Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road ?

Discussion in 'Entertainment and Humor' started by BlackCalvinist, Oct 7, 2005.

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  1. BlackCalvinist

    BlackCalvinist Puritan Board Senior

    Andrew Bain (internet hypercalvinist) answers: The Chicken was going to cross the road anyway. If the chicken doesn't believe in limited atonement, it's reprobate. and if it believes that those who believe that folks who don't believe in limited atonement can be saved, it's reprobate.

    Greg Boyd answers: God didn't know the chicken was going to cross the road. He was just as surprised as you. While God knew that in his overall scheme, the road would be there, he left it as a free-will choice for the chicken to cross to road.

    Kenneth Copeland answers: Well, God told that chicken to cross the road. And by doing so, God was exercising His faith and it manifesting in that little clucker struttin' across the road saying 'I AM a little god.'

    Benny Hinn answers: I tell you the truth today, the Lord has sent a word... a chicken will cross the road... and speak in tongues. God is pouring out His Spirit on the chicken population and large groups of poultry are coming to Christ. A fresh annoin....er...basting! Send me money.

    Max Lucado answers: What a most beautiful picture of the Christian life we have, as our little chicken friend slowly and gingerly crosses the road - being careful to avoid the pitfalls and potholes which so plague our existence. Oh, the love of God poured out on this bird!

    Rick Warren answers: Well, this chicken found out his S.H.A.P.E. and realized that the farm life wasn't his purpose. He made a decision to leave his farm - just like the word of God says at Deut. 30 "I have set before you today, life" and the chicken took life and rolled with it. Now in the company of a new coop, he's free to exercise his gifts in the family of God and fulifill his purpose which drove him across the road in the first place.
  2. fredtgreco

    fredtgreco Vanilla Westminsterian Staff Member

    The Uberbishop (NT Wright) answers: in order to break free of outmoded Lutheran and Baptist categories, the chicken broke through the boundaries markers of chickendom and so long as the chicken is faithful to stay on that side of the road, he can have table fellowship with all forms of animals.
  3. Poimen

    Poimen Puritan Board Post-Graduate

    Brilliant! :lol:
  4. Average Joey

    Average Joey Puritan Board Junior

    Bill Bennet:Let`s say that what if more chickens were eaten?There would be less to cross the road.

    ACLU:We should really consider taking the word "cross" out of this ,Why did the chicken "cross" the road joke.How about,"Why did the chicken progress to the other side of the road?"We don`t want any hidden Christian messages in this joke.

    [Edited on 10-7-2005 by Average Joey]
  5. turmeric

    turmeric Megerator

    Charles Finney;
    Actually, that chicken would never have crossed that road under the old measures, but with my new measures (such as the anxious coop) the chicken realized that it had to make a decision to cross that road, and now it can go on to perfection by making another decision...to be oven-baked and fried.
  6. WrittenFromUtopia

    WrittenFromUtopia Puritan Board Graduate

    Martin Luther: The chicken crossed the road to get to the Pub on the other side.

    John Calvin: I would tell you why the chicken crossed the road, but such foolishness is not worth my time or concern.
  7. Me Died Blue

    Me Died Blue Puritan Board Post-Graduate

    John Frame: You know, we don't really need to remember any of the classic answers to why the chicken crossed the road, so let's all try and be really creative in coming up with a new answer.

    Cornelius Van Til: To truly understand *why* the chicken ultimately crossed the road, you must show that your worldview can intelligibly account for the concept of chickenness, the reliability of the chicken's senses (to know where the road was), the uniformity of nature (to allow the chicken to fully cross) and many other things. As we will see, only a Christian can consistently believe the chicken actually crossed the road, and furthermore, only a Christian can consistently ask that question in the first place.

    Gordon Clark: Well, the chicken did not actually know the road was there, since it cannot understand Scripture - therefore, it must have crossed it for some other reason. In order for us to understand why, we must have an axiomatic beginning and show that the notion of the chicken crossing the road is coherent from those axioms. But since they can never be proven, we only know that the chicken crossed the road for sure in a fideistic way.

    John Robbins: It does not matter why the chicken crossed the road at this point, since that simple, isolated observation lets us know that it is a heretic anyway.

    Tim LaHaye: The chicken crossed the road to serve as a sign to us that the Rapture is near.

