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Can you still give grace AND a whuppin' too?
I also punish my kids for carelessness sometimes, even if unintentional. QUOTE]
How are you defining carelessness?
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edit: Or maybe the better question is what are some examples of punishable carelessness?
Where does this book differ or go beyond the very fine book Shepherding a Child's Heart, which we already have and really like?
If your older son develops a habit of not paying attention and bumps into younger siblings, hurting them. If a lack of attention results in a repeated bad consequence. Toys left out trip people. Holding plates repeatedly in a careless manner results in spilled dishes. Swinging a toy carelessly breaks or hurts something or someone.
There are hundreds of examples of punishable carelessness.
Where does this book differ or go beyond the very fine book Shepherding a Child's Heart, which we already have and really like?
Pergy, a Baptist Ukranian missionary, who is a friend of mine, wrote this review. She and her husband (a native Ukranian pastor) have in the last few years worked through a lot of the theology of parenting. She wrote a somewhat critical review of Tripp: One Mom
If your older son develops a habit of not paying attention and bumps into younger siblings, hurting them. If a lack of attention results in a repeated bad consequence. Toys left out trip people. Holding plates repeatedly in a careless manner results in spilled dishes. Swinging a toy carelessly breaks or hurts something or someone.
There are hundreds of examples of punishable carelessness.
I would agree with these. My wife and I would probably discipline for the same things. However, we want to be very careful not to discipline the "boy" out of him. He is a very active and very rough and tumble child. This leads to a lot of falling down and things of that nature. My concern is that we not discipline to the point or "hover" to the point that he's being raised in a sterile environment, if you will. I know that's not the question in the OP, but it's a concern we have.
So, how do we still correct for rebellion, carelessness, etc. and not "exasperate" our boys al la Col 3:21.
And, as I asked previously, is it possible to shepherd a child's heart or are we simply trying to restrain?
Where does this book differ or go beyond the very fine book Shepherding a Child's Heart, which we already have and really like?
Pergy, a Baptist Ukranian missionary, who is a friend of mine, wrote this review. She and her husband (a native Ukranian pastor) have in the last few years worked through a lot of the theology of parenting. She wrote a somewhat critical review of Tripp: One Mom
Where does this book differ or go beyond the very fine book Shepherding a Child's Heart, which we already have and really like?
Where does this book differ or go beyond the very fine book Shepherding a Child's Heart, which we already have and really like?
Elyse Fitzpatrick's Give Them Grace is quite similar to Shepherding a Child's Heart in terms of the parenting principles it espouses. If you already have and like Shepherding a Child's Heart, you won't find any life-changing concepts in Give Them Grace, though you may still get some useful stuff out of it. Give Them Grace is probably more insistant that the method it espouses is the only workable one, and it takes the law/gospel distinction further than I suspect Tripp would be willing to do. It also presents its message more through stories and personal examples. And I would say it's generally better written and more interesting to read. Fitzpatrick is a skillful communicator.
I've recommended both books to parents, with happy results.
Both the Reformed and the Lutherans have a law/gospel distinction but the latter turn it into a hermeneutic.
The point among the Reformed has always been that we cannot preach the gospel without also preaching the law. The law teaches us our sin (first use) and then the way of gratitude that pertains to the redeemed (third use). The preaching of the law without the gospel induces only despair (we ought to despair of ourselves, but come to Christ, not despairingly, full of hope and gratitude). The preaching of the gospel without the law induces confusion (why do we need Christ anyway and how ought we to live?). Both law without gospel and gospel without law induce antinominianism and legalism, which twin errors always go hand in hand (listen to Ferguson on the Marrow Controversy).
I think that Tripp in Shepherding has both. This is not to say that his book merits no criticism. What book (other than the Bible) doesn't? I do not know about Ms. Fitzpatrick's book. Both law and gospel are needed in childrearing, just as they are in divine proclamation and teaching.
Perg, if grace-based means no law, you are right that it's problematic. We must touch the conscience in dealing with our children. The law does that, even as the gospel is the balm for the wounds that the law discovers. I must say that I did glance at Charlie's cited One Mom review and found it misguided in several important respects, while surely well-intentioned.
We need both law and gospel, rightly understood, and adroitly applied. May God give us all the wisdom to do so. We will surely make many errors, and commit many sins. Thanks be to God that He is the one who secures our children's welfare and that our mistakes don't do them in. We must endeavor to walk in His way with our children. But we will not do so perfectly (or even close to it). Again, thanks be to Him that He who has begun a good work in them will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.
Peace,
Alan
We are reading through "Gospel-Powered Parenting". Amazon.com: Gospel-Powered Parenting: How the Gospel Shapes and Transforms Parenting (9781596381353): William P. Farley: Books
So far, I am thinking this might be the one I will recommend in the future.
We even occasionally forgive what the kids know should otherwise be punished to provide a picture of grace to the kids.