I am addicted to chewing tobacco My conscience is killing me, because I now know that I am in sin. I cannot read the Bible or pray with a clean conscience... I cannot witness boldly while being an addict. My life contradicts my testimony. This morning I threw away the can... some hours later I was digging in the trash can to find it. I have invented 1000 ways to rationalize it away... I feel that if Jesus were to came back today, I wouldn't be taken up with the saints, because I would be drooling tobacco Being addicted is like a double sin. The nicotine rush becomes a source of joy, whereas Jesus should be our only source of joy. It has such a grip on me. I would like to ask the PB:ers: how can I look to Jesus for everyday joy and meaning, and not have to resort to chew? I feel so unworthy of my calling. How can the hope of sharing Christs glory become a reality for me, so that I will gladly serve Jesus without depending on nicotine rushes? It feels like I haven't really grasped the facts, I merely possess theological knowledge. I know I sound like a whiny brat who deserves a spanking. But I need to have the truths of the Bible sink in, not just be theological knowledge.