Is Ben justified in being leery of social networking sites like Facebook?

[Kim G]

My husband and I are both on Facebook. We only accept friend requests from people we know well. Most of my friends are girls I went to school with who are now getting married and having children. It's great to catch up with them.

Hubby and I have been on each other's Facebook sites. His friends are my friends and my friends are his friends. I think it's important to be transparent with your spouse in all things, Facebook or no. If something happens when I'm at work that needs telling or explaining or advice, I talk to hubby. He's not there to police me all day, but I trust that the Holy Spirit will lead me away from sinful things that I might encounter. Same with Facebook.

Facebook affairs are probably rampant because the tool of Facebook is so extensively used. People used to meet at their high school reunions and exchange phone numbers "innocently", and affairs would start. People's hearts haven't changed. Only their methods.

 

[JoeRe4mer]

I don't think you are a kook at all Ben. There are certain realities to these social networking sights that many supporters do not fully acknowledge.

First and most obvious is the danger of some nut job seeing your photograph and trying to stalk you. Yes I know many will say this cant/wont happen but there are enough documented cases of it to prove the danger. There have been all kinds of stories about young kids and adults for that matter meeting some (nice person) on a networking site only to run off and get themselves hurt. Moreover, everything on these sites can be faked and when you do go to meet your (new friend) from the net they may not be who or what you were expecting.

MySpace: Your Kids' Danger? - CBS News
Secondly, what about privacy? To me having my or my family's pictures plastered all over the internet is not a good thing. Its very easy to download those pictures and who knows where they will wind up.

Thirdly, all to often these sites become idols. I cant tell you the amount of time I've seen people wasting on these things. At my current university and the public library I've seen hundreds of people just sitting and staring at nothing. Do kids/adults really need another blank screen to stare at?

Finally, I do understand that these sites are not "inherently sinful" in and of themselves but should not Christian prudence dictate that we avoid things that could unnecessarily put our family and friends at risk from predators? Given the obvious risks why not just network in person or by phone or E-mail with people you already know?

 

[he beholds]

To the extent that Facebook has made it possible to reconnect with people you've LONG since lost any and all contact with, it does represent a "new" threat.

Ben, I think you are justified in being leery about facebook for your family. I personally don't think that has to translate to not using it, but I do think your choice to not use it is a justifiable one. Perhaps military unfaithfulness is a big problem, anyway. I imagine there are a lot of lonely people there.

Facebook is what you want it to be. You don't have to accept or seek friend requests from people whom you once dated. You don't have to accept/seek them from people of the opposite sex, even.
I have a ton of friends on facebook, but I hardly ever talk to many of them. I like to keep the friends, though, because there may be a reason someday when I would want to talk to someone, or at least know what's going on in their lives. I also like to use it to share pictures of our life with friends and family far away (which is all of our family and virtually all of our friends). My profile is set up so that not all people can see all things on my account.
For instance, several of my old students are on there and are my friends. I put them all in one group, and I don't let the group see my status updates, because every once in awhile it'll say things like, "jessica is sitting around the fire drinking yuengling."
I don't want kids in h.s., where drinking is not allowed, to see me as an example for drinking, without the ability to talk to them about that difference.

I actually spend way more time on here than I do on fb, though.
Does your wife have a way to connect with far away friends? It is nice to be able to share your life with people far away. I definitely am not telling you what to do! I don't know you or your wife really, or what type of stress military life might add to a marriage. But does your wife have a PB equivalent? Maybe she doesn't need one, but I know I love the adult interaction throughout the day that I wouldn't get otherwise--FB can be a place like that.

If you go to the barbershop often enough, sooner or later you are going to get a haircut. that is all.

What are you saying?????

 

[Kevin]

Ben, I took your coment & "did the math" as you suggested. You said that you have aprox one adultry case a week, for the past 3 years. Of this number around 40 of the cases involved a "hook-up" that started on face book.

So being an estimator I rounded it off as follows; 150 cases of adultry with 40 linked to FB= 28% of your adultry related counseling work has social networking as a factor.

My only point was that there exists a high degree of probability that other factors (phones, cars, ?) are also "linked" to these infidelities.

