I am wanting some feedback on an issue or maybe it isn't even an issue at all. My wife's parents like to have my family and her brother's family over at their house to have everyone's Christmas together. So we never have Christmas as a family at our own house. This is how my wife was raised it was all over at her grandparents house. I always had my major Christmas at our own house and then we would go over to grandparents with cousins and have maybe 1 or two small presents there. The way my wife does it there is soo much Stuff everywhere it is ridiculous and my children will never have Christmas memories at their own home with our own family it will always be their grandparents. I work an odd schedule and am gone a lot and want them to have memories of our home and family and me and the wife being with them not the grandparents etc... Is this me being selfish and making a deal out of nothing?
Christmas Advice
- Thread starter mtlangst
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I am not saying not do presents and all that at her parents but not to take all of the kids presents down there and have it be the only and primary Christmas, but only take a couple and leave most at our own house and have a family Christmas with just our own family. And it would be at our house a couple days before as well.
Logan
Puritan Board Graduate
I don't think it's selfish. Regardless of my views now, my best Christmas memories were the ones I spent at home with my family rather than the ones spent with all the cousins at my Grandparents'.
If I remember correctly, my grandparents would sometimes set up family get-togethers over Thanksgiving or other times to try to give their children (my parents and uncles and aunts) the opportunity to do Thanksgiving or Christmas with their own families at least some of the time.
I always appreciated family get-togethers just because it was time with family, not because it was always done on a specific day (like Christmas). In fact, my parents and siblings are planning on doing a get-together on Labor Day (instead of Thanksgiving or Christmas) next year so that hopefully the weather won't be as cold and we can do more things outside together.
If I remember correctly, my grandparents would sometimes set up family get-togethers over Thanksgiving or other times to try to give their children (my parents and uncles and aunts) the opportunity to do Thanksgiving or Christmas with their own families at least some of the time.
I always appreciated family get-togethers just because it was time with family, not because it was always done on a specific day (like Christmas). In fact, my parents and siblings are planning on doing a get-together on Labor Day (instead of Thanksgiving or Christmas) next year so that hopefully the weather won't be as cold and we can do more things outside together.
Frosty
Puritan Board Sophomore
This is what we've done in the past. I'm about ready to say forget it and just have our own at home, though, and invite whoever wants to come see us to do so! Too hectic............too much running around to enjoy the days.
I think it is a good idea to change the arrangements from year to year, otherwise there is a danger of everyone believing that things have to be done in a certain order. A friend of mine has to drive over 100 miles on Christmas morning - to be at auntie X by midday. Then it is granny at 1pm etc etc - if they are a minute late at any venue there are words said. They have been doing this for 15 years, now there children want to do other things - but they feel stuck.
Cymro
Puritan Board Junior
My father had a saying; everybody in their own house for
Xmas, which has passed down to generations. So we kept
Xmas morning and the dinner in our own homes, and then
to the parents and in-laws for tea and presents in the evening.
After I became a Christian we continued this whilst the parents
lived, but then being convicted of the pagan origins of Xmas and
and unbiblical holy day, we have altered the arrangement.
With our own children and grandchildren being separated in
three different directions by 200 miles, we meet up on new years day
for 3 days at our daughter's and husband, and enjoy the get together
in a simpler family way. Though our daughter has the stress as there
are 19 of us!
There has to be a compromise for a period, until you are free to set your own rules.
And when parents become old they are more willing to be relieved of the strain and fuss.
Xmas, which has passed down to generations. So we kept
Xmas morning and the dinner in our own homes, and then
to the parents and in-laws for tea and presents in the evening.
After I became a Christian we continued this whilst the parents
lived, but then being convicted of the pagan origins of Xmas and
and unbiblical holy day, we have altered the arrangement.
With our own children and grandchildren being separated in
three different directions by 200 miles, we meet up on new years day
for 3 days at our daughter's and husband, and enjoy the get together
in a simpler family way. Though our daughter has the stress as there
are 19 of us!
There has to be a compromise for a period, until you are free to set your own rules.
And when parents become old they are more willing to be relieved of the strain and fuss.
It isn't just the man who has to leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife. She needs to leave and cleave too, and that means telling the relatives (nicely) that you are your own family and will decide your own family agenda. All the more if you miss time with the kids because of work. By the way if grandparents get offended, you didn't lose anything, trust me, all you did is set some boundaries against outside control that just gets worse as the kids get older. You can go over for dinner but have most of the day at home if you want. They are YOUR kids.
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