Funny things you only hear in Church

[Marcellus]

Preachers and people say things in Church that are often funny to me and I am sure there are more. I guess its Christian buzz words and phrases.

Here are 2 that I bet you hear in Church but never outside the doors.
“As it were” I really don’t think I could use this in a sentence if I wanted to, then again English was never my best subject.
“If you will” I’m thinking “Will what?”
__________________

 

[Presbyterian Deacon]

"Turn with me, in your Bible..."

I have heard this from the pulpit before.

"Turn with me, in your Bibles..."

I always have to supress the urge to yell,

"YOU GET OUT OF MY BIBLE!"




____________________________

Another one is "Turn in your Bibles....to Matthew."


I always picture a line of worshippers walking toward a dear saint named Matthew and giving him their Bibles.

 

[py3ak]

You're creating performance anxiety for the preachers on here, Sterling! Is "please open your Bibles to the book of _________" OK?

 

[Presbyterian Deacon]

Sorry Ruben.

And, yes -- "Please open your Bibles to the book of _______________" would be OK.

 

[Mushroom]

I have counted the number of times an elder has said "this morning" during announcements. It can rise to surprising numbers.

But then, I could do no better, so I gratefully endure the redundancy.

 

[Herald]

I know a man in Christian leadership who says, "Father God" every five second when praying publicly. One time I counted the number of "Father God's" and had to stop when it exceeded thirty.

 

[Presbyterian Deacon]

I know a man in Christian leadership who says, "Father God" every five second when praying publicly. One time I counted the number of "Father God's" and had to stop when it exceeded thirty.

You know, I'm not pretending to know the man's heart, but I do know my own, and I'm beginning to think this verges upon taking the Lord's Name in vain. Not because he's not addressing God, but because it seems to border upon a habitual use.

But again, I'm not claiming to know the guy's heart, just typin' out loud.

If not "taking the Lord's name in vain" -- it sure sounds like "vain repetition" (Matthew 6:7).

 

[nicnap]

I have heard this from the pulpit before.

"Turn with me, in your Bibles..."

I always have to supress the urge to yell,

"YOU GET OUT OF MY BIBLE!"




____________________________

Another one is "Turn in your Bibles....to Matthew."


I always picture a line of worshippers walking toward a dear saint named Matthew and giving him their Bibles.

pffftahahahaha!!! I needed that.

 

[nicnap]

I know a man in Christian leadership who says, "Father God" every five second when praying publicly. One time I counted the number of "Father God's" and had to stop when it exceeded thirty.

You know, I'm not pretending to know the man's heart, but I do know my own, and I'm beginning to think this verges upon taking the Lord's Name in vain. Not because he's not addressing God, but because it seems to border upon a habitual use.

But again, I'm not claiming to know the guy's heart, just typin' out loud.

Josh, why does this sort of thing bother you, Josh? Josh, is it that it just seems to be vain repitition, Josh. That, Josh, by saying our Father God's name over and over Josh, that He may hear more or something? Me, Josh, I do not think, Josh, that it is that. Josh, I just think it has become filler words that, well Josh, they do not realize they are saying Josh. I too believe it is vain repition, Josh. (Sorry, Josh and Bill and Sterling; this one is one is a pet peeve o' mine...but I couldn't resist.)

 

[Herald]

I think this gentleman says "Father God" so many times because it is habit. I don't believe he was ever told how to pray. Yes, I do think we need to teach people how to pray. Not for the sake of eloquence but in how to direct our prayers. Vain repetition is when words or phrases are repeated (multiple prayers) in order to be heard.

 

[Presbyterian Deacon]

I know a man in Christian leadership who says, "Father God" every five second when praying publicly. One time I counted the number of "Father God's" and had to stop when it exceeded thirty.

You know, I'm not pretending to know the man's heart, but I do know my own, and I'm beginning to think this verges upon taking the Lord's Name in vain. Not because he's not addressing God, but because it seems to border upon a habitual use.

But again, I'm not claiming to know the guy's heart, just typin' out loud.

Josh, why does this sort of thing bother you, Josh? Josh, is it that it just seems to be vain repitition, Josh. That, Josh, by saying our Father God's name over and over Josh, that He may hear more or something? Me, Josh, I do not think, Josh, that it is that. Josh, I just think it has become filler words that, well Josh, they do not realize they are saying Josh. I too believe it is vain repition, Josh. (Sorry, Josh and Bill and Sterling; this one is one is a pet peeve o' mine...but I couldn't resist.)

We know, you're just joshin us! ?

 

[nicnap]

True...I just think it has become filler words...I stand corrected on the vain rep.

 

[nicnap]

You know, I'm not pretending to know the man's heart, but I do know my own, and I'm beginning to think this verges upon taking the Lord's Name in vain. Not because he's not addressing God, but because it seems to border upon a habitual use.

But again, I'm not claiming to know the guy's heart, just typin' out loud.

