any tips for adopting a new child?

[biblelighthouse]

My wife and I have been married for 3 1/2 years, and have 3 beautiful daughters. And we are eager to have more kids.

But regardless of how much procreation we do, we can't keep from thinking about all of those kids with no one who wants them. We really would like to give a home to a little Russian child, or Chinese girl, or Romanian, etc. We know we can't save them all, but if we could even adopt one, it would help that one. We would love that child as our very own!

But Amy and I don't know much of anything about adoption. I have looked at a few of the websites dedicated to adoption, and it looks complicated and expensive. Amy and I still think it is worth it, but we would really appreciate some input.

Has anybody on here adopted a child before? If so, would you please give us some tips for making the process a little less complicated, and a little less expensive? What are the best adoption agencies? Which ones should we stay away from? Which foundations are the most likely to be able to help with some of the expenses? What types of questions should we be asking?

Thank you in advance for any input you can give us.

In Christ,
Joseph

[Edited on 6-24-2005 by biblelighthouse]

 

[Puritanhead]

I know of a family getting a child from abroad, and I heard that can be expensive and tedious, and time-consuming process. There are plenty of domestic places to start as an alternative. You could try the Liberty Godparent Foundation (http://www.godparent.org/adoption.htm), which is affiliated with Jerry Falwell's ministry. Their kids are usually too young to be indoctrinated into Arminianism, so you can give the child it's theological bearings. Best wishes and may God bring a child into your household if it be His will. I am sure the little boy/girl would be received with love.

Other than that, I know nothing about kids... My mom thinks I'm going to eat my words for saying I want a liter of kids when I get married.

 

[turmeric]

children from abroad can often have reactive attachment disorder, depending on the circumstances they've been brought up in. The younger the child, the better this condition responds to treatment.

 

[BobVigneault]

Joseph, I intended a while ago to start a thread on adopting. I know some folks that got back from the Ukraine and got yank around by every crooked politician in the country. It's very expensive. I don't understand why people go outside the country when there are so many here that need homes.

We are adopting through the foster care program. Foster care has made it easier for people to adopt. First you get licensed which is a lot of paperword and interviews. That you get a social worker who presents kids to you that fit the parameters you are looking for. Kids in foster care are special needs kids but special needs means a lot of things. Beign black or hispanic, having ADHD, or being siblings are all special needs. Meg mentioned RAD, very common in any adopted child.

The advantages of adopting through foster care are:
1. You get paid to raise the children, the money is reletive to the needs of the child.
2. You don't have to leave the state.
3. You aren't going to get ripped off.

My brother-in-law and sister-in-law just adopted their 5th daughter. The first 2 were international adoptions (very expensive and life threatening), the last 3 were through foster care. My brother-in-law said it's addictive.

It is very hard to turn away from these kids once you read their stories and the Lord gives you the opportunity to change one or two of them.

Once you see a child or children that you like, you submit your study to the social worker. They get together and try to decide if you would be a good fit. There is a tranisitional period of visits and stays and then the child comes to live with you for 6 months. After 6 months you finalize adoption but you still receive a stipand. That's how it is in Wisconsin and each state is different.

I would really encourage you to look into adopting through the foster care program.

 

[LadyFlynt]

 

[ReformedWretch]

Alisha (our daughter) was like our own child to us for years, but we only officially adopted her after she turned 18. I wish I had some insight, but all we had to do was go to court and tell the judge we loved her, and she loved us. Simple (but of course had to pay high lawyer/court fees.)

 

[biblelighthouse]

Originally posted by maxdetail

The advantages of adopting through foster care are:
1. You get paid to raise the children, the money is reletive to the needs of the child.
2. You don't have to leave the state.
3. You aren't going to get ripped off.

<snip>

I would really encourage you to look into adopting through the foster care program.

Thank you very much for the great input! Adoption via foster care sounds like a superb idea!

 

[ChristianasJourney]

I started to reply earlier, but then it accidentally was deleted...the con of laptops.

My cousin has adopted from Ukraine and is currently adopting from Russia. One of the problems with adopting overseas is that the country's policies and political situation is constantly changing.

