How did you meet your husband or wife?

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ABondSlaveofChristJesus

Puritan Board Freshman
I am just curious about God\'s providence amongst the married PB\'ers.

How did you know they were for you? Was it immediate or progressive attraction?

What sort of things did you pray about and decide before making the covenant?
 

LawrenceU

Puritan Board Doctor
Gabriel,
That is really not an appropriate response. Let's please remember that we are commanded to refrain from 'course jesting'. Eph. 5:4

BTW, the covenant is not made by the physical union. That is the consumation of the relationship. The covenant is made before God and witnessess. That incidentally is why in a traditional marriage ceremony the newly wedded couple exits between two halves of the witness body. (Think back to Genesis 15 and Abrahm.)
 

JonathanHunt

Puritan Board Senior
I met my wife on the internet... not through a dating service I hasten to add.

She was unsaved. I witnessed to her online for some time, then we spoke on the phone for a month, every night. I sent her a bible, and books and cassettes.

Time came she wanted to visit a church, and so I arranged to visit her and escort her to a local church recommended to me. She was saved two days before we met.

I went up, knocked on the door, went in, chatted, had a cup of tea, read a book to her son, we went shopping for groceries, came back home, watched a film, somewhere along the line I realised how happy 'we' was. I had appropriate accomodation arrangements for the night.

The next day we went into the house of the Lord together... and we are still going there today, over three years on.

That Sunday evening, when I left to go home (100 miles away) I was happy and excited and all sorts of things... totally brain-fried!

To put it simply, we were good friends from all our discussions, and when we met, and talked more, we became best friends. What shone out for me was the new joy and wonder in her life post-conversion, and her love for the Lord.

The Lord was gracious, and turned the complication of her having a 4 year old son into a great blessing. He will be turning 8 soon, and he is a blessing and a trial alternately!

We met again two weeks later. It was the sheer joy of getting to her house, and being with her again, that confirmed for me that I never wanted to be apart from her the rest of my life.

As I said, the Lord was gracious. I am convinced that he makes things perfectly clear. I do believe that in terms of courtship and marriages, all doubts must be addressed and dealt with, and to enter a marriage covenant with doubts can be very foolish indeed.

The Lord has a plan for each one of us. His plans confound our expectations. He had a wife for me that I would never have expected - he saved her and used me as an instrument in that work. He left me with no doubt that this was my wife-to-be. Funnily enough, the attraction issue was not enormous in physical terms for me (it was for her apparently) but this reassured me because I knew first and foremost that I loved her as best friend. The physical attraction, for me, grew with time.

We prayed very simply together, taking our lead from a relative of mine, and constantly sought the Lord that whatever happened, we should never love each other more than we loved Him, and that He would show us his perfect will. I'm not sure precisely what we had to 'decide' before getting married, apart from the fact that we were going TO get married!

JH
 

Contra_Mundum

Pilgrim, Alien, Stranger
Staff member
[LawrenceU, is this a split thread? b/c I cant figure out the purpose for your post above]

I met my wife-to-be at a church I visited regularly. She and I had some mutual friends, and they kept having us over to their house together (hmmmmmmm). We enjoyed the time we spent together, and eventually I started seeing more of her in other contexts.

Things progressed slowly, so slowly in fact that it was a joke with her family as to whether or not I was ever going to get around to asking her to marry me (her sister met her husband and married him in about 3 months or something). I was in seminary at the time, which meant timing for getting married had to take other demands on my time into consideration.

I think my wife was emotionally committed very early in our relationship, while I was trying to avoid a deep attachment too quickly. In the end, the timing of everything seemed providential, as was our suitability for each other.

Attraction is part of a couple's bond, but it is not everything Hollywood makes it out to be. Vastly more significant is one's attitude toward the nature of marriage, the bond it creates, and God's governance. Consequently, my attraction toward my wife grows as we grow older. We aren't drawn toward one another (or repelled), like magnets. We move toward one another intelligently and purposefully, and we find that the closer we get, the greater that gravitational pull exerts itself.

