Frustrated...

[JPT]

<p class="rant">
I've been struggling something for a little while now. One of my most prominent desires in life has been to find a wife, get married, and have kids. However, I'm having difficulties finding a woman who likes me... Plenty of women I'd be interested in, but not visa-versa. A friend of mine (who happens to be quite opposite of me, personality-wise) says I'm too geeky. Soooo now I guess I'm looking for a wife who gets just as excited about theology as she does with computers... Except now I'm hearing crickets and seeing an empty, desert wasteland...

Where are all the single, geeky, Christian women?!?
</p>

Any encouragement, rebuke, or know of a place where I can find such a woman?

 

[Pergamum]

Until we start our own dating website here ("PB-Harmony" anyone?.....) there is always "Sovereign Grace Singles" to look at.

If your friend is correct in any degree, is there anything you can do to be less "geeky" in the meantime (grooming, clothing, hygiene, personal habits, mannerisms, health and fitness, etc)?

 

[One Little Nail]

brother the only advise I can give you is this :
you must surrender your desire to The Lord & He will if He be willing give you a Wife.
The principle in 1 Cor 15 is that a grain of wheat must die before it can bear fruit.

P.S. is there any chance you can post your photo on the site so your fellow PB's can make a call

 

[uberkermit]

A few miscellaneous thoughts:

I became a Christian when I was twenty. Soon after that time I developed a desire for a good Christian wife (I didn't really think of getting married before that). It took a few years before that desire was realised: I was twenty-nine by the time I was married. But it was worth the wait. In hindsight I recognise that I had a lot of spiritual growing to do, and though I thought I was ready at twenty, I am glad (again, for the sake of my wife) that it didn't happen until later. Every case is different of course, but patience is useful.

Do you have a good job? Enough to support your family? If not, prayerfully consider what you can do to change that situation while you are waiting. (Proverbs 24:27)

Don't necessarily be looking for a woman who also happens to be a theologian; A good Christian woman yes, but she needn't be a theologian.

Finally, as you wait on the Lord, consider your desire to be married. Where does that desire come from? From where does it spring? There is a very good chance that God has worked this in you, and if he has, he will also provide a lovely wife for you to fill that desire. Seek him often, learn his promises to you, and wait for him. His wisdom is perfect, and he will put you with your wife, D.V., in his time.

<p class="rant">
I've been struggling something for a little while now. One of my most prominent desires in life has been to find a wife, get married, and have kids. However, I'm having difficulties finding a woman who likes me... Plenty of women I'd be interested in, but not visa-versa. A friend of mine (who happens to be quite opposite of me, personality-wise) says I'm too geeky. Soooo now I guess I'm looking for a wife who gets just as excited about theology as she does with computers... Except now I'm hearing crickets and seeing an empty, desert wasteland...

Where are all the single, geeky, Christian women?!?
</p>

Any encouragement, rebuke, or know of a place where I can find such a woman?

 

[jwithnell]

I'd put your emphasis on the theology part -- I am extremely grateful to have married someone with whom I can talk. We have some differences -- I'm a bit more interested in the technical aspects of theology, but Brian more than matches that with a robust capability in dealing with the OT scriptures. The geek side might be OK in some respects (both my daughter and son-in-law were math/computer science majors) but you'll also benefit from having someone who brings another full set of interests to the relationship, especially if y'all home school.

Being content to wait on God in this area can be extremely tough. I've noticed that nearly everyone who strongly desires marriage usually ends up married, but that can be fulfilled with timing and circumstances that you'd never have chosen on your own. God is wise, though you may have to follow him blindly at this point.

 

[arapahoepark]

Be patient my friend!
I am going through the same thing! So I can definitely relate!

 

[littlepeople]

Too much is made of finding the right "kind" of person. Be a good friend to any christian ladies that God puts in your life, and be patient as others have said. I was my wife's best friend for 5 years, but we only dated for a few months before getting engaged. As Pergamum said, be willing to take a hard look in the mirror. Once you're married, the mirror will be ever before your face so-to-speak best to take a critical look now. I was the geek, and my wife was the cheerleader. She loves me past a multitude of personality quirks, but it's also my loving duty to mitigate those things if I'm able.

