Public or Homeschool?

Discussion in 'Family Forum' started by ewenlin, Aug 5, 2009.

  1. Homeschool them regardless. A wife should not neglect her responsibilities.

  2. Public school is fine. Nothing wrong with a wife pursuing a career outside whilst having kids.

  3. Other. Help me out here!

Multiple votes are allowed.
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  1. kvanlaan

    kvanlaan Puritan Board Doctor

    Agreed. If she feels very differently on the subject, this must be resolved before anything else goes forward.
    Last edited: Aug 5, 2009
  2. Wannabee

    Wannabee Obi Wan Kenobi

    Dear Jessica,

    I can only speak for God in so much as He has revealed Himself in Scripture. How can this young lady speak for God? Will she put Him in a box that necessitates her MD, even if that means dishonoring Him in her marriage, home and parenting? You might THINK that you're called to something. But that does not mean that you have divine revelation.

    A few key words in the OP. "felt" "pointing" "seems" None of this is divine mandate. It's perspective, perception, desire, vision, etc. It's good. But it must be in subjection to Scripture and flexible in light of the fact that God is God. He will do what He will for His own glory. And it may be that He will receive much more glory if the young lady is a housewife and mother than if she were a doctor. We must not dare to diminish the grandeur and glory of being called to be a wife and mother.

    You are confusing desire with mandate. I listed the mandates of God that are very clear. You've based your assertions on someone's desires based on circumstances in their lives. This is a persuasive argument, and has a certain degree of credibility, but falls flat on its face when held against and found in any opposition to biblical mandate.

    "Calling" is very subjective. It can and often is based on emotions, desires, perception, experiences, etc., that may or may not line up with God's Word. And I did nothing "flippantly." You misunderstand my motive. I am calling her to godliness, just as I would a man. And if a man tells me that he's called to be a pastor I will do the same thing. We will go through Scripture and discern whether he meets the requirements according to biblical mandate. The requirements according to biblical mandate for a wife have nothing to do with her desire to have a career - absolutely nothing. I'm not saying that her desires shouldn't be taken into consideration. I'm saying that there is no such thing as God telling you that you are to be a dentist for the rest of your life. He might take you though dental school, arrange for all fees paid, give you a mind that grasps it and excels and a steady hand so that you are able to perform unlike any dentist that ever lived. You may desire it more than anything. In such a case all that is proven is that you can be just as guilty of idolatry as an unqualified man who pursues the pastorate. In either case the goal has precipitated obedience to God.

    And, in regard to your last question, "yes." I am saying that she is confused about her calling in life if she thinks she can exercise any jurisdiction over her career decisions, how to train the children, keeping the home in order, etc., in opposition to her husbands leading. If she has simply expressed a desire but at the same time assures her husband-to-be that she will gladly follow him and pursue their marriage and family for the glory of God, even if that means giving up her dreams of being a doctor, then I have misunderstood the OP and I salute her desire for godliness.

    I think inherent in much of the disagreement here is a misunderstanding of "calling." This is for many reasons, including the encroachment of charismatic perspectives on discerning God's will. Ultimately, if she can honor God first, according to Scripture first, and still be a doctor to the glory of God the praise God for another godly doctor. But if she can't take care of the first things, she has no business pursuing the other.

  3. sealdaSupralapsarian

    sealdaSupralapsarian Puritan Board Freshman


    Please homeschool them babies.... If you can't do it then pay someone to do it for you. There are plenty of Reformed Presbyterian and Baptist saints who homeschool their children and would gladly take your children in as well. Look them up in your local assembly....LOL....

    Tis is true that some parents shouldn't be homeschooling b/c they don't have the giftings of teaching but that doesn't mean they are without friends and collegues who do.

    The most important thing is that the children are raised in God fearing and accurate schooling...Nothing american...LOL...

    Grace and Peace,
  4. Knoxienne

    Knoxienne Puritan Board Graduate

    Seal, you are so right! There are plenty of women with room at their dining room tables and in their living rooms who are more than willing to show hospitality to another family in this way. What an opportunity for ministry and the blessing of community! I have homeschooled children whose parents could not for a time or could not at all due to a variety of circumstances and the Lord blessed it tremendously.

    Churches need to be more proactive in specifically telling their congregations that they are committed to Christian education (either homeschooling or Christian day schools) and that there are parents who will help them homeschool, help with supplies, help with methodology, etc. It can be very intimidating and overwhelming, and people need to reach out and say, "We're here. You don't have to place your child in public school because you're a single parent, or because you're poor, or because you don't think you're smart enough to school your own child. You don't have to be afraid of this or that. We're here and we'll show you how such and such works".
  5. Grillsy

    Grillsy Puritan Board Junior

    I really don't like the choices for this poll.
  6. Montanablue

    Montanablue Puritan Board Doctor

    I've actually not run into people that have done this before, but it seems like a great solution for some families. Probably cheaper than many Christian schools too!
  7. Leslie

    Leslie Puritan Board Junior

    I stayed home during my children's preschool years and started medical school when my younger child started first grade. She told her friends, "Mommy and I are both first graders." It wasn't easy but I finished, took my first postgrad year at a VA hospital where they had a benign call schedule. With the exception of two years for one and four for the other, the two of them went to Christian schools through high school. Neither of them resents my having done this (they are in their mid-40's now). A medical career is less demanding now than it was when I went. There was a lot of resident-abuse then--working 32 hours straight and the like--which has been eliminated.