Josh, why does this sort of thing bother you, Josh? Josh, is it that it just seems to be vain repitition, Josh. That, Josh, by saying our Father God's name over and over Josh, that He may hear more or something? Me, Josh, I do not think, Josh, that it is that. Josh, I just think it has become filler words that, well Josh, they do not realize they are saying Josh. I too believe it is vain repition, Josh. (Sorry, Josh and Bill and Sterling; this one is one is a pet peeve o' mine...but I couldn't resist.)

We know, you're just joshin us! ?

I was; that was quite the sterling observation you made.

 

[Presbyterian Deacon]

I think this gentleman says "Father God" so many times because it is habit. I don't believe he was ever told how to pray. Yes, I do think we need to teach people how to pray. Not for the sake of eloquence but in how to direct our prayers. Vain repetition is when words or phrases are repeated (multiple prayers) in order to be heard.

Point taken. Thanks.

 

[Presbyterian Deacon]

Josh, why does this sort of thing bother you, Josh? Josh, is it that it just seems to be vain repitition, Josh. That, Josh, by saying our Father God's name over and over Josh, that He may hear more or something? Me, Josh, I do not think, Josh, that it is that. Josh, I just think it has become filler words that, well Josh, they do not realize they are saying Josh. I too believe it is vain repition, Josh. (Sorry, Josh and Bill and Sterling; this one is one is a pet peeve o' mine...but I couldn't resist.)

We know, you're just joshin us! ?

I was; that was quite the sterling observation you made.

And just in the NICK of time!

 

[Pilgrim's Progeny]

I have had to consciously train myself not to do this. I had a college professor say we would never communicate with a close friend by repeatedly saying there name back to them, so why do we do this with God.

A little off, but, have you ever run across people who repeatedly say man, "you know what I mean man", "I was like, man", "yeah man","that's right man" etc.?

 

[Presbyterian Deacon]

I hear ya man!

 

[Simply_Nikki]

I know a man in Christian leadership who says, "Father God" every five second when praying publicly. One time I counted the number of "Father God's" and had to stop when it exceeded thirty.

You know, I'm not pretending to know the man's heart, but I do know my own, and I'm beginning to think this verges upon taking the Lord's Name in vain. Not because he's not addressing God, but because it seems to border upon a habitual use.

But again, I'm not claiming to know the guy's heart, just typin' out loud.

Josh, why does this sort of thing bother you, Josh? Josh, is it that it just seems to be vain repitition, Josh. That, Josh, by saying our Father God's name over and over Josh, that He may hear more or something? Me, Josh, I do not think, Josh, that it is that. Josh, I just think it has become filler words that, well Josh, they do not realize they are saying Josh. I too believe it is vain repition, Josh. (Sorry, Josh and Bill and Sterling; this one is one is a pet peeve o' mine...but I couldn't resist.)

That was funny lol!

 

[Herald]

I have had to consciously train myself not to do this. I had a college professor say we would never communicate with a close friend by repeatedly saying there name back to them, so why do we do this with God.

A little off, but, have you ever run across people who repeatedly say man, "you know what I mean man", "I was like, man", "yeah man","that's right man" etc.?

Dude, no. Like I don't know anyone like that, dude. Whoa.

 

[Pilgrim's Progeny]

I have had to consciously train myself not to do this. I had a college professor say we would never communicate with a close friend by repeatedly saying there name back to them, so why do we do this with God.

A little off, but, have you ever run across people who repeatedly say man, "you know what I mean man", "I was like, man", "yeah man","that's right man" etc.?

Dude, no. Like I don't know anyone like that, dude. Whoa.

That's cool man, man I'm ok with that, you know what I mean man

 

[Pilgrim's Progeny]

My wife has pointed out in the past how often I said "um" "a" "you know what I mean" , I have now trained myself not to use filler words, when I hear it in other preachers it can be somewhat distracting.

 

[nicnap]

Well, at least no one still uses phat...and thankfully I NEVER heard it in a sermon!! I do believe that a church is still the only place you can receive a "pounding" from 50-60 people and end up better off than before it happened.

(In case you don't know...I found this out with some confusion, in my first pastorate...a pounding is when the members of a church gift a member in need with canned goods and other groceries.)

 

[Pilgrim's Progeny]

I do believe that a church is still the only place you can receive a "pounding" from 50-60 people and end up better off than before it happened.

(In case you don't know...I found this out with some confusion, in my first pastorate...a pounding is when the members of a church gift a member in need with canned goods and other groceries.)

 

[etexas]

Are you saving a space in that pew? Think about it! You NEVER get that anywhere but Church!

 

[Pilgrim's Progeny]

Every head bowed, every eye closed, no one looking around . . .

 

[raekwon]

I see that hand.

 

[Presbyterian Deacon]

Are you saving a space in that pew? Think about it! You NEVER get that anywhere but Church!

"Is that seat saved?"

"Not only that, but baptized and sanctified, too!"

 

[nicnap]

Are you saving a space in that pew? Think about it! You NEVER get that anywhere but Church!

"Is that seat saved?"

"Not only that, but baptized and sanctified, too!"

 

[Pilgrim's Progeny]

We got all night folks . . . do I see a hand.

 

[nicnap]

We got all night folks . . . do I see a hand.

The buses will wait...