Need a little advice/help with "the talk"

Discussion in 'Family Forum' started by RickfromGaffney, May 12, 2014.

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  1. RickfromGaffney

    RickfromGaffney Puritan Board Freshman

    I have four children but only one son. He is my oldest and getting ready to turn 13 in August. I was hoping to solicit some advice from more seasoned fathers about when and how to talk to the boy about the birds and the bees. He has not expressed any interest in girls to this point and I do not want to inflame in his curiosity anything that is unnecessary. However, I also do not want him to hear about marital relations from someone else. He is pretty naïve at this point (or maybe I am being naïve about how much he might know). We homeschool, are careful about who he hangs out with, etc. so I do not think he has been exposed to the mechanics of the whole thing. He has three sisters so he obviously recognizes that there are differences. We have already been discussing with him the necessity of guarding his heart and the reason we careful about what he has access to.

    Anyway, I would appreciate any advice you can offer or resources you could point me to. I am not squirming over the whole thing, but I felt it would be foolish to try and reinvent the wheel and not ask for help. So, help me.....:confused:

    Thank you in advance.
  2. Alan D. Strange

    Alan D. Strange Puritan Board Senior


    His not having expressed interest in girls (to you, at least) does not mean that you should not talk with him about human sexuality. If he has not yet begun secondary sexual development, he will soon and he needs to know from you what that involves and how this is all part of God's design for us.

    I commend you for not ignoring this and pray that you have opportunity soon to have this discussion with him. Both of my sons were uncomfortable when I began to talk to them about this, but both testify to their thankfulness that I made myself available and that they have had the freedom to talk to me about sexuality and all related to it.

  3. arapahoepark

    arapahoepark Puritan Board Graduate

    This should probably go in the member's only forums.
  4. RickfromGaffney

    RickfromGaffney Puritan Board Freshman

    I am sorry if I posted in the wrong place. I did not know there was such a thing as the Members Only forums. Please as a moderator to move this post if it is inappropriate. I did not mean to offend.
  5. Alan D. Strange

    Alan D. Strange Puritan Board Senior


    You need not apologize.

    No moderator admonished you; a member simply expressed his opinion. You have not offended.

    I'm am not a moderator of the board, but as one who responded to your OP, I find nothing inappropriate about your posting what you did where you did. Nor do I think my response contained anything inappropriate for this forum. Again, a member simply expressed an opinion and did not do so in a way that he indicated that he took any offense.

  6. RickfromGaffney

    RickfromGaffney Puritan Board Freshman

    Thank you brother.
  7. Clark-Tillian

    Clark-Tillian Puritan Board Freshman

    This post is approximately a month old, but I'll respond anyway. First, kudos for taking this seriously. My son is 14, has always been sensitive to 7th Word issues (even in early grammar school), and has little or no interest in girls, at this point. I gave him the "talk" over a span of years in mini-versions and, at what I deemed, age-appropriate levels. When it came time for "major talk" I did used the Socratic Method and it took nearly two hours! He was in 4th Grade. At the end I was drenched in sweat. He was lazing on the couch when we began and was finally prone at the end. When the light finally went off his eyes became as big as a pair of full moons. I can attest to the success of this methodology in my practice. It allowed me to pace the discussion; it allowed him to exercise critical thinking skills; it allowed me time to think and pray! We went to Dairy Queen immediately after he figured it out.
  8. kvanlaan

    kvanlaan Puritan Board Doctor

    One minor comment here - we live on a farm. We have cows. We have a bull. Basically, anyone who has been in the barn has had exposure to how calves come to be.

    Also, last week we were driving in the driveway when a drake decided to mount a duck right there in front of the van. We had to stop and let them finish (I wasn't going to pick them up and move them) and the kids know what was going on.

    Farm kids usually know these things from a young age. I do find that mechanics are not an issue to discuss; we focus on the boundaries and propriety and the bible makes it oh so much easier because it 'fits' nicely with those topics, it's the mechanics that are fairly glossed over.
  9. Miss Marple

    Miss Marple Puritan Board Junior

    "Dairy Queen," you're killing me. :lol:
  10. Miss Marple

    Miss Marple Puritan Board Junior

    While I am sure the activities of the bulls and drakes have their instructional value, I hope you don't leave it at that! They are but brute beasts after all :)
  11. Frosty

    Frosty Puritan Board Sophomore

    I'm glad you're not waiting until my dad did. I was 17 I think and it was a bit awkward at that point for me as I had already known all of it for years. Still glad he cared to do it.

    I'm not a seasoned father so I'll shut up and listen now. I like Rev. Bowen's advice a lot.
  12. SolaScriptura

    SolaScriptura Puritan Board Doctor

    Since my wife and I recently had a situation in our family that pertains to this topic, I would very much like to contribute my thoughts to this discussion. However, I'm REALLY busy at the present. If this thread is still open for posting in a few weeks I will post my thoughts.
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