Effective Biblical Discipline

[ValleyofVision]

It is, of course, not mutually exclusive to discipline properly and to be attentive to mitigating factors such as medical conditions that may affect behavior.

I do not think, however, that Ben was wrong in picking up on a tone in the OP. Dear brother Josh, apart from what may ail your child currently (if anything other than willfulness and a testing of you), what your actual words in the OP evinced were a sort of desperation that bespoke defeat: you are allowing your child to get the best of you.

And even if such may happen to mother (and I admire Lily's resolve here!), here's where father needs to strengthen mother and demonstrate his unshakable resolve that this little one will obey and that you, as Ben said, are indeed in charge. At no moment is the child in charge and anything that communicates such does no one in the house any favors: other children, that child itself , and certainly not mother.

Yes, these early years are times of challenge and blessing. Stay strong, loving, and faithful...it will get better. And in that respect, I have to differ with Brother Ken. I know what he means when he says that you could wish them to be two again--but not really. The best thing is fully to enjoy them at every age they are, with all of its attendant encouragements and difficulties.

I don't wish to go back to tomorrow, nor do I wish my children to. I adored their childhood, but I love even more their manhood and womanhood. Your child needs your strength, resolve, and determination, all as part of your love, care, and nurturing. Even if everyone else in the family seems to lack it,, see your role as father as the one who, in Christ, can provide this for the family even if you are the only one doing it at the time.

May the Lord strengthen you in every way that you may encourage and strengthen your wife, providing good and faithful leadership for her and, with her, your children.

Peace,
Alan

Thank you very much Sir.

 

[SolaScriptura]

I appreciate all the comments.

Well, I have some good news. Last night we took the advice of using essential oils. We gave her a bath, then rubbed her down with lavender & roman chamomile oil, read our book together, and half way through the book she was out within, I'd say 20 minutes. She woke up this morning at 5:45 and I'd say we are all in better moods, praise to the Lord.

Crazy that a simple change can fix something like that.

Glad you had a good night of sleep. However, you didn't change her behavior, and nothing has been "fixed." You've still got a long hard battle ahead of you.

 

[Cedarbay]

As with adults, kids must be off all technology at least a couple of hours before bedtime. We have darkening shades and keep house cool. There are several good books on sleep help for kids. I do agree a firm hand is needed for this child. We are praying for you and your wife.

 

[RamistThomist]

As with adults, kids must be off all technology at least a couple of hours before bedtime. We have darkening shades and keep house cool. There are several good books on sleep help for kids. I do agree a firm hand is needed for this child. We are praying for you and your wife.

Agreed. My daughter sometimes had sleep issues. One thing that helped was getting ready to settle down. The "mood" in our house started getting quiet about an hour before bed. And establish routines, whatever you do.

 

[ValleyofVision]

Glad you had a good night of sleep. However, you didn't change her behavior, and nothing has been "fixed." You've still got a long hard battle ahead of you.

When I said fix I meant fixed her sleeping, for now at least.

Not wanting to start something here but your tone is very "I'm right and your wrong", at least that's how I am taking it. If I am wrong, I apologize. And in some of your responses to me I took it as I am stupid for asking such questions or saying such things.

I never said anything about fixing her behavior, and I wasn't really coming here to ask you to fix her behavior I was asking advice on how other chose to discipline.

I am having a blast raising my child, and will continue, so thank you for that comment you made in the previous posting.

Anyway like I said, I just felt attacked in some of your posting but do not want to cause an argument or tension. I appreciate the feedback

 

[ValleyofVision]

As with adults, kids must be off all technology at least a couple of hours before bedtime. We have darkening shades and keep house cool. There are several good books on sleep help for kids. I do agree a firm hand is needed for this child. We are praying for you and your wife.

Thanks!

 

[timfost]

I appreciate all the comments.

Well, I have some good news. Last night we took the advice of using essential oils. We gave her a bath, then rubbed her down with lavender & roman chamomile oil, read our book together, and half way through the book she was out within, I'd say 20 minutes. She woke up this morning at 5:45 and I'd say we are all in better moods, praise to the Lord.

Crazy that a simple change can fix something like that.

Wonderful news! Parenting is sometimes a battle, but not always. God is good and even works in little ones.

I often think about how God is our Father. He is very gentle and doesn't normally teach us all the lessons that need to be learned all at once. Parenting certainly needs consistency, but also needs gentleness and patience and the acknowledgement that growth is a process.

I want to be firm but gentle, authoritative but not authoritarian. I'm not the boss of my family. I'm the head of my family. The head always must consider the weaknesses of the body and gently lead first through example and then by instruction.

Feel free to PM me for any reason.

Blessings,

 

[SolaScriptura]

I'm not the boss of my family. I'm the head of my family. The head always must consider the weaknesses of the body and gently lead first through example and then by instruction.

Just remember that according to the Bible, your headship takes the form of ruling your home, and the proper relationship of you to your children is that they are in "subjection" to you (KJV language) - that is, they are completely obedient.

Making someone/something "subject" is hard and takes continual effort - in 1 Cor 9:27 Paul uses pretty intense language that indicates how hard it is to make even his own flesh stay in subjection to his will. How much harder, then, someone else's!

I've been in ministry in multiple contexts a long enough time that I can say somewhat authoritatively: most Christian parents (especially fathers) do not parent in accordance with the Bible, and instead have a very sentimentalized pop-Gospelized notion of parenting. That the Bible would speak of rule and subjection is light years away from where most Christian parents are.