In relation to this, we can see (I think) what's wrong with all this "computer matching" nonsense. As if technology was going to solve the problem of "relationship-fracture." "Cracking the code on relationships." "29 dimensions of compatibility." "More marriages than any other website." In a word, GARBAGE. In the end, the misery and dissolusionment (especially among the Christian participants) is going to reveal these pseudo-solutions to be as big a joke as the personals section of the local paper. Will such "programs" ever recommend very different people marry? Why not? Can't very different people produce a "successful" marriage?

The "ideal" couple is neither "in-sync" nor "polar opposites" in one or in every area. They need basic agreement on the Bible's definition of marriage and it's government, and they must be able to keep a promise indefinitely. Then the dynamics (which will certainly vary monumentally for every combination) will work themselves out to the glory of God.
 

ReformedWretch

Puritan Board Doctor
My wife and I met working at Hershey Park. I did not live in the Hershey area, but every summer I would come and stay with my cousin and his family and work at Hershey Park. I absolutely loved it.

I worked there for 3 summers in a row. I met my wife the first summer, and was prepared to ask her out, but all my new friends begged me not to because another guy wanted to. Foolishly I obliged and went out with the guy who asked her out sister! (How goofy is that?)

I went home for school in September and decided to write the girl I hadn't asked out. I sent her a school picture and asked her to send me one as well. When she did, I showed it to my parents and said "This is the girl I am going to marry." I was 16 years old at the time.

The next summer I asked her out and we have been together ever since. Married now for 15 years, together since we were 16.
 

bond-servant

Puritan Board Sophomore
My husband and I worked together. I was in my last semester of college. He was 6 yrs older and my supervisor. It was progessive attraction on a fast path. He knew 2 weeks after we met that 'I was the one' and I knew about 4 weeks after that he was. I left the job so we could begin dating. We got married 6 months after we met, and have been married 14 years now.

We prayed about it before hand, knew each others spiritual standing and that we were both Christian.

At 21, there was alot I didn't think to ask. I had no idea how 'submissive' played out, how much trust there had to be in a relationship, how much 'power' or my own self will, I would need to hand over to my husband. I only knew generally (the headlines) about what qualities would make a good father, but I did not know the details. Thankfully, God knew all those things and it has been wonderful.

The attraction, the commitment, the dedication, the love and respect does not have to fade away.. just the opposite, with God at the helm, though the feelings evolve, these things can just grow stronger over time.
 

LadyFlynt

Puritan Board Doctor
I was 15 and hubby was nearly 18. A friend of mine was "going with" a friend of his at the time, it was our first week of highschool, and she took me over during activity sign up to meet her "boyfriend". I met Steve then, but was too embarrased to look him in the face. Later, we ended up at the table next to his during lunch and of course there was much laughter between the two tables. Another classmate had a crush on Steve and Andrea was supposed to tell him. She went up to him (with me sitting right there) and told him that she knew someone who liked him. When he asked who, she pointed to me. The joke was, everytime they embarrased me I went running to the ladies room and sat in there blushing and laughing. He asked me out, but before I could answer, he found out the joke and the next morning his class ring was around the other girl's neck. I told ppl who asked that it didn't matter, she liked him-it was a joke-and I hardly knew him. 2 wks later he broke it off...she was too shy to even talk to him after he asked her out. He wanted communication!
That's when our friends at both tables decided it was time to work their thing! His best friend and my friend started it...I kid you not when I say they got the ENTIRE school involved (264ppl- that includes students, teachers, and cafeteria workers). We insisted on getting to know eachother first (we took a month to do that). He finally asked me out (after calling me and clearing up a nasty lie his brother had told him about me). I was still fifteen and wasn't allowed to date...but he picked me up for school every morning walked me home every afternoon (then went back for his car), he called every night, and we took evening walks around town (in a redneck town EVERYONE is your chaperone..."yeah, I saw you two walking over here"...if they know you are a "good" girl or guy-which is why they put us together, they knew we were both Christians and had certain standards). He knew within a few weeks that he would marry me (he was wise enough to keep it to himself). Eventually he visited my church (where I was a bus kid) and I visited his (a wonderful youth group, I've never been hugged or welcomed so in my life!). I was given permission to go to church with him on Sundays and even to go to the Valentine's Banquet (since it was at church and I was to come straight home as I was still 15!). That summer I turned 16 and received a promise ring, both of us promising to work this relationship with the purpose of marriage in mind. The next summer at 17, he proposed. It was August and I finally received my ring in November after a short partial break up. We nearly eloped the next year (wish I had in many ways) but instead were married when I was 19 and he was 21 1/2.

