a mere housewife
Not your cup of tea
I tried to search for something similar, but couldn't find anything: I was wondering how people on the board have come to Christ, and if they would be willing to share His dealings with them? I don't enjoy the seeming 'who has the most spectacular testimony of salvation'? type of discussions that this sometimes seems to degenerate into where people feel ashamed for never having done anything spectacularly wrong to be saved from (!) or never having a crisis experience, but I am encouraged to learn the different and very personal ways God has sought various people in various circumstances, either from the time they were children or when they were older, etc. I know some have shared this in their introductory post, but it's hard to search through those for who has and who hasn't.
I found a file from several years ago in which I had recorded how God saved me: I am not sure I would say everything in exactly the same way now (if there are doctrinal errors, please overlook them), but will paste it to start.
I grew up in a Christian home; but as a teenager, I turned away from God because I did not want to live for Him. I wanted to live as I saw fit. After doing this for awhile, I realized that I was too deeply flawed to make up for even one pang of trouble. I was not a worthy object to live for. But I was determined that I should not serve God. I felt that He was not worthy, either, because He foreknew and created a flawed world and then demanded perfection of it, on pain of destruction. He punished the creatures that He had made for being what He had made them. I would rather go miserably to Hell in protest at His universe than come to terms with it.
"Perfect" to me meant only that God kept His own rules. "Good" to me meant only that He did not break His own commandments. He could do this, because He was God. I could not do this, because I was not God. I saw Him only as an unbending judge and an impossible standard. I considered the standard unjust, because I could never meet it. In doing this, I was setting myself up as the judge and the standard. I thought it unfair that I should be condemned by a perfect standard: in thinking so, I condemned God by a standard that was flawed.
On these grounds, I set myself against God; and because I was blind with pride, I expected to score my one point. But in all my thoughts, I had not dealt with the reality that He does as He pleases in heaven and in earth-and who has resisted His will?
All this time, I was very miserable. I did not want to live, because I knew that living for myself was worthless: but I did not want to cause my family pain by killing myself. I finally decided that the kind of life I would lead would cause them more pain than my death. I was sitting outside, considering how to kill myself to give them least pain when God dealt with me. In an instant, I knew that I was His, to do with as He pleased. I knew that whatever He did with me would be right, because He is righteous.
In that instant I muttered, "Fine then, have your own way." It was not the prayer that it ought to have been; but I did mean it. And God, who deserves to be glorified was more humble than I, who had no right to be proud. He took my last petty protest, and gave me peace.
It was two weeks before I felt certain of what had happened to me, that I had been changed from the inside out --that I had been born again; and before I started to desire to love Christ and to know that He loved me. They were the two most peaceful weeks of my life. I did not know what would happen to me eternally, or even in the next few minutes. Perhaps God would still send me to hell for my sins. I knew that He would do what was right with me and with all things, and had no fear or turmoil. I had come to terms with my Creator --to His terms, at His call.
I am blessed because I have tasted the perfection of God, that there is no fault in Him. He is not flawed, as we are. He abides by Himself because He cannot do less. We cannot meet His perfection; and we cannot protest against it, because we are wrong. But He met it for us because He wanted to: He is perfect love.
I have tasted His goodness, that He would humble Himself to humble me.
He did create a world where there would be sin and suffering. But He entered it and suffered, and bore the sin to save it from destruction. What salvation could be hoped for from a God who could not bear to bring Himself or His creation to the cross?
I give Him glory, Who alone is worthy.
I found a file from several years ago in which I had recorded how God saved me: I am not sure I would say everything in exactly the same way now (if there are doctrinal errors, please overlook them), but will paste it to start.
I grew up in a Christian home; but as a teenager, I turned away from God because I did not want to live for Him. I wanted to live as I saw fit. After doing this for awhile, I realized that I was too deeply flawed to make up for even one pang of trouble. I was not a worthy object to live for. But I was determined that I should not serve God. I felt that He was not worthy, either, because He foreknew and created a flawed world and then demanded perfection of it, on pain of destruction. He punished the creatures that He had made for being what He had made them. I would rather go miserably to Hell in protest at His universe than come to terms with it.
"Perfect" to me meant only that God kept His own rules. "Good" to me meant only that He did not break His own commandments. He could do this, because He was God. I could not do this, because I was not God. I saw Him only as an unbending judge and an impossible standard. I considered the standard unjust, because I could never meet it. In doing this, I was setting myself up as the judge and the standard. I thought it unfair that I should be condemned by a perfect standard: in thinking so, I condemned God by a standard that was flawed.
On these grounds, I set myself against God; and because I was blind with pride, I expected to score my one point. But in all my thoughts, I had not dealt with the reality that He does as He pleases in heaven and in earth-and who has resisted His will?
All this time, I was very miserable. I did not want to live, because I knew that living for myself was worthless: but I did not want to cause my family pain by killing myself. I finally decided that the kind of life I would lead would cause them more pain than my death. I was sitting outside, considering how to kill myself to give them least pain when God dealt with me. In an instant, I knew that I was His, to do with as He pleased. I knew that whatever He did with me would be right, because He is righteous.
In that instant I muttered, "Fine then, have your own way." It was not the prayer that it ought to have been; but I did mean it. And God, who deserves to be glorified was more humble than I, who had no right to be proud. He took my last petty protest, and gave me peace.
It was two weeks before I felt certain of what had happened to me, that I had been changed from the inside out --that I had been born again; and before I started to desire to love Christ and to know that He loved me. They were the two most peaceful weeks of my life. I did not know what would happen to me eternally, or even in the next few minutes. Perhaps God would still send me to hell for my sins. I knew that He would do what was right with me and with all things, and had no fear or turmoil. I had come to terms with my Creator --to His terms, at His call.
I am blessed because I have tasted the perfection of God, that there is no fault in Him. He is not flawed, as we are. He abides by Himself because He cannot do less. We cannot meet His perfection; and we cannot protest against it, because we are wrong. But He met it for us because He wanted to: He is perfect love.
I have tasted His goodness, that He would humble Himself to humble me.
He did create a world where there would be sin and suffering. But He entered it and suffered, and bore the sin to save it from destruction. What salvation could be hoped for from a God who could not bear to bring Himself or His creation to the cross?
I give Him glory, Who alone is worthy.
I wish.
In 1 Peter 3:15, Peter tells the believers to be ready "to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you". I'm wondering where the two meet - giving someone the gospel and give someone an account for the hope that is in me.
