Is Chivalry Dead?

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AnnaBanana

Puritan Board Freshman
In the world today?

"A true man of chivalry was a man who protected the rights of the weak, displayed strength, character and courage. A man of chivalry was known for his integrity, his loyalty, his faith, and the way feared his God. A man of chivalry was defined by his respect and honor for women, and his willingness to lay down his rights."


Is Chivalry just about opening doors, giving your coat to someone when they are cold, asking them out of a first date, courting? Or is it about the heart of man?

Here are some ideas I found:

1. Holding open the door for people, especially when they are carrying heavy things or are not as physically fit as you are (injured, pregnant, elderly, etc).

2. Sharing your umbrella, even if that means you get wet for a few seconds.

3. Getting to know her parents and actually taking the time to earn their trust and approval. (Some people think that asking them for permission before proposing is outdated, but I still believe in it. Even if you don’t do that, though, establishing a level of understanding with them is the least you can do.)

4. Giving your coat to a woman when she’s cold, draping it over her shoulders and making sure she’s warm for the walk home.

5. Walking women to the door after a date, and not expecting that she’s going to sleep with you just because you came within 10 feet of her front door.

6. Complimenting (in a sincere and not-creepy way) and being nice to her friends. A simple “Your new haircut looks nice” or “Congratulations on your new job, my girlfriend told me the good news” demonstrates the kind of attention and kindness that few men show. It’s one thing to be good to your girlfriend, it’s a whole new level to be nice to her friends.

7. Embracing style and a personal fashion sense, and not immediately dismissing any man who enjoys those things as “gay.”

8. Leaving little notes around for her to find, with simple messages about where you went or simply that you’re thinking of her.

9. When the waiter comes, asking her what she’d like and letting her order first.

10. Sending a little message to make sure we got home alright, and actually meaning it.

11. Keeping the text messages, pictures, emails, and any other exchanges that happen between you just that — between the two of you. (No bragging to friends.)

12. Bringing her coffee or tea in the morning (occasionally in bed). It doesn’t have to be a regular thing, but especially if she is often the one taking care of all things food-and-drink related, it’s a small gesture that shows a lot of kindness.

13. Bringing over flowers, just because you love her. No need to wait for a special occasion.

14. Sending something every now and again to her office. The value of a bouquet of flowers or a box of chocolates received while in the middle of the work day, in front of all her coworkers, is something you can’t put a price on.

15. Standing up for her if she’s being spoken to aggressively, especially by another man. If you are walking down the street and she starts getting harassed, not saying anything is the worst thing you can do.

16. Calling when you say you are going to call.

17. Being kind and respectful to wait staff when dining out together, and never treating them like they are there to be your servants. Even if you’re comfortable with it, it reflects poorly on the person you’re out with (and it makes you a bad person).

18. Taking off your hat when you enter a room, always.

19. Asking women to dance (which, of course, includes learning to dance in the first place). This year, “I don’t dance” should no longer be an excuse for anything.

20. Remembering special days.

21. Walking on the outside of the sidewalk, especially if it’s rainy and there runs a risk of having a passing car splash you both with gross road water.

22. Telling her you love her with no expectations, and just because it’s true.



What are some ways that you still show chivalry?
 
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Some women today will get offended if you open the door for them or get up to offer them your seat, so I reckon we have to be careful how we tread hahaha!!
 
I have found during many years of marriage that as my gratitude and joy in my husband grow, his chivalry and kindness grows.
 
I think most of these apply to being a polite human being and not necessarily just being male.

I think the wonderful thing about a relationship is that you don't have to have set particular expectations, and that you can get into a 'groove' of just mutually giving to one another when you know the other person so well and can cater your acts of care in ways that are meaningful to them. Some of these might work with some women, but not all of them (and that's not because of feminism...it's just because some of these are very specific which some personalities may like, but not others XD). The best thing is to know your man/woman well enough to know how to express your love and gratitude (and learn to do so as you grow with one another).

Also, I can't dance. Soooooooooo.....plsdon'taskmetodance
 
I think most of these apply to being a polite human being and not necessarily just being male.

