Christians to spend and enjoy just for the sake for enjoying. I wish I could more often. We need not feel guilty about it.

However, all my neighbors are poor and my evangelists have literally run out of food (one here ran out of clothes too and spent 4 months in "native dress"..they still tease him about it, but it shows his devotedness). In the book of Acts we had people selling all their land to give to the church and folks seeming to give MOST of their wealth for the Kingdom. I rarely see this in the West.

Perg, I have often wondered the same thing. It is like Capitalism is the god of the west. I think there is a dismal amount of sharing within the church as compared to the biblical example.
 
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