 

[timfost]

Just remember that according to the Bible, your headship takes the form of ruling your home, and the proper relationship of you to your children is that they are in "subjection" to you (KJV language) - that is, they are completely obedient.

Making someone/something "subject" is hard and takes continual effort - in 1 Cor 9:27 Paul uses pretty intense language that indicates how hard it is to make even his own flesh stay in subjection to his will. How much harder, then, someone else's!

I've been in ministry in multiple contexts a long enough time that I can say somewhat authoritatively: most Christian parents (especially fathers) do not parent in accordance with the Bible, and instead have a very sentimentalized pop-Gospelized notion of parenting. That the Bible would speak of rule and subjection is light years away from where most Christian parents are.

Christ is my example. Ruling should look like his rule in the Incarnation. Yes, parenting is very hard work. Yes, children do need to be in subjection to their parents. But in my understanding, a heavy hand does not always equal Godly leadership, and spanking is not always helpful, though it's certainly an appropriate tool some of the time.

 

[Ask Mr. Religion]

I want to be firm but gentle, authoritative but not authoritarian. I'm not the boss of my family. I'm the head of my family. The head always must consider the weaknesses of the body and gently lead first through example and then by instruction.

I am often heard to say I am the head of my family and my wife is the neck. The neck is the part that turns the head.

 

[OPC'n]

So glad you found something that helps her sleep! Sometimes it's just small things that have to be changed in the environment. Hope the links I gave were helpful. You're doing a great job!

 

[LilyG]

Making someone/something "subject" is hard and takes continual effort - in 1 Cor 9:27 Paul uses pretty intense language that indicates how hard it is to make even his own flesh stay in subjection to his will. How much harder, then, someone else's!

Yes it is!

 

[Alan D. Strange]

I think a distinction might be helpful here. It has herein been noted that the man is head of his family. That is not a biblical expression.

He is the head of his wife. And in that sense, it is appropriate to point out that the language is not that of boss or the like. The husband as head of the wife receives a good bit of biblical attention and exposition (as does the wife, as one who submits to and receives her husband as head, as the church likewise submits to and receives Christ).

The husband and wife together rule over the children, and this rule is characterized in a way that the husband's headship over the wife is not. The children are to be brought under the rule of the parents in a way quite different than the wife to her husband. That rule over the children is symbolized by the rod (the husband's headship over the wife is never thus symbolized).

I say all of this because I am concerned that expressions herein could lead to an unintentional conflating of the husband's headship over the wife with the parents' nurture and admonition of the children. I believe that we all wish to distinguish here and should be careful that our language always does: while I am head over my wife, she is also my equal, in a way that our children aren't; yes they are fully human, but, as "under age," enjoy fewer privileges and responsibilities.

Peace,
Alan

 

[SolaScriptura]

I think a distinction might be helpful here. It has herein been noted that the man is head of his family. That is not a biblical expression.

He is the head of his wife. And in that sense, it is appropriate to point out that the language is not that of boss or the like. The husband as head of the wife receives a good bit of biblical attention and exposition (as does the wife, as one who submits to and receives her husband as head, as the church likewise submits to and receives Christ).

The husband and wife together rule over the children, and this rule is characterized in a way that the husband's headship over the wife is not. The children are to be brought under the rule of the parents in a way quite different than the wife to her husband. That rule over the children is symbolized by the rod (the husband's headship over the wife is never thus symbolized).

I say all of this because I am concerned that expressions herein could lead to an unintentional conflating of the husband's headship over the wife with the parents' nurture and admonition of the children. I believe that we all wish to distinguish here and should be careful that our language always does: while I am head over my wife, she is also my equal, in a way that our children aren't; yes they are fully human, but, as "under age," enjoy fewer privileges and responsibilities.

Peace,
Alan

And I don't like that my posts make it sound like I'm advocating for being a grind-them-under-my-heel tyrant before whom one's children should shudder in fear.

What I'm trying to stress is that hard work done in the early years of being a firm disciplinarian lays a foundation of obedience, respect, and trust that makes parenting easier (less painful!) in later years. It's better to be strong at first and then lighten up than to be light at first and then try to tighten things up later.

 

[timfost]

I think a distinction might be helpful here. It has herein been noted that the man is head of his family. That is not a biblical expression.

He is the head of his wife. And in that sense, it is appropriate to point out that the language is not that of boss or the like. The husband as head of the wife receives a good bit of biblical attention and exposition (as does the wife, as one who submits to and receives her husband as head, as the church likewise submits to and receives Christ).

The husband and wife together rule over the children, and this rule is characterized in a way that the husband's headship over the wife is not. The children are to be brought under the rule of the parents in a way quite different than the wife to her husband. That rule over the children is symbolized by the rod (the husband's headship over the wife is never thus symbolized).

I say all of this because I am concerned that expressions herein could lead to an unintentional conflating of the husband's headship over the wife with the parents' nurture and admonition of the children. I believe that we all wish to distinguish here and should be careful that our language always does: while I am head over my wife, she is also my equal, in a way that our children aren't; yes they are fully human, but, as "under age," enjoy fewer privileges and responsibilities.

Peace,
Alan

Thanks, that's a helpful distinction. The point I was trying to make is that the father should always consider his children's weaknesses and instruct and lead appropriately. If we have the mentality that we're going to work on every deficiency at once (not saying anyone is promoting this here), we're probably going to have very frustrated children.

Thanks again!

 

[Alan D. Strange]

Ben and Tim:

I never thought that about you for a moment, Ben. I think that your posts here have been quite sound and helpful.

And Tim, I know that you know these distinctions: it just struck me that it might be helpful to make them a bit more explicit.

Peace,
Alan