I think the wonderful thing about a relationship is that you don't have to have set particular expectations, and that you can get into a 'groove' of just mutually giving to one another when you know the other person so well and can cater your acts of care in ways that are meaningful to them. Some of these might work with some women, but not all of them (and that's not because of feminism...it's just because some of these are very specific which some personalities may like, but not others XD). The best thing is to know your man/woman well enough to know how to express your love and gratitude (and learn to do so as you grow with one another).

Also, I can't dance. Soooooooooo.....plsdon'taskmetodance

Ha, nice response and totally true.

hey, plsdontaskmetodanceeitherbecauseicantandwhenidoilooksilly
 
If boys grow up, as they should, reading Sir Thomas Malory it may well be that it cultivates an instinct for chivalrous behaviour in them. But of course we have lost the courtly forms of interaction, because they were governed by rules that are no longer known or applied. Some of those rules were better than others, but their absence means that the chivalrous instinct has to find its own way, rather than being able to lean upon a framework of known manners.
 
But of course we have lost the courtly forms of interaction, because they were governed by rules that are no longer known or applied.

If I had a dollar for every time someone offered me a handkerchief from their pocket square so I could blow my blubbery snot into it...I would not have many dollars.
 
I think general thoughtfulness and kindness is the main factor. I think chivalry is a great thing. One thing to be noticeable of though, is that a man will usually go out of his way to impress and try to win a girl by acts of chivalry. All of these kindnesses are good, but is he doing them not merely for what he can get. He must keep doing them even when the woman is won, even in their old age. As well, this kindness must be expressed in all areas of life - helping an older lady to her seat, giving a sweater to another male friend that is cold, etc.
 
It's not dead because Christianity is not dead. What we think of as chivalry, courtly behavior, courtesy and so forth were inspired by Christianity whether or not the practitioner was a Christian himself.
 
"Chivalry only comes from a position of strength." - Anonymous

If chivalry is dead, it's because the strength of men is now something for which they are taught to be ashamed.
 
If boys grow up, as they should, reading Sir Thomas Malory it may well be that it cultivates an instinct for chivalrous behaviour in them. But of course we have lost the courtly forms of interaction, because they were governed by rules that are no longer known or applied. Some of those rules were better than others, but their absence means that the chivalrous instinct has to find its own way, rather than being able to lean upon a framework of known manners.
I don't remember being specifically taught how to be chivalrous. I was raised to practice good manners and be kind to people. It wasn't until after I was married that my wife told me how impressed she was that I would stand when a lady joined our table or I held my wife's door open for her. To me, those things are not noteworthy, but to my bride of 28 years, they are.
 
If the moderators find this inappropriate please don't hesitate to delete it, but I think it is relevant to the discussion of the demise of chivalry among the population at large. Skim through the voluminous list of celebrities to get to the meat of the article. It is very well written ;
https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2017/nov/29/reports-of-sexual-misconduct-should-not-be-a-surpr/

The article is fine but the wider culture and especially the secular outrage machine positions the issue much differently. For the latter the problem is sexism, power structures and struggles rather than sin versus virtue.
 
I was raised to practice good manners and be kind to people.

It would be nice if everyone was raised that way. My point was that the instinct of good manners is not the same thing as the developed code that tells you what is and isn't good manners in a particular situation. But the code gives the instinct opportunity for growth and guidance.
 
My point was that the instinct of good manners is not the same thing as the developed code that tells you what is and isn't good manners in a particular situation.

Ruben, I'm not sure how I acquired knowledge of that "code". Perhaps it was the influence of my grandparents and other people who practiced good manners? Whatever the reason, I am thankful for it. I have yet to apologize for being kind or courteous.
 
I don't remember being specifically taught how to be chivalrous. I was raised to practice good manners and be kind to people. It wasn't until after I was married that my wife told me how impressed she was that I would stand when a lady joined our table or I held my wife's door open for her. To me, those things are not noteworthy, but to my bride of 28 years, they are.

Maybe so, Bill, but she probably hasn't discovered your secret offshore bank accounts yet!
 
Chivalry is too hard to do. First of all, suits of armor are very expensive, they don't fit well, and they rust in the rain. Also, very clanky sounding.

Then, there's the expense of the horse and that long lance thingy.

Plus, if you don't look like Errol Flynn or Basil Rathbone in their prime, the whole thing is just too tricky to pull off.
 
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