Pun Time!!

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Ok, you guys really need the long version of one of the previous jokes:

Some friars were behind on their belfry payments, so
they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds.

Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of
God, the rival florist across town thought the competition
was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but
they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close.
They ignored him. He asked his mother to go and ask the
friars to get out of business. They ignored her, too.

So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest
and most vicious thug in town, to "persuade" them to close.
Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd
be back if they didn't close shop. Terrified, the friars did so,
thereby proving that . . .

Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

---------- Post added at 09:41 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:40 AM ----------

A farmer had a sprawling farm with a patch of woods that ran right up against the local airport. Day after day, planes would crash into the woods causing all sorts of problems. No one could figure out what to do. Finally, the farmer gathered up a flock of the ugliest female sheep he could find, set them loose in the woods, and planes never crashed into his trees again. The moral of the story: Homely ewes can prevent forest fliers.

---------- Post added at 09:41 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:41 AM ----------

The local church was looking a little worn around the edges, and the minister decided that a new coat of paint would spruce the building up just fine. He hired painters to do it. Halfway through painting the church, the painters realized that they wouldn't have enough paint to finish the job. They decided to thin the paint by half and finish covering the building. Soon after, it rained, and the poor-quality paint melted right off the steeple. It was a mess. The minister was very angry. He called the painters and yelled at them, saying...

are you ready?...

wait for it...





"Repaint, repaint and thin no more!!"

---------- Post added at 09:43 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:41 AM ----------

There was a man named Bill whose greatest love was tractor pull competitions. He subscribed to tractor pull magazines and even paid for the all-tractor-pull specialty cable channel. He had never actually attended a tractor pull, so when it was announced that the tractor pull was coming to his home town, he was beside himself with anticipation. He lined up the night before tickets went on sale, even though he was the only one there. He marked the days on his calendar and booked the day off work.

Finally the day of the big event came, and Bill went to the arena six hours early to get the best seat. By the time the show began, he had all the programs, souvenirs, posters, accessories and junk food he could want.

The competition began, and from the moment it started, it was all a crushing disappointment. It was noisy and smoky, it took so long to restage the tractors each time that it was all a colossal bore. Bitterly disappointed and angry, Bill threw all his souvenirs into the trash, left the arena, and marched straight across the street to the nearest pub. He stomped in and slammed the door mightily.

As he did so, a great load of soot fell from the chimney, rolled out of the fireplace and engulfed the room in a huge cloud. The pub owner was aghast. "Look at this mess," he cried, "And I'm expecting a big crowd in here tonight after the tractor pull."

"I can handle this," said Bill, stepping forward. He took in a huge lungful of air, sucking up every speck of soot in the place. He walked to the door and opened it, and exhaled, spraying the big cloud outside.

The pub owner stared at him. "How can you do that?" he asked incredulously.

"Simple," said Bill. "I'm an ex-tractor fan."

---------- Post added at 09:43 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:43 AM ----------

Hey, what time do we have to stop this?
 
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