In addition, it makes sence to prepare for a career as a single woman, because we don't know what God has in store for us. All do not marry. Husbands can get sick or die. My daughter married 6 years ago, she stopped working when pregnant with her first child. Her husband started spending a lot of time in bed, was cold, had headaches got sicker and sicker though the doctors get saying it was depression. He lost his job. They lived with us, and my husband and I didn't want my daughter to leave her baby to go to work. Eventually, it was discovered that his had a problem with his thyroid, finally it had to be removed. It was hard to find the right adjustment for his medication, and there were other issues. They have two sons, my daughter nows works part time and has completed 2 years of college (mostly online). Her goal is to get her master's degree and teach on-line classes from home. My son-in-law health has improved, though he still gets sick frequently. He is starting a course tomorrow to learn to install cable tv's and we are praying that he is sucessful. This isn't how they planned their marriage but adjustments sometimes have to be made. Though my daughter isn't home all day the boys are always with family and we work together to makthis e things work. I work and have for many years, I also didn't plan it that way but God has been good and my daughters have always been my priority. God bless stay-at-home moms, but when life is difficult God still blesses. Women should work hard at whatever they do and do it as unto the Lord. It's easy to say "this is how a family should look and operate", but we need to trust God even when things go differently than according to our plans.
Should single men and women spend their time differently?
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Andrew P.C.
Puritan Board Junior
Something that My wife and I have done has been helpful. I joined the military while dating my wife. She had her DNA license. My wife can still get certified in California again. Right now I'm working in the military while my wife goes to school. Eventually my wife will have her ba in health science. Eventually working towards occupational or physical therapy. After she gets her ba, I will be going to school free of charge (via government pay). So as of right now it's working out. When we have children then she won't work to stay home and take care of the children.
Bradley-1991
Puritan Board Freshman
Well, from what I see, young men aren't really preparing for marriage or really care that much about it. They spend their time on games and movies when better time could be sent on reading and studying. I remember what my old Sunday School teacher asked us back when I was 16 or 18 (Before God saved me), He asked:"How many of you want to be married one day", We all raised our hands. Then he asked: "Well, what are you doing to prepare?" No one said anything and there was a weird silence about the room for a minute. I see very little difference from that time till now in those guys. But when the Lord saved me I knew I needed to prepare(I'm not saying these guys aren't saved, there just seems to be no true desire for marriage). I didn't grow up with a Dad who displayed manhood in it's biblical context, so since the Lord saved me and showed me that i needed to prepare for marriage I have been reading books and listening to sermons on manhood, marriage and preparing for marriage. I think if someone truly wanted to get married for reasons other than just to have sex then they would do a lot more then they do. It's through these books and sermons that I see how God planned marriage to be a benefit to us and to draw us nearer to Him.
I recall yet another memory: I was out to lunch with my pastor and we were talking about the change in my life (my conversion) and I told him I was reading about marriage. He asked me if I had a girlfriend and I told him no. He was kind of shocked because most people just wait till they have a girlfriend or are engaged to learn about such things. I think that we need to stress preparation more then we do now-a-days. I think the reason we are in such bad shape in the church is these reasons, and of course sin. But I want to ask one question before I'm finished: How can we expect people to stay in marriage if they haven't properly prepared in the first place? I'm not talking about jobs or any of that but the simple fact of learning about what true biblical marriage is. I'm not trying to be modernistic but there is at least some benefit from knowledge.
I recall yet another memory: I was out to lunch with my pastor and we were talking about the change in my life (my conversion) and I told him I was reading about marriage. He asked me if I had a girlfriend and I told him no. He was kind of shocked because most people just wait till they have a girlfriend or are engaged to learn about such things. I think that we need to stress preparation more then we do now-a-days. I think the reason we are in such bad shape in the church is these reasons, and of course sin. But I want to ask one question before I'm finished: How can we expect people to stay in marriage if they haven't properly prepared in the first place? I'm not talking about jobs or any of that but the simple fact of learning about what true biblical marriage is. I'm not trying to be modernistic but there is at least some benefit from knowledge.
Scottish Lass
Puritan Board Doctor
kvanlaan
Puritan Board Doctor
Sorry, but I must be the dissenting voice from the 16th century (or somewhere around then) here. I don't think that we should prepare for divorce, the death of a loved one and subsequent abandonment by everyone in their lives, or my daughter getting pregnant/an STD. The reality may be that all of the above are alive and well in the church, but I will not prepare by way of extra pre-emptive education (in my wife's case) or condoms and Gardasil (in the case of my daughter) - I will have faith that the Body of Christ will act as it should, and it is well founded, since I see their reaction to what is giong on with my son even now.
