Change in relationships after marriage..

[QueenEsther]

How much do your relationships with your family (parents/siblings) change after you get married?

Do you talk less or more?
Do they have more or less influence on you?

How about your relationships with your friends before vs after marriage?

 

[Grace Alone]

I think you have less time for family and friends after you marry, and that is as it should be because your relationship with your spouse comes first. We never lived in the same town as our families, but if you do, that might change the dynamics. I do think that after you have a baby, you will tend to end up spending more time with friends who are also starting families since you'll have that in common. Singles aren't as likely to hang out with married friends and couples without children might be less tied down. So you might see some friendships decrease and others increase.

 

[PresbyDane]

How much do your relationships with your family (parents/siblings) change after you get married?

Do you talk less or more?
Do they have more or less influence on you?

How about your relationships with your friends before vs after marriage?

To answer for myself:
I have talked considerably less with my family after marriage, they are not christian and having made my own family, focus has shifted from being a sendor to a provider.
Also having to become the head of the household has taken up a lot of time, there simply a lot of things I have needed to learn, like diplomacy
And that takes time away from friends and other stuff.
Therefor as a natural consequence my family also has less influence.
And friends...
Well we moved after being married and made friends were we settled, so we still have friends from before, but friends far away are always hard to keep in contact with + you go from having single friends, and yourself being single, to you being a couple and having couple friends, or so it was for us.
And at the moment we get approached more and more often from younger people who in us seek that kind of friendship, so I think it is a general thing.

 

[py3ak]

Does Psalm 45 answer your question?

 

[Berean]

...things I have needed to learn, like diplomacy

Martin the diplomat. I love it!

 

[PresbyDane]

Okay I admit I am not at all there yet, it is a working progress

 

[Scott1]

It depends much on the individuals.

For many parents and children, sin makes it difficult to transition from a relationship based on dependence and obedience to one of a more equal relationship, that of being friends.

At every stage of life, sin easily besets us but it is a glorious thing indeed to see people, seeking God's grace to overcome that.

 

[QueenEsther]

So, it's normal for a married man to not be interacting with his family quite as much as when he was single? I'm just making sure.

DH's siblings are having a very difficult time with him not going to them like he used to before we were together. It seems normal and natural to me that he would go to them less and come to me more, but they see it as him withdrawing from them because of some sin issue that he must have.

 

[Zenas]

Less influence, less communication, more equality of treatment. They know I hold the hammer now so treatment is definitely different.

 

[BJClark]

They should have less influence in your life..I talk to my dad once every couple months, I see/talk to my siblings about once or twice a month..if that..

however, some folks have a very difficult time leaving their families behind emotionally and truly learning to cleave to their spouse..even to the point of uprooting a family to move near them...(most try to move away from their family at some point) but some do desire to live close..and the closer the better..and those marriages have an even more difficult time surviving..as there are way to many people involved in the marriage and decisions going on in the family.

I know families that once the kids were grown and married the parents moved away, and within two years the adult children were literally selling their homes and moving their families next door to their parents..they were just that emotionally connected to their parents..some of them moved even after their own children were grown..and within a few months their own children were uprooting their own families and moving as well..now they all live within a stones throw of each other..(that's just way to close for me)

 

[Kim G]

So, it's normal for a married man to not be interacting with his family quite as much as when he was single? I'm just making sure.

DH's siblings are having a very difficult time with him not going to them like he used to before we were together. It seems normal and natural to me that he would go to them less and come to me more, but they see it as him withdrawing from them because of some sin issue that he must have.

I'm glad it's this "problem" and not the other way around. I've heard of husbands (or wives) who are so attached to their families that they continue to go to them and leave their spouses out of the loop.

I talk to my mom once a week or so, my dad once a month. We go to my hubby's family's house once a month or so because they live in town. We always enjoy it, but they never try to overstep boundaries.

Your husband may have to sit down with his siblings (and you!) and explain to them that things have changed since he's married and the head of his household. Perhaps they'll learn something good from a frank talk.

 

[Scottish Lass]

Tim and I are both only children, so I can't speak to sibling relationships. Geographical distance figures the most into our relationships with our parents. When we lived near his mother, we saw her more frequently (every two months or so, more if she needed help); when we lived near my parents we saw them every month or so. Now we're a day's drive from either family, so we see them a few times a year. We speak to our mothers roughly once a week by phone and/or email (but I did that before marriage), and I talk to my dad about once a month.

