Family members who are not Christian. How to handle?

[kb1275]

I wasn’t sure where to post this. If it needs to be moved please do so.

Most if not all of my family members are not Christian. I pray for them fairly often and let them know every few weeks or so. My most recent was:

“Hope your summer is going well. Been praying for you and the family.”

Family member response:

“I wish you would quit texting me that you are praying for me. I’d rather you ask me if there was something I wanted prayer for and then I could tell you and that way it would feel more intentional and purposeful to me.

I appreciate when you text me about other things. I don't want the “praying for you,” texts. I know you mean well; it's just having the opposite effect for me.”

I cannot help but feel like I’m doing something wrong in my approach. But also know there are many nuances and this is not a black and white answer or requires a specific approach.

Any thoughts are appreciated. Thank you all!

 

[DanSSwing]

I’d welcome the opportunity to ask him what he would like prayer for.

 

[alexanderjames]

It's difficult when your family are unbelievers, and unbelievers who are close to you react in different ways. My brother for example won't let me talk to him about the faith, but my mother and father are more open. If you've shared the gospel with them then I would respect their request not to say you are praying for them, and seek to love them in whatever way you can without forcing things upon them or doing things as though merely to look good in their eyes. They may, God willing, at the right time, open up to you in such a way that you can speak more about the faith.

 

[Elizabeth]

Quit texting, continue to pray without ceasing.

 

[omniavanitas]

I feel you, brother. I was raised pagan and the only other family member that became a Christian antagonized them to the point that I catch flak constantly in their retaliation. Just the mere mention of anything religious sets them off so you'll need a lot of tact. My mom recently visited and I have a lot of crosses and religious art around the house, and we have our prayer routines (most of which were not in her sight nor within earshot). She doesn't speak English well, and I prayed quite quietly and briefly before meals and when she left, she just exploded over text that I vilify them just like our other family member.

All I did was pray. Realize what we're dealing with here, brother. They're fully immersed in the darkness of their own sinful flesh and the devil's wiles like a dirty room. Any amount of God's light shining on them just exposes the truth of their filth and it disgusts them. Until God regenerates them, they won't turn that repulsion into the thought that they need someone to clean that room. Don't be frustrated, but take pity that you were once like that. Find comfort in knowing they will hopefully experience the same joy you feel that they experience as bile.

It's difficult, frustrating and can be disheartening. We know only God can change them, so keep praying for their conversion and pray that you would be a good witness to the faith. As the Lord sanctifies us, we change in ways we don't notice ourselves, but others take note of it. Even though it might not feel like it sometimes, you're a beacon of His light and love that they'll eventually see when the darkness reaches its zenith. Keep praying, but let your love be what preaches the Gospel until they're ready to hear the very words. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.

 

[Stargazer65]

I feel for you as well. Most of my family is RC. There was anger for a while. Most of the flak I get now is from my mother, who is offended that I eventually left the RCC after I was born again. Now, there is no anger in it any longer, just frequent reminders of how it was hurtful.

They are Type 2 Catholics (Vatican 2), so they are not hostile toward protestants, and they are open to doing bible study with me when I visit. As they have aged, this is every time I visit now, so I thank God for that opportunity to share the blessed hope of the gospel. My dad reads the bible on his own every day. I know that they cling to RCC beliefs as well, but I am praying for the conviction of the Holy Spirit, like happened with me. No one demanded I leave the RCC, nor did it happen suddenly after I was saved. It was just a gradual thing as I read the bible...over time I drifted in my desire toward more scriptural doctrine and practice, until I permanently left.

If they have pushed you away, you can only pray for the Holy Spirit's conviction.

 

[Alfredsparks]

I am encouraged that you want to witness to your unbelieving family members - please know that his response in no way implies that you are being unfaithful in how you are witnessing to him. Unbelievers often respond very negatively (if not outwardly, inwardly) to spiritual matters being brought up, lived out, or communicated. You are not responsible for how he responded, but going forward maybe directly ask him how you can be praying for him and his family in person - after all, he did say "I’d rather you ask me if there was something I wanted prayer for". I have learned in street evangelism and with my own unbelieving family members that praying for people does have a way of disarming them from that natural defensiveness and allows you to simply witness to them in that disarming moment of prayer (and you are literally praying to our sovereign God for them)

But after all is said and done, witnessing IS challenging, as Walter Chantry said, there are no easy un-embarrassing shortcuts. We just simply have to accept that and prepare accordingly. Spurgeon's advice is completely suited for your case, "When you cannot talk to someone about God, you can talk to God about them" (paraphrasing).

