Family Values and Churches

[Pilgrim]

Originally posted by LadyFlynt
Chris, I think these ppl were not meaning to view us as legalist..but I think they probably saw that there might be an issue for us (on our side of things).

I know we OUGHT to expect ministry to step up in these cases, but unfortunately most of us have learn NOT to expect it...it just doesn't happen.

Don't worry about the FPC...we also had an issue with them being unified on something as simple as covering/modesty, but not being unified on something as IMPORTANT as baptism...it was simply backwards to us.

We have taken up a suggestion that was made by a couple of other gents on this board...today was our 3rd Sunday there...I'll be quiet as to where until hubby has laid down a mandated decision for me...then I will add it to my sig line. I've already informed the board admins and mods though on what we are doing and where are attending.

 

[Dave L]

Originally posted by LadyFlynt
Our church this past autumn (before our move) was militant about this matter behind our back...our daughter was forced to change her clothes (putting on another's daughter's pants and shorts) when she was at their house...we had no idea this was happening until we moved...they encouraged our daughter to keep silent about it.

Woah! If she was forced to change clothes and "encouraged" to keep silent, that is verging on abuse. At the very least the church should have issued the other family with a stern reprimand.

I pray that the new church you are attending will be a suitable spiritual home for both you and your family.

 

[LadyFlynt]

Originally posted by Dave L

Originally posted by LadyFlynt
Our church this past autumn (before our move) was militant about this matter behind our back...our daughter was forced to change her clothes (putting on another's daughter's pants and shorts) when she was at their house...we had no idea this was happening until we moved...they encouraged our daughter to keep silent about it.

Woah! If she was forced to change clothes and "encouraged" to keep silent, that is verging on abuse. At the very least the church should have issued the other family with a stern reprimand.


Needless to say...we are at the point that NO ONE watches our children and there is no longer any such thing as sleepovers...I've heard horror stories from friends growing up and now this was my own personal horror story. I kept pretty quiet on this only asking for prayer when we moved, because I really needed to put it behind and move on...just the wiser this time. Fortunately, our daughter seems to be fine...we've talked with her about personal safety (what is okay for ppl to ask and not ask), etc.

I pray that the new church you are attending will be a suitable spiritual home for both you and your family.

Actually, I believe the minister there was possibly in on it...or at least led to believe things that were not wholly accurate. It DID go beyond the clothes...to what we would consider abuse. Supposedly our daughter wasn't washing herself properly (like they should be watching or asking her those questions! ). This was told to the pastor and my husband...but not in detail...I later found out what the detail left out was. I was wondering why my daughter was having "itchies" again. She is very allergic to things on her skin...including soap in certain areas that are considered self-cleansing organs on young children anyhow by the medical establishment. Thus, between that irritation being added (when her ped said we were to avoid soap there!) and being bound up in pants (skirts allow more air flow). As a momma, they are fortunate I didn't find out till we moved...I would have been turning social services around back to them! (yes, they called the week we were moving, social services gave us a clean bill and enjoyed seeing children that were obviously well loved and taken care of).

We've learned to be wiser...there is no such thing as sleepovers, we don't let ppl watch our children, and we've discusses personal safety with our daughter (what is appropriate for ppl to ask and not ask). I've heard horror stories from other growing up...but this became our own personal horror story. I've gotten past it...just the wiser for it.

[Edited on 5-10-2006 by LadyFlynt]

 

[fredtgreco]

Originally posted by LadyFlynt

Don't worry about the FPC...we also had an issue with them being unified on something as simple as covering/modesty, but not being unified on something as IMPORTANT as baptism...it was simply backwards to us.

This is a very wise statement. Would that more ministers and elders would understand it.

May God give us grace to live out His priorities.

 

[LadyFlynt]

Originally posted by fredtgreco

Originally posted by LadyFlynt

Don't worry about the FPC...we also had an issue with them being unified on something as simple as covering/modesty, but not being unified on something as IMPORTANT as baptism...it was simply backwards to us.