    God has not gifted every woman to be a stay-at-home Mom. I hate housework and hate cooking, went crazy while staying home full time. My rationale for starting medical school was "If I were a child, I'd rather have a half-time good Mom than a full-time witch." That was the choice.

    If you cannot encourage your girlfriend to go to medical school, you should find another girlfriend. The divorce rate amongst married male medical students is high and the rate amongst female medical students is almost 100%. My marriage was one of the very few that survived.
  8. Knoxienne

    Knoxienne Puritan Board Graduate

    True - it's rare today for people to offer those types of things. And it shouldn't be among the Body of Christ. And people aren't going to ask, because they are afraid of bothering people and putting them out and appearing "needy" even though everyone is. There are a lot of people in the church who won't invite people over for a cup of coffee much less offer to take on a commitment like that. Yet if the church is going to grow and do what she's meant to do in the world and be salt and light; and if we want to get the freedoms back that we've lost, we need to learn to live in community and depend on one another more. We're so disconnected in our society. No wonder we have all of the problems we do as a nation and as people.
  9. sealdaSupralapsarian

    sealdaSupralapsarian Puritan Board Freshman

    Thank you,

    Me and my wife will be placing our son in Homeschool with another family for a few months while she works b/c our in-home babysitter/homeschooler is going back to school. Not to mention when we were both unbelievers we racked up over $70,000 in school loans combined. So we want to pay off the princinple of our loans which is actually about $40,000 so that she can homeschool and we can be debt free.

    Now me and my wife have every intention to homeschooling all of our children but we also want to start a Christian Day Care. So we are in the process of looking for a home (not in a deed restricted neighborhood) so that we can run a Biblical Daycare out of our home for Christian parents who must work due to this economy or various other reasons. No unregenerate parents/children will be allowed unless they are willing to be ministered to and know that their children will be taught didatic Christian Doctrine. Not to mention misbehavior or ungodly influence from parents/children will not be tolerated.

    We are still in the beginning stages of forming our philosophy on this issue but Homeschooling is very important and foundational for the pro-liferation of our Faith. Public schools and daycares are getting more liberal and humanistic by the second therefore we must grow more in Godliness and our epistemology as well.

    Grace and Peace,
  10. CatherineL

    CatherineL Puritan Board Freshman

    One thing to talk about is any debt your financee may have coming into your marriage. My sister and another dear Christian friend are both in the situation where they have several kids, really would love to stay home or even just work fewer hours, but the load of their medical school debt makes it impossible to even take a few years off when their kids are young. You don't get those baby years back, and many women who don't think it will be a big deal to them change their minds when they have their babies - its hard to prepare a women with no kids for the depth of protectiveness and connection to her children she will feel as mother. The best thing is plan for her to have the option to stop work once babies come, even if she thinks she wants to keep working. Its hard to imagine a debt-free path to a MD degree - possibly the military? You don't say how far she is in her training...would she be interested in getting RN first, then perhaps considering going back to school after she has kids and they're at least school age? Personally, I wouldn't trade being a full-time keeper at home for any job outside the home, but if she really wants to go that route at least be realistic about the financial details and think about other options that would give her more flexibility later on.
  11. Knoxienne

    Knoxienne Puritan Board Graduate

    Wow, Seal, how exciting! We will remember you and your family and church in prayer as you have your son homeschooled and get this other ministry going! This makes my day! :banana:
  12. JoyFullMom

    JoyFullMom Puritan Board Junior

    Not all states in the USA will allow someone to homeschool anyone other than *their own biological children*.
  13. Knoxienne

    Knoxienne Puritan Board Graduate

    True - we went through this in MO and then found out that here it's only illegal if you're being paid. I did it for free. I don't know what the specific laws are in other states.
  14. sealdaSupralapsarian

    sealdaSupralapsarian Puritan Board Freshman

    Move to Florida...... If any state is practicing such Marxism then it's time to my opinion....

    Grace and Peace,
  15. Knoxienne

    Knoxienne Puritan Board Graduate

    Out of thanks, but :agree::amen:
  16. sealdaSupralapsarian

    sealdaSupralapsarian Puritan Board Freshman

    Can any tell me how the state finds out about who homeschools who???
  17. Joseph Scibbe

    Joseph Scibbe Puritan Board Junior

    I went to public school and look at me............ well I may not be the best example afterall.
  18. Montanablue

    Montanablue Puritan Board Doctor

    Well, we had to register with the state - but there was not really anyway for them to know who exactly was doing the teaching. I suppose the IRS could find out from people reporting that their income was from homeschooling others, but I feel like you could legitimately report your job as "Private Tutoring."