My own brother is divorcing his wife. Because they are both educated, there is no reason to think that either will need help with work/income going forward. They will simply go their separate ways, because the framework is there for each to support themselves and his church body is such that hey, it happens all the time; roll with it. There is no grievous deliberation over the covenant made before God, there is no church body to take up the task of trying to save this marriage because hey, this is reality. People get divorced, all the time. And in the church. So deal with it. But wait, there has been a covenant BEFORE GOD. Both parties made their vows. Unless there was adultery involved, why are the elders/pastor of the church not dealing with the significant sin of the two parties in breaking these vows because of irreconcilable differences? Because that's reality, and reality that flies in the face of church order (biblical church discipline) eventually undermines the biblical approach when good men fail to follow the vows made to their congregation. Our Christian liberty is so elastic as to allow much of the world's culture and practises (read: 'reality') to enter the Body (or what we label as the Body). Then, when 'reality' strikes (which never should have been there in the first place) we are rather more comfortable than we should be. I am a Christian, I have seen divorce in the church, therefore divorce belongs in the church, though we don't like it. Soon 'we don't like it' slips to 'oh well, that's the way things are' and before too long, we go with the flow and sit in the pews with people who were once couples before 'irreconcilable differences' caused them to break the vow they made before God. But it is OK, and the church doesn't even need to get involved, because everyone will keep the jobs they had anyway and they'll simply split the assets and go on their way.
My own brother is divorcing his wife. Because they are both educated, there is no reason to think that either will need help with work/income going forward. They will simply go their separate ways, because the framework is there for each to support themselves and his church body is such that hey, it happens all the time; roll with it. There is no grievous deliberation over the covenant made before God, there is no church body to take up the task of trying to save this marriage because hey, this is reality. People get divorced, all the time. And in the church. So deal with it. But wait, there has been a covenant BEFORE GOD. Both parties made their vows. Unless there was adultery involved, why are the elders/pastor of the church not dealing with the significant sin of the two parties in breaking these vows because of irreconcilable differences? Because that's reality, and reality that flies in the face of church order (biblical church discipline) eventually undermines the biblical approach when good men fail to follow the vows made to their congregation. Our Christian liberty is so elastic as to allow much of the world's culture and practises (read: 'reality') to enter the Body (or what we label as the Body). Then, when 'reality' strikes (which never should have been there in the first place) we are rather more comfortable than we should be. I am a Christian, I have seen divorce in the church, therefore divorce belongs in the church, though we don't like it. Soon 'we don't like it' slips to 'oh well, that's the way things are' and before too long, we go with the flow and sit in the pews with people who were once couples before 'irreconcilable differences' caused them to break the vow they made before God. But it is OK, and the church doesn't even need to get involved, because everyone will keep the jobs they had anyway and they'll simply split the assets and go on their way.
My qualifications in wildland firefighting enabled me to provide a large portion of the family's income during the 18 months my husband was out of work and in the years he was underemployed. My journalism skills are now used quite a bit by my church and this provides three things: support for my husband's work as a deacon, support for the church in general, and skill maintenance and development in case something should ever happen to Brian. (Let's see, your skills are 15 years old and you've never done anything with html? Next ....)
As for life while single: I made decisions specifically for personal and professional growth. My attitude was: well, if I'm not married I should do the most I can. I saw it as a waste of my skills to stay behind in a town that most typically recruited backhoe operators. But thinking back, staying there and continuing to help build that church would have been no waste of time at all and would have protected me spiritually in so many ways. I don't know if this would have made much difference between men and women except that maybe a man might have had different choices in serving the church or perhaps might have been more justified in putting an emphasis on career goals for the eventual support of his family.
a mere housewife
Not your cup of tea
Jean I was thinking something similar earlier -- people are different. Some single girls who are trying to be content may deliberately not engage in a lot of activities that look like, and make them long for, marriage -- others may spend all their spare time picking up those skills as a way of waiting on the Lord for to give them the calling they desire. I think it is more important before the Lord to practice contentment, compassion, discipline, submission, a servant's heart, etc. than to be practicing all the skills, if one can't do both. It is easier to learn skills, however hard they are to come by (especially for some of us), than those heart qualities, in my own ongoing self-experience.
I want to reiterate that what I said above wasn't in view of divorce so much as other realities (death and sickness {& poverty} are realities specifically mentioned in our covenants with one another). I don't think Lloyd Jones had divorce in mind in his words about trying to help a wife to be more, not less, able to face the world against a day when a husband is unable to shield her from it. I don't think this means every woman must have a degree (I don't have a degree). But I don't think there can be a biblical basis to raise objections to a woman having an education, or a trade, either (the widows in Israel did business, the seller of oil -- and Lydia, a single woman? sold purple -- and the virtuous woman, married, engaged in business). As with some of the personal testimonies above, situations are different, and sometimes an education is the means of God's provision in hard times (even with a family/church support system in place). I believe it isn't something God has made a matter of legislation, so much as of wisdom; and the law of perfect love is enough to be striving for.