The total cost was about $16,000 including travel costs. However, they were able to get $10,000 back with state and federal tax credits. Expensive? Yes, but for them it wasn't as expensive as adopting stateside.

The children seemed to be well cared for - though the living arrangments were poorer and certainly different socially. The Russian orphanage seems to be more luxurious than the Ukraine one. Both adoptions are independant adoptions (at the time Ukraine required an independant adoption--not sure if they still do.) Which means that they did all the paper work and leg work themselves. They didn't go through an adoption agency like Bethany Adoption Agency. They went through an independant organization which set them up with a facilitator in Ukraine, and the facilitator helped them with the arrangments in the country.

My cousin did educate herself regarding the different diseases the child might be diagnosed with, and some things to look for in regards to fetal alcohol syndrom, etc.

I'm sure there are posistive and negative stories with each type of adoption, just as there are pros and cons. But adoption is as individual as the families and children involved. The purpose behind adopting probably plays a big part in the path you choose. My cousin wasn't looking to "save the children". She wanted a family. Therefore, if she was adopting stateside she would have wanted a "closed adoption"-- meaning no contact with the birth family. You'll also have to decide how much contact you want to have with the birth family as well as the age of the children.

Just some things to think about.

 

[Scott]

"children from abroad can often have reactive attachment disorder, depending on the circumstances they've been brought up in. The younger the child, the better this condition responds to treatment."

I saw a report in the paper very recently that said that kids adopted from abroad actually tended to do better than those adopted domestically.

 

[Scott]

Joseph: A program happening in the Dallas area this July and August might interest you. See this article from the Star Telegram: Host families sought for visiting Russian youths.

Anyway, the program bring Russian orphans aged 5-12 to the area for prospective parents to meet. If interested, call Taylor at (817) 416-1337

 

[Scott]

Bob / Adam (or anyone else): Do you have any resources to recommend for background on adopting through the foster care system?

 

[BobVigneault]

This is the site where I am looking for kids. This is a Wisconsin site.
http://www.wiadopt.org

We work with the state but the state sub-contracts through other social organizations. In our case, we have a social worker who works with Lutheran Social Services.

I'm not sure where you would look in Texas. You might google 'special needs adoption' or 'foster care adoption'. If I get more info, I'll pass it along.

 

[Scott]

I am looking at one called Safe Havens of Kornerstone in my area.

Joseph: You might want to check that one out, as it is reasonably close to you.

Bob: I was more thinking books/articles that discuss the pros and cons of foster parenting.

 

[Scott]

I want to applaud everyone on here who is thinking about showing God's love to orphans in this way. It moves my heart!

And Adam, I really admire the good work you do!

 

[VirginiaHuguenot]

An interesting development...

Adoption Agency Rejects Catholic Parents

 

[Abd_Yesua_alMasih]

Some of these countries are or have already been through the process of banning foreign adoption. Make sure you do your study. A person in New Zealand got 'snapped' when they were adopting (I believe from a eastern european country) and before all the paper work went through the law changed. You can imagine the expenses that were wasted. Do your research into the country first and check out if the country is bringing in such laws.

 

[LauridsenL]

My wife and I adopted two little girls from India in 2001 and 2002. They're now 5 and 10, respectively, and they are a true delight from the Lord, as their four older brothers will also attest. India is so full of darkness and idolatory, and incredible poverty, that we marvel at the grace of God in calling them out from the multititude of lost souls there. (There are approx. 4 million homeless, destitute people in Bombay (Mumbai) alone, with hundreds of thousands of orphaned and homeless kids living near train depots, etc.) If you're thinking foreign adoption, I certainly recommend that you consider adopting from India.

It's true that some kids have attachment disorders; we thank God that the orphanage from which we adopted is very well run, with 1 worker for every 2 children, and we've had literally no problems with either of our daughters -- well, other than the normal kid stuff.

 

[Scott]

Are there any adoption agencies or groups affiliated with presbyterian or reformed relief efforts or missionary work?

 

[Scott]

Joseph: Did you decide to investigate adoption via foster care? I am curious about what direction you are taking.

 

[LadyFlynt]

curious also...