    I did attend a homeschool coop as a child. (parents came together and hired teachers to teach subjects that they struggled with or subjects best taught in a group setting - chemistry labs, for example). I wonder if that would fall under this unfortunate law.
  19. sealdaSupralapsarian

    sealdaSupralapsarian Puritan Board Freshman

    I went to public school and I pity myself. :( The dichotomy I created in acting holy at home and a fool at school created many problems for me. Not to mention the stuff freaky freddie taught me. So, I don't think any of us are good examples or proof public school is beneficial.... I know you were being sarcastic though...LOL...I'm not even going to mention the humanist college I went to where we had co-ed dorms. I mean talk about your modern day Corinth....:eek: :eek:

    Grace and Peace,

    -----Added 8/5/2009 at 04:29:22 EST-----

    I guess I am a bit unfamiliar with registering a child with the state. My son in my avatar is my first child so the state hasn't really been in our business or anything like that. Also there are plenty of families that homeschool their children at the church I attend and the ones I have attended they didn't seem heckled at all by the state. I will certainly be asking at church this week what's the deal is.... Thanks for your insight sis....

    Grace and Peace,
  20. Idelette

    Idelette Puritan Board Graduate


    I highly suggest this website for several excellent resources regarding Biblical manhood and womanhood. I think it would be a great for the both of you to read through some of the articles together and discuss them prior to dealing with the subject of homeschooling/career issues.

  21. Knoxienne

    Knoxienne Puritan Board Graduate

    True, that's why it's probably best to just do it for free and be paid with fellowship and other things. Maybe a stay at home mom can homeschool a hairstylist single mom's children and the single mom can give the stay at home mom's family haircuts, perms, etc. That's a great trade. Or the single mom can take the kids for the other mom while her and her husband have a date or a weekend together. Produce from vegetable gardens can be traded. Laundry can be done for each other and meals prepared for one another. The Lord will create opportunities and wealth this way. With the way the economy is going, we're going to have to get back to bartering and trade anyway. Imagine if the heathen saw us living this way serving one another and the salt and light it would produce.

    There are plenty of other rewards all the gold and silver in the world can't buy. The fellowship and community rewards alone are worth it. Imagine how many of the mental and emotional problems that plague our population would disappear, simply because we're together as believers during the day instead of separated in our own little offices, factories and cubicles. A child rising up to call his mother blessed because he got a Christian education is worth it all.

    I went to a church that had a homeschool co-op once. I sure miss it. The fellowship alone was great.
  22. kvanlaan

    kvanlaan Puritan Board Doctor

    The best example I can think of is my friend who went through school at MIT for engineering, got her PhD, and then she and her husband had children (not sure where in this they got married). And how did she 'use' her degree? As a homeschooling mom. I'd love to see the bumper sticker: "My son is homeschooled by an MIT PhD".
  23. LawrenceU

    LawrenceU Puritan Board Doctor

    I love it!
  24. Webservant

    Webservant Puritan Board Sophomore

    If she is called to be a physician, then you have two choices: marry a physician and have a dramatically different marriage than you imagined, or tell her that God is calling you to marry a mother who will put her career as a wife and mother over a career outside of the home. I am not telling you to say this in any coercive manner - and you must be prepared to accept whatever she decides. Know this - if she says she can do both, you will end up with one or the other. My belief is the two careers are mutually exclusive.
  25. Semper Fidelis

    Semper Fidelis 2 Timothy 2:24-25 Staff Member


    I wouldn't make this decision based on a poll.
  26. SolaScriptura

    SolaScriptura Puritan Board Doctor

    Exactly. You are called to lead your family. So lead them. Lead them based upon wise counsel from those who know you and your situation, but not based upon an internet poll.
  27. KSon

    KSon Puritan Board Junior

  28. jwithnell

    jwithnell Moderator Staff Member

    Should we insist on filling the roles given by the scriptures? Of course. But in many cases, the Bible falls silent long before the 1950s fantasy woman that often gets held up as the ideal. A woman could be entirely submissive to her husband and still have professional interests. Another woman might be completely miserable doing anything outside the house. Still others (like me) might occasionally resume their professional duties to benefit the family after a set back.

    I think we do real damage when we insist on a one-size-fits-all for the Christian family. Homeschooling works great for many families and even for some individuals within a family. Private schools can be wonderful, or they can be terrible. I'm no fan of the public schools in general, but am incredibly grateful for the speech therapy my son is getting through one. We've home schooled every grade now through beginning college classes. It's been the right choice for most of my kids, most of the time -- but we are constantly evaluating and re-evaluating.
  29. Rich Koster

    Rich Koster Puritan Board Post-Graduate

    God has not blessed us with children. If I was in my current home, with children, we would home school. However, there are parts of the U.S. that are not as liberal weiner driven, that I may let them attend for the fist few years, then switch over.
  30. AThornquist

    AThornquist Puritan Board Doctor

    I completely agree that their pastors and parents should be active in this discussion. However, many of the folks here, strangers or not, are very wise. Their insights are worth considering, even if just a little. Ultimately Ewen and his girlfriend will need to decide what to do; until then, heeding Scripture's wisdom of seeking many counselors would certainly not be a bad thing. (And I am not speaking of the poll results but of the thoughts of experienced married folk.)
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