Godly courtship/arranged marriages?

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R

Reed

Puritan Board Freshman
Ok, so I'm a bit ahead of myself here... but with four daughters, (7, 5, twins 3) I think about this issue a lot.

My wife and I are praying for the parents of the godly young men who will be suitors to our daughters in the future, Lord willing.

Does anyone have thoughts or ideas on how parents can help in finding godly young men when your daughters are old enough to begin courting?

We can't just send them off to college with the instructions of pursuing a "Mrs." degree....

:>
:detective:Reed
 
Originally posted by Reed
Ok, so I'm a bit ahead of myself here... but with four daughters, (7, 5, twins 3) I think about this issue a lot.

My wife and I are praying for the parents of the godly young men who will be suitors to our daughters in the future, Lord willing.

Does anyone have thoughts or ideas on how parents can help in finding godly young men when your daughters are old enough to begin courting?

We can't just send them off to college with the instructions of pursuing a "Mrs." degree....

:>
:detective:Reed
Click to expand...

You may have a difficult time bucking the cultural trend there. I know there are some groups that try to practice courtship in this country, but I have no idea how successful it is. I suspect it isn't.
 
Originally posted by Reed

We can't just send them off to college with the instructions of pursuing a "Mrs." degree....
Click to expand...

No, but you can begin teaching them NOW how to be keepers of the home, knowledgeable in the Word, and serve in mercy ministries - which, essentially, is an "MRS." degree ;) It is important for parents to raise godly wives who understand their role if they truly wish for them to marry godly husbands.

I agree that the church is the best place for girls to find their husbands. Not to sound cliche, but God will arrange for the marriage at the time that best serves His purpose.
 
Originally posted by MissSolaFide

It is important for parents to raise godly wives who understand their role if they truly wish for them to marry godly husbands.
Click to expand...


:2cents:I think this is a great principle that we tend to forget. As we are looking for the right person, we shouldn't forget that we are also called to be the right person first and foremost. This would have saved me alot of heartache if I learned it earlier in life.
 
I believe your duty as a parent as said before, is to raise daughters who follow wholly after Christ and to teach them their God-given roles.

I do not believe it to be your duty to find men for your daughters. The men as pursuers are to find your daughters, that is part of their leadership role.

Also consider those who were not raised in a Covenant home, as myself. I had to learn my responsibility and role from nothing but Scripture. I didn't start learning this until I was about in the middle of college (20yrs old). So do not pray for parents necessarily. Pray for the young men, that they realize their God-given role of leading and that they may pursue your daughters as Christ pursues the Church.

[Edited on 4-19-2005 by Romans922]
 
It would be cool if those e-harmony people had in their questionnaire a detailed theological section. That way it could spit out eligible young men who were a personality match as well as a theological match. Then you pick one and write back and forth until you decide if they are worth meeting. I have three daughters so I have thought about this a little myself. My oldest is almost 11 so it is coming up way to fast. She is about to enter puberty.
icon_stressed.gif
They are all really close together 10, 9, 7 so it is going to be a bing bang boom.
huh.gif
There are a few boys at our church. One is already madly in love with my oldest but I think he is 2 years younger than her. Maybe we could have a meet reformed singles topic here in the forum?
unsure.gif
 
Originally posted by Augusta
It would be cool if those e-harmony people had in their questionnaire a detailed theological section. That way it could spit out eligible young men who were a personality match as well as a theological match. Then you pick one and write back and forth until you decide if they are worth meeting. I have three daughters so I have thought about this a little myself. My oldest is almost 11 so it is coming up way to fast. She is about to enter puberty.
icon_stressed.gif
They are all really close together 10, 9, 7 so it is going to be a bing bang boom.
huh.gif
There are a few boys at our church. One is already madly in love with my oldest but I think he is 2 years younger than her. Maybe we could have a meet reformed singles topic here in the forum?
unsure.gif
Click to expand...