Thus I would suggest that these factors (including FB) are corollary & not causative.

BTW I am convinced that to use any means to advance a sinful purpose is, in and of itself, a sinful act. So to use facebook to plan a sin, is a sin. So the person has comitted 2 seperate sinful acts. Per WCF LC & SC anything that "tends toward" is included in the list of sins forbiden.

However the way I view the causistry is that adultry is a sin proper, and the means employed to commit the sin are sins incidental. In other words, the guilt that one has from the committing of adultry is absolute. The guilt that one has from using FB depends on the use, and is not FB qua FB.

If that makes sense...

 

[Pilgrim]

I have already had some substantive chats with teens and pre-teens in our church. (and it does not hurt for them to know that their Pastor "friend" can see their Wall!

for parents.

I'm sure many kids thought FB was "ruined" when old people started joining.

 

[Marrow Man]

Well, since I never really had a girlfriend in high school or college, there's not much of a temptation to go there.

Ben, thank you for drawing attention to this, though, as I had no idea this was as rampant as it is.

And it's not that FB is inherently evil or anything of the sort. Anything can be taken and twisted and used as a device for evil-doing. I remember reading several years ago (please don't ask for a source!) that after the invention of photographic technology (the old silver flash version, If I recall correctly), with a month someone was arrested for taking naked photographs. The nature of sin is that sinful men and women will use whatever devices exist to engage in sin acts.

 

[asc]

in my opinion, Facebook like most technology is neutral. It's all in how it's used. It can be a tool for witnessing or getting into an affair. Just like the internet is a great way for sharing sermons and teaching Christians but is also an easy way for spreading p*rn. I think being cautious is a great idea, but shouldn't necessarily preclude participation. But certainly you know yourself and your spouse best. But I would think that most of the affairs that you heard about were in marriages which were already shakey or had unresolved issues with the ex-boyfriend/girlfriend. My wife and I share all passwords, not just for FB but for all accounts. (I would encourage any parents with children using it be very vigiliant.) If you're still not sure, you could try Blev3rd's suggestion and have a shared account. If you have shared e-mail access, you should be all set.

 

[SolaScriptura]

Ben, I took your coment & "did the math" as you suggested. You said that you have aprox one adultry case a week, for the past 3 years. Of this number around 40 of the cases involved a "hook-up" that started on face book.

So being an estimator I rounded it off as follows; 150 cases of adultry with 40 linked to FB= 28% of your adultry related counseling work...

Ok, that's fine... your original quote says "28% of your personal counseling situations..." I thought you'd made the jump and thought I was giving numbers for my total counseling load. Just trying to set the record straight.

 

[Kevin]

BTW Ben, do find that counseling is one of your main tasks as a chaplain?

 

[SolaScriptura]

BTW Ben, do find that counseling is one of your main tasks as a chaplain?

Yes, it is one of my main tasks.... and because I am free to counsel in accordance with the tenets of my particular faith, my counseling affords me the opportunity to share the Gospel with an unbeliever on an almost daily basis.

 

[Semper Fidelis]

Fred's recent thread about Facebook reminded me of a question I've been meaning to ask here.

Between sites like MySpace and Facebook I can say that I have counseled over 40 Soldiers who through those sites either they or their spouse "reconnected" with someone and ended up commiting adultery. When I add my experiences to those of the other chaplains I know... well, it seems that sites like MySpace and Facebook serve as a veritable breeding ground for reconnecting with former friends and flames with often very detrimental consequence.

As a result of what I encounter on an all-too-often basis, I have forbade my wife or me to sign up. My wife has submitted to me, but she thinks I'm a kook.

What say ye? Am I a kook? Or am I just reacting normally to something that I see quite often?

I think that's a valid concern. For me, I had no "flames" to worry about re-kindling since I was never a "ladies man" but have always been a bit reclusive.

As I noted in another thread, I don't become "Friends" with people I don't really know and am especially reticent about accepting Friends requests from young women. For me, it's sort of like the same reason I don't hug other women and am more of a hand shaker.

Facebook is kind of cool at re-connecting with people you haven't heard from in High School but I otherwise don't find it too personally useful.