When should I marry?

[reaganmarsh]

You've been given a lot of good counsel in this thread, brother.

My wife worked as a schoolteacher FT while I was in my FT on-campus MATS program, because we didn't have children at that point. I also worked FT (bi-vo minister). When we learned she was expecting our first child, she completed her contract and has been a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom ever since. That's what she's always wanted. I took extra classes to graduate early with that degree, and switched to PT online courses during MDiv studies.

Seminary took me forever, but I'd not change how we did it. My wife is happy and our kids are prospering. That's worth every sacrifice. And I shudder to think what life would be if we had incurred student loan debt. So, based on what you've written, I think Rev. Greco states your choices very well.

I'd counsel you to stay put, marry early if you burn, let her finish her degree, and start online seminary coursework/hit the languages hard in the interim period. Then, having the first year of marriage under your belt, and a good start on your studies, make the move to WTS (hopefully, once you've secured a good job!), entrusting the whole to the Lord (Pr 16.9).

A year goes by so quickly!

 

[Edward]

Exactly. I also have known of seminarians who received their divorce papers just after they received their diplomas.

And it makes the degree almost worthless. I knew a guy whose wife dumped him his last year of seminary. He ended up sticking around to get a counseling degree to go with his M.Div. and went into substance abuse counseling. That was certainly not the plan going into seminary.

While I've seen a few successful pastors professionally survive a divorce, it's going to be a career killer if it happens on the front end.

 

[lynnie]

I am kind of curious if the fiancee has a strong opinion either way.

 

[TheThirdandReformedAdam]

I am kind of curious if the fiancee has a strong opinion either way.

She strongly desires that we marry next summer and that I wait a year before we both leave for Philadelphia. As of now that is the plan, and one which I may have never formed without the counsel I have received from you all. Many thanks.

 

[OPC'n]

I couldn't agree with Pastor Fred more! I would not advise going into debt. I had a large college debt and it wasn't fun. More importantly I don't think it's Biblically advised to go into debt especially if you can avoid it. I really don't see anything wrong with waiting for marriage...... one year isn't a huge amount of time.

 

[reaganmarsh]

Sounds like a solid plan. Get good, godly premarital counseling, save as much as you can, seek to encourage and bless her in her studies, be wise in your wedding plans (i.e., don't break the bank on the ceremony!), and pursue your studies as much as you're able between now and then.

Grace to you.

 

[ValleyofVision]

A couple of thoughts for you to ponder:

1. Marriage is good. Sooner is often better than later. But later is not a disaster. I would not incur thousands in debt just to be married one year earlier.
2. Even if your wife is not planning to work outside the home now, she has already so much invested in her education that she should finish. She surely will not be able to easily pick her studies up again (especially after having children) so now is the time. Having her degree will help her in the event that something happens to you, or if you are not blessed with children, or in the case of some other Providence. It is not as if you are asking "should she start a four-year degree." You are more asking, "should she throw away three years of study, work and invest of dollars?" I think the answer to that is no.
3. One year is not a very long time. I know it may seem like that now, but in the span of a life (or a ministry life) it is a very short span of time. Take it from those of us who have only a year or two left with a child at home.
4. In my mind, your real decision is either: (a) put marriage off one year and start your studies, or (b) put full-time seminary off a year and earn money and take online classes while getting married. Either option could be a blessing. Both are better than going into significant debt to start a year earlier.
5. I have said this before, but I believe that a man should still provide for his family in seminary. At the end of the day, no Presbytery is going to care if you got Bs instead of As in classes. Bs while providing for your family is a much better option. I won't go into it here, but I think making a life's plan around getting the highest grades to do Ph.D. work and teach at a seminary is a fool's errand. There simply are not jobs out there. While I was at RTS Jackson, we had four young children (6, 5, 3, 1 month) and my wife homeschooled and handled the children at home. I worked as a lawyer, preached every week at a church, and was a teaching assistant. And I finished in 3 years. It can be done.
6. In the final analysis, I suggest making a decision that will most benefit you and your fiancee over the long term, not just the short term.

Incredible advice right here.