Our numerous moves have left us seeing old friends via Facebook and while on vacation.
You'll see variation from family to family, but the overarching point should be that after your relationship with Christ, your nuclear family is the priority. We are to honor our parents, but our call is to be with our spouse as a primary relationship.

 

[Romans922]

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."

You are to be separate. As a wife, your head is your husband, and you should seek all guidance/wisdom from him. If he gives permission to seek guidance from parents, then by all means seek it. As for him, he should be coming to you first. And not seeking guidance from there unless absolutely needed. (maybe strong language, but I'm trying to keep to the separation from parents).

I don't seek the wisdom of my parents now at all. My parents are not Christian, so can offer no really true/good advice. My wife is very close with her parents, but since being married I know she speaks less and less to them. So it is supposed to be less and less after marriage.

One of the biggest dangers is if you are still tied financially to one of your parents. Separate all financial ties immediately or ASAP. Anyway, there is supposed to be that separation there. And if his parents are Christians or non-christians, I would communicate that verse above. That both of you are now joined together, and that you have separated the 'umbilical cord' from your parents. Happens with friends too. Naturally you will make friends that both of you enjoy. But they will still not be as close as you once were with friends. Your companion is your mate. You should be closely linked, as 'one'. Other relationships should diminish.



AND i agree with anna.

 

[Tripel]

Seeing how I was living with my parents for the year prior to my wedding, yes, I definitely talk to them less post-marriage.

I currently live in the same town with my parents and brothers, so we are all in pretty close contact. On top of that we are all in the same church, so we see each other once or twice a week. I don't think my parents currently have a large influence on us; of course, they have been a huge influence over the course of my life, but they do a great job now of letting us live out what they taught us.

In some ways I think I am closer to my parents and brothers now that we are all grown and have started families.

It's a different situation with friends. I used to be free to "hang out" a lot, but that has totally changed. A lot of that has to do with having young children. They, along with my wife, are my priority. My friends and I try to make time here and there to meet for beers, but it takes some effort. Thankfully, I have a sweet wife who values the time I have with my guy friends.

 

[ww]

It changes as you cleave unto your wife however when you get married at the age of 35 or older your family is just extremely grateful that you didn't end up a Bachelor the rest of your life. They are very happy to get rid of you.

 

[DonP]

I would say it can go up and down too. Now that my Dad past a couple year ago I talk with my mom daily and sometimes more. We read together, pray together, study the bible together, sometimes call her while we are having family devotions, and my wife calls her nearly daily.
She calls her mom daily too.

But my parents never tried to run our lives. We disagreed on holidays and that was hard. But we lived far apart after the 1st year too.

Also with Dad gone I see it as a duty also to help do what he did with her so she is not lonely.

 

[Scott1]

As a good general rule, it is best to set a pattern of this now as a newly married person. Deal with it now and it will be easier as time goes along.

Somehow, you must make clear your top priority is your wife and the life God has called you to as a couple. Your wife needs to know this about you and you need to know it about her. You will be responsible before God for doing what is in your best interests (husband and wife).

Also, you are responsible to honor your parents, pray God will give you grace to do both. You can love them, bless them, respect them, pray for them, and help them as you are able after your immediate family priority without submitting to their authority as you did when you were a child.

And in a real switch, if you see your parents sin, you can humbly engage them as you would someone you really care about. Don't feel guilty or get angry if you see self-centeredness, manipulation, even slander (not saying you will), but engage them gently as you would someone you really care about- they are offending God.

 

[ww]

As a good general rule, it is best to set a pattern of this now as a newly married person. Deal with it now and it will be easier as time goes along.

Somehow, you must make clear your top priority is your wife and the life God has called you to as a couple. Your wife needs to know this about you and you need to know it about her. You will be responsible before God for doing what is in your best interests (husband and wife).

Also, you are responsible to honor your parents, pray God will give you grace to do both. You can love them, bless them, respect them, pray for them, and help them as you are able after your immediate family priority without submitting to their authority as you did when you were a child.

And in a real switch, if you see your parents sin, you can humbly engage them as you would someone you really care about. Don't feel guilty or get angry if you see self-centeredness, manipulation, even slander (not saying you will), but engage them gently as you would someone you really care about- they are offending God.

Have you been spying on my family.

 

[lynnie]

Marriage didn't change things much for us.

But kids....well, forget an active social life! We have 5 and I got more fellowship on the soccer bleachers and softball field than anywhere else.