He had become my best friend in highschool, we could laugh and we could talk to eachother like we couldn't talk to anyone else. And we trusted eachother.

We've been married for nearly 11yrs now...together for nearly 15yrs. Ditto what Beth said on the submissive part. Our first two years were terrible and we are still in IL because I wouldn't submit early in our marriage.

[Edited on 3-9-2005 by LadyFlynt]
 

TimV

Puritanboard Botanist
It was the same for us as Bruce. Mutual friends and a church situation. The one thing I would discourage is trusting your own emotions, as when you're young, they can send you the wrong signals!
 

lwadkins

Puritan Board Junior
At work, neither of us were comitted Christians at the time. By God's grace he cleaned up the mess we had made of our lives and blessed a marriage that had begun apart from him. :amen:
 

alwaysreforming

Puritan Board Sophomore
I like what Bruce had to say:
"The "ideal" couple is neither "in-sync" nor "polar opposites" in one or in every area. They need basic agreement on the Bible's definition of marriage and it's government, and they must be able to keep a promise indefinitely. Then the dynamics (which will certainly vary monumentally for every combination) will work themselves out to the glory of God.


The girl I marry has to be in agreement ABOUT marriage: its nature, the holiness of it, etc.
This is my number one requirement. Physical appearance and all will take its rightful place FAR below this one.
 

VirginiaHuguenot

Puritanboard Librarian
My wife and I met at my church one Lord's Day when she and her family were travelling. I was smitten immediately by her inner and outer beauty. We later corresponded, and yada, yada, yada, within a couple of years, we were married, praise God! :)

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD. Prov. 18.22
 

ABondSlaveofChristJesus

Puritan Board Freshman
Did you all know that the person was the one before thinking of marriage?

likemindedness and essentials to the side

By knowing that they were the "one" I mean

Adoring them and just craving to be around them?

Being transfixed by them outside and in, as they click with your personal God given preferences to looks and personality?

Or in even simpler stated:

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Does God give us this eye for a means to an end? Say finding our future spouse?
 

Scott Bushey

Puritanboard Commissioner
I met my wife in church. We were best friends for about 5 years; totally platonic. I was not in love w/ her when I married her, but I did love her. I highly respected her. The first time we kissed was at the altar on our wedding day. God is faithful; I look at her now and am in love w/ her!

[Edited on 3-9-2005 by Scott Bushey]
 

HuguenotHelpMeet

Puritan Board Freshman
Originally posted by VirginiaHuguenot
We later corresponded, and yada, yada, yada, within a couple of years, we were married, praise God! :)
Hey, you "yada, yada, yada-ed" over some of the best stuff. ;-)
 

TimV

Puritanboard Botanist
Jessica, I'll have to tell my daughter to talk to you. She says she prefers talking to her lizard over talking to boys. Hopefully it will change in a couple years.




[Edited on 3-9-2005 by TimV]
 

pastorway

Puritan Board Senior
While in college my best friend met a young lady and 6 weeks later they were engaged! At their wedding 3 months later I was the best man. Renee was the maid of honor. We met the night of the wedding rehersal.

