Proper way to address covenant children

[Andres]

When one speaks to their child regarding spiritual matters, what is the proper way to address them? I fully realize that they are children of the covenant but I also recognize they are not yet regenerated. Sometimes I find myself fumbling with my words during family worship time because I want to explain things to my son properly but I don't always know from what perspective to speak to him. For example, is it correct to tell my son that Jesus died for his sins or should I be careful to only say this after he makes his public profession of faith?

 

[Constantlyreforming]

I would treat them as regenerated until proven not. Many covenant children cannot trace back a time when they did not believe in Christ, as they were taught him and "knew" him from an age before they can remember. This is how my daughter is. Who knows when she was given new life.

You know?

Just some thoughts....

 

[Andres]

I would treat them as regenerated until proven not. Many covenant children cannot trace back a time when they did not believe in Christ, as they were taught him and "knew" him from an age before they can remember. This is how my daughter is. Who knows when she was given new life.

You know?

Just some thoughts....

Thank you Ethan, that is helpful. That is actually how I hope my son looks back on his life. I pray that he never knows a time when he didn't love Christ and the things of God.

 

[Constantlyreforming]

I teach her that repentance is necessary as a follower of Christ. She has done that from the get-go, because it is what we have taught her from a young age. It's natural, which is how it "can" be for those covenant children. Some covenant children fall away for a time into sin. That's how my dad sees his life....as a prodigal son. Notice, how the prodigal son is always considered a son throughout his rebellion....never abandoned or left by the Father.

 

[Jack K]

Oh, treat him as one of God's children, for sure!

Don't make the mistake of treating him as if he's unregenerate until he makes a profession of faith. You don't know that. The Spirit could have already worked that change in him. And we have great confidence in God that he is working out salvation in the lives of all members of the covenant family. We expect to see repentance and faith. Until your boy proves otherwise (may it never be!), let the way you talk to him reflect that confidence in God.

 

[Andres]

We expect to see repentance and faith.

Amen. Thank you Jack. Now I feel foolish for even asking this question.

 

[Poimen]

I believe that Herman Bavinck represents the standard Reformed understanding of how we treat our covenant children:

the Christian view of the children of believers as it is expressed in the covenant of grace, in the practice of infant baptism, in catechetical instruction, and in admission to the Lord's Supper—retains its incontrovertible validity. The children of believers are to be regarded and treated as heirs of the promise until the contrary is clearly demonstrated by their 'talk' and 'walk.'

As far as your children's regenerate status, how could you know this any more than you know (infallibly) the regenerate status of your wife, your parents or fellow members of your church? So what matters now is that you act and speak as per the baptismal vows, trusting in your faithful God to make your words, witness and life to bear upon them as He is pleased to save them.

 

[Tim]

Amen. Thank you Jack. Now I feel foolish for even asking this question.

No, brother! It was not foolish at all! This is a very important matter, especially given Baptist-Presbyterian disagreements. We need to know what we believe and how we consider our children.

 

[Constantlyreforming]

I had a recent conversation with an close friend who is of the baptist persuasion. I explained how I treat my child, and he agreed with me, even though baptist. Yet, he was unwilling to baptize the child even if they showed regenerate signs and claimed Christ as savior and Lord at 6 years of age...till the miracle age of accountability. I told him that maybe he was wasting his time and energy treating them as a believer if he wasn't going to permit them to be baptized till the age of 12 (or 11 if a girl).

Needless to say, we are close friends and he understood the sarcasm I was generating. The point was made well, and he is reconsidering his position. I have attended Baptistic churches that have delayed baptizing till the age of 12 or 13. THe most recent one, a non-denominational church, baptizes once confession of Christ as savior and Lord has occurred, no matter the age. This is more in line with a Baptistic stance I can appreciate.

 

[JennyG]

I hope I'm not reading too much in apart from the context, but I like the part of Rev 3 v 5 that says,
..I will not blot out his name out of the book of life...
Doesn't that make it sound as if to be in that book is the default?

 

[Jack K]

We expect to see repentance and faith.

Amen. Thank you Jack. Now I feel foolish for even asking this question.

Please don't. I've wondered about the same sort of the thing regarding my kids, and especially when teaching Bible lessons to other church kids. The only reason I'm ready to answer the question with some force is because I've been around covenant kids a lot and have had to think about it.

 

[Andres]

Thank you friends. Okay, my wife has inquired another question pertaining to this subject. What about our prayers for our children? Should I pray with my son for his conversion? I certainly don't ever believe him to walk an aisle or sign a decision card, but for unregenerate people I ask that God might be gracious in granting them the gifts of faith and repentance. Should i pray this for my son also? Should I pray it with him?