 

[joejohnston3]

A few miscellaneous thoughts:

I became a Christian when I was twenty. Soon after that time I developed a desire for a good Christian wife (I didn't really think of getting married before that). It took a few years before that desire was realised: I was twenty-nine by the time I was married. But it was worth the wait. In hindsight I recognise that I had a lot of spiritual growing to do, and though I thought I was ready at twenty, I am glad (again, for the sake of my wife) that it didn't happen until later. Every case is different of course, but patience is useful.

Do you have a good job? Enough to support your family? If not, prayerfully consider what you can do to change that situation while you are waiting. (Proverbs 24:27)

Don't necessarily be looking for a woman who also happens to be a theologian; A good Christian woman yes, but she needn't be a theologian.

Finally, as you wait on the Lord, consider your desire to be married. Where does that desire come from? From where does it spring? There is a very good chance that God has worked this in you, and if he has, he will also provide a lovely wife for you to fill that desire. Seek him often, learn his promises to you, and wait for him. His wisdom is perfect, and he will put you with your wife, D.V., in his time.

<p class="rant">
I've been struggling something for a little while now. One of my most prominent desires in life has been to find a wife, get married, and have kids. However, I'm having difficulties finding a woman who likes me... Plenty of women I'd be interested in, but not visa-versa. A friend of mine (who happens to be quite opposite of me, personality-wise) says I'm too geeky. Soooo now I guess I'm looking for a wife who gets just as excited about theology as she does with computers... Except now I'm hearing crickets and seeing an empty, desert wasteland...

Where are all the single, geeky, Christian women?!?
</p>

Any encouragement, rebuke, or know of a place where I can find such a woman?

+1

 

[joejohnston3]

brother the only advise I can give you is this :
you must surrender your desire to The Lord & He will if He be willing give you a Wife.
The principle in 1 Cor 15 is that a grain of wheat must die before it can bear fruit.

P.S. is there any chance you can post your photo on the site so your fellow PB's can make a call

+1

 

[rookie]

One thing that we keep forgetting, is that "we" are looking for a wife...When I met my wife, I was going to college, and was only a 4 yr old Christian. Though I was "looking and hoping" for a wife, I was interested in a couple of ladies from my "denomination". Then going to college, a girl sitting in the same class, heard a guy say "I read my bible", when the teacher asked the entire class "what do you do to decompress after a hard day", and heard everything from beer, to reading, going to the gym....so then my wife watched me like a hawk and confronted me about my Christianity. She came to my church, the Lord worked in her, and saved her. 9 months later, we were married and still are over 8 yrs later.

At the right time, God will bring you a wife. I pray often for the singles, not for them to find a wife/husband. But that the fleshly desires won't interfere with finding a Godly spouse. Remember something dear singles, if they are not Godly before you marry, and you are...it's going to be a long marriage if God doesn't work in your lives.

 

[Frosty]

A few miscellaneous thoughts:

I became a Christian when I was twenty. Soon after that time I developed a desire for a good Christian wife (I didn't really think of getting married before that). It took a few years before that desire was realised: I was twenty-nine by the time I was married. But it was worth the wait. In hindsight I recognise that I had a lot of spiritual growing to do, and though I thought I was ready at twenty, I am glad (again, for the sake of my wife) that it didn't happen until later. Every case is different of course, but patience is useful.

Do you have a good job? Enough to support your family? If not, prayerfully consider what you can do to change that situation while you are waiting. (Proverbs 24:27)

Don't necessarily be looking for a woman who also happens to be a theologian; A good Christian woman yes, but she needn't be a theologian.

Finally, as you wait on the Lord, consider your desire to be married. Where does that desire come from? From where does it spring? There is a very good chance that God has worked this in you, and if he has, he will also provide a lovely wife for you to fill that desire. Seek him often, learn his promises to you, and wait for him. His wisdom is perfect, and he will put you with your wife, D.V., in his time.

