Follow along with the video below to see how to install our site as a web app on your home screen.
Note: This feature may not be available in some browsers.
You could separate but not divorce, neither remarry
I think it does justify divorce in that it is a type of abandonment. Emotional abuse (provided that it is real) would also qualify.
We have a very acute sense of right and wrong, and so when we see or hear of "abuse" taking place our hearts naturally cry out, "That's NOT right!" And since we live in a culture that places paramount importance on "being treated right" and even greater significance being given to "happiness is a need," when those all come together we have the emotional and moral response to "abuse" being, "Surely it isn't wrong to escape the situation through divorce!"
And so we erect theological arguments and construe supposed logical implications from the Scriptural texts, all designed to get around an unalterable fact: Despite the brutally male-dominated and female-supressive culture of the Greco-Roman world, the Bible does not list physical abuse - much less "emotional abuse" - as being justifiable grounds for divorce.
Now, perhaps abuse is grounds for divorce. Maybe. But a number of real-life practical situations make me very slow to say "yes" and even then it would be on a case-by-case basis.
First, the myth floating around is that domestic violence looks like "Sleeping With the Enemy." Namely, that she's an innocent dove doing her best and he is a total psycho who without provocation beats her down. Certainly that type of scenario occurs, but it isn't normal. They've done a number of studies and there is a very common "composite" of the "typical" domestic violence situation. And in the "typical" situation, she isn't so innocent. In fact, in the "typical situation" she gives almost as good as she gets. Here is a nutshell synopsis of the "composite": There is usually a verbal argument that has lasted 10-15 minutes and has escalated to them screaming and cursing each other. It usually occurs in the bed-room. Usually one of them tries to leave but the other won't let him/her. Then usually she throws something at him - typically it is either a shoe or a book or a phone. And then he responds with what is referred to as "domestic violence." That is the composite. That is the real average. The Army is having a huge problem with it. I counsel 1 of these per week and almost always my counseling mirrors the "composite." Of course, every now and then it doesn't. But it usually does. Now, the image presented by the "myth" is one of a brutal monster who should be fled. The image presented by reality is of a couple who has had a gross breakdown in how to relate to one another in conflict. The answer, as I see it, is good counseling.
Concerning "verbal abuse..." That is even more tricky. This is in large part because in our narcissistic and feel-good culture, we want to be affirmed and told that we're "super stars" and so we have VERY LITTLE tolerance from being made to feel less than that. Often times - and anyone who counsels regularly knows what I'm talking about - the "victim" will say something "He berates me and continually tells me I'm no good." or "She mocks me continually telling me that I'm not a real man." Etc, but they leave out what precisely was said, and more importantly, the context in which the words were uttered. (That is, were you just berating him/her? What were you and him/her doing?)
In the happenchance that there really is some dramatic abuse occuring we should look into it. But more often than not, both parties are acting sinfully. And it is imprudent to make rules based upon the exceptions.
You could separate but not divorce, neither remarry
I thought he bound them to be one flesh?
+ if you could remarry if only you had a good reason, then I would go tell somebody I know whoes wife has alzheimers.
He could really need it
And so we erect theological arguments and construe supposed logical implications from the Scriptural texts, all designed to get around an unalterable fact: Despite the brutally male-dominated and female-supressive culture of the Greco-Roman world, the Bible does not list physical abuse - much less "emotional abuse" - as being justifiable grounds for divorce.
Now, perhaps abuse is grounds for divorce. Maybe. But a number of real-life practical situations make me very slow to say "yes" and even then it would be on a case-by-case basis.
But I don’t see why abuse should be treated to a higher level of skepticism than adultery or abandonment.
I think that it justifies separation, but not divorce.
Physical abuse warrants the intervention of the civil magistrate to bring sanctions. Physical abuse also warrants the abused spouse to leave the home for her protection until the abuser has fully repented.
would giving a spouse the silent treatment be a form of abuse... ? and if so, then is that grounds for divorce? wouldnt that be a form of abandonment? (emotionally)
I think it does justify divorce in that it is a type of abandonment. Emotional abuse (provided that it is real) would also qualify.
I would agree with this if the abuse is of such an ongoing and violent nature as to make it impossible for the victim to remain in the home. This constitutes abandonment on the abuser's part (seems to me), even if the victim is the one who physically leaves the home.
Still . . . it's vital that we not confuse "acceptable grounds for divorce" with "mandates divorce". Reconciliation of the marriage and rehabilitation of the abuser is always what we should strive and pray for initially.
One related question I had was that in listening to an old Barnhouse sermon last week, I heard him say that the exception given by the Lord in Matt. 5 for fornication was only refering to a man finding that his bride was not actually a virgin on their wedding night, and not to adultery later. Anybody heard that before? Where would he get that?
But I don’t see why abuse should be treated to a higher level of skepticism than adultery or abandonment.
It isn't a "higher level." With adultery or abandonment it is cut and dry: Either a party has or they haven't. The extinuating circumstances (she was a bitter shrew in his opinion) doesn't negate the objective reality of his act (abandonment or adultery) which carries with it the biblical permission to divorce. No such clear cut biblical treatment is given to "abuse."