 

[Miss Marple]

I have addressed and treated all my children as Christians from birth. Do we baptize unbelievers? I hope not, at least not knowingly!

I use their saved status to explain to them why certain behaviors are expected. For example,

"Johnny, you are a Christian, and because you love God you are not to take his name in vain. I don't want to hear you using God's name like that again."

"Mary, we are Christians, and we Christians are not to indulge our tempers like that. It is a sin, and we don't want to sin. So let's pray for forgiveness, and resolve to stop screaming when we don't get our way."

No child of mine ever rejected the notion that he or she was a believer. (I am not a Christian! I can hit my brother if I want! or similar was not said. Their status as a Christian seemed to be naturally understood).

It is rather like being a Rothenbuhler. My children are all Rothenbuhlers. They were born that way. As Rothenbuhlers, we have house rules, a family lexicon, we all have to make our own beds, we laugh at puns, are opinionated, and do our own laundry at age 8. Others may not. But we do, because we are Rothenbuhlers.

It is certainly possible that at some day, one of my children will decide he hates being a Rothenbuhler, and can go and change his name and disown us. But until and if that happens -

he's a Rothenbuhler.

 

[OPC'n]

I would pray this: "Heavenly Father you know all things and you know that I do not. I'm weak and feeble minded and I come to you to express my utter dependence on you. I pray that my son/daughter is your child. I pray that you keep them and guide them, and that you are their heavenly Father and that I, as their earthly father, will continue to bring them up in your ways. Grant me this grace, dear Father, for I long for them to be yours." or something like that. God knows we don't know everything and praying from our hearts is what he intends for us to do....the Holy Spirit will do the rest like Scriptures says.

 

[Tim]

Do we baptize unbelievers? I hope not, at least not knowingly!

I would like to see this statement discussed. I am not sure I agree.

 

[PaulCLawton]

In my humble opinion, Joel Beeke is extremely helpful on exactly this kind of question in Bringing the Gospel to Covenant Children.

 

[JoannaV]

Thank you friends. Okay, my wife has inquired another question pertaining to this subject. What about our prayers for our children? Should I pray with my son for his conversion? I certainly don't ever believe him to walk an aisle or sign a decision card, but for unregenerate people I ask that God might be gracious in granting them the gifts of faith and repentance. Should i pray this for my son also? Should I pray it with him?

Believers are in constant need of faith and repentance too.

 

[Andres]

In my humble opinion, Joel Beeke is extremely helpful on exactly this kind of question in Bringing the Gospel to Covenant Children.

I'm pretty sure I have that book. I will place it next on my list to read. Thank you.

 

[Andres]

Thank you friends. Okay, my wife has inquired another question pertaining to this subject. What about our prayers for our children? Should I pray with my son for his conversion? I certainly don't ever believe him to walk an aisle or sign a decision card, but for unregenerate people I ask that God might be gracious in granting them the gifts of faith and repentance. Should i pray this for my son also? Should I pray it with him?

Believers are in constant need of faith and repentance too.

Excellent point. Thank you Joanna.

 

[Zach]

In my tiredness I accidentally liked posts that quoted really helpful posts but weren't the originals (oops!) but I think a lot of the advice that has been given is really good. Dr. Beeke spoke at Ligonier this year on Parenting By God's Promises and found it to be really helpful, even though I don't have children yet. It will likely be the first book I buy if I am blessed with a child somewhere in the future. I also loved Joanna's reminder that we believers need faith and repentance. I often find myself praying for renewed, strengthened, and increased faith.

 

[Alan D. Strange]

As a Christian who is a Presbyterian, I believe that my children, by virtue of their birth, are members of the covenant, and, as such, members of the visible church, to which they are solemnly admitted by Holy Baptism. The visible church consists of believers and their covenant children (even those not solemnly admitted to it by Baptism).

Sometimes the question is raised: do our children need to be converted? Who doesn't need to be converted, which is another way of speaking of repenting and believing? This is not to say that they need "crisis conversions" (but if that's what it takes they do!). They bear the name "Christian" by virtue of their being in the covenant and by virtue of their solemn admission into the church at Baptism, and, as such, are to be called to faith and repentance in the Christ about whom we do say, as we teach them, that He died for them. Does this mean, however, that we are to regard them or call them "saved" simply by virtue of their being baptised and bearing the name Christian? Are all baptized youth, head for head, to be regarded as regenerate? No, we don't say positively that covenant youth are regenerate without evidences of such, chiefly faith, repentance, and good works (all biblically/confessionally defined). Note here as well that I don't presume non-regeneration any more than I do regeneration. They may well be regenerate long before I can see it (and my wife and I pray that they are).