    Abraham Kuyper: The chicken crossed the road to demonstrate the wonder, sovereignty and glory of God in the many realms of life, such as natural creation (through the chicken's nature), man's constructions (through the road) and the realm of philosophy (through the concept of desire in the chicken).
  8. Poimen

    Poimen Puritan Board Post-Graduate

    Chicken: Bawk!
  9. Average Joey

    Average Joey Puritan Board Junior

    It`s funny that his name is Cornelius.A presuppositional chicken.
  10. Average Joey

    Average Joey Puritan Board Junior

    Forrest Gump:He just felt like crossING.
  11. crhoades

    crhoades Puritan Board Graduate

  12. crhoades

    crhoades Puritan Board Graduate

    PB/EPer: Chicken?!?! There's nothing in the Confessions about a chicken!

    [Edited on 10-7-2005 by crhoades]
  13. crhoades

    crhoades Puritan Board Graduate

    John Bunyan: The chicken was trying to escape a hungry Pilgrim that was on his way to the celestial city.
  14. gwine

    gwine Puritan Board Sophomore

    Baptist chicken - there was a lake on the other side

    Presbyterian chicken (young one) - it was raining lightly on the other side

    atheist chicken - there is no other side
  15. Average Joey

    Average Joey Puritan Board Junior

    Agnostic chicken - there may be another side

    Jehovah`s witness chicken - to be one of the 144,000 chickens

    Word of Faith chicken - if I donnot make it,I don`t have enough faith
  16. Anton Bruckner

    Anton Bruckner Puritan Board Professor

    :D :D
  17. Anton Bruckner

    Anton Bruckner Puritan Board Professor

  18. bond-servant

    bond-servant Puritan Board Sophomore

    This is great! LOL :D
  19. pastorway

    pastorway Puritan Board Senior

    Was that a Pilgrim named Bo?



    [Edited on 10-7-05 by pastorway]
  20. PuritanCovenanter

    PuritanCovenanter Moderator Staff Member

    Gerstner interpreting a 40 page small print thesis by Edwards..... "Because he was inclined by nature to do it."
  21. VirginiaHuguenot

    VirginiaHuguenot Puritanboard Librarian

    Well, there isn't -- I checked! :pilgrim::lol:
  22. Augusta

    Augusta Puritan Board Doctor

    It is and eschatalogical road and the chicken is in an intermediate state of *now/not yet* crossing of the road. :scholar:
  23. turmeric

    turmeric Megerator

    Baptist PB'er; There's nothing about a chicken in the LBCF either!

    Arminian; Now that chicken will have to perservere or it may find itself on the original side of the road again!
  24. BayouHuguenot

    BayouHuguenot Puritanboard Amanuensis

    Greg Bahnsen To destroy humanism and to route the atheistic chickens.
  25. BayouHuguenot

    BayouHuguenot Puritanboard Amanuensis

    Richard Weaver To vindicate a fallen social order.
    Stonewall Jackson To vindicate and deliver an invaded social order.
  26. turmeric

    turmeric Megerator

    R.C.Sproul; You know I can never get through a lecture without a little Latin-cur transit pullus via?
  27. BlackCalvinist

    BlackCalvinist Puritan Board Senior

    :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: @ the RC Sproul and latin!
  28. BlackCalvinist

    BlackCalvinist Puritan Board Senior

    Wayne Grudem: The Chicken crossing the road is a fulfillment of the prophecy spoken by the farmer previously. This lends great support to the thesis of limited prophecy in the New Testament.

    Phil Johnson: As long as the chicken isn't trying to break into my house, he can cross any road he wants.

    Neil Clark Warren: This chicken, like 21 million others, has discovered the love of his life on eChickenHarmony.com and is crossing the road to meet the love of his life.....

    John MacArthur: The chicken is crossing the road because it repented of its' sins on the other side of the road and is coming BACK to the truth.

    Hank Hanegraaf: The chicken's reasons for crossing the road can be most easily remembered using the acronym C.R.O.S.S., which points to the fact that the chicken made a free will decision to come to faith in Christ. I go into this in greater detail in my book 'Chickianity in Crisis', which documents the fakes, farces and fallacies of the entire chicken growth movement.
  29. Poimen

    Poimen Puritan Board Post-Graduate

    Drunks with guns: *POW* Die chicken!
  30. alwaysreforming

    alwaysreforming Puritan Board Sophomore

    Ross Perot: Now, see, now that just sticks in my craw! You've got a bunch of PB'ers sittin around talkin about a chicken! You've got 37 replies from otherwise intelligent people and all they can talk about is a chicken! Well, it really is just that simple! A chicken without trade restrictions is free to open up a whole new exchange of corn for eggs! Can I finish?! Can I finish!? Can I finish?! Can I finish?!!!

    The Church Lady Hmmmmm? That little chicken's feeling all plump and juicy! Wants to go to the other side to sow its wild oats??? I wonder who could've put that thought in his little chicken head? Oh, I don't know, who could it be...? I just can't think of a thing.... Could it be...... SATAN!!!
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