Leon, I'll pray for you. I remember when I no longer had any concept behind the word "faith". I'm very sad that the d.evil is using all of these hard circumstances to get at you. But Christ does pray for us, that our faith fails not; and His prayers are always answered. It's always through groaning and travailing that we are made new. It's in this time when you're stripped of almost faith itself that the [i:21675fc8af]object[/i:21675fc8af] of your faith is most important. And I think that is what real faith is: clinging to the last thing left to us, God Himself, and finding that What we are clinging to has been clinging to us all along, and that "even if we believe not, yet He abides faithful: He cannot deny Himself."
Some of the advice that was given to me was to saturate myself in every available means of grace. You won't "want" to, and the d.evil won't want you to, either; and he's not going to lie down nicely about it. But it's what you really need. Also, don't waste energy looking at yourself and trying to figure yourself out right now. We are not those pure and lovely things God tells us to think about, and we're not ready to face ourselves until we're steeped in Him.
"Rejoice not against me, O my enemy:
When I fall, I shall arise:
When I sit in darkness,
The LORD shall be a light unto me."
How is your sister?
[Edited on 6-11-2004 by a mere housewife]
'I cannot live like Jesus, example though he be
For he was strong and selfless, and I am tied to me.
But I have asked my Jesus to live his life in me . . .
Behold his warm, his tangible, his dear humanity.' -Betty Stam