Reformed males

[ubermadchen]

I made this several months ago but for some reason it's regained some popularity on my blog. So I thought I would post it on here for your thoughts. It's all in good humor and admiration so I hope no one finds it offensive.

I've only been "reforming" for about 3 (?) years but since that time I've noticed something about the Reformed male. They tend to have very similar characteristics. I wish I could say the same thing about reformed females but, you see, we're all so unique and special and wonderful that I would be lying. Anyways, I shared some of these thoughts with a friend (who is a practicing member of the Reformed male species) and he said I should share these observations with the world. So here goes:

You might be a Reformed male if:

1. No one has ever heard of the beer you are currently drinking.

2. You've named or plan to name your first son John, Jonathan, Charles, Knox, Owen, Calvin, Martin, Luther, Martin Luther, or Jean.

3. You have a beard (or wish you did).

4. You smoke a pipe.

5. You consult the PCA Church directory when planning domestic vacations.

6. You dream of being accidentally left behind after hours in the Curry library (which, if you don't happen to be in the know, currently houses around 7,000 books from Charles Spurgeon's personal library).

7. This is your dream Bible.

8. You have a dream Bible.

9. You've considered Wittenberg, Germany as a great honeymoon destination.

10. This was your groomsman's cake:

photo

11. This is your sweatshirt:

12. You know what PCA, OPC, CREC, EPC, RPCNA, and APC stand for.

13. You refer to non-Christians as "unregenerates."

14. John Piper really is your homeboy.

15. You don't shop at Christian bookstores.

16. You've used the line, "Baby, your name must be Grace because you are irresistible" on women.

17. It's "Reformation Day" not "Halloween."

18. You've taped a copy of the 95 theses to the door of the nearest Catholic or seeker sensitive church on Reformation Day.

19. You can finish the names of each of these men:
A.W.
B. B.
R. L.
J. C.
C. H.

20. You end each email with "Soli Deo Gloria."

 

[Hamalas]

Yep, I fit the bill!

 

[Timothy William]

16. You've used the line, "Baby, your name must be Grace because you are irresistible" on women.

The most recent (OK, only) girl I've ever asked out was named Grace. I'm tempted to email her with that line, but I'm not sure she'd get the joke (most unfortunately she isn't Reformed.)

 

[OPC'n]

The only thing I would change is: Sproul really is your homeboy.

 

[Bern]

Does leaving a note explaining the true gospel of faith in Christ alone on an high Anglican "prayers for dead people" list in the undercroft of Canterbury Cathedral count?

 

[Theognome]

I used the following line on Toni-

"If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?"

Theognome

 

[ubermadchen]

Does leaving a note explaining the true gospel of faith in Christ alone on an high Anglican "prayers for dead people" list in the undercroft of Canterbury Cathedral count?

Bonus points, in my opinion.

 

[OPC'n]

I used the following line on Toni-

"If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?"

Theognome

Theognome, quit sipping the kool-aid!

 

[Bern]

I considered smashing the font too, but decided I better not ! lol

 

[Reluctantly Reforming]

Pretty close to home, and even when not close to home - as I've done #5.

Somebody needs to plant a PCA church near the Outer Banks, btw. Just saying.

 

[DMcFadden]

Some additional points (all of these actually true in my case)

* You call your carpeted converted garage/bonus room the "Reformation Room."
* Your room is decorated with oversized framed prints of the Synod of Dordt and the Westminster Assembly posters as well as a 10x36" framed poster of Calvin and a Post Tenebras Lux collage of the Reformers.
http://www.reformationart.com/westminster-assembly-poster--2.html
http://www.reformationart.com/synod-of-dordrecht-poster--2.html
http://www.reformationart.com/john-calvin-panorama--11036.html
* Your desk has bobblehead Martin Luther, John Calvin, AND Charles Spurgeon along with a wind-up walking Martin Luther doll. http://oldlutheran.cybrhost.com/old...ore_Code=OL&Product_Code=800&Category_Code=HO http://store.calvin.edu/shop_produc...YWQ&pf_id=100549565&type=1&target=Default.asp
* You actually own a maroon Calvin scholar's hat (in your own size); it hangs from your desk lamp.
* You have a framed 400 year old leaf of the Geneva Bible displayed above your desk.
* You put an "autographed" framed "painting" of Martin Luther above your treadmill/workout machine. It is embossed "Dennis, Sundige tapfer, aber glaube tapferer! [signed] Martin Luther" http://oldlutheran.cybrhost.com/old...ore_Code=OL&Product_Code=700&Category_Code=HO
* Your idea of decorating is to display copies of Turretin, Muller, Beeke, RS Clark, et. al. in your Reformation Room.
* Around your room you have smaller framed pictures of Calvin, Knox, Bunyan, and Goodwin.
* You have the sweatshirt mentioned in #11 hanging on the door in your Reformation Room, just under the yellow "Calvin Rocks" messenger bag purchased from Cafe Press Calvin Rocks Messenger Bag - CafePress.

