Puritan Quotes on Marriage

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VirginiaHuguenot

Puritanboard Librarian
I'd like for this thread to be a compilation of Puritan quotes on marriage (for purposes of this thread, Martin Luther, Charles Spurgeon and others in that vein may be considered "honourary Puritans" :pilgrim: ) or quotes about the Puritans on marriage. Please feel free to add additional Puritan quotes on marriage.

Richard Baxter:

Direct. IV. Husband and wife must delight in the love and company, and lives of each other. When husband and wife take pleasure in each other, it unites them in duty, it helps them with ease to do their work, and bear their burdens; and is a major part of the comfort of marriage. [Prov 5.18,19]

Matthew Henry:

(Note) that the woman was made of a rib out of the side of Adam; not out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be loved.

Thomas Hooker:

The man whose heart is endeared to the woman he loves...dreams of her in the night, hath her in his eye and apprehension when he awakes, museth on her as he sits at the table, walks with her when he travels...She lies in his bosom, and his heart trusts in her, which forceth all to confess that the stream of his affection, like a mighty current, runs with full tide and strength.

Henry Smith:

Man is to his wife in the place of Christ to his church.

William Gouge:

Of an husband's entire affection to his wife

An husband's affection to his wife must be answerable to his opinion of her: he ought therefore to delight in his wife entirely, that is, so to delight in her as wholly and only delighting in her. In this respect the Prophet's wife is called the "desire" (Ez.24:16), or delight, or pleasure of his eyes: that wherein he most of all delighted, and therefore by a propriety so called. Such delight did Isaac take in his wife as it drove out a contrary strong passion, namely the grief which he took for the departure of his mother: for it is noted that "he loved her, and was comforted after his mother's death." (Gen.24:67)

This kind of affection Solomon doth elegantly set forth in these words, "Rejoice with the wife of thy youth: Let her be as the loving Hind, and pleasant Roe, and be thou ravished always with her love." (Prov.5:18 & 19) Here note both the metaphors,also ravished always with her love." (Prov. 5:18 & 19) Here note the metaphors, and also the hyperbole which are used to set forth an husband's delight in his wife. In the metaphors again note both the creatures whereunto a wife is resembled, and also the attributes given to them. The creatures are two, an Hind and a Roe, which are the females of an Hart and a Roe-Buck: now it is noted of the Hart and Roe-Buck, that of all other beasts they are most enamored (as I may so speak) with their mates, and even mad again in their heat and desire after them.

These metaphors hath Solomon used to set forth that unfained and earnest, entire and ardent affection which an husband ought to bear unto his wife: which being taken in a good sense, and rightly applied, so as they exceed not the bounds of Christian modesty and decency, are very fit, and pertinent to the purpose: if we stretch them beyond modesty, we wrong the pen-man of them, or rather the Holy Ghost that directed him, and propound a pernicious pattern unto husbands.

The attributes given to the forenamed creatures much amplify the point: the former is termed a "loving" Hind, the latter a "pleasant" Doe, word for word "an Hind of Loves, a Roe of favor," that is, exceedingly loved and favored: for to set forth the extent of God's love unto his Son, Christ is called the "son of his love". (Col.1:13)

These comparisons applied to a wife, do lively set forth that delight which an husband ought to take in her, and yet is it much further amplified by the hyperbole used in this phrase, "be thou ravished with her love," word, for word, "err thou in her love," by which no sinful error, or dotage is meant, but a lawful earnest affection: implying two things especially: First so far to exceed, as to make a man overlook some such blemishes in his wife, as others would soon espy and mislike; or else to count them no blemishes, delighting in her never a whit the less for them. For example, if a man has a wife, not very beautiful, or proper, but having some deformity in her body, some imperfection in her speech, sight, gesture, or any part of her body, yet so to affect her, and delight in her, as if she were the fairest, and in every way most complete woman in the world. Secondly, so highly to esteem, so ardently to affect, so tenderly to respect her, as others may think him even to doat on her. An husbands affection to his wife cannot be too great if it kept within bounds of honesty, sobriety and comeliness. The wife's affection ought to be great to her husband, yet because of the husbands place of authority, he must especially take all occasions to manifest this his inward affection. Read the Song of Songs, and in it you shall observe such affection manifested by Christ to his Spouse, as would make one think he did (with reverence in an holy manner to use the phrase) even err in his love and doat on her. A good pattern and precedent for husbands. For nothing is more lovely than a good wife.

Westminster Assembly:

Marriage was ordained for the mutual help of husband and wife;a for the increase of mankind with a legitimate issue, and of the Church with an holy seed;b and for preventing of uncleanness.c

a. Gen 2:18. "¢ b. Mal 2:15. "¢ c. 1 Cor 7:2, 9.