May God bless you with opportunities to continue to witness to your family

 

[jwithnell]

The west has enough of a Christian influence that people have a notion of prayer as a religious activity but no real idea about what it truly is. Generally prayer is mentioned as a holy good luck or as a wish list. No doubt you mean well, but praying and waiting in silence is your best choice for now.

Unbelief amongst family members is difficult in part because you share a common heritage in this life but have no shared language to discuss what is beyond the now and the physical. That family member will not have that language until the Holy Spirit illuminates the Word to him.

 

[jwright82]

I wasn’t sure where to post this. If it needs to be moved please do so.

Most if not all of my family members are not Christian. I pray for them fairly often and let them know every few weeks or so. My most recent was:

“Hope your summer is going well. Been praying for you and the family.”

Family member response:

“I wish you would quit texting me that you are praying for me. I’d rather you ask me if there was something I wanted prayer for and then I could tell you and that way it would feel more intentional and purposeful to me.

I appreciate when you text me about other things. I don't want the “praying for you,” texts. I know you mean well; it's just having the opposite effect for me.”

I cannot help but feel like I’m doing something wrong in my approach. But also know there are many nuances and this is not a black and white answer or requires a specific approach.

Any thoughts are appreciated. Thank you all!

I had to look up where you're from because your behavior you mentioned is quite natural in the southern US. Even unbelievers will sometimes say "praying for you". It's a cultural thing.
So I'm guessing in Hawaii y'all don't have a quasi-christian culture? But the response your brother gave is pretty good. Just ask him then what he wants prayed for.
What is the general culture like towards religion like in Hawaii? I'm asking because I don't know how to approach it being from Florida. Every region has it's own issues. Russell Moore went "woke" but his initial criticism, years ago, of cultural Christianity in the south is dead on. Like Kierkegaard on the Danish culture he lived in.
Just be respectful and test the boundaries. One of my brothers claims to be Christian but coming from an almost rabid atheism he didn't leave behind the identity of judgment over scriptures.
Every once in a while he'll try to get me on something but he hasn't yet. Just prayers and waiting.

 

[travis1531]

Dear Brother,

Firstly, I would like to commend you for your conviction and actionable steps to engage your family regarding faith. Secondly, I want to praise God for your regeneration and for sending you to labor for His glory and the salvation of your family, a calling not to be taken lightly.

As mentioned by Jamey (jwright82), there are certain cultural implications here. I have found that our culture, which varies from state to state, deeply impacts how nonbelievers—and even followers of Jesus—respond to Christian platitudes such as "I'm praying for you." I would also agree with Jamey that your family member's response is actually pretty good. It's good because your family member is reading these messages and thinking about the actual meaning of such a statement. Your words clearly carry significant theological and empathetic weight because you genuinely want to see your family saved. However, a nonbeliever is likely unable to fully understand this reality, as "I'm praying for you" simply becomes a Christian catchphrase.

I think you're absolutely right—evangelism is not black and white. When I was new to my faith, I mistakenly felt that it was my prerogative to share the gospel in whichever way I saw fit, so long as it was theologically faithful, regardless of how the message was received. Clearly, you do not believe this, but it is worth prayerfully considering as you proceed to missionally engage your family (1 Corinthians 9:22).

While this message from your family member may sting, it is far from a closed door. In fact, I think it's a door opened to the possibility of a deeper relationship and connection. The door is open for you to hear your family's struggles and intercede on their behalf before the Lord (1 Timothy 2:1-4). You have an opportunity to witness to your family in a way that may be unconventional and without a blueprint, but also in a profoundly unique way—as someone who knows them intimately. This is where things drift away from being black and white: maintaining full fidelity to the Word of God while meeting your family where they are regarding religion and spirituality. As James (Alfredsparks) mentioned above, you have not been unfaithful—far from it. You have been given the opportunity to engage in God's mission for your family at an even deeper level.

May God bless you in your faithfulness, and I am excited to see how the Lord uses you to continue to reach your family.