<p class="rant">
I've been struggling something for a little while now. One of my most prominent desires in life has been to find a wife, get married, and have kids. However, I'm having difficulties finding a woman who likes me... Plenty of women I'd be interested in, but not visa-versa. A friend of mine (who happens to be quite opposite of me, personality-wise) says I'm too geeky. Soooo now I guess I'm looking for a wife who gets just as excited about theology as she does with computers... Except now I'm hearing crickets and seeing an empty, desert wasteland...

Where are all the single, geeky, Christian women?!?
</p>

Any encouragement, rebuke, or know of a place where I can find such a woman?

+1

+2

 

[Jack K]

Keep working on being a godly man... practicing deeper faith and repentance. Think fruit of the Spirit: become more loving, more joyful, more peaceful, more patient, kinder, gentler, increasing in self-control.

Good Christian women really like these things in a man. They're far more important than whether or not you're geeky. Neither geeky nor non-geeky equates to godliness. These other things do.

 

[Romans922]

Where is your father in this? Your elders?

I'd go talk with them and see if they can give you guidance.

Also marriage isn't about finding someone who likes you. It is about finding someone who loves God, where you love Him too. See Isaac and his wife and how they got together (Gn. 24).

Why did he love her? Because he married her and therefore he loved her (per the command in Scripture).

 

[Solparvus]

Being a fellow single I can relate to the struggle.

I think you'll do very well to listen to Al Martin's Theology of Singleness. Among other things he addresses reasons for singleness (outside of gift of celibacy), remedies for sinful causes of prolonged singleness, and trust in the Father to provide a spouse because of His goodness. That's not all there is to it, but maybe those are key areas which you've thought of.

Albert N. Martin Audio Messages on Directives to Singles

To me so far it's been the most helpful thing I've listened to or heard on the subject. I think it will do you great good as well.

 

[C. M. Sheffield]

In addition to what others have said, I would add that you should definitely take every opportunity to be with like-minded, Christian singles. As I'm sure many of you can attest, some of our churches are small and may have no single Christian ladies. In that case, I would suggest you take the opportunity to attend functions or conferences put on by sister churches where you are more likely to interact with like-minded single women.

And definitely tell your pastor and seek his help in the matter.

 

[Organgrinder]

Don't do what I did.

I went to a college merely because it was Baptist to look for a wife. My thinking was that the school would be chock full of eligable women. The education part of it was secondary so I guess I was a male MRS major.

One thing you should do is to prepare a place to bring a wife home to. I didn't do it that way and had to start with nothing and support a family on low paid work. Use your lonely hours to better your career, seek more education, buy a house and get a good car. I only wish I'd done it that way.

 

[BuckeyeGirl]

I sympathize with you: since I was little, my greatest desire in life has been to get married and have children. So far, God has not seen fit to grant that desire. It is difficult watching others (especially girls younger than I!) get boyfriends, get married, and have babies while I am still waiting with no prospects in sight. In my situation, it is not necessarily that no one is interested in me; however, the men who are interested in me are typically either not professing Christians, or else professing Christians who do not seem to take their faith seriously.

Remember that God is sovereign in this. If He wants you to marry, then you WILL get married. This is what I remind myself constantly. Others on this thread have given good advice about putting yourself in places where single women will be. All I have to add, is that this time while you are waiting to meet someone is a good opportunity to grow in your walk with God. Devote yourself to scripture reading and prayer, and "Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: Casting all your care upon Him; for He careth for you." Learning to trust God has been the only thing that has offered true comfort during my loneliness.

 

[BuckeyeGirl]

Also marriage isn't about finding someone who likes you. It is about finding someone who loves God, where you love Him too. See Isaac and his wife and how they got together (Gn. 24).

Why did he love her? Because he married her and therefore he loved her (per the command in Scripture).

