Public or Homeschool?

Discussion in 'Family Forum' started by ewenlin, Aug 5, 2009.

  1. Homeschool them regardless. A wife should not neglect her responsibilities.

  2. Public school is fine. Nothing wrong with a wife pursuing a career outside whilst having kids.

  3. Other. Help me out here!

Multiple votes are allowed.
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  1. ewenlin

    ewenlin Puritan Board Junior

    I've been discussing this and reading through some threads. It is one of the major issues I hope to resolve before marriage.

    I'm all for Homeschool. I feel that it will not be right to send my kids to public schools where they will be exposed to so much "outside" influence. (Will not define that specifically but I'm sure you all know what I mean) Therefore this undoubtedly requires my future wife to be a stay home mom so as to teach.

    Sadly she doesn't feel this way. She has always felt God's call upon her to be a doctor and everything has been pointing that direction as well. From this point on, it seems she has her life set out for her in the medical field. It's not difficult to guess that she has zero qualms about sending our kids (if any) to public schools. She simply doesn't see any problems with that at all.

    What do you guys think? We're trying to work this out right now, no we're not married yet. It would be pretty funny if we ended up never having any kids.

    Any advice or comments?
  2. SolaScriptura

    SolaScriptura Puritan Board Doctor

    I'd step back from the schooling issue for the time being. A bigger, more fundamental issue is the nature of how you two perceive the role of the husband and the wife.

    If you are thinking you're going to be the provider and she's going to stay at home, and if she's thinking she's going to be a career woman with you two sharing all domestical responsbilities 50/50... then you're in for some problems. Best to get those things hashed out before talking about education for the kids.
  3. Montanablue

    Montanablue Puritan Board Doctor


    I was homeschooled (and grateful for it), but I do not think that sending your children to public or private school is necessarily a problem. A lot depends on your family's situation. Some parents, to be quite honest, are just not cut out to be homeschoolers.

    I will say that if this is something that you feel extremely strongly about (as in, you wouldn't be willing to send your children to conventional school or you will be unhappy if you wife pursues medicine instead of being a full time stay at home mom), you'd best iron out these differences before marriage rather than after.

    Incidentally, I have a mother who is also a medical professional and continued to practice after having children. (I grew up just fine and am not scarred). Feel free to pm me if you want to discuss more. :)

    Edit: Also, what Ben said.
  4. wallingj

    wallingj Puritan Board Freshman

    I believe your descriptions are not enough there could be many reasons to choose either home school, public school, or private school.
  5. Tripel

    Tripel Puritan Board Senior

    I don't think public school in inherently wrong. It depends on several factors. Not every public school is the same, so a lot of it depends on the schools in your region. The biggest factors to consider are the personality/character of the child being considered for public school and the level of involvement the parents expect to have.
  6. refbaptdude

    refbaptdude Puritan Board Freshman

    1. There must be some agreement on what you both believe to be biblical responsibilities as parents to your children.

    2. Well if she is going to be a doctor (MD) it sounds like you might can afford a good Christian private school.
  7. Wannabee

    Wannabee Obi Wan Kenobi

    Though I have a very strong opinion in regard to training up our children, we need to step back and focus on first things first. A godly wife cannot have a career that precipitates her marriage or her husband's leading. God may have equipped her for medical expertise, but He did so for His reasons, not hers. I know this is a bit blunt, but this is the core thing you two need to focus on. If she's called to be a doctor before being married and raising children according to biblical mandate then she's not called to be married. If she's called to be married and a mother then she's called to do this above any idea of a "career" outside of this sphere. She is called to help, support and promote her husband. It's not a lesser role, it's a different role. If this can't be worked out and a common vision for God's glory established in the relationship then marriage should not be an option. It might be prudent to step back and engage in a thorough study of biblical manhood and womanhood at this point.

    May God provide wisdom and discernment.
  8. Knoxienne

    Knoxienne Puritan Board Graduate

    Go ahead and be blunt! It's refreshing!
  9. nasa30

    nasa30 Puritan Board Sophomore

    I did vote homeschool but I do think that Ben is so right in that ground work needs to be done between you and your wife before that decision is made. I went to public school so I know that side of it as well.