 

[galactic reformer]

1. No one has ever heard of the beer you are currently drinking.

Yes...

2. You've named or plan to name your first son John, Jonathan, Charles, Knox, Owen, Calvin, Martin, Luther, Martin Luther, or Jean.

Seth...

3. You have a beard (or wish you did).

Sometimes...

4. You smoke a pipe.

Indeed I do...

7. This is your dream Bible.

8. You have a dream Bible.

I want Bible*s*...but I readily admit that I have a book "issue"...

9. You've considered Wittenberg, Germany as a great honeymoon destination.

My wife and I have actually discussed a "theological-historical" tour of Europe once the children are grown...

12. You know what PCA, OPC, CREC, EPC, RPCNA, and APC stand for.

Of course...though I must admit, the amount of two-three-four letter abbreviations of all these denominations can be confusing...

13. You refer to non-Christians as "unregenerates."

Sometimes...

14. John Piper really is your homeboy.

As noted above, changed to R.C. Sproul...

18. You've taped a copy of the 95 theses to the door of the nearest Catholic or seeker sensitive church on Reformation Day.

Not exactly...but I did post reformed thoughts and notes, and occasional rebuttals to "seeker sensitive" papers on the pinboard of Bible college...

19. You can finish the names of each of these men:
A.W.
B. B.
R. L.
J. C.
C. H.

Naturally...you mean some "theologians" can't?

* You have a framed 400 year old leaf of the Geneva Bible displayed above your desk.

Of course...as well as a leaf from a 1611, just to prove to my comrades that none of us use those exact bibles, anymore.

 

[Laura]

* Your desk has bobblehead Martin Luther, John Calvin, AND Charles Spurgeon along with a wind-up walking Martin Luther doll.

Now really, I always wonder when I see those bobbleheads: is that any way to respect our spiritual forefathers? I mean, what would they say if they saw them?

...okay, Luther and Spurgeon would probably laugh, but Calvin...I don't know.

 

[ubermadchen]

* Your desk has bobblehead Martin Luther, John Calvin, AND Charles Spurgeon along with a wind-up walking Martin Luther doll.

Now really, I always wonder when I see those bobbleheads: is that any way to respect our spiritual forefathers? I mean, what would they say if they saw them?

...okay, Luther and Spurgeon would probably laugh, but Calvin...I don't know.

Yeah, that Calvin could be such a fuddy duddy.

 

[Bern]

Of course we wouldn't want to come across as if we idolise the Reformers would we?

Posters of Calvin lol

Not something I'd have on my wall hehe

 

[Theoretical]

You might be a Reformed male if:

1. No one has ever heard of the beer you are currently drinking.

Yep.

2. You've named or plan to name your first son John, Jonathan, Charles, Knox, Owen, Calvin, Martin, Luther, Martin Luther, or Jean.

Probably will first have a Jr. of my name, as I carry two family names. John or Jonathan are out for last name reasons. Martin is on the list and Machen might be a middle name I select.

3. You have a beard (or wish you did).

Nah, too scratchy.

4. You smoke a pipe.

Not here either

5. You consult the PCA Church directory when planning domestic vacations.

Yes, but also every other NAPARC one.

6. You dream of being accidentally left behind after hours in the Curry library (which, if you don't happen to be in the know, currently houses around 7,000 books from Charles Spurgeon's personal library).

I hadn't before today, but that sounds like a nice afternoon.

7. This is your dream Bible.

Not bad, but my dream would probably be one of the new Geneva Bibles.

8. You have a dream Bible.

Nope.

9. You've considered Wittenberg, Germany as a great honeymoon destination.

Not a bad idea, though Geneva could work too.

10. This was your groomsman's cake: photo

Not married yet, and that'd be a bit much.

11. This is your sweatshirt:

Nice - might have to get one sometime.

12. You know what PCA, OPC, CREC, EPC, RPCNA, and APC stand for.

Yes, and add FCC, FCS, FPCS, URC, RCUS, RPCGA, FIRE, ARBCA, AMiA, ARP, FRC, CanRC etc...

13. You refer to non-Christians as "unregenerates."

Not so much - non-Christian suffices.

