You might be a redneck Calvinist if...

[Scot]

You might be a redneck Calvinist if...

your dad uses the double-barrel shotgun for his own "effectual calling."

the only overalls you will buy are made by Calvin.

you compliment your wife with, "God has ordained your voice to sound like a chainsaw."

your church has justified to include the banjo and harmonica under the Regulative Principle.

your church refuses to call the church picnic a potluck.

if you name your kids after each of the five points.

 

[SolaScriptura]

your dad uses the double-barrel shotgun for his own "effectual calling."

 

[brymaes]

your church refuses to call the church picnic a potluck.

We call it a "pot-providence"!

 

[bigheavyq]

if you use baptismal water from a spitoon

if you use a 54 Ford truck hupcap as your offerin' plate

if you distill your own communion wine and make your own unleavened bread

if you have a double barreled shotgun to protect your family or to enforce the solemn league and covenant.

if you manage your farm under old testament rules because it doesn't fall under discontinuity

if your kids are named after dead theologians like knox, calvin, luther, owen, whitfield, edwards, dabney, rushdoony, bahnsen, van til,
and all your daughters have grace in their name.

if you have family devotions every day

if your devotional application is to take a hunting trip

 

[~~Susita~~]

Originally posted by Scot
You might be a redneck Calvinist if...

if you name your kids after each of the five points.

I feel sorry for Total depravity