ChristianasJourney,
A question, when are they going to make their own choices and decisions, When they are adults? That will be too late, unless you are always going to be there telling them who they can and can't hang out with. Whose a good influence and who isn't.
As parents we are to TRAIN our children to make good choices in order to be responsible Christian adults.
It is during the childhood years that we guide them, we let them make choices and when they make bad decisions, and they ALL will, just as we did, we use those times to TEACH them, and we also praise their good decisions.
I have learned that as my children have made some bad decisions those were the most growing times in their lives, just like they are in my own life. If you shelter them to much, they will not be prepared for adulthood and will struggle long term.
As you learn to let them make their own choices, it strengthens YOUR faith as a parent and allows you to grow in trusting God to teach HIS Creation that are on loan to us as parents. It also prepares our heart to let them go when they eventually leave home because we know we have taken every opportunity to prepare them for that life.
We're not training children to be children, we're training to them be adults to be able to learn from their mistakes and showing them where to find the answers and learn God's forgiveness and grace when they do make mistakes.
My oldest daughter will be graduating high school next year, and has learned to choose her own friends, and has learned to set healthy boundaries with them. She knows some of her friends drink and others do drugs on weekends and after school, so *she* decided they are friends she hangs out with 'at school' only; when they aren't drinking or doing drugs.
She had a friend who would take boys home with her after school and they would ask her to come with them, she made the choice NOT to take that path, when they started teasing her she just told them "you know I respect your choice to go home with these boys, I don't like your choice because so many things can happen, I just ask that you respect mine not to do" they couldn't respect her choice so my daughter stopped hanging out with them.
We can teach our children our values, and guide them easier if we let them make their own choices and trust God to help us.
Like houseparent, I have known many adults who couldn't make good decisions if their lives depended on it, because their parents didn't allow them to make any of their own. They always seconded guessed themselves, and looked for others to tell them if they were making good choices or not. It not only stunted them as adults, but caused them harm in their marriage choices, many of the women married controlling abusive men, and many of the men married controlling abusive women. The mens careers suffered because they couldn't even make decisions on the job.
Children learn to stand against peer pressure by being faced with it, and knowing their parents stand behind them, and will be there for them even if they mess up. Not that the parents won't allow them to suffer whatever consquences they might face, but will be there with them while they suffer the consquences encouraging them and loving them through it.
You can't shelter them forever, and they need to learn to trust God as well.
[Edited on 9-26-2005 by BJClark]
While I very much agree with your decision, I am also a "shelterer"--meaning I wouldn't let my children play with others without supervision. And with older children in their teens, I would not let them go off unsupervised unless I trust everybody involved. While good children may have the knowledge and desire to do what's right, they often don't have the strength to resist peer pressure.
A question, when are they going to make their own choices and decisions, When they are adults? That will be too late, unless you are always going to be there telling them who they can and can't hang out with. Whose a good influence and who isn't.
As parents we are to TRAIN our children to make good choices in order to be responsible Christian adults.
It is during the childhood years that we guide them, we let them make choices and when they make bad decisions, and they ALL will, just as we did, we use those times to TEACH them, and we also praise their good decisions.
I have learned that as my children have made some bad decisions those were the most growing times in their lives, just like they are in my own life. If you shelter them to much, they will not be prepared for adulthood and will struggle long term.
As you learn to let them make their own choices, it strengthens YOUR faith as a parent and allows you to grow in trusting God to teach HIS Creation that are on loan to us as parents. It also prepares our heart to let them go when they eventually leave home because we know we have taken every opportunity to prepare them for that life.
We're not training children to be children, we're training to them be adults to be able to learn from their mistakes and showing them where to find the answers and learn God's forgiveness and grace when they do make mistakes.
My oldest daughter will be graduating high school next year, and has learned to choose her own friends, and has learned to set healthy boundaries with them. She knows some of her friends drink and others do drugs on weekends and after school, so *she* decided they are friends she hangs out with 'at school' only; when they aren't drinking or doing drugs.
She had a friend who would take boys home with her after school and they would ask her to come with them, she made the choice NOT to take that path, when they started teasing her she just told them "you know I respect your choice to go home with these boys, I don't like your choice because so many things can happen, I just ask that you respect mine not to do" they couldn't respect her choice so my daughter stopped hanging out with them.
We can teach our children our values, and guide them easier if we let them make their own choices and trust God to help us.
Like houseparent, I have known many adults who couldn't make good decisions if their lives depended on it, because their parents didn't allow them to make any of their own. They always seconded guessed themselves, and looked for others to tell them if they were making good choices or not. It not only stunted them as adults, but caused them harm in their marriage choices, many of the women married controlling abusive men, and many of the men married controlling abusive women. The mens careers suffered because they couldn't even make decisions on the job.
Children learn to stand against peer pressure by being faced with it, and knowing their parents stand behind them, and will be there for them even if they mess up. Not that the parents won't allow them to suffer whatever consquences they might face, but will be there with them while they suffer the consquences encouraging them and loving them through it.
You can't shelter them forever, and they need to learn to trust God as well.
[Edited on 9-26-2005 by BJClark]