    My oldest daughter is in her senior year of homeschooling this year. She has always been homeschooled. There is no comparison that homeschool is better BUT you wife must be on board with it or there will be constant issues.
  10. sastark

    sastark Puritan Board Graduate

    Are you saying that a woman who is a Medical Doctor cannot get married or have kids?
  11. Honor

    Honor de-cool

    I think that if God has gifted her to be a doctor then GREAT! The medical field is in dire need of godly people. Let her do that and find a good private school and godly helpers with the children. Remember the Proverbs 31 woman had maids and servants and helpers... she didn't do it all by herself. there is absolutely nothing wrong or unbiblical about her working outside the home so long as she is still the "manager of her home".
  12. Knoxienne

    Knoxienne Puritan Board Graduate

    We have a very good pastor friend whose wife is a D.O. When she married, she understood that her job was to be in the home, as the scriptures explicitly teach. However, she still keeps her license current so that she can do certain duties - give advice, other things the license allows, etc. She has much wisdom to contribute to the Body of Christ and the community and she does this. But she does it within the context of her home and her church, and her husband, children and home is her priority.

    I never thought of this until this thread, but I find it interesting that decades ago, doctors did housecalls and they don't anymore. I see a real need for women doctors to minister to women and children in their homes through midwifery, medicine, etc. What a calling and ministry! This is a perfect example of a woman who isn't in her house all day, but is ministering within the context of family and church.
  13. Montanablue

    Montanablue Puritan Board Doctor

    I'm out of thanks, but I agree. This was my mother's philosophy as well. She put us first always, but continued to be involved in her professional calling.
  14. Wannabee

    Wannabee Obi Wan Kenobi


    Your question, along with Jessica's response, provides needed balance. If her husband perceives her work as conducive to keeping the home in order, sure. But the concern elicited by the OP was that the wife-to-be disagrees with the husband on a key issue based on career goals. Obviously this could be easily misunderstood and miscommunicated. But based on what was stated, my concern would be more along the lines of their challenges to understand the biblical principles of marriage and then go from there. Simply put, she needs to perceive her marriage as her career. She needs to perceive keeping the home as her career. She needs to perceive being a mother as her career. Then, if all things are in order and her husband supports her desire to pursue being a doctor, she should pursue it for the glory of God and as another means by which she promotes her husband.

    Thanks for the question, Seth. Hope that clarifies...
  15. Honor

    Honor de-cool

    If you pressure her to quit her career and o stay home with the kids and homeschool she may very well resent you... there is no verse in the Bible that said that children HAVE to be taught at home. we homeschool because we can't afford private school... however if we could they would be there tomorrow. How well of a job teaching your children do you think she'll do if she feels that it's something she's forced to do not something she has a gift and a passion for? there are godly Biblical women who had outside the home careers. they did just fine.... Pray together and seek God's Will for both of you.
  16. sastark

    sastark Puritan Board Graduate

    Joe, thanks for the answer. It does help clarify your earlier post. I'm in agreement that it should be husband and home as first priorities, career as second for Christian women. (Obviously, I believe the same applies to husbands: wife and home first, career second.)
  17. Wannabee

    Wannabee Obi Wan Kenobi

    Jessica, with all due respect, your focus is on the desires of the wife rather than godliness. Two things. She is to submit to her husband. He is to love her and live with her with understanding. If his convictions dictate that his children be taught at home and hers dictate that she pursues a career then she is blatantly disobeying God and distorting her priorities. If he sees a way to faithfully train their children without compromise and still provide for her to pursue being a doctor then great. But if he leads she must follow. And submission leaves absolutely no room for resentment in the heart of the wife. If she is resentful then she is resentful toward God.
  18. dr_parsley

    dr_parsley Puritan Board Freshman

    I could perhaps bless you with some doubt about that then ;)

    I'm right with you on public schools. Although some are better than others, I wouldn't send my children to any of them, at least until they are mature enough to be able to withstand the world, which might not be until they're too old for public school anyway. But one of my bugbears is when men put all the responsibility of homeschooling onto their wives. I know a lot of homeschoolers and in every case the wife does all the homeschooling; in every case except one that is, because I share it equally with my wife. We are both somewhat self employed so we can be flexible with our time, so I would understand if due to ones economic situation it had to be all one spouse doing it, but if it's at all possible I would urge fathers to get involved in the homeschooling of their children. If you don't then the message it will give to your children is that "Daddy is doing more important things than a) learning and b) spending time with you". How can earning money be more important than helping your children value learning and helping them grow intellectually as much as they are able. Is a woman more suitable to give education than a man? Or is education of little consequence?
  19. Honor

    Honor de-cool

    Joe, the OP stated that God has already called his wife to be a doctor and that everything is working out that way (hence the comformation that that is indeed God's Will) for him to say "I believe this and you are my wife therefore you must submit" would be calling her to sin. When God says "YOU DO THIS" and you don't that is sin regardless of who tells you to do it. I would hate for the wife to be swallowed by the proverbial big fish because her husband's will ran contradictory than Gods.
    Wives are only called to submit when it is not outright sin. and if God has CLEARLY called her to be a doctor then a doctor she should be.
  20. DanMcCormack