Is finding someone who loves God necessarily exclusive of finding someone who likes you? I do not think so. It seems that when looking for a spouse, a Christian should look for someone who both loves God and who loves him/her as well. I for one have no desire to marry a man who doesn't like me.

As to Rebecca and Isaac, wouldn't that be a case of a descriptive bible passage, rather than prescriptive?

 

[Piano Hero]

While I'm not geeky when it comes to computers, I am socially "geeky" in other ways (while none of my friends are), and I too am having problems finding someone, so I partially understand your struggle. It's hard to do, but you have to remember that God works everything in His own time, and not ours. He may have other callings for you right now, whether that be to minster to others in your work/school environment (or to find your calling in your employment), or to allow you to devote more time to helping your personal growth in Him. The best thing to do, in my opinion, is pray and ask for guidance, and be patient.

 

[Romans922]

Also marriage isn't about finding someone who likes you. It is about finding someone who loves God, where you love Him too. See Isaac and his wife and how they got together (Gn. 24).

Why did he love her? Because he married her and therefore he loved her (per the command in Scripture).

Is finding someone who loves God necessarily exclusive of finding someone who likes you? I do not think so. It seems that when looking for a spouse, a Christian should look for someone who both loves God and who loves him/her as well. I for one have no desire to marry a man who doesn't like me.

As to Rebecca and Isaac, wouldn't that be a case of a descriptive bible passage, rather than prescriptive?

I'd challenge you to find a godly example of a marriage or command in Scripture concerning marriage in which that marriage/relationship began by liking someone. I'd secondly challenge you to find a godly example of a marriage or command in Scripture concerning marriage in which that marriage/relationship began by loving God without necessarily starting with liking or loving the other person and ended in still loving God but also loving their spouse.

 

[Paul1976]

Also marriage isn't about finding someone who likes you. It is about finding someone who loves God, where you love Him too. See Isaac and his wife and how they got together (Gn. 24).

Why did he love her? Because he married her and therefore he loved her (per the command in Scripture).

Is finding someone who loves God necessarily exclusive of finding someone who likes you? I do not think so. It seems that when looking for a spouse, a Christian should look for someone who both loves God and who loves him/her as well. I for one have no desire to marry a man who doesn't like me.

As to Rebecca and Isaac, wouldn't that be a case of a descriptive bible passage, rather than prescriptive?

I'd challenge you to find a godly example of a marriage or command in Scripture concerning marriage in which that marriage/relationship began by liking someone. I'd secondly challenge you to find a godly example of a marriage or command in Scripture concerning marriage in which that marriage/relationship began by loving God without necessarily starting with liking or loving the other person and ended in still loving God but also loving their spouse.

I don't know that we find a great deal of specific instruction on how to select a spouse in scripture. We do see a description of how Abraham and his servant selected a bride for Isaac. We also see descriptions of Jesus reclining when he ate. I do not believe the scripture necessarily expects us to follow all of the social customs recorded in it; for this reason I do not believe I am outside of the will of God in owning a dining room table and eating at it regularly. I would also note I can only think of one instance where God directed someone to marry a specific person (not counting Adam). I do not believe Hosea's marriage is a model we are all called to emulate.

There are imperatives in scripture about not being unequally yoked (i.e. marrying a fellow believer); there is some good advice to be found, particularly in Proverbs, as well. You very much sound as if you fully intend to follow such advice.

I do not believe God generally makes His will apparent. If we depended on him for specific "marching orders" day-to-day on all our decisions, it would short circuit the process of us learning to make godly decisions and seeking the wisdom He provides to aid us in making those decisions. We see plenty of NT examples where individuals make decisions they believe to be right without specific instruction. This is implied when Paul headed to Bithynia (presumably having made the decision to attempt to evangelize there and having set out for the destination).

Acts 16:7 And when they had come up to Mysia, they attempted to go into Bithynia, but the Spirit of Jesus did not allow them.

As God had a different plan, He redirected Paul to Macedonia. This implies that, for many of the other cities where Paul evangelized, he did not have specific instructions to go there. Rather, he was making decisions which seemed compatible with his general instruction to preach the gospel.

