Irishcat922
Puritan Board Sophomore
1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The
ceremony
> wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
>
> 2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my
electron."
> The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm
positive..."
>
> 3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve
you,
> but don't start anything."
>
> 4. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't
serve
> food in here."
>
> 5. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
>
> 6. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and
says:"A
> beer please, and one for the road."
>
> 7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this
> taste funny to you?"
>
> 8. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home. '" "That
> sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's Not Unusual."
>
> 9. Two cows standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to
Dolly,
> "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you,"
said
> Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.
>
> 10. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing
to
> look at either.
>
> 11. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
>
> 12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's
cross-eyed,
> is there any thing you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's
have
> a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes. Finally,
he
> says, "I'm going to have to put himdown." "What? Because he's
cross-eyed?"
> "No, because he's really heavy."
>
> 13. Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there
are
> five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mom
or
> my dad or maybe my older brother Calvin or my younger brother Ho-Chin.
But
> I'm pretty sure it's Calvin.
>
> 14. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
> find any.
>
> 15. I went to the butcher's the other day to bet him 50 bucks that he
> couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are
> too high."
>
> 16. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He
> shouted,"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I
> know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
>
> 17. I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.
>
> 18. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a
fire
> in the craft, it sank, proving that you can't have your kayak and heat
it
> too.
>
> 19. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
>
>
ceremony
> wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
>
> 2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my
electron."
> The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm
positive..."
>
> 3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve
you,
> but don't start anything."
>
> 4. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't
serve
> food in here."
>
> 5. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
>
> 6. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and
says:"A
> beer please, and one for the road."
>
> 7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this
> taste funny to you?"
>
> 8. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home. '" "That
> sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's Not Unusual."
>
> 9. Two cows standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to
Dolly,
> "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you,"
said
> Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.
>
> 10. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing
to
> look at either.
>
> 11. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
>
> 12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's
cross-eyed,
> is there any thing you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's
have
> a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes. Finally,
he
> says, "I'm going to have to put himdown." "What? Because he's
cross-eyed?"
> "No, because he's really heavy."
>
> 13. Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there
are
> five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mom
or
> my dad or maybe my older brother Calvin or my younger brother Ho-Chin.
But
> I'm pretty sure it's Calvin.
>
> 14. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
> find any.
>
> 15. I went to the butcher's the other day to bet him 50 bucks that he
> couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are
> too high."
>
> 16. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He
> shouted,"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I
> know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
>
> 17. I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.
>
> 18. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a
fire
> in the craft, it sank, proving that you can't have your kayak and heat
it
> too.
>
> 19. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
>
>