I want to reiterate that what I said above wasn't in view of divorce so much as other realities (death and sickness {& poverty} are realities specifically mentioned in our covenants with one another). I don't think Lloyd Jones had divorce in mind in his words about trying to help a wife to be more, not less, able to face the world against a day when a husband is unable to shield her from it. I don't think this means every woman must have a degree (I don't have a degree). But I don't think there can be a biblical basis to raise objections to a woman having an education, or a trade, either (the widows in Israel did business, the seller of oil -- and Lydia, a single woman? sold purple -- and the virtuous woman, married, engaged in business). As with some of the personal testimonies above, situations are different, and sometimes an education is the means of God's provision in hard times (even with a family/church support system in place). I believe it isn't something God has made a matter of legislation, so much as of wisdom; and the law of perfect love is enough to be striving for.
It is not wrong, and it can be good, for a single woman to get an income earning skill (doesn't have to be a degree) simply because it is good for any human being to have such a skill.
Yes, the church should help those in need, but we all have duty to help ourselves to minimise being a burden to the church. Under God's ideal, the church should only be fully supporting widows 60 and over (1 Tim 5:9). In the OT widows were to be supported by allowing them to gleam - a form of work (Deut 24:20-21). So why shouldn't a woman try her best to obtain a skill if she is single and has not yet met as husband to set the course of her life?
If a woman's skills deteriorate because she is busy caring for her family, that is a sacrifice she has made that should be honored. If she has no skill because she neglected to get one when she was single and had the time, isn't that her fault?
Yes, the church should help those in need, but we all have duty to help ourselves to minimise being a burden to the church. Under God's ideal, the church should only be fully supporting widows 60 and over (1 Tim 5:9). In the OT widows were to be supported by allowing them to gleam - a form of work (Deut 24:20-21). So why shouldn't a woman try her best to obtain a skill if she is single and has not yet met as husband to set the course of her life?
If a woman's skills deteriorate because she is busy caring for her family, that is a sacrifice she has made that should be honored. If she has no skill because she neglected to get one when she was single and had the time, isn't that her fault?
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TexanRose
Puritan Board Sophomore
I'm stating the obvious here, but I think that a woman who hopes to be married some day should seek to develop the following skills:
Basic domestic skills--cooking, cleaning, organization. A young lady might learn these skills at home in her teens or even earlier, but if she didn't, for instance, if her mother was domestically inept, she can learn them on her own, perhaps making use of the internet and the library, or "shadowing" an older woman at church.
All-around education--this is important for any woman who wants to be a "help meet" to her husband, but particularly important for a young lady who would like to homeschool her children some day. She might further her education by pursuing a college degree, or she might simply develop the habit of reading and studying useful topics on her own.
Financial management--a young lady needs to practice basic financial skills, running a budget, balancing a checkbook, saving for the future, etc.
And I know this is really obvious, but a woman who hopes to marry some day, like any woman, ought to be pursuing personal godliness.
All of these skills/pursuits would be useful in marriage, but they would also enrich a woman's life while single. (And they would help her to manage if she were to marry and then find herself a widow, or divorced.)
Last but not least, and this is difficult to define/quantify, but I think it's important for a woman to remember how to "give" or compromise, in general. I think it's easy for a woman who lives on her own to get used to having things her way, but it's important to remember how to let someone else be in charge. It's easier to practice this skill when living with less-than-perfect parents and/or brothers, but a woman on her own can also practice cheerful yielding to others to a limited degree.
Basic domestic skills--cooking, cleaning, organization. A young lady might learn these skills at home in her teens or even earlier, but if she didn't, for instance, if her mother was domestically inept, she can learn them on her own, perhaps making use of the internet and the library, or "shadowing" an older woman at church.
All-around education--this is important for any woman who wants to be a "help meet" to her husband, but particularly important for a young lady who would like to homeschool her children some day. She might further her education by pursuing a college degree, or she might simply develop the habit of reading and studying useful topics on her own.
Financial management--a young lady needs to practice basic financial skills, running a budget, balancing a checkbook, saving for the future, etc.
And I know this is really obvious, but a woman who hopes to marry some day, like any woman, ought to be pursuing personal godliness.
All of these skills/pursuits would be useful in marriage, but they would also enrich a woman's life while single. (And they would help her to manage if she were to marry and then find herself a widow, or divorced.)
Last but not least, and this is difficult to define/quantify, but I think it's important for a woman to remember how to "give" or compromise, in general. I think it's easy for a woman who lives on her own to get used to having things her way, but it's important to remember how to let someone else be in charge. It's easier to practice this skill when living with less-than-perfect parents and/or brothers, but a woman on her own can also practice cheerful yielding to others to a limited degree.
Tim
Puritan Board Graduate
And I think this would equally apply to single men, wouldn't it? Or perhaps a bit less for a man, given his role in leadership.
TexanRose
Puritan Board Sophomore
Well, yes and no. Yes, it's important for single men to learn how to compromise with others, but no, I would not think that a single man would need to practice yielding and letting another be in charge, in the same way that a woman would. I was thinking specifically of a woman's duty to submit in marriage, and how she might prepare mentally for that.
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