Question for the Christian Women on Christian "Romance Books"

Backwoods Presbyterian · #1 (**permalink**) 07-22-2008, 11:47 AM

My wife before she became a Christian was a ravenous reader of Romance novels and has quite the large collection. I have been counseling her away from these books for their anti-Christian themes and such. Well today she bought some Christian Romance novels by a lady named Tracie Peterson.

I was wondering if any of you knew who she was and what you think of her if you know her.

(The guys can answer as well)...

Kim G · #2 (**permalink**) 07-22-2008, 12:09 PM

I've never heard of her. I don't like romance books. (okay, okay, maybe Pride and Prejudice and Little Women, but that's about it).

Looking online quickly, I came across this statement from an interview with her: "If I can claim it as an accomplishment, it would be my 3 kids. They are awesome, and even with all their issues and problems, they are the very heart of me. I’m also thrilled to write books that spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ. What a wonder to be able to share the Lord with people, and see lives changed." Also, "Write what you know. Learn what you don’t know, and never give up on the dream. I add to that to seek prayerfully the direction that God would have you go, and then head that direction."

If she practices what she says, then maybe these books are better than most.

However, I find that these kinds of books allow Christian women to vicariously relive the emotional high that comes from falling in love without actually finding someone new to fall in love with. It promotes envy and lust by producing a longing for a storybook romance that no husband can ever live up to.

Just my

. I have many friends who read them. I'm just not a fan!

a mere housewife · #3 (**permalink**) 07-22-2008, 12:43 PM

Kim is very sensible.

I read a couple as a teenager. I started reading one aloud to my sisters, dissolved into humiliated giggles about twelve times in the first three pages, and decided never to read them again. Take this (actual) plot from a Lori Wick novel: the young woman is trapped in a barn with a man during a storm and so they are forced to marry for reputations' sake. (I'm dissolving into embarrassed giggles already) The rest of the book is a 'Christian' exploitation of sexual tension between them (Christian because they're already married, so it's okay!), basically, with a few witnessing scenes thrown in for evangelistic purposes. No doubt some are better than others, but this is run of the mill.

Once again, my dog --an atheist, no less-- has taken pen in paw and made a debut in this arena. The plot: the girl is forced to marry about four men because they either spoke to her, stood on her, got trapped in a barn with her, or thought she spoke to them, etc.

Wannabee · #4 (**permalink**) 07-22-2008, 01:00 PM

Good comments. This reminds me of a church we attended. If a guy spoke to the girls too much he was considered to be making a move on them. Our poor son had no idea that the girls, and their mothers, were talking about him... Perhaps they were reading too many "Christian" romance novels...

I too have discouraged my wife from reading these. She needs to focus on HER walk in Christ, not some fantasy of what she begins to wish MY character and physique lined up with.

Mindaboo · #5 (**permalink**) 07-22-2008, 01:06 PM

I checked out Tracie Peterson online too and read some excerpts from her book and from what I saw there isn't much there to worry about. What I have found in Christian romance novels is that they usually center around the founding of the US or some other historical events and the story line usually deals more with the hardships faced in life during those times. For the most part they center around a couple trying to determine the Lord's will for their lives, and once in a while you have the love triangle. The major difference would be these books don't have adulterous themes, although they do have a lot of rebellious women in them. Generally the women rebel against their fathers.

I used to read a lot of romance novels and watch all of the soap operas, until the Lord convicted me of my sinful behavior. I started reading the Christian romance novels to appease the desire to read romance books. Do these books cause her to sin? Are they a stumbling block to her? If she is reading them and then looking to you to live up to the standard of the men in the books, then maybe you should approach her again and ask her to stop reading them.

I have stopped reading these books altogether. I have found as I mature in the Lord I see these things as a stumbling block to me personally. A friend told me years ago I suffered from "Cinderella Syndrome". She was right and for me I needed to put the books away. I do know many godly women who do read them and still live in reality. I guess it just depends on the heart of the woman.

a mere housewife · #6 (**permalink**) 07-22-2008, 01:10 PM

Joe, I have heard from several women that the books have had a serious influence on giving them unrealistic expectations of men --to the point where it has caused marital problems, or problems being able to be in a relationship with and maintain an admiration for a 'real' man. Basically these heroes are created by women: they are, without those who admire them realizing it, very effeminate men --always knowing exactly what to say to a woman, and how, and always focused on her etc., despite being so rugged, silent, and dreamily 'manly'. Real men don't exist as they do in a woman's mind. And some girls I know have never been able to accept this after reading the romance novels --they find the real men inadequate, too authoritarian, too 'gushy' when they are in love, too unsure of themselves once they trust you. They are always comparing a real person against an idea of a man made up by another woman, and finding the masculinity that is the real complement to femininity, made by God, to come up short. It's more than very sad.

Joshua · #7 (**permalink**) 07-22-2008, 01:12 PM

There's also a current trend in Christendom to publish a couple's "Courtship Story." One can read through Josh Harris' books, or find a plethora of these things online, and some of them are just fine. The problem I find with a lot of them is only the pleasantries are emphasized.

This sets up a godly Christian