Richard Steele:

Loving Each Other. This is both the husband's (Col. 3:19) and the wife's duty (Tit. 2:4). Love is the great reason and comfort of marriage. This love is not merely romance, but genuine and constant affection and care for each other "fervently with a pure heart" (1 Pet. 1:22). Marital love cannot be based on beauty or wealth, for these are passing, and not even on piety, for that may decay. It must be based upon God's command which never changes. The marriage vow obliges "for better or for worse," and married persons ought to consider their own spouses the best in the world for them. Marital love must be durable, lasting even after death has severed the bond (Prov. 31:12). This true-hearted love brings true content and comfort in its train. It guards against adultery and jealousy. It prevents or lessens family trouble. Without it, the marriage is like a bone out of joint. There is pain until it is restored.

Thomas Gataker:

Secondly, the wife is to be an assistant and (a) a yoke fellow to her husband, as in his travels and labours, so in troubles and crosses, if any befall him; (as no mans life lightly is free from them: * No larke without an heele, nor course of life without some crosse or other: ) and that two waies.

By bearing part with him.
And by being a comfort unto him.

First, by bearing part with him. For whereas married persons are subject to many more crosses and casualties then those that leade a single life, in regard their charge is the greater: howsoever the women themselves are not exposed to so many personall encumbrances as men, because their life is more private: Yet, as the Apostle saith of the faithfull Christians, that they were b fellow-partners with him in his afflictions, so ought the wife to bee with the husband in those afflictions that befall him. And surely if all Christians in generall, much more married folkes in speciall ought to c beare either others burdens; If * all Christians must have a fellow-feeling of one anothers suffrings, because d they are all members of one bodie; much more man and wife that are both but e one flesh.

Margaret Winthrop, wife of John Winthrop:

MOST DEAR AND LOVING HUSBAND, I cannot express my love to you, as I desire, in these poor, lifeless lines; but I do heartily wish you did see my heart, how true and faithful it is to you, and how much I do desire to be always with you, to enjoy the sweet comfort of me your presence, and those helps from you in spiritual and temporal duties, which I am so unfit to perform without you. It makes to see the want of you, and wish myself with you. But I desire we may be guided by God in all our ways, who is able to direct us for the best; and so I will wait upon him with patience, who is all-sufficient for me.

James Reid, Memoirs of the Westminster Divines, re Thomas Case:

Mr. Case was eminently distinguished in his relative capacity, and praise-worthy. He had a prudent wife from the Lord; a help meet for him. They lived together nearly forty-five years; and he often said, that in all that time there had been no contention between them, except in this, who should love one another most. They were equally yoked together, being both very pious and affectionate.

[Edited on 7-28-2006 by VirginiaHuguenot]
 
Thomas Adams:

Woman takes her being from man, man takes his well-being from woman.

Henry Smith:

Marriage doth signify merry-age.

Thomas Gataker:

It is not evil to marry but good to be wary.

Henry Smith:

First, he must choose his love, and then he must love his choice.

John Trapp:

A prudent wife commands her husband by obeying him.

[Edited on 7-29-2006 by VirginiaHuguenot]
 
"A prudent wife commands her husband by obeying him."

Ain't that the truth! My mother married a heathen (he later became a Christian), and he tells me now that there was nothing more humbling than to see her submit to him; even though it sometimes hurt.
 
D. Beaton, Scottish Heroines of the Faith, pp. 21-22:

John Brown and Isabel Weir had been together but three short years. It was Alexander Peden, the Prophet of the Covenant, who joined them together in the bonds of matrimony. And in keeping with the weird mystery that surrounded his person and sayings, he turned to the bride, who then had no consciousness of the terrible fate awaiting her husband, and said, "Isabel, you have got a good man, but you will not enjoy him long. Prize his company, and keep linen by you to be his winding-sheet, for you will need it when not looking for it, and it will be a bloody one."
...
Then came the last and sad farewell between husband and wife. "Take good-night of your wife and children," said Claverhouse. The brave man rose from his knees, and as he approached his wife, to bid her the last farewell on this side of eternity, he said, "Now, Isabel, the day is come that I told you would come, when I spake first to you of marrying me." And the answer she gave made it easier for him to kneel for the last time ere the bullets of the troopers laid him a lifeless corpse on the green grass. "Indeed, John," she said, "I can willingly part with you." "That's all I desire," said the martyr; "I have no more to do but to die." He kissed his wife and child, knelt in prayer, and then, according to Patrick Walker, "Claverhouse ordered six soldiers to shoot him, and the most part of the bullets came upon his head, which scattered his brains upon the ground."

Then turning to the widow, Claverhouse asked, "What thinkest thou of thy husband now, woman?" "I thought ever much good of him," she replied, "and now as much as ever." "It were but justice," was the cruel rejoinder, "to lay thee beside him." "If you were permitted," she said, "I doubt not but your cruelty would go that length; but how will you make answer for this morning's work?" "To man I can be answerable, and for God, I will take him in my own hands," was the contemptuous and daring reply.
...
After the troopers had left, the young widow laid her helpless infant beside the body of her dead husband, and lovingly gathered up in a napkin the fragments of the scattered head. When this labour of love was over, her heart at last became a fountain of tears as she realised what had taken place.
 
