retroGRAD3
Puritan Board Senior
AgreedBut even then, that it is happening is less important than why it is happening.
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AgreedBut even then, that it is happening is less important than why it is happening.
Your perspective on what was best for you, in the long run, is similar to what our pastor and his wife had said "Failure for the wife to detach from her family may likely stunt the growth of the marriage"I think it really does depend. I have wonderful, God fearing parents, and was very close to them. I lived at home until I got married. When I married a man 2 states away, and we visited them once a year as we could afford, it was hard. Looking back, as much as I missed them, it was the best thing for me. I needed it. I feel like it would've hindered my growth in learning to be a wife to my new husband. It is a big, sometimes difficult transition to make for the girl, changing authorities and care.
That said, visiting often could be helpful. And I know plenty of women who live near their parents early in marriage and do just fine!
Does your wife agree that she is too attached to her parents? (And willing and eager to overcome it?)Your perspective on what was best for you, in the long run, is similar to what our pastor and his wife had said "Failure for the wife to detach from her family may likely stunt the growth of the marriage"
We as a couple are working out solutions to continue her detachment, but for the time being my mind keeps going back to:
1st Peter 3:7 "Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered." and Ephesians 5:28-29, Colossians 3:19.
I can't see a scenario where I tell my wife "No more seeing your family unless I go with you" and not be treating her harshly.
Willing to overcome her attachment, yes, and willing to reduce visits to the inlaws gradually yes, but she would not concede to being "too attached"Does your wife agree that she is too attached to her parents? (And willing and eager to overcome it?)
You surely can see how utterly disingenuous your request for advice is then. You should have stated that up front. Bad form man!and I am very slow to reject the advice of my pastor who has poured so much love and care into helping us already.
Well then, in light of receiving some rebukes towards my apparent ignorance I shall rephrase again.You surely can see how utterly disingenuous your request for advice is then. You should have stated that up front. Bad form man!
I'm honestly a little disturbed that someone is inserting themselves into your marriage enough to suggest that this is a problem. A husband is called to love his wife, and if your wife is emotionally helped by having time occasionally with her family, then that is a loving thing to do. We are also called to honor our parents. In some cultures, it is common for parents to live with their adult children. Certainly, it is not unusual for children to frequently visit their parents.
If a husband moved his wife very far from her family and refused to permit her visits home and demanded she stay always with him and never be anywhere without him, I'd be very concerned about her well-being. Isolation from friends and family is the first warning sign of abuse. So I'd say that not only is it acceptable for her to return home to visit her friends and family, but it is a sign of a healthy
What I believe you should also be doing is coming to grips with the fact that the spirit of the age has ensured that “loving your wife” a la the passages commonly cited functionally have become the pious sounding cop out of negligent or weak men to have their wives be the de facto leader in the home.Well then, in light of receiving some rebukes towards my apparent ignorance I shall rephrase again.
If anyone knows of any sound exegetical resources based on Gen 2:24 and Ephesians 5:22-23 and cares to share I would appreciate it.
It was not my intention to either aggravate or disclose the entirety of my personal conversations. Thank you for the input and I extend my apologies, I am still fairly new to the puritan board and it seemed a good place to get some advice.
Sincerely, Bristol H.
Agreed, but I don't think that is the situation being described here unless I am missing something?The issue is if it's happening all the time and if the husband and wife are apart more than they are together
How is it bad form to look for input on a difficult real-life issue?You surely can see how utterly disingenuous your request for advice is then. You should have stated that up front. Bad form man!
Not when the input request is framed as check on his pastor’s advice but then later speaks of his pastor “pouring love”.How is it bad form to look for input on a difficult real-life issue?
I do not see the OP “framed as [a] check on his pastor’s advice.”Not when the input request is framed as check on his pastor’s advice but then later speaks of his pastor “pouring love”.