My point is, do not expect specific instructions from God in this matter. He may choose to provide specific direction in this instance, but that does not seem to be the typical Christian experience. And, as Buckeye Girl wisely pointed out, finding someone who loves God is not mutually exclusive with finding someone who you like and who likes you. You may marry a fellow believer, you are not commanded to marry someone only because she is a fellow believer.

Let me relate my experience, which is not typical. I very much wanted to marry from my early 20s. I also could not seem to find Christian women interested in me. I didn't get a single date until I was 29, if my memory serves. And it was not for lack of trying! To me, it was particularly frustrating to hear Christians talk of the large number of Christian women apparently in need of Christian husbands, but not able to ever connect with any of them. One of the most painful experiences began when I was 18. I met a girl at a Campus Crusade meeting and we had a great conversation. So, I started trying to end up at events she was likely to attend. She seemed to like me as a friend, but simply wouldn't interact with me when I asked her to any date-like activities. As the school year ended (we probably knew each other 6 months), she made it clear she wanted to be friends, nothing more. I never learned why. I saw her occasionally on campus. The university had around 20,000 students, so not often. We never saw each other after graduation.

That was the first of many painful experiences trying to develop relationships with committed Christians. The words that kept going through my mind to God were “Why do you let everything I attempt blow up in my face? Painfully?!!” While I knew this attitude was not right, it was frustrating to have both my Christian family and friends pushing me to be married, but God appeared to make it impossible for me to make any progress in that direction. I’m sure I grew through this, and I’m confident it did and will work for my good. But it was not an easy place to be.

Fast forward around 12 years. I took a job around 800 miles from where I was an undergraduate. For Christmas, I travelled back to my hometown to stay with my family for a week. The city is around 250,000 people with many churches. My family attends a large Conservative Baptist church; Christmas eve sees three services, each filled to capacity with 1500 people. This girl I liked when I was a freshman in college sat directly behind me by 2 rows. She recognized me, although I didn’t recognize her when she came up after the service to say “hi.” We only had a few minutes to talk as our families were headed out, but we decided to get lunch before I returned to my new homestate. It didn’t take me long to figure out she’d either changed her mind, or lowered her standards. We caught up on the phone, over email, and during a few moderately brief visits. 6 months after that Christmas eve service, we were engaged, and we married two months later. We’ve been married five wonderful years, and I thank God every day for her.

Our reconnection was very improbable. She lived several hours from my hometown, and her family was visiting the church my family attended for the first time. Her appearance had changed enough I did not recognize her, although I obviously remembered her once she told me her name.

I lied, of course, when I said I never learned why this girl refused to date me. It wasn’t anything about me; she was afraid of men and dating at that time. And I do know that God did a lot in both of our lives during those years apart.

I do not believe my experience is typical. I’ve never met anyone with a very similar story. I relate it to let you know that God can and sometimes does arrange things like what He did for me and my wife. However, even though it happened for me, I do not believe it to be the norm. Most of the wonderful Christian couples I know have pretty ordinary stories about how they met and decided to marry. Their marriages seem every bit as much a blessing as mine.

Few people have as much reason as I do on this subject to Claim that God will direct them to the right spouse. Despite the fact that I believe that this happened to me (at least to an extent), God has not lead me in other decisions this way. I sincerely believe that not to be typical. I also wrote it to let you know I can emphasize with your situation. I wish I knew a magic formula to help you with the pain and frustration you’re experiencing. People who marry in their early twenties, or who do not strongly desire marriage for more than a decade have no idea what you’re going through.

Finally, I would politely suggest that if you do choose to take other member’s advice to marry someone before you like them, it would be best not to inform your bride of that fact, before or after you’re married.

 

[AlexanderHenderson1647]

Well, there is this story in the Bible about a guy who found a woman for his master's son by taking camels to a watering hole and waited for the "one" to come water them. I kid, and hope to not seem meaninglessly trite. As I assume you have no camels, honestly seek a woman who is pursuing the Lord and ready/willing to serve a home and support you in your calling directly (joining you) or indirectly (serving in the home only or in a job and in the home giving you needed mutual encouragement.)

