[Review] "Give Them Grace: Dazzling Your Kids with the Love of Jesus"

[jason d]

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“Although we are Christian parents, it doesn’t necessarily mean that our parenting is distinctly ‘Christian’.”

Does your parenting look any different from a Mormon, Orthodox Jew, an “upright” Atheist?

There are so many wonderful things I can say about this audiobook. The narrator, Tavia Gilbert, was one of the first narrators that actually pronounced theological terms correctly (I hear lots of narrators mispronounce terms like propitiation or even Bible characters), and when there was a portion of a hymn in the book she sang it delightfully, in key and with the melody (most would just recite it). She was very good at using different voices during all the dialogs between parents and children that are found all throughout the book.

The authors, Elyse M. Fitzpatrick & her daughter Jessica Thompson, really challenge you and are good at making clear several doctrines that have to do with are parenting.

I was talking to a fellow member of my church who had just finished (and loved) this book and we came to the conclusion that, in short, this book shows applies the Doctrines of Grace to parenting. That simple! For example, because it takes Total Depravity seriously it doesn’t promote the popular “self-esteem” movement but realizes that we and they are sinners:

“Because we wonder whether Rebekah is regenerate we won’t thank her for obeying God’s law. If she isn’t saved she doesn’t have the Holy Spirit and she cannot choose to respond to God or obey His law from the heart.

The one encouragement we can always give, our children and one another, is that God is always more powerful than our sin and He’s strong enough to make us want to do the right thing. We can assure them that His help can reach anyone, even them. Our encouragement should always stimulate praise for God’s grace, rather than for our own goodness.

On the other hand, if we persist in seeking to build our children’s self esteem by praising them, we make them into our own image, boys and girls who idolize the benediction, adults who are enslaved to the opinions of others, and parents who pass on the lie to the next generation, even though it hasn’t worked to make them good either. Like us, our children crave the blessed benediction, “you are good”, but the Bible says, because we are not good, those words no longer apply to us. We are not good.”

It reminds us that we want to aim for their heart and not merely produce little hypocritical pharisees because outward behavioral compliance to rules is not the goal and we know it can wind up being hypocracy.

It will help you deal with kids who are disobedient or kids who are outwardly compliant but are obviously proud and hypocritical inwardly.

It exposes the falsehood that Christian parenting is just keeping our kids away from everything we might consider “evil”, knowing that that isn’t enough because we know evil comes from within.

It debunks the myth of “Good parenting in, good kids out” and applies the truth that “Salvation if of the Lord” by taking the sovereignty of God in salvation seriously. Though God uses means, He is ultimately sovereign over our child’s salvation, so we need not lose hope or despair when they are not turning out how we would like. At this point it encourage alot, alot more prayer in our parenting (warning us that we don’t pray because we become self-reliant, or at least we think we do.)

It makes a strong case for corporal punishment (which is getting more and more sidetracked these days) and helps us to think through what actions are appropriate at which points in our child’s life.

If you already agree with concepts such as the Doctrines of Grace/Calvinism, or Two Kingdoms, Christian Hedonism, then this book will help you apply those doctrines to your parenting. If not, then the authors cover these doctrines, briefly and accurately, so you can learn these truths from the Bible and thus parent in a more “Christian” way.

I came to this book very skeptical, but wound up challenged, convinced, and very very edified and more in love with my Savior, Jesus Christ (this book was a paradigm shift for me). I hope I can pass this joy onto my kids in my parenting. I highly commend this book (even if you don’t agree with all the doctrines above) and plan on listening through it with my wife and probably on my own several more times.

You can get the gist of the book by watching this interview.

Author: Elyse M. Fitzpatrick & Jessica Thompson
Narrator: Tavia Gilbert
Runtime: 6.4 Hrs. - Unabridged
Publisher: christianaudio​

Thank you to ChristianAudio.com for providing me with this book under no obligation to write a positive review.

via my blog

 

[Jack K]

It's been a helpful book to many parents I know, and I've recommended it to several.

There are theological beefs some will surely have with this book. I think it fails to appreciate the idea of covenant kids as much as it could, but that may be because the writers don't want to sidetrack their main argument by introducing and defending that concept. I've done the same with some of my writing.

And as you'd expect from Elyse Fitzpatrick, it de-emphasizes the "third use" of the law (guide to Christian behavior). But there are so very many parents who practically know only the "third use." Such parents use the law only to instruct and scold their children, and have never learned to address their kids' sin by pointing them to Christ and urging them to believe and to rely on God's grace. They know what it means to obey Jesus' rules, but have hardly even contemplated how to lead their kids into knowing Jesus as a breathtaking person who is their Lover and the One they love. So the emphasis this book urges is sorely needed for those parents. It's a helpful book that celebrates the doctrines of grace, shows how these can be applied in parenting, and helps parents focus on guiding the heart rather than merely enforcing external behavior.

It's similar to Tedd Tripp's Shepherding a Child's Heart, but better written with a more engaging style.

 

[jason d]

it de-emphasizes the "third use" of the law (guide to Christian behavior). But there are so very many parents who practically know only the "third use."

Very true, that is one reason the book was so helpful was because I ONLY knew of that use in my parenting. Although I was surprised she did have an appendix dealing with the 3rd use, dealing specifically with common problems parents face: Lying, Blame-shifting, Disobeying, Provoking Others, Fighting and Anger, Complaining, Talking Back, Laziness.

And that great quote she quotes from Bryan Chappel:

“Grace does not forbid giving directions, promises, correction and warnings, only cruelty forbids such help.”