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These that are in natural relations, ought to walk in the duties of them,
as husbands and wives, parents and children, masters and servants, magistrates
and subjects, etc., for what nature binds, the church does not loose.
Matthew 18:15-20 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. [16] But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. [17] If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. [18] Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. [19] Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. [20] For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”
1 Corinthians 5 It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that is not tolerated even among pagans, for a man has his father's wife. [2] And you are arrogant! Ought you not rather to mourn? Let him who has done this be removed from among you.
[3] For though absent in body, I am present in spirit; and as if present, I have already pronounced judgment on the one who did such a thing. [4] When you are assembled in the name of the Lord Jesus and my spirit is present, with the power of our Lord Jesus, [5] you are to deliver this man to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord.
[6] Your boasting is not good. Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump? [7] Cleanse out the old leaven that you may be a new lump, as you really are unleavened. For Christ, our Passover lamb, has been sacrificed. [8] Let us therefore celebrate the festival, not with the old leaven, the leaven of malice and evil, but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth.
[9] I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people—[10] not at all meaning the sexually immoral of this world, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. [11] But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one. [12] For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? [13] God judges those outside. “Purge the evil person from among you.”
Titus 3:10-11 As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him, [11] knowing that such a person is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned.
1 Timothy 1:19-20 holding faith and a good conscience. By rejecting this, some have made shipwreck of their faith, among whom are Hymenaeus and Alexander, whom I have handed over to Satan that they may learn not to blaspheme.
2 Thessalonians 3:13-15 As for you, brothers, do not grow weary in doing good. 14 If anyone does not obey what we say in this letter, take note of that person, and have nothing to do with him, that he may be ashamed. 15 Do not regard him as an enemy, but warn him as a brother.
2 Thessalonians 3:6 Now we command you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you keep away from any brother who is walking in idleness and not in accord with the tradition that you received from us.
Excommunication is the OT is seen as being 'cut off'. And that cut off was being put to death.
I am not as up on this as I probably should be. I have a son who has apostatized. I am going to keep seeking him out and bringing truth to him as a Shepherd seeks his lost sheep. I will not sugar coat his condition. I will love him as I always have. I will provide for him when necessary as we are to do for our enemies. And I will sit down and eat with him and have him sit down and eat with me. It is valuable time that I can reinforce the truth of God's Love and that rejecting it has nothing but great peril. Others in the Church should perform what their conscience and God's word tells them to do that he may know he is not a part of the Congregation of the Lamb and that he has forsaken and cut himself off from the only means of life.
I highly recommend Jack Miller's book Come Back, Barbara. His daughter abandoned the faith and she returned to Christ years later. Come Back, Barbara: C. John Miller, Barbara Miller Juliani: 9780875523842: Amazon.com: Books
[video]https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=F2jD3_lPBIc[/video]
Sitting at table together is part of that when possible (having acknowledged that other factors may render it impossible), though such a gathering with an excommunicant present may not be characterized by all the ease and joie de vivre that would otherwise characterize a family gathering.
Sorry Richard, I was speaking generally. To get the seriousness of the phrase. That is, it is not what many today think as we need to treat them as an unbeliever and we need to bring them into worship, etc. Rather they are to be cut off as apostates still under covenant vows and see the bitterness of their state now. To just say "You are excommunicated." And then treat them still like a Christian in good standing is not what is called for in excommunication. There are of course those things you stated that are true.
3. Our third censure is the greater excommunication, which is done by the whole congregation, as all other censures, but in diverse ways: (1) by the presbytery or eldership judicially and authoritatively, (2) by Paul his pastoral spirit (1 Cor.5:4), the minister in the church’s name pronouncing the sentence (1 Tim.1:20), (3) and by the people,
1. Consenting and approving (1 Cor.5:4-6)
2. Mourning and being humbled at the sin (1 Cor.5:2)
3. Abstaining from all brotherly fellowship and familiarity with him, (1 Cor.10:11,12):
Except where the law of nature require duties of us, as the son to the excommunicated father owes love and honor, and conversing with him (Ex. 20:12). For a commandment natural and simply moral obliges more, and in the room before the positive and lesser commandment (as Hos. 6:6; Matt 12:3-6).
Yet is the excommunicated excluded only from the public prayers and seals of the Covenant, not from private prayers and hearing of the Word (1 Thess. 3:15). For the church intends in that censure the saving of his spirit in the day of the Lord (1 Cor. 5:5), and the hearing of the word is that necessary means of salvation (Rom. 1:16; 1 Cor. 1:18,21; Rom. 10:17; 1 Pet. 1:23). The contrary order not unlike to this is kept in confirming authoritatively the church’s love to the excommunicated person being penitent, and in pardoning and forgiving him when he heartily sorrows for his sin (2 Cor. 2:6-10). From this censure no member of our church is exempted.