John Dryden, The Works of John Dryden, Vol. IV, Marriage A-La-Mode (1673) (the phrase 'help-mate' was mistakenly printed as 'help-meet'):

Well, if ever woman was a help-mate for man, my spouse is so

American Heritage Dictionary:

The poet John Dryden's 1673 use of the phrase "œhelp-meet for man," with a hyphen between help and meet, was one step on the way toward the establishment of the phrase "œhelp meet" as an independent word. Another was the use of "œhelp meet" without "œfor man" to mean a suitable helper, usually a spouse, as Eve had been to Adam. Despite such usages, helpmeet was not usually thought of as a word in its own right until the 19th century. Nonetheless, the phrase "œhelp meet" probably played a role in the creation of helpmate, from help and mate, first recorded in 1715.
 
Henry Smith:

When Adam was away, Eve was made a prey.

George Swinnock

A gracious wife satisfieth a good husband, and silenceth a bad one.

Robert Bolton:

Let thy choice be in the Lord"¦1 Cor. Vii. 39. Let piety be the first mover of thine affection, the prime and principle consideration in this greatest affair"¦ Religion or the fear of God, as it is generally the foundation of all human felicity, so must it specially be accounted the ground of all comfort and bliss, which man and wife desire to find in the enjoying of each other.

Richard Baxter:

It is a mercy to have a faithful friend that loveth you entirely"¦to whom you may open your mind and communicate your affairs"¦And it is a mercy to have so near a friend to be a helper to your soul and"¦ to stir up in you the grace of God.

Thomas Adams:

As God by creation made two of one, so again by marriage He made one of two.

Thomas Gouge:

A mutual duty between spouses is the provident care of one another´s souls. If a believing husband, or wife, is married to an unbeliever, they ought to use all the means they can to win the other. And if either of you shall be a means of the conversion of the other, how entirely will it knit your affections one to another. If both husband and wife are in a state of grace, they should be watchful one over the other, as to prevent sin in one another, so to redress it the best way they can when either of them are fallen into sin, by seasonable admonition, yes, and correction also. Here the husband and wife should more respect the mutual good of one another, than fear the giving of offence. And it is likewise a special duty incumbent upon husband and wife to help the growth of grace in each other, as by a frequent conferring together of good things, especially of what they hear in the public ministry of the word, so likewise in constant performing of family duties, especially prayer.

Thomas Gataker:

There is no society more near, more entire, more needful, more kindly, more delightful, more comfortable, more constant, more continual, than the society of man and wife, the main root, source, and original of all other societies.
 
John Dod and Robert Cleaver:

The wife is ordained for man: like a little Zoar, a city of refuge to fly to in all his troubles: and there is no peace comparable unto her bu the peace of conscience.

John Cotton:

Women are creatures without which there is no comfortable Living for man...They are a sort of Blasphemers then who despise and decry them, and call them a necessary Evil, for they are a necessary Good.

Thomas Gataker:

There is no society more near, more entire, more needful, more kindly, more delightful, more comfortable, more constant, more continual, than the society of man and wife, the main root, source, and original of all other societies.

Thomas Gataker:

A good wife being...
The best Companion in Wealth;
The fittest and readiest Assistant in worke;
The greatest comfort in crosses and griefes;...
And the greatest Grace and Honour that can be, to him that hath her.

Thomas Adams:

There is no such fountain of comfort on earth, as marriage.

Richard Baxter:

It is a mercy to have a faithful friend that loveth you entirely...to whom you may open your mind and communicate your affairs...And it is a mercy to have so near a friend to be a helper to your soul and...to stir up in you the grace of God.

John Downame:

God the first Institutor of marriage, gave the wife unto the husband, to bee, not his servant, but his helper, counsellor and comforter.
 
Matthew Henry on Proverbs 18:22

Note, 1. A good wife is a great blessing to a man. He that finds a wife (that is, a wife indeed; a bad wife does not deserve to be called by a name of so much honour), that finds a help meet for him (that is a wife in the original acceptation of the word), that sought such a one with care and prayer and has found what he sought, he has found a good thing, a jewel of great value, a rare jewel; he has found that which will not only contribute more than any thing to his comfort in this life, but will forward him in the way to heaven. 2. God is to be acknowledged in it with thankfulness; it is a token of his favour, and a happy pledge of further favours; it is a sign that God delights in a man to do him good and has mercy in store for him; for this, therefore, God must be sought unto.
 
John Milton:

Hail, wedded Love, mysterious law, true source
Of human offspring, sole propriety
In Paradise, of all things common else!
By thee adult'rous love was driven from men
Among the bestial herds to range; by thee,
Founded in reason, loyal, just and pure,
Relations dear, and all the charities
Of father, son, and brother, first were known.
Far be it that I should write thee sin or blame,
Or think the unbefitting holiest place
Perpetual fountain of domestic sweets,
Whose bed is undefiled and chaste pronounced,
Present or past, as saints and patriarchs used!
 
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