14. John Piper really is your homeboy.

Nah, J. Gresham Machen is more my style.

15. You don't shop at Christian bookstores.

Does the Redeemer Seminary bookstore count as one? "Christian bookstores": blech. Even Logos, which is tolerable, is still awful by comparison.

16. You've used the line, "Baby, your name must be Grace because you are irresistible" on women.

Amusing line, I'd wait until after I knew she liked me.

17. It's "Reformation Day" not "Halloween."

Yep.

18. You've taped a copy of the 95 theses to the door of the nearest Catholic or seeker sensitive church on Reformation Day.

Tempting idea.

19. You can finish the names of each of these men:

A.W.

Pink

B. B.

Warfield

R. L.

Dabney

J. C.

Ryle or Philpot

C. H.

Spurgeon

20. You end each email with "Soli Deo Gloria."

Sometimes

 

[Idelette]

That was very funny to read! I love the groomsman cake....that was classic!

 

[TheocraticMonarchist]

Of course we wouldn't want to come across as if we idolise the Reformers would we?

Posters of Calvin lol

Not something I'd have on my wall hehe

Venerate but don't worship...

 

[D. Paul]

* You have a framed 400 year old leaf of the Geneva Bible displayed above your desk.

How' did you get in my house????

That one is hilarious that it is true.

 

[DMcFadden]

All of them listed in my post and then some. My kids roll their eyes that dad has a "Reformation room."

 

[Ruby]

DMcFadden ...... you are very far gone!

 

[Berean]

Venerate but don't worship...

I believe that's the RC distinction when discussing Mary and the "saints".

 

[Theognome]

I must not be Reformed

I don't think I stack up...

1. No one has ever heard of the beer you are currently drinking.

I hate beer. Icky stuff!

2. You've named or plan to name your first son John, Jonathan, Charles, Knox, Owen, Calvin, Martin, Luther, Martin Luther, or Jean.

Isaac.

3. You have a beard (or wish you did).

That I have.

4. You smoke a pipe.

I used to, but it didn't have tobacco in it.

5. You consult the PCA Church directory when planning domestic vacations.

Nope. I use OPC, URC or a good solid Reformed Baptist church.

6. You dream of being accidentally left behind after hours in the Curry library (which, if you don't happen to be in the know, currently houses around 7,000 books from Charles Spurgeon's personal library).

Never occurred to me.

7. This is your dream Bible.

The bible(s) I have are mostly cheap ones or hotel Gideons, save for my study Bible. I don't much care how it looks, smells or feels as long as it's got the goods in it.

8. You have a dream Bible.

Nope.

9. You've considered Wittenberg, Germany as a great honeymoon destination.

I'd rather go to Bonn- the birthplace of Ludwig Van Beethoven.

10. This was your groomsman's cake:

Didn't have a cake.

11. This is your sweatshirt:

I don't wear sweatshirts unless I intend to destroy them through whatever work I'm doing.

12. You know what PCA, OPC, CREC, EPC, RPCNA, and APC stand for.

Got me there...

13. You refer to non-Christians as "unregenerates."

No. I call them CAPs, which stands for "Classic American Pagans".

14. John Piper really is your homeboy.

Not even close. I do not have a high opinion of him.

15. You don't shop at Christian bookstores.

True- there's nothing worth reading in them save the Bibles.

16. You've used the line, "Baby, your name must be Grace because you are irresistible" on women.

I addressed this earlier in the thread.

17. It's "Reformation Day" not "Halloween."

Agreed.

18. You've taped a copy of the 95 theses to the door of the nearest Catholic or seeker sensitive church on Reformation Day.

Nope. I wouldn't bother doing such a thing.

19. You can finish the names of each of these men:
A.W.
B. B.
R. L.
J. C.
C. H.

Now that's just too easy.

20. You end each email with "Soli Deo Gloria."

No, I end them with...

Theognome

 

[Kevin]

Are you stalking me?

 

[Theognome]

Are you stalking me?

Should I be?

Theognome

 

[Zenas]

That's eerily accurate.

-----Added 5/8/2009 at 01:04:48 EST-----

How' did you get in my house????

That one is hilarious that it is true.

I want one.

 

[A.Hudson]

Of course we wouldn't want to come across as if we idolise the Reformers would we?

Posters of Calvin lol

Not something I'd have on my wall hehe

 

[PresbyDane]

I nearly fit all of the points of the test + would wish I did on some of the aditional ones, I would love a reformation room

 

[reformed trucker]

Ubermadchen, have we met? You seem to know me...