    DanMcCormack Puritan Board Freshman

    The poll is skewed as there is no option for "Christian school."
  21. Wannabee

    Wannabee Obi Wan Kenobi

    Jessica, you are claiming that she has a clear word from God. She doesn't. He has given her no such mandate. She has passions for certain things. Passions must be subjected to the scrutiny of God's Word. She must bend her passions to line up with God's. She has circumstances in her life that have equipped her with specific expertise. She will be able to use this expertise all her life for the glory of God, whether she's a doctor or not. But the career choices of a woman cannot be confused with a divine mandate from God almighty. God has made her role as a woman clear. She is to submit to God by submitting to her husband, period. Even if he's an absolute jerk, unless he directly orders her to sin then she must submit ("submit" carries with it the embracing of the order that God has established, not mere obedience).

    If she is to go against her husband's wishes there must be clear revelation from God for her to do so. And God did not tell her "You must be a doctor." He told her, "Be holy, for I am holy." If she's married, He told her:

    Ephesians 5:22-24
    22Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.​


    1 Peter 3:1-6
    1Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, 2when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. 3Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— 4rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. 5For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, 6as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.


    Titus 2:4-5
    4that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.​

    All of this precludes any desire on her part to be a doctor. Our vision is to be eternal and Christocentric, not temporal and internal.

  22. ColdSilverMoon

    ColdSilverMoon Puritan Board Senior

    I agree with what Pastor Johnson and others have said, but I chose other, simply because I don't believe your choices are so limited. The wife's primary responsibility is to home and family. Can she maintain biblical priorities and still have a medical practice? I think so, but it is important that her heart is right before the Lord in her God-given role before working out the logistics of schooling for the kids.

    Personally, I'm somewhat against homeschooling for a variety of reasons, so I will likely send my kids to a public school or preferably a private Christian school. In that case I have no problem with my wife working while the kids are at school. I think the same applies to your situation: if you are convinced that homeschooling is appropriate your wife should make that a priority. If you are led to send them to public school and it frees time for your wife to have a practice, then I think it's a perfectly reasonable option.
  23. Honor

    Honor de-cool

    Ewen said in his OP
    How can YOU speak for God?
    You can't say that... if God has called her to be a doctor which is what the OP stated then she should be a doctor. Point blank period. When a man has a calling to be a pastor can another man or a woman say "He has given him no such mandate" as you so flippantly did to this womans calling? are you suggesting by your remarks that she is confused about her calling in life or are you simply saying that her calling isn't all that important?
  24. Montanablue

    Montanablue Puritan Board Doctor

    This is why its so important to have these conversations before rather than after marriage. I would argue that if a man knows his girlfriend/fiance intends to have a career outside the home (and he's not okay with this), he has an absolute duty to disclose this before they marry. (And of course, she should be smart enough to initiate the conversation if he doesn't.)

    I think its perfectly possible to have a career and fulfill these requirements. I watched my mum do it.

    -----Added 8/5/2009 at 01:43:04 EST-----

    Agreed. And I would add that we should be at least a little careful when talking about an individual who is (a. not present to speak for herself and (b. we have never even met.
  25. wallingj

    wallingj Puritan Board Freshman

    I think it needs to be said currently the woman in question is under the care of her father, since she is not married. These differences between staying home/career, need to be worked out before being married. If she feels she has a call, and others also (like her dad) sees this call, and God gifted her with the talents for this call then I think we would be on shaky ground to question that call.
  26. refbaptdude

    refbaptdude Puritan Board Freshman

    Kathleen is correct when she said:

    This very thread shows the seriousness of this matter.

    I agree with Joe and others who have pointed out that the Scriptures are very clear on this issue, that her priorities after God are husband and family/home. But none of this necessarily precludes her from being a MD.
  27. kvanlaan

    kvanlaan Puritan Board Doctor

    Sorry, I just don't buy it. Did she get a Word of Wisdom? Otherwise, the fact that "all things are working out and falling into place" by no means suggest that it is God's will. It may easily be temptation. And the fact that others have done it and been fine is no reason to jump into it.

    If her husband has prayerfully considered the situation and does not feel it is appropriate, then that's that. If she will resent him for this decision, then perhaps marriage should be rethought.
  28. wallingj

    wallingj Puritan Board Freshman

    That is the problem they are not married yet, so it must be mutual agreement.
  29. kvanlaan

    kvanlaan Puritan Board Doctor

    "Mutual agreement" does not speak to impending headship.
  30. wallingj

    wallingj Puritan Board Freshman

    Impeding is not now, she is not under his headship. She is free to make her own decision now, if their is not a mutual agreement now, then I strongly advise them not to get married.
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