But until we see the clearer evidences of trusting Christ, we are not warranted to regard all covenant youth as regenerate, simpliciter, even by adding something like, until they prove otherwise. It's a little more complicated than that. Some,like Kuyper, do presume regeneration but in their better moments don't act consonant with this. Such a view does not sufficiently account for the reality that one can be in the covenant only outwardly (and not inwardly) and that one can be in the visible church only, and not in the invisible church. What does one do? Pray that one's children might be among those who repent and believe. Ultimately we rest them in the hands of Him who does all things well all the while urging them in the way of faith, knowing that assurance for them comes upon the exercise of faith, because they rest and trust in Him.

We are prayerful and hopeful and are not definitive about the specific question of regeneration or of their "being saved" before they profess their faith: we wait upon the Lord as we encourage them to come to Christ in the appointed means of grace. Our children come to the Table as they come to profess their faith and demonstrate that the grace of God sealed to them in their baptism has evidently been taken up in their lives: they come to the sacrament of Holy Communion that they might thereby be further strengthened.

This is not some sort of evangelical, as opposed to Reformed, view of things. Read Westminster, both the Confession and the Directory for Worship, for a careful, nuanced, Biblical treatment of this.

Peace,
Alan

 

[Goodcheer68]

Andres,

Those are good questions. I always pray that the truth of the Gospel would come to bear upon my children's lives, that they would repent, and continually trust in Christ. I pray the same thing for myself and my wife. I trust that God will save them and I treat them as such, all the while teaching them that repentance and a life that does trust in the finish work of Christ is the sign of true belief.

 

[Jack K]

I've found that much of the time, you don't have to know whether or not a child is converted to know what to say to him about God and faith. Regardless of which category he falls into, he need to hear the gospel of Jesus and be encouraged to believe it and repent.

This is good, since we often can't know his status with any certainty.

 

[Andres]

As a Christian who is a Presbyterian, I believe that my children, by virtue of their birth, are members of the covenant, and, as such, members of the visible church, to which they are solemnly admitted by Holy Baptism. The visible church consists of believers and their covenant children (even those not solemnly admitted to it by Baptism).

Sometimes the question is raised: do our children need to be converted? Who doesn't need to be converted, which is another way of speaking of repenting and believing? This is not to say that they need "crisis conversions" (but if that's what it takes they do!). They bear the name "Christian" by virtue of their being in the covenant and by virtue of their solemn admission into the church at Baptism, and, as such, are to be called to faith and repentance in the Christ about whom we do say, as we teach them, that He died for them. Does this mean, however, that we are to regard them or call them "saved" simply by virtue of their being baptised and bearing the name Christian? Are all baptized youth, head for head, to be regarded as regenerate? No, we don't say positively that covenant youth are regenerate without evidences of such, chiefly faith, repentance, and good works (all biblically/confessionally defined). Note here as well that I don't presume non-regeneration any more than I do regeneration. They may well be regenerate long before I can see it (and my wife and I pray that they are).

But until we see the clearer evidences of trusting Christ, we are not warranted to regard all covenant youth as regenerate, simpliciter, even by adding something like, until they prove otherwise. It's a little more complicated than that. Some,like Kuyper, do presume regeneration but in their better moments don't act consonant with this. Such a view does not sufficiently account for the reality that one can be in the covenant only outwardly (and not inwardly) and that one can be in the visible church only, and not in the invisible church. What does one do? Pray that one's children might be among those who repent and believe. Ultimately we rest them in the hands of Him who does all things well all the while urging them in the way of faith, knowing that assurance for them comes upon the exercise of faith, because they rest and trust in Him.

We are prayerful and hopeful and are not definitive about the specific question of regeneration or of their "being saved" before they profess their faith: we wait upon the Lord as we encourage them to come to Christ in the appointed means of grace. Our children come to the Table as they come to profess their faith and demonstrate that the grace of God sealed to them in their baptism has evidently been taken up in their lives: they come to the sacrament of Holy Communion that they might thereby be further strengthened.

This is not some sort of evangelical, as opposed to Reformed, view of things. Read Westminster, both the Confession and the Directory for Worship, for a careful, nuanced, Biblical treatment of this.

Peace,
Alan

Pastor Strange, thank you very much for taking the time to write what you did. Not only did you shed much needed light on my questions, but you somehow even asked my question better than I did! Again, I appreciate your post.