Courtship/Dating in Seminary days

[LeeJUk]

Hi Guys,

Well just to describe my situation a little bit. Unfortunately I really cannot afford to go to Highland Theological College in Dingwall even with government help so I am forced to go to Glasgow University as the closest university that is approved by the C of S.

So basically I will be going to university for 4 years. In this time I will have a part time job at most and will be living with my parents. God willing after receiving a BD in theology I will be an associate minister for a year and then after all that be allowed to be called to a church.

So whats the bottom line? I'll be living with my parents probably until I receive a manse after being called to a church under this plan because I simply won't have any good income till being called to a church.

So my question is, must I only begin courting and dating when I am close to being called to a church because only then will I be able to leave my parents and be able to put a roof over a wife's head.

I've just been thinking that you know if I did find a godly christian girl and pursue a relationship with her within the next year or 2 then It's a big ask to tell her to wait 4-5 years before I can ever get married and move into a home with her.

Whats your opinions and advice? (though I do say please don't make this a debate about Glasgow Uni vs Highland College, It's not up for debate and not the purpose of this thread. PM me if you want to speak about it). I know there a lot of Godly people on here who must of went through this kind of a thing whilst undertaking theological studies.

Thanks,

Lee

 

[Tripel]

Lee,
I don't think you need to make a decision in advance whether or not you are going to date in the coming years. If next week you come across a girl who interests you, by all means, don't avoid her! You don't know how things will play out. Perhaps you will meet and fall in love with a girl who completely supports your calling and who wants to work while you finish school. There are countless men who made it through seminary while married and working part time jobs with the help of their spouse.

 

[revnbev]

My own view is that part of proposing is promising to provide. Until you are able to do so, courting that remains less romantic would be the route to take. Keep your focus on your studies rather than on the potential for romance and a mate. But that's only my 2 cents.

 

[LeeJUk]

Thank you for your advice both of you and I will take both views on board. Anyone else?

 

[JennyG]

All the advice above is good. You won't be in a position to marry for quite some time, so it's best to put your studies first meantime (does that sound like your mum?!)
That doesn't mean avoiding female company - join the Christian Union and you can make lots of friends (both sexes) who all share your outlook. If one of them does turn out to be your future helpmeet, you'll have the same priorities and can take counsel together on how long you need wait, or how soon you can make ends meet on a married shoestring.

 

[jambo]

Whenever your eye catches a girl I would ask her out. Whether that happens before your studies begin, during them or after you finish. Although you need to provide for your wife I would not concern yourself about that. I met my wife whilst studying at BTI in Glasgow. We married after I graduated and we hardly had 2 pennies to our name. We moved into a council house and our only furniture was 2 chairs from my mother in law, a table made by my wife's uncle, my record player and books and as it was approaching Christmas we bought ourselves a Christmas tree. As I think of where we are now, I am truly astonished at how the Lord has provided and undertaken for us down through the years. Love your wife (once you find her) and leave the finances to one side. Whether you live in a palace, a manse or a council house, be in full time ministry or otherwise, the love you will share will put these other things into perspective.

BTW what happened to that German girl you asked us to pray for a while ago? I take it from this post nothing happened.

 

[Jack K]

I get that this may not be the time to go looking hard for a wife. But if you happen to come across the right lady, by all means pursue her! If she's the right one, you two will be able to work through the situation. A great wife is far, far too valuable to risk letting one get away. "An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels" (Prov. 31:10).

 

[LeeJUk]

Whenever your eye catches a girl I would ask her out. Whether that happens before your studies begin, during them or after you finish. Although you need to provide for your wife I would not concern yourself about that. I met my wife whilst studying at BTI in Glasgow. We married after I graduated and we hardly had 2 pennies to our name. We moved into a council house and our only furniture was 2 chairs from my mother in law, a table made by my wife's uncle, my record player and books and as it was approaching Christmas we bought ourselves a Christmas tree. As I think of where we are now, I am truly astonished at how the Lord has provided and undertaken for us down through the years. Love your wife (once you find her) and leave the finances to one side. Whether you live in a palace, a manse or a council house, be in full time ministry or otherwise, the love you will share will put these other things into perspective.

BTW what happened to that German girl you asked us to pray for a while ago? I take it from this post nothing happened.

She made it was pretty clear she wasn't going to come back or stay in Scotland long term. Thanks for asking and praying though and thank you all for your advice again. It's greatly appreciated and needed.

 

[Jen]

Whenever your eye catches a girl I would ask her out. Whether that happens before your studies begin, during them or after you finish. Although you need to provide for your wife I would not concern yourself about that. I met my wife whilst studying at BTI in Glasgow. We married after I graduated and we hardly had 2 pennies to our name. We moved into a council house and our only furniture was 2 chairs from my mother in law, a table made by my wife's uncle, my record player and books and as it was approaching Christmas we bought ourselves a Christmas tree. As I think of where we are now, I am truly astonished at how the Lord has provided and undertaken for us down through the years. Love your wife (once you find her) and leave the finances to one side. Whether you live in a palace, a manse or a council house, be in full time ministry or otherwise, the love you will share will put these other things into perspective.

BTW what happened to that German girl you asked us to pray for a while ago? I take it from this post nothing happened.

I get that this may not be the time to go looking hard for a wife. But if you happen to come across the right lady, by all means pursue her! If she's the right one, you two will be able to work through the situation. A great wife is far, far too valuable to risk letting one get away. "An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels" (Prov. 31:10).

I think these two posts are great advice. Our situation is somewhat different, but both my fiancé and I dated, got engaged, and will marry while both of us are in seminary. We began dating in the first semester of our second year of three years, and will get married with only one year remaining (he's in year two of a three year program, while I'm in year two of a two year program stretched out over three years). We were planning on waiting till we graduate, but decided that 17 months was just waaaay too long, so we moved up our time line. Finances will be tight, but we can do it without going into debt.

What we did find is that for a host of reasons, we didn't actually start dating until the end of October. It easily could've been earlier, but that's the way it worked out, and we're glad that that's the way it worked out because the timing could not have been any better. Sure, at the beginning we might've liked the process to've started earlier, but, sitting here two months into what will unavoidably end up being a six-month engagement, we really, really like this timing, as any earlier would've just been painful.

In short, the timing of it will be in God's hands. In the meanwhile, just be sensible and wise in how you go about things.

 

[DeborahtheJudge]

why is it that only men ask these questions?


---------- Post added at 12:32 AM ---------- Previous post was at 12:28 AM ----------

I think you should wait until seminary. You should be considerate of all the women that go to seminary to get a husband.