Leave and Cleave and Visiting Parents/Inlaws

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I think it really does depend. I have wonderful, God fearing parents, and was very close to them. I lived at home until I got married. When I married a man 2 states away, and we visited them once a year as we could afford, it was hard. Looking back, as much as I missed them, it was the best thing for me. I needed it. I feel like it would've hindered my growth in learning to be a wife to my new husband. It is a big, sometimes difficult transition to make for the girl, changing authorities and care.

That said, visiting often could be helpful. And I know plenty of women who live near their parents early in marriage and do just fine!
 
I think it really does depend. I have wonderful, God fearing parents, and was very close to them. I lived at home until I got married. When I married a man 2 states away, and we visited them once a year as we could afford, it was hard. Looking back, as much as I missed them, it was the best thing for me. I needed it. I feel like it would've hindered my growth in learning to be a wife to my new husband. It is a big, sometimes difficult transition to make for the girl, changing authorities and care.

That said, visiting often could be helpful. And I know plenty of women who live near their parents early in marriage and do just fine!
Your perspective on what was best for you, in the long run, is similar to what our pastor and his wife had said "Failure for the wife to detach from her family may likely stunt the growth of the marriage"

We as a couple are working out solutions to continue her detachment, but for the time being my mind keeps going back to:

1st Peter 3:7 "Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered." and Ephesians 5:28-29, Colossians 3:19.

I can't see a scenario where I tell my wife "No more seeing your family unless I go with you" and not be treating her harshly.
 
Your perspective on what was best for you, in the long run, is similar to what our pastor and his wife had said "Failure for the wife to detach from her family may likely stunt the growth of the marriage"

We as a couple are working out solutions to continue her detachment, but for the time being my mind keeps going back to:

1st Peter 3:7 "Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered." and Ephesians 5:28-29, Colossians 3:19.

I can't see a scenario where I tell my wife "No more seeing your family unless I go with you" and not be treating her harshly.
Does your wife agree that she is too attached to her parents? (And willing and eager to overcome it?)
 
I have seen some good advice on here in both directions and I am very slow to reject the advice of my pastor who has poured so much love and care into helping us already.

I have been reading a bit from Voddie Baucham, John Gill, and John MacArthur on this matter.
Can anyone recommend some good resources, commentaries, or sermons surrounding Genesis 2:24, Ephesians 5:22-33, and Colossians 3:19?
 
Does your wife agree that she is too attached to her parents? (And willing and eager to overcome it?)
Willing to overcome her attachment, yes, and willing to reduce visits to the inlaws gradually yes, but she would not concede to being "too attached"
we both saw this being a potential issue during the courtship but one of the reasons I was so excited to have her as my wife and the mother of my children is the way she is so loyal, dedicated, and committed to her family. I would have been more concerned if she was excited to get away from them.
 
and I am very slow to reject the advice of my pastor who has poured so much love and care into helping us already.
You surely can see how utterly disingenuous your request for advice is then. You should have stated that up front. Bad form man!
 
@Bristol-H

Brother, I think that the important thing here, and it may well be the case, is that you remain as open and fully disclosive with your pastor as you are with this board.

Has the pastor talked at length with you and your wife and laid all his concerns out, and have you both laid out all your concerns to him in return? It may be that he's overreaching, as some have suggested; on the other hand, he may see some real concerns here that you don't see.

Are there other reliable and trustworthy parties there that can be brought into the discussion? Perhaps local elders? You need people that know both of you well, to whom you have accountability, and who can speak honestly and lovingly about the issues in each of your lives. This board can only give a certain sort of input, especially given that you didn't set all the facts before us initially and still may only partially have done so now, even if unwittingly.

Bottom line: you need good, caring, pastoral counsel here. We can only make some perhaps helpful reflections and point you in some fruitful directions.

Peace,
Alan
 
You surely can see how utterly disingenuous your request for advice is then. You should have stated that up front. Bad form man!
Well then, in light of receiving some rebukes towards my apparent ignorance I shall rephrase again.
If anyone knows of any sound exegetical resources based on Gen 2:24 and Ephesians 5:22-23 and cares to share I would appreciate it.

It was not my intention to either aggravate or disclose the entirety of my personal conversations. Thank you for the input and I extend my apologies, I am still fairly new to the puritan board and it seemed a good place to get some advice.
Sincerely, Bristol H.
 
I'm honestly a little disturbed that someone is inserting themselves into your marriage enough to suggest that this is a problem. A husband is called to love his wife, and if your wife is emotionally helped by having time occasionally with her family, then that is a loving thing to do. We are also called to honor our parents. In some cultures, it is common for parents to live with their adult children. Certainly, it is not unusual for children to frequently visit their parents.

If a husband moved his wife very far from her family and refused to permit her visits home and demanded she stay always with him and never be anywhere without him, I'd be very concerned about her well-being. Isolation from friends and family is the first warning sign of abuse. So I'd say that not only is it acceptable for her to return home to visit her friends and family, but it is a sign of a healthy
Well then, in light of receiving some rebukes towards my apparent ignorance I shall rephrase again.
If anyone knows of any sound exegetical resources based on Gen 2:24 and Ephesians 5:22-23 and cares to share I would appreciate it.

It was not my intention to either aggravate or disclose the entirety of my personal conversations. Thank you for the input and I extend my apologies, I am still fairly new to the puritan board and it seemed a good place to get some advice.
Sincerely, Bristol H.
What I believe you should also be doing is coming to grips with the fact that the spirit of the age has ensured that “loving your wife” a la the passages commonly cited functionally have become the pious sounding cop out of negligent or weak men to have their wives be the de facto leader in the home.
 
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