My wife and I once talked about doing the e-harmony personality test to see if it would match us together. In the end we were afraid that it might not! :lol:

I feel your pain. I have 4 boys 11/9/7/5. The olders is definitely showing tell tale signs of entering puberty and I worry (sinfully, I admit) at the new world of depravity about to open up to him.
 
I agree with Jeff...the "What's a Girl to DO?" CD is excellent!!!

Again, I have to disagree with Kev.Carroll in bucking cultural trend. IF you truely have your daughters' hearts and are raising them with the understanding that "dating" and "boyfriends" are unacceptable...replacing that with "marriage" and "husbands"...then you are starting on the right foot. MANY homeschooling families do this (as well as mennonites-who RARELY homeschool their children). And it has worked! I've even known families secluded from everyone with none around who believed like them and yet, God sent them husbands for their daughters.

1) start praying for their husbands NOW!
2) listen to the Phillips CD
3) Talk with your daughters about being wives and discuss the way the world does things vs. the way you as a Christian household do things (ie dating/courtship/etc) (for those on the board that take offense at equating dating with "the way the world does things", sorry it's true and it's one way the church has become like the world rather than keeping to that which is good)
4) And yes, keep an eye on those young men in the church. One of them MIGHT one day be someone to consider. (My oldest boy has been watched by a another family as a consideration for their daughter in the future...he was 3 when this started...he's now 8 and a half)
 
Traci,

For the sake not redirecting the subject of this thread, I'll just give the short answer which is "no, he's not a Mormon". Ravi is an evangelical Christian and apologist who did give a talk recently at the Mormon Tabernacle. The link below is Ravi's response to criticism that he received for speaking there.

my warmest regards in Christ,
Larry

Letter from Ravi regarding the Mormon Tabernacle event
 
Ravi is DEFINATELY NOT a mormon...he goes to colleges and other places to speak though. He is one of the most logical thinkers of our time.
 
Yeah, I like Ravi Zecharias -- he's kind of like CS Lewis but is also kind of reformed too...

I like the example of Isaac and Rebekah. Gen 24

R
 
courtship

Originally posted by Reed
Ok, so I'm a bit ahead of myself here... but with four daughters, (7, 5, twins 3) I think about this issue a lot.

My wife and I are praying for the parents of the godly young men who will be suitors to our daughters in the future, Lord willing.

Does anyone have thoughts or ideas on how parents can help in finding godly young men when your daughters are old enough to begin courting?

We can't just send them off to college with the instructions of pursuing a "Mrs." degree....

:>
:detective:Reed
Click to expand...

It most definitely is not too early to begin discussing this with your daughters. In fact, if you plan for them to find husbands through courtship, please make sure that they understand this, and are voluntarily subject, long before a guy comes along. Develop the principles as a lifestyle. It is no good to pull the "courtship" card out of your hat after your daughter has already been smitten with feelings towards a young man, like when she's 16 or something like that. Such behavior only causes frustration. Be consistent. I write from some personal experience. This is part of obeying the command in Ephesians 6:4.

Brian
 
Originally posted by LadyFlynt
Ravi is DEFINATELY NOT a mormon...he goes to colleges and other places to speak though. He is one of the most logical thinkers of our time.
Click to expand...

Logical is as logical does. I would say that he is one of the most articulate.......
 
As for a man 'hunting' a wife as a part of male leadership: where is Biblical precedent for that? In Scripture we see in Godly families the parents doing the 'hunting'. The only single fellow out hunting I can recall is Samson. His marriages ended up like over 50% of 'Christian marriages' today. Sort of make one give pause to think, eh?
 
Or maybe you could view at as pursuing. As Christ pursued(s) the Church so we as MALES (husbands) should pursue our wives.
 
I want to highlight a quote from MissSolaFide from earlier in this discussion:

God will arrange for the marriage at the time that best serves His purpose.
Click to expand...

