sampan1997
Puritan Board Freshman
Hello! This is my first post here on PuritanBoard and this issue is why I decided to take the plunge to pursue membership on this site. I'd like some input. I'm new to the reformed faith and I'm not very established at my church yet. My husband and I see a pastor from this church for counseling every now and then and I've heard him speak to this a bit, with hope and encouragement. However, I can't help but think that if he and others actually saw me at home, they would think I ought not to have another child. Perhaps that wouldn't be an inherently bad piece of advice, but if it is true I need some help processing that without slipping into utter despair.
I am a young mom. I have 3 children, they are ages 4, 2, and 1. My husband and I got married about 5 years ago and we have been through a lot. We are no strangers to chaos in life as we both come from secular homes with much dysfunction, and after the Lord saved us both we quickly directed our all-or-nothing attitudes toward the things of God. All that being said, along they way, we've grown our family, and so much of my sin has come to the surface. Long story short, my children have witnessed me blow up more times than I could bare to count. It's a rare day, maybe a few days in a month, that I have the sense that I'm having intentionality with my kids, the housework, my sin, my friends, and so on. These are the days when I am rarely snarling at my kids. Every other day on the month, I'm snarling at them multiple times a day. Some days are better, some are worse. I might grab them firmly, raise my voice in their face, mildly berate/shame them in a comment that would have them receiving that I think they are dumb. And these things can go on back -to-back for what seems like hours as different situations arise. I have improved a lot I think in not formally disciplining in anger, so that's good. I straight up yell sometimes, probably safe to say a handful of times per week on average. Is my situation relatable and am I not destroying my children or is this all detestable? I also have had a habit in our marital conflict to become angry, curse, storm out of the house, slam doors, say spiteful things, yell, all the dramatic things, even with my children around. This has gotten better with time and counseling and soul-searching, but I still feel like I am such an irredeemable mess (not in the eternal sense), and that I'm setting my children up to be no different. I can't tell if I'm under normal stressors and responding normally, though sinfully, or if I should have, in a sense, paused having kids 3 or even 5 years ago, or that I was always far too odious to have even gotten married. I get stuck in this loop because I love my kids so much, I love my husband, I want to be a good parent and wife. I want 1 more child before pausing but I wonder if I am apparently too overwhelmed that I should ask of the Lord that we be given no more at this time. I talk about these things as though I am on my own but of course my husband is also to be consulted in these things but he really could go either way. Most of the people I've confided in don't seem to have a particular concern for me or my kids but I have this nagging doubt that they just don't know everything, or that they are being too soft. My husband has had hopes of going to seminary one day and I feel like I've already ruined the potential for that call too. I know that God will have his way in the end but at times I just don't see how it could be so. I welcome responses from those who do and those who do not support non-abortive methods of birth control. Thanks for reading.
I am a young mom. I have 3 children, they are ages 4, 2, and 1. My husband and I got married about 5 years ago and we have been through a lot. We are no strangers to chaos in life as we both come from secular homes with much dysfunction, and after the Lord saved us both we quickly directed our all-or-nothing attitudes toward the things of God. All that being said, along they way, we've grown our family, and so much of my sin has come to the surface. Long story short, my children have witnessed me blow up more times than I could bare to count. It's a rare day, maybe a few days in a month, that I have the sense that I'm having intentionality with my kids, the housework, my sin, my friends, and so on. These are the days when I am rarely snarling at my kids. Every other day on the month, I'm snarling at them multiple times a day. Some days are better, some are worse. I might grab them firmly, raise my voice in their face, mildly berate/shame them in a comment that would have them receiving that I think they are dumb. And these things can go on back -to-back for what seems like hours as different situations arise. I have improved a lot I think in not formally disciplining in anger, so that's good. I straight up yell sometimes, probably safe to say a handful of times per week on average. Is my situation relatable and am I not destroying my children or is this all detestable? I also have had a habit in our marital conflict to become angry, curse, storm out of the house, slam doors, say spiteful things, yell, all the dramatic things, even with my children around. This has gotten better with time and counseling and soul-searching, but I still feel like I am such an irredeemable mess (not in the eternal sense), and that I'm setting my children up to be no different. I can't tell if I'm under normal stressors and responding normally, though sinfully, or if I should have, in a sense, paused having kids 3 or even 5 years ago, or that I was always far too odious to have even gotten married. I get stuck in this loop because I love my kids so much, I love my husband, I want to be a good parent and wife. I want 1 more child before pausing but I wonder if I am apparently too overwhelmed that I should ask of the Lord that we be given no more at this time. I talk about these things as though I am on my own but of course my husband is also to be consulted in these things but he really could go either way. Most of the people I've confided in don't seem to have a particular concern for me or my kids but I have this nagging doubt that they just don't know everything, or that they are being too soft. My husband has had hopes of going to seminary one day and I feel like I've already ruined the potential for that call too. I know that God will have his way in the end but at times I just don't see how it could be so. I welcome responses from those who do and those who do not support non-abortive methods of birth control. Thanks for reading.
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