This is a very wise statement. Would that more ministers and elders would understand it.

May God give us grace to live out His priorities.

Fred...I also want to say Thank you for pointing it out. I know I got a bit aggravated when you did, simply because I was frustrated feeling like I have to "choose" between things that were BOTH important to me.

 

[CDM]

Originally posted by LadyFlynt

Originally posted by Dave L

Originally posted by LadyFlynt
Our church this past autumn (before our move) was militant about this matter behind our back...our daughter was forced to change her clothes (putting on another's daughter's pants and shorts) when she was at their house...we had no idea this was happening until we moved...they encouraged our daughter to keep silent about it.

Woah! If she was forced to change clothes and "encouraged" to keep silent, that is verging on abuse. At the very least the church should have issued the other family with a stern reprimand.


Needless to say...we are at the point that NO ONE watches our children and there is no longer any such thing as sleepovers...I've heard horror stories from friends growing up and now this was my own personal horror story. I kept pretty quiet on this only asking for prayer when we moved, because I really needed to put it behind and move on...just the wiser this time. Fortunately, our daughter seems to be fine...we've talked with her about personal safety (what is okay for ppl to ask and not ask), etc.

I pray that the new church you are attending will be a suitable spiritual home for both you and your family.

Actually, I believe the minister there was possibly in on it...or at least led to believe things that were not wholly accurate. It DID go beyond the clothes...to what we would consider abuse. Supposedly our daughter wasn't washing herself properly (like they should be watching or asking her those questions! ). This was told to the pastor and my husband...but not in detail...I later found out what the detail left out was. I was wondering why my daughter was having "itchies" again. She is very allergic to things on her skin...including soap in certain areas that are considered self-cleansing organs on young children anyhow by the medical establishment. Thus, between that irritation being added (when her ped said we were to avoid soap there!) and being bound up in pants (skirts allow more air flow). As a momma, they are fortunate I didn't find out till we moved...I would have been turning social services around back to them! (yes, they called the week we were moving, social services gave us a clean bill and enjoyed seeing children that were obviously well loved and taken care of).

We've learned to be wiser...there is no such thing as sleepovers, we don't let ppl watch our children, and we've discusses personal safety with our daughter (what is appropriate for ppl to ask and not ask). I've heard horror stories from other growing up...but this became our own personal horror story. I've gotten past it...just the wiser for it.

[Edited on 5-10-2006 by LadyFlynt]

Is there a Presbytery involved with that church? It sounds like charges or complaints should be brought to them and quick discipline and rebuke is needed.

 

[LadyFlynt]

Nope...it was an independant bible church that didn't have any such thing as "membership" (yet social services were supposedly called because we weren't going to be around for "discipline"?! He had other accusations, but I have evidence to the contrary...such as my son's homeschool records showing that we WERE homeschooling according to law and an evaluation to prove it now, etc).

Now you see why I said we wish we had stayed in the PCA while we were there...

I also wanted to let it go, because we don't want them obtaining our address, etc. I keep records of the reports and the last email contact I have from the person. I've even written up a rebuttal, if it were ever needed. I've also explained the situation to family (bil was there the day ss showed up, etc). We have family here as well as there.

[Edited on 5-10-2006 by LadyFlynt]

 

[fredtgreco]

Originally posted by LadyFlynt

Originally posted by fredtgreco

Originally posted by LadyFlynt

Don't worry about the FPC...we also had an issue with them being unified on something as simple as covering/modesty, but not being unified on something as IMPORTANT as baptism...it was simply backwards to us.

This is a very wise statement. Would that more ministers and elders would understand it.

May God give us grace to live out His priorities.

Fred...I also want to say Thank you for pointing it out. I know I got a bit aggravated when you did, simply because I was frustrated feeling like I have to "choose" between things that were BOTH important to me.

You're welcome. I've learned that lesson myself, and I was not always enthusiastic about it also.