She thought I was a GEEK and hid in the bathroom to get away from me! I thought she was 10 years older than me (due to faulty info from my friend). She sure didn't look that old!

But we saw each other a few times over the next two years when we would be invited our friend's house for dinner, etc. They always asked us both since they just KNEW we were made for each other.

Then he was called to his first church and I was asked to serve on his ordination counsel. I did gladly and at the reception after I sat down and started to talk to Renee. Turned out she had known at the age of 10 that she would marry a preacher! We had a lot in common. So much so that when the reception was over and we were all going out for ice cream I asked why the reception was so short. Renee and I were both sure it had been less than 30 minutes. It had actually been 2 and a half hours!

We wrote back a forth (yes, US mail) for 3 weeks after that. The first letter revealed that she was actually 3 months younger than me. Then we went on our first "date" to an Easter service at church. I knew when I took her home that evening that we were going to get married - she says she knew about a year before that! We were engaged 2 weeks after Easter and that afternoon, when I asked her dad for her hand I said to him, "I need to talk to you about your daughter." He replied immediately, "Well, it's about time you asked for her hand. Of course you can marry her!!"

And we were married 10 months after that. As of March 5, 2005 it has been 11 years!!

And she still says she got the BEST MAN! hehe

Phillip

[Edited on 3-10-05 by pastorway]
 

tcalbrecht

Puritan Board Junior
My wife and I were in kindergarten together. We dated a bit senior year in HS, but her father would not allow it continue because I was not a Christian.

After I was converted in college, word got back to him about the apparent sincerity of my conversion, and he told her it was OK to date, "But just don't get married until you graduate from college."

He made the remark to her in front of me, and she was embarrassed.

However, we were married the week after her graduation ceremony.
 

Scot

Puritan Board Sophomore
The first time we met was when my wife came to see my band play. She says that she came over and talked with me after the show but I don't remember! Isn't that awful? (that heavy metal lifestyle will do that to ya). We met again months later at the same place (I remember that time). Neither one of us were christians. To make a long story short, she got pregnant with our oldest daughter, we moved in together, two years later we became uneasy with our lifestyle and were married.

God is gracious!
 

bond-servant

Puritan Board Sophomore
Originally posted by ABondSlaveofChristJesus
Did you all know that the person was the one before thinking of marriage?

likemindedness and essentials to the side

By knowing that they were the "one" I mean

Adoring them and just craving to be around them?

Being transfixed by them outside and in, as they click with your personal God given preferences to looks and personality?

Or in even simpler stated:

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Does God give us this eye for a means to an end? Say finding our future spouse?

Yes, I knew He was the one. Matter of fact, when we met, I was planning on marrying the person I had dated for the past 7 years.
I wasn't looking for anyone else.

Praise God that He put us together in time! So, 1) it was a 'God thing' and 2) I could not imagine living my life without him. He was the 1st and only peson I had ever felt that way about. :)
 

sastark

Puritan Board Graduate
I met my wife while we were both attending Sac State. We met at InterVarsity (an on campus Bible study, for anyone who doesn't know). I liked her and she liked me, but other people at the Bible Study "discouraged" her from pursuing a relationship with me becuase (and I'm not joking): I am a calvinist. To these folks at InterVarsity, that meant I didn't believe in evangelism and I also didn't believe that God loved everyone, blah, blah, blah. It was really the first time I had experienced that kind of blantant slander based solely on my theology.

Well, my wife, being the wise woman that she is, went and did some research on "Calvinism". I knew I loved her that day when we met at the Studen Union and she had a thick three-ring binder FULL of articles about calvinism that she had printed out and read. They were by people like Edwards, Spurgeon, Calvin, Luther, Owens, etc. She said, "I already believed all this stuff, I just didn't know it was called Calvinism."

So, I asked her out. Three months later we were engaged and eight months after that, we were married.

GOD IS GOOD!
 

