Pun Time!!
- Thread starter Wayne
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timmopussycat
Puritan Board Junior
A man walked into a fish and chip shop run by a monastery and asked the counterman: "Are you the fish friar?" and received the reply: "No, I'm the chip monk."
A punster is like a pup
whose reckless tail upsets the cups
if you reverse the letters
you will see much better
the truth that a nup is a nup
So, if you run across an incorrigible punster, please just don't incorrige him.
Others from the past: http://www.puritanboard.com/f52/anyone-pun-28871/
whose reckless tail upsets the cups
if you reverse the letters
you will see much better
the truth that a nup is a nup
So, if you run across an incorrigible punster, please just don't incorrige him.
Others from the past: http://www.puritanboard.com/f52/anyone-pun-28871/
A Mongolian tribe had a superstition that their chief needed to have a beard. One day their chief, Benny, decided that he would risk a shave. The next day, the elders found that their chief had been transformed into a Grecian urn, proving that a Benny shaved is a Benny urned.
Wayne
Tempus faciendi, Domine.
Every once in a while, the cartoon strip Pearls Before Swine has a real winner.
One recent example : Pearls Before Swine Comic Strip, January 08, 2012 on GoComics.com
And the all-time best : Pearls Before Swine Comic Strip, December 06, 2009 on GoComics.com
One recent example : Pearls Before Swine Comic Strip, January 08, 2012 on GoComics.com
And the all-time best : Pearls Before Swine Comic Strip, December 06, 2009 on GoComics.com
Southern Presbyterian
Puritan Board Doctor
Some of these (I'm not saying which ones) are only 2/3 of a pun..... P - U.
FenderPriest
Puritan Board Junior
Had a profesor ask: "So... Any questions in general?.... [silence] Any questions in Lieutenant?"
I nearly died laughing. It was as awkward as you are imagining.
I nearly died laughing. It was as awkward as you are imagining.
reformed_vanilla
Puritan Board Freshman
Well, well, well, water we have here?
reformed_vanilla
Puritan Board Freshman
MarieP
Puritan Board Senior
One wintry evening, a couple returns to their hotel to find a group of old men carrying on around a table in the lobby. "Ha," they heard one say, "I've captured more kings in my life than all of you combined!" "Oh yeah," says another, "my middle name is 'Checkmate!'" They asked the clerk at the front desk what was going on, and the clerk said...
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"Oh, they're just chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!"
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"Oh, they're just chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!"
reformed_vanilla
Puritan Board Freshman
What do you call a bunch of rabbits walking backwards?
...a receding hare line.
...a receding hare line.
MarieP
Puritan Board Senior
I want my time back!!!!!! LOL!!!! Enjoyable story, though...
Southern Presbyterian
Puritan Board Doctor
Rich Koster
Puritan Board Post-Graduate
A frog goes into a bank to apply for a loan. The clerk Patricia, asks for his name. He tells her Kermit, Kermit Watts. How much do you want to borrow? He says $10,000. She asks do you have a job? No, he responds. Do you have any collateral? Here, he says, handing her a Miss Piggy snow globe. At this point she calls for her manager to get the final say on what looks like a definite "loan declined" candidate. To her surprise the manager tells her.....
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.That's a knick knack, Patty Wack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone.
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.That's a knick knack, Patty Wack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone.
Pilgrim Standard
Puritan Board Sophomore
So an Indian goes into a Saloon at 6am.
He has a leash in his hand, at the end of the leash a Large Bison stands.
He slaps his hand down on the bar and states to the bartender "Me need Coffee."
Puzzled and staring at the bison, the bartender fills up a mug, passes it along to the Indian proclaiming "Sure 'nuff Chief, here ya' go!"
The Indian drinks the cup, slams it back down on the counter, stands up turns around pulls out a six shooter and shoots the Bison 6ix times and runs out the front of the saloon.
The next day the Indian shows up promptly at 6am, with another leash and a Bison. Again He slaps his hand down on the bar and states to the bartender "Me need Coffee."
The Shocked bartender says "Woah, Chief! We just finished cleanin' up the mess you left from yesterday! What's this all 'bout anyway?"
To which the Indian proclaims "OH! Me train for upper management training. Come in early, drink coffee, shoot much bull, leave mess for others to clean up and disappear for rest of day."
He has a leash in his hand, at the end of the leash a Large Bison stands.
He slaps his hand down on the bar and states to the bartender "Me need Coffee."
Puzzled and staring at the bison, the bartender fills up a mug, passes it along to the Indian proclaiming "Sure 'nuff Chief, here ya' go!"
The Indian drinks the cup, slams it back down on the counter, stands up turns around pulls out a six shooter and shoots the Bison 6ix times and runs out the front of the saloon.
The next day the Indian shows up promptly at 6am, with another leash and a Bison. Again He slaps his hand down on the bar and states to the bartender "Me need Coffee."
The Shocked bartender says "Woah, Chief! We just finished cleanin' up the mess you left from yesterday! What's this all 'bout anyway?"
To which the Indian proclaims "OH! Me train for upper management training. Come in early, drink coffee, shoot much bull, leave mess for others to clean up and disappear for rest of day."
Marrow Man
Drunk with Powder
Joan of Arc didn't quit. She was fired.
Wayne
Tempus faciendi, Domine.
During the French Revolution, a certain count was suspected to have the whereabouts of the Scarlet Pimpernel. They decided to take him to the guillotine to see if they could get him to talk. They got him under the blade and just as he was about to break down and spill the beans, the rope broke, thus proving that you shouldn't hatchet your counts before they chicken.
toddpedlar
Iron Dramatist
toddpedlar
Iron Dramatist
Roy had a brand new pair of shoes. He goes to visit his friend. Being polite, he removed his shoes and leaves them at the door. While visiting with his friend, the friend’s cat discovers Roys new shoes, likes the smell and proceeds to chew them up. Roy goes ballistic. The friend, feeling very bad, has a dilemma: he has two cats. One of the cats enters the room at that moment. The friend then asks, "Pardon me Roy, is that the cat that chewed your new shoes?"
toddpedlar
Iron Dramatist
And this is not exactly a pun.... but the music theory oriented folks among us will enjoy it
C, E-flat, and G go into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished, and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes in and heads for the bathroom, saying, "Excuse me; I'll just be a second." Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, "Get out! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight." E-flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, "You're looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major development." Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural. Eventually C sobers up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. C is brought to trial, found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of D.S. without Coda at an upscale correctional facility.
timmopussycat
Puritan Board Junior
No, but a fired conductor is disconcerted.
JM
Puritan Board Doctor
And a defunct message board is dismembered.
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