Should children fear their parents?

[matt01]

An interesting article by John Rosemond in today's paper:

"In my recent public presentations, i've been pointing out that whereas baby boomers, as children, were afraid of their mothers, today's mother--in most cases, grown up baby boomers--are afraid of their children..."

Read more here, under the "weekly column" link

 

[Contra_Mundum]

I've always said, "I want my children to be more afraid of what I'll do to them if they run out in the street, than any 2-ton pickup truck.

 

[LadyFlynt]

I believe ppl need to have a proper understanding of certain kinds of fear. The type of fear we are called to of God (and children to parents) is reverance (respect, honor, obedience to)...not the typically thought of abuse.

And yes, I would rather my children be more fearful of consequences from me than learn the hard way to "fear" a truck.

 

[turmeric]

Yes, children should fear their parents; no, parents should not injure them but should do something aversive when they disobey.

 

[~~Susita~~]

I was always afraid of what would happen if I did not obey, so that usually kept me out of trouble :bigsmile:

Later on I saw my brother rebelling big time. I saw the heartbreak it caused my parents and thought, "Would I want my kids to do this?" No. So I suppose that in order to respect your parents' authority you fear them at first - as I did.

 

[LadyFlynt]

Somehow, they ALWAYS knew every little thing I did...I was always the kid that got caught, so rarely did I ever try to pull anything. However, they decided that boys and girls are different (aside from the fact that I was a step child), and I watched my brother also run haywire...oh, my, but they are proud of him! He drinks, shacks up, etc...but he spent time in Kuwait, went to college, and is a pilot (for the military now I think). It's amazing that morals mean squat now.

 

[~~Susita~~]

At first when we were small enough, she had a jar full of big wooden spoons she used on us. Boy when we heard that jar rattle, we were outta there! :bigsmile: Then they moved up to "the black belt." Now we're too big to spank.

 

[LadyFlynt]

My mother broke many wooden spoons. My brother (ornery thing) laughed each time she did....ohhhhhh.....

 

[Semper Fidelis]

I love this analogy of discipline:

(Hebrews 12:6-13) For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives." It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed.

I believe the use of the word discipline is very deliberate rather than the word punish.

Discipline trains the body and soul; punishment is primarily aimed only at paying back evil with its just desert. Discipline has the object of the child's spiritual development in mind; punishment is pay back because my child crossed me.

I believe discipline needs to get a child's attention - it should be painful for the child. The discipline crosses over to abuse when the disciplinarian ceases teaching with the pain and starts inflicting pain out of vengeance.

It is not my intent to get off topic but it is helpful, for me, that I view my child as a participant in the Covenant with the hopeful anticipation that he is Christ's. I do not punish my child. His sins have already been punished. I discipline. I pray with my 3 year old and my 2 year old that God would forgive their sins for Jesus' sake. I tell them why they were disciplined and I forgive them for transgressing the authority that God gave me over them. They pray that they would obey to glorify God, not Dad and not Mom. I'm disciplining into them a posture of repentance.

Anyone who has disciplined his toddler girl (it's harder) will know how hard it is to see her physically broken before you in tears: "I'm sorry...I'm sorry...." I believe that physical broknenness and real desire to be restored to her earthly father (she holds on to me tightly, she wants to be held by the arms that just broke her) postures her for spiritual brokenness before her heavenly father.

It is hard at times because it is so unpleasant for me. If I didn't love both my kids I would avoid physical discipline. It is easier sometimes to warn of the discipline but then I start to grow lazy and evidences of their pride and defiance start to magnify. Left unchecked and undisciplined, the folly in their heart would grow to undisciplined and unGodly pride. It could be their utter ruin Providentially. Apart from God's Grace that spurs me on as an instrument of Grace to them, I would shudder to think how they might turn out.

I know, therefore, the difference between terror and a reverant fear. I know my kids are not in terror of me but they cry out in fear when they go to the bathroom. They hold on to me hoping they won't receive discipline but it is not a tormenter they are holding on to. I'm teaching them to be still but that's a lot of work for little ones. I don't think I'll ever get over how sad it makes me inside when I have to do it but the music of hearing a little one pray forgiveness to God for Christ's sake is the sweetest sound.

[Edited on 3-6-2006 by SemperFideles]

 

[Romans922]

Originally posted by ~~Susita~~



At first when we were small enough, she had a jar full of big wooden spoons she used on us. Boy when we heard that jar rattle, we were outta there! :bigsmile: Then they moved up to "the black belt." Now we're too big to spank.

I bet a paddle with holes would still work.

 

[Mike]

Or a cattle prod.

Depending on what we mean by "work."

 

[~~Susita~~]

Originally posted by LadyFlynt
My mother broke many wooden spoons. My brother (ornery thing) laughed each time she did....ohhhhhh.....

Ooooooh!

Originally posted by Romans922I bet a paddle with holes would still work.

I'm such an angel, there's no need to punish me.