Hello fellow Puritans! I should've wrote this before making my other posts, but oh well. I am Matthew G. Bianco, currently a 19 year old attending Wheaton College (IL) getting a chemical engineering degree through Wheaton's 3/2 program (I am on summer break now). As you can imagine from my degree choice, I am a big math and science guy! Everyone in my immediate family is an engineer - both parents and both brothers are electrical engineers (one brother just got done with his junior year of college, I just got done with my freshman year), and my sister got her bachelors in civil engineering. But nonetheless I am by far the most theological person in my family - all will attest to that. I absolutely love theology and study it a lot because I truly desire to understand Scripture to the best of the abilities God gifted me with (though I have done horribly doing my duties to meditate in God's word daily). I also love to write and express myself through writing. However, I admit my almost fanatic desire to learning theology has caused me many times to be too much "in my own head" and unable to properly talk to others about my faith much less express my reformed opinions without getting overtly irritated with my mostly evangelical and arminian audiences. I am afraid and saddened to see that I appear not to be the only one with this flaw in the reformed camp. I hope my time here will serve to edify me and teach me to be more fluent - and loving - in my approach to defend reformed truths. I also hope and pray to edify others here on Puritan Board as I seek God in my ever working sanctification here on earth. My desire to gain wisdom and knowledge concerning theology and Scripture sprung out of my situation in seventh grade where I had to be hospitalized for depression. In my state of chronic depression I so intimately experienced the working of the Spirit in my heart and realized my utter need for Christ. Thinking back honestly on this hospitalization situation later on, I was convinced of the reality of irresistible grace: I was so utterly miserable and nothing in this world could deliver me of that level of depression, but Christ in that hospital made Himself a reality to me when he supernaturally drew my attention on Him and I surrendered myself completely to Him. This spiritual change showed about a real physical change, and I was released a couple days after this experience because of a real and apparent change in my behavior that I believe the hospital workers noticed right away. I still struggle with depression to this day, though it is not the same depression as was throughout middle school. The depression back then was without hope and without assurance (which is what made it start to get suicidal) - but my depression today is countered with a deep-rooted assurance in the sufficiency of Christ who I know to be my Lord and Savior. I still in rare occasion wallow in tears thinking of the amazing grace that God showed me - and seeing how He used something as spiritually, physically and emotionally detrimental as severe chronic depression to make such grace shine ever more brightly in my life. To this day my mother tells me she would not be nearly as dedicated a Christian if it were not that I came into her life and had her see me go through this. May such a story glorify God and encourage the brethren who have had an alike experience or who are suffering from depression right now. Note, I was not always reformed. For much of my Christian walk I was a non-denominational arminian, and then a KJVO, OSAS "easy-believism" fundamentalist, then I was a 5-point Calvinist KJVO, OSAS "easy-believism" fundamentalist. Even after I was convinced of the doctrines of grace I had many flaws! Not only the whole KJV onlyism and anti-Lordship theology was a problem! For example, just about a year or two ago I was so hateful toward homosexuals that I even regularly made the effort to bash them and even told one online I believe he should be executed by the government! So I have made a long way journey through many errors and God has shown me many things through my (many times imperfect) seeking of Him. As I mentioned I have done awful making a habit of reading Scripture daily, so I want to have an accountability partner who will ask me on a regular basis if I am studying Scripture, because to be honest lately I haven't at all except in my theologically based "wisdom seeking" through watching videos, debates, and reading articles. Once I can teach myself to sit down quietly and seriously study Scriptures I will much better learn how to seek my greatest desire - a closer and more intimate relationship with God. I desire wisdom and understanding so much that I forget the whole relationship part, and that usually hinders greatly my ability to seek wisdom in the first place because I can hardly discipline myself enough to sit down quietly and study God's Word! That is what I find to be the important parts of my background to share on here, if anyone wishes to know more about me and my background I will gladly answer any question one on one in private message, but I hope my greatest enemy of the flesh next to Depression, Pride, doesn't show his nasty face in my testimony and my sharing of it. Please pray for me that he does not.