As you seek such a heart, make an effort to put yourself in her life; see if God is giving you a desire to lay down your life for her and when/if the opportunity providentially presents itself, ask her if she is willing to grow a Christian home with you. There is no easy formula, and there are so many ways to find God's darling for you. As was mentioned earlier, I've been very impressed with Sovereign Grace Singles. As always you can look at those that are providentially near or use such a meet/greet service.

Practically, plan to go out for some very non-threatening outings. A cup of coffee, a tea, or a dessert and then open up to one another. If nothing, do give her your appreciation and wish her well. If something is there, pursue it via emails, a call here and there. If things are still going try and get back together. There may be some traveling involved - may be some more disappointment and frustration. But bear in mind this:

Proverbs 18:22
Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.

with

Galatians 6:9
And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.

 

[irresistible_grace]

ing for you, sincerely.
Don't get frustrated about things that are beyond your control. When you do, you are bound to miss out on the many blessings God has already blessed you with. It is easy for me to get frustrated that I am not pregnant knowing my clock is ticking and desiring more covenant children. The secret things belong to the LORD. You never know what God has in store for you, especially when you are focused on getting what you want (I know that this "want" is something commendable). Concerning marriage, when I gave up, God gave me more than I ever imagined. Two months & 2 days after my first "date" with Wayne, we became one. And, in a couple weeks from now, we will have been married 9 years with 3 covenant children of our own.
pray2:ing for many more years of marriage & many more children as well).
I know what it is like to want to be married & I know what it its like to think it will never happen. I also know what it is like to get engaged on Thursday & married on Friday! God's ways are not our ways.

 

[Miss Marple]

"a godly example. . ." - Jacob and Rachel?

 

[Caroline]

Another godly example would be Ruth and Boaz, I believe. He clearly liked her before he married her. But we really aren't told about how many people in the Bible met their spouses. Common sense does dictate that there are some men that I would be tempted on a daily basis to fling out the window, and some that I get along with better. Overall, if I were getting married, it is probably better to shoot for someone that wouldn't be a daily temptation to destroy, even if with much prayer and patience, the temptation could be overcome. For one thing, it wouldn't be in accord with rule of love to marry someone without liking them, considering that I would not want someone to do that to me. If we should do to others as we would have done to us, then we should marry someone that we like, if that is what we would hope for ourselves.

In regard to finding a wife, I won't presume to know that this is the case in the original post, but I will comment that I have seen many cases where guys bemoan the lack of eligible Christian women and yet refuse to date someone who is not drop-dead gorgeous. I have known very ... um... average guys to shoot for the most popular girl in town, who is already fending off advances from every man within 70 miles. I have also known women to demand that the guy they marry be an ideal husband in every regard, including having life goals that entirely match her own.

Even if that is not the case for anyone here, I'd encourage you to evaluate whether there actually ARE no eligible singles around or whether you have narrowed the field too much. I married someone ten years older than myself, and many people would not consider that, but it has been a very happy marriage. You may consider a divorcee with children. Or someone who suffers a physical disability. Or some similar situation that may not seem ideal on the surface, but may turn out in the end to be ideal for you, given enough time and adjustment. People often overlook those prospects to the point that they actually do not even see them, and that is a shame.

In my humble opinion, compatibility is overrated. I like my husband very much, and he likes me very much, and most people say we are total opposites. I am intellectual and practical. He is goofy and extravagant. (He would agree with that assessment and often says it himself.) Part of being married is learning to appreciate things in others that are not like ourselves. But it is helpful to start out a marriage with at least a basic appreciation of each other.

 

[Christopher88]

I'm just about to get married. Here are somethings I am learning;
I am self centered and need to die to my self
I need to work harder for my household and can't do the childish things such as planning trips to hike the Mountain to Sea Trail or thinking about crazy things to do.
When a woman is your partner for life a wise baptist man told me of wisdom he heard. Before marriage (I would add before engagement) keep your eyes open and upon marriage (I would say engagement) squint.