That is exactly correct. We must teach our kids to be holy and wholly devoted to Jesus Christ. Teach them the Biblical roles for men and women. Model these roles in the home. And teach them to WAIT on God, seeking Him for what they need, want, and desire in life.

Now for a word of warning about this topic. In my home church when I was in college there was a group of families advocating courtship. But it was not Biblical! They spoke out against dating, which was good, but then they started trying to arrange marriages. Problem was that families with girls in the church would pick out the boy they thought was to be their daughter's future husband and they would investigate him and his family to learn his likes and dislikes, etc. Then from early in their teens even (12, 13, 14 years old) they would TELL THEIR daughter who they were going to marry and insist that this was God's will for them. Then they would use what they learned in their little investigations and teach their daughters and train them specifically to be this one boys future wife. He likes this food, these activities, etc, so you must learn to cook these dishes and participate in these activities, etc.

It was sad really.

All of this was exposed by the way when I announced my engagement to my church (my future wife was not from my church) and a family in the church with a daughter who was 6 years younger than I had picked ME for their daghter. I had no idea as they never talked to me or my family about it!

They contacted the pastor and others in the church to try to bring charges against me for discipline since I was obviously disregarding God's will as revealed to them for who I would marry! When the leaders in the church refused to hear them, they began writing letters to me and my family directly making all sorts of claims......it was ridiculous. And it was sad. I knew their daughter. I had taught her in a youth Bible study for a few years. And when I learned all that she had learned about me in preparation to be my wife I was heart broken and felt like my privacy had been invaded - and I was angry at her parents stupidity. She had been told that it was God's will for her to marry me and when I married another woman I was sinning and leaving her without a husband for life!!!!!!

I have no idea if she ever did marry anyone else. We moved for a pastorate about a year after this episode and never heard about it again.

And I share this not to knock teaching principles of courtship. I post it to be clear that parents should be very careful in how they approach the subject and in what they teach their kids about who they will marry. Teach courtship Biblically!!

Above all, teach them to be good disciples of Jesus Christ, fulfilling the role He has for them as a man or woman (to be single or married!!), and teach them to wait on God - He will indeed arrange their marriage as He sees fit!!!

Phillip
 
Originally posted by LawrenceU
Ah, but Christ pursues only those whom the Father has given. (John 6:37)
Click to expand...

That is beside the whole point. Husbands are to pursue their wives as Christ pursued the Church. That is ALL husbands are to pursue the wives, like Christ pursued the Church.

Also, when quoting John 6:37, you open up a lot of stuff, for example: the gospel, Christ makes it possible to have to gospel proclaimed to a lot of people (i.e. the husband pursuing women), but not all 'hear' it, but the Church does hear it (Your wife will hear it and your pursuit will end in a 'won' heart).

[Edited on 5-3-2005 by Romans922]
 
I want to highlight a quote from MissSolaFide from earlier in this discussion:

Quote:
God will arrange for the marriage at the time that best serves His purpose.


That is exactly correct.
Click to expand...

While i would agree with the above, doesn't God ordain everything to happen at the times he sees fit?

I don't see how the above statement means that we should not be taking active steps to look for a spouse if we are considering marriage?

Just seeking to understand...
 
Originally posted by Romans922
Originally posted by LawrenceU
Ah, but Christ pursues only those whom the Father has given. (John 6:37)
Click to expand...

That is beside the whole point. Husbands are to pursue their wives as Christ pursued the Church. That is ALL husbands are to pursue the wives, like Christ pursued the Church.
Click to expand...

Andrew,

How is this beside the point? Do you think that a man should be pursuing every girl he finds attractive because she MAY be his future wife? I think that you should be absolutely sure the girl your pursuing is God's perfect mate for you!

I agree with those who said that it isn't our responsibility to go searching for our children's future husband or wife. God brought my husband to me when it was His perfect time. Believe me, I had gone looking, at a Christian camp I worked for 4 summer after high school, at my own home church, etc. But God choose to bring my husband to me from across the state almost into my back yard! God is in control and He knows what He is doing!
 
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