So hey PB! I am a student in college. I have been dating/courting/what-have-you a girl for a year now. The Lord has blessed us so greatly in our relationship. She has such a heart for the Lord, and, like me, feels a call to missions. We are of the same (reformed) view doctrinally and agree totally in our theology.
Except on one very large issue.
One of us holds a credo view and the other paedo. I will not tell you which of us is which, to aid your objectivity.
We have talked about it several times, very peaceably and lovingly, but have not budged in our convictions. In (what I pray is) an earnest search for the biblical truth on this matter I have read hundreds of pages of polemic from writers on both sides, all the way from Tertullian to Calvin to John Murray to Macarthur and many in between. I have delved so deep into this issue that I feel like I've seen the word 'discontinuity' ten thousand times in the past month.
After all of that, I now have an intense appreciation and respect for both sides, but am only reinforced in the correctness of my stance. She as well is quite convinced of her stance, and her Father is a pastor of a church of her view. My question is, how should we best handle this moving forward, and/or is this something that should prevent us from moving forward, and perhaps something that should lead to us breaking up if we do not come to an agreement? One confidant said, "Just baptize them twice," which I certainly do not agree with. A few others have said, "Don't worry about it, that'll get sorted out in pre-marital counseling if you guys reach that point." and along those lines, "If she's serious about you and she's serious and God, she'll submit to your stance." But I am not so sure. Should we even get engaged if we do not come to a theological agreement on this? Or is that irresponsible since this is such an important issue in 1) our kids' lives 2) the church(es) we join and 3) the church(es) we plant if we go that path of missions, which we both are interested in. Likewise, is this an area where submission is appropriate, or is it one of such stark disagreement that she cannot in good conscience marry me knowing she will have to submit to a view she finds unbiblical. Romans 14:23 comes to mind. Would she not be, in marrying me, knowingly putting herself into a future in which she has to submit to what she believes to be wrong, and thus submitting is a sin for her no matter which view is true? Obviously if we were married and agreed on it and then I switched stances away from her stance submission would be right and good, but this is different- she can choose not to marry me.
I am obviously perplexed by this situation, and would love any counsel or wisdom. And prayers too of course. God bless you guys.
Except on one very large issue.
One of us holds a credo view and the other paedo. I will not tell you which of us is which, to aid your objectivity.
We have talked about it several times, very peaceably and lovingly, but have not budged in our convictions. In (what I pray is) an earnest search for the biblical truth on this matter I have read hundreds of pages of polemic from writers on both sides, all the way from Tertullian to Calvin to John Murray to Macarthur and many in between. I have delved so deep into this issue that I feel like I've seen the word 'discontinuity' ten thousand times in the past month.
After all of that, I now have an intense appreciation and respect for both sides, but am only reinforced in the correctness of my stance. She as well is quite convinced of her stance, and her Father is a pastor of a church of her view. My question is, how should we best handle this moving forward, and/or is this something that should prevent us from moving forward, and perhaps something that should lead to us breaking up if we do not come to an agreement? One confidant said, "Just baptize them twice," which I certainly do not agree with. A few others have said, "Don't worry about it, that'll get sorted out in pre-marital counseling if you guys reach that point." and along those lines, "If she's serious about you and she's serious and God, she'll submit to your stance." But I am not so sure. Should we even get engaged if we do not come to a theological agreement on this? Or is that irresponsible since this is such an important issue in 1) our kids' lives 2) the church(es) we join and 3) the church(es) we plant if we go that path of missions, which we both are interested in. Likewise, is this an area where submission is appropriate, or is it one of such stark disagreement that she cannot in good conscience marry me knowing she will have to submit to a view she finds unbiblical. Romans 14:23 comes to mind. Would she not be, in marrying me, knowingly putting herself into a future in which she has to submit to what she believes to be wrong, and thus submitting is a sin for her no matter which view is true? Obviously if we were married and agreed on it and then I switched stances away from her stance submission would be right and good, but this is different- she can choose not to marry me.
I am obviously perplexed by this situation, and would love any counsel or wisdom. And prayers too of course. God bless you guys.