My Fiancee' and I are friends, we enjoy each others company but we are complete opposites of each other. She is more laid back on theology, I am well I'm posting on the Puritan Board enough said. I follow world news and politics, she avoids it. I hate pop music, and pop culture, she can tell me who married who and what the child's name is. I could spend all day in the woods, she could spend all day shopping. In short brother you have a country reformer who aspires to get into ministry, and a city girl who lives in the country and enjoys nascar.

The point of all this, is in my single days I was the guy with the check list. What I found out was Jesus and family meant more to me then my so called check list. My fiancee' and I have a great time together, she even gets into the woods with me and I get into shopping. (I walk around the shopping center when she shops but we are still together) Don't look for the check list, look for the sight of God.

Also remember this,
You are the leader of your household and better be strong spiritually. I never understood when men meant when they said you are the leader of your household and must lead like Jesus. Leading like Jesus is hard.

Just some thought, not that it counts for much.

 

[Pergamum]

Just a thought:

I love my wife because she holds to my theology but doesn't talk much about it; her theology is the practical theology of raising a home and teaching the kids and enjoying her role as a homemaker.

When picking a wife her attitude about child-rearing is more important than whether she can discuss her lapserian view.

 

[SinnerSavedByChrist]

brother the only advise I can give you is this :
you must surrender your desire to The Lord & He will if He be willing give you a Wife.
The principle in 1 Cor 15 is that a grain of wheat must die before it can bear fruit.

P.S. is there any chance you can post your photo on the site so your fellow PB's can make a call

+1
I'm also in the same category. But I am so thankful that God is such a great God. He will answer your prayers. He delights to answer your prayers. He can ONLY bless you with whom He thinks is BEST for you (which may be TOTALLY different to who you envision to marry). I have saturated all my past "overtures" to eligible sisters in Christ with prayer. And so far I have failed every time. And I know that God is telling me: wait. Examine yourself. Can you provide for a family? Are you seeking Me each day? Do you love Me or do you love the trinkets which you play around with each day? ... Let Me bless you with the right woman. Wait on me.

Keep on entrusting in Him. If we being evil know how to give good gifts to our children, how much more God who is perfect?

 

[One Little Nail]

Being a fellow single I can relate to the struggle.

I think you'll do very well to listen to Al Martin's Theology of Singleness. Among other things he addresses reasons for singleness (outside of gift of celibacy), remedies for sinful causes of prolonged singleness, and trust in the Father to provide a spouse because of His goodness. That's not all there is to it, but maybe those are key areas which you've thought of.

Albert N. Martin Audio Messages on Directives to Singles

To me so far it's been the most helpful thing I've listened to or heard on the subject. I think it will do you great good as well.

You must remember that The Lord will ordain the End as well as the means,i found that i
had difficulty talking to woman when it came to the romantic stuff,plus carrying hurts in
my heart from previous disasters didn't help,i was 36 & had surrendered my desire for a
wife to the Lord,then one day out of the blue at a church picnic i met my future wife, it all
came so easy thats what i mean when i say the Lord ordains the end as well as the means.
so don't worry to much if it is God's will it will happen,i regret not enjoying my single years
as much as i could have desiring to marry& still occasionally miss/yearn the freedom that
you have when your single (shoo don't tell my wife)not that i regret getting married for one
moment though,so enjoy your single years while you still have them & do a theology course
or something cause you may not get the chance when you marry.

 

[JPT]

Wow! I never expected the response that you all have given.... You all have been such a blessing. Forgive my lack of response since my initial post. I was having a rough night that night and was extra frustrated with where I was at in life. Thank you, everyone, for your prayers and encouragements in Christ! All too often I lose sight of the importance of having my full attention on Christ rather than various trials and things of this world. You all have helped me realize I had started to place my trust on my circumstances, yet again. Thank you and praise God for your love in Christ to a fellow brother.