ABondSlaveofChristJesus

Puritan Board Freshman
I can't seem to ever find a girl that I feel is the one. It's discouraging because I am prone to loneliness and want a helper, I burn, and I really want a family. Not to mention that the family name is dependent on me at the moment.

Lately there has been this girl who likes me and I think she is attractive and I like her personality, but its really nothing that special to me. Everyone thinks she is really hot, but she just isn't my type. I don't think about her all the time like I have past girls I'd crush on, and I could easily live with out her. I don't adore her at all. I like her and she is my friend.... I feel nothing more.

The girls that are my type seem to always be taken or to be pagan. Basically I never get oppertunities with the girls that are my type yet the ones that are close but no cigar always fall in my lap. It is a tease and it almost makes me cynical.
 

sastark

Puritan Board Graduate
Tim,

First off, how old are you? I'm 24.

Second, the "close but no cigar" girls......yeah, I've been there, man. Believe me: WAIT FOR THE RIGHT ONE. Think of it this way: the woman that God has set aside for you is the one that God, before the foundations of the world, predestined to marry you. What is the practical application of this truth? It is this: The "one" for you is the one God has chosen. That means all these other girls are distractions, tests, and last but not least: second best. Your wife is the best. Yeah, the wait SUCKS. I don't deny that, and I don't pretend to be in the same situation you are in right now. But remember that perseverance produces hope. Rest in the hope that God has the ONE girl for YOU out there somewhere (possibly thinking the same things you are thinking about finding the "one" for her). Be encouraged that all things work together for the good of those who love God, who are the called. God is working out a good thing for you.

Never settle!
 

sastark

Puritan Board Graduate
Oh, one other thing. Maybe this is a little bit more practical of advice, but it follows along my "Never settle" advice:

If you know what you want in a wife, write it down, or at least memorize it, and when a girl comes a long and bats her eye lashes at you, run through your list in your head. It may save you some trouble by being able to "eliminate" her immeadiately.

I'll give you and example: In college, I had lots of pressure on me to go out with different girls (long story there, but I'll spare you). I finally broke down and made a list. Here it is:

Any girl that I will ask out must meet this criteria:

1. Hot
2. Presbyterian

Hey, I didn't say these lists have to be comprehensive, but in fact, God blessed me with a Hot Presbyterian girlfriend who turned into my fiancee who turned into my wife.

I'm not saying my way of doing things is perfect, but I am saying it may save you some trouble and heart ache. Anyway, I'll be praying for you.

Oh, one more piece of advice, if I can: Enjoy your time now. You never get it back. I'm not saying being married is not fun (it is!), but what I'm saying is, for the time being God desires you to be single. Glorify God and enjoy Him and the gift of singleness He has given you for the time.
 

ABondSlaveofChristJesus

Puritan Board Freshman
Thanks for your insight Seth. That is what I wanted to hear, but it seemed that a lot of people marry someone who is like-minded with them yet someone who they really don't enjoy their physical and personality aspects thinking that the other aspects might grow on them or that God just wants them to marry this specific person because the opportunity and situation is points that way. I have totally written the girl off, although I plan on keeping and growing in our friendship. However, at this point I want to have a crush yet there is no one to crush on. This school is sorta lacking in the personality, looks, and like-mindedness stock. It's weird not having any one in the potential wife database, because there usually always is one or two. I guess God wants me to focus on other things right now, maybe like preparing to be the best husband for whoever is out there.

Then again it's always darkest before dawn or calmest before the storm, God seems to like giving things when we least expect them. However, now that I have thought this, if my wife walked into my life tonight, I would somewhat expect it, so I just jipped that from happening. Or maybe since I believe I jipped it she will come.... or maybe not... :bigsmile:

BTW I'm 20. I plan on going to semiinary in a year or two, and always wanted to be married prior to it so I could focus more on my studies rather than dating different girls, and trying to find girls to date. :chained:

I'm 20 years old btw...

[Edited on 3-11-2005 by ABondSlaveofChristJesus]
 
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