I agree with everything you say here. I didn't want to be the one to bring up Mars Hill but unfortunately I see some similarities.
There does seem to be some similarities:
(1) Neo-Reformed folks,
(2) that give off an aura of coolness (even at the expense of looking like libertines to some perhaps as yourself with the tats and the beer at church functions. That doesn't bother me, but I know it upsets you, and I admit that there could be element in glorying in their freedom in a "show-offy" way..."look at our Christian freedom" sort of thing).
(3) The heavy-shepherding and the model of the pastor as tyrant or big-boss mentality instead of the pastor as humble servant.
(4) Maneuverings and devices to protect one's fame or authority (whether that means using church funds to buy up books so your book makes the bestseller list, like Driscoll, or secretly taping congregants).
The similarities seem to stem from a certain worldly style of leadership and philosophy of authority and control. Quite simply, I see many authoritarians creating little kingdoms, rather than folks willing to die and be forgotten for the kingdom of God. As Lutherans sometimes put it, they are indulging in a "theology of glory" rather than a "theology of the cross" and this reflect in how they obtain and protect their power.
I have been very troubled to hear about these practices and I do not blame non-church goers for distrusting the clergy.
It is time we return to the model of Christ. We've become much too wise in the ways of the world and its methods of power.
p.s. I'll just give this additional info. The pastor involved is an 18-day military boot-camp drop-out that couldn't make it through basic training and claimed there was a conspiracy/threats against him. He had to be removed from training for his own safety, he claims. I worked on an army psych floor for 3 years and I dealt with many basic trainee failures all the time, and it was almost always some major mental deficiency to be found in the basic trainee drop-out, the drill sergeants all being rough but good for the men involved. They cared about their men (with tough love) and wanted them to succeed. I respected and admired my DIs (even when they playfully called us names or threatened to hurt us). We grew even to love some of these men, because they cared for us enough to be rough on us and demand excellence. It was only the nut-jobs who claimed a conspiracy or believed the Drill Instructors were actually going to kill them, and who could not make it through the far from rigorous regimen of training. That such men can fail so miserably in the armed forced and succeed so well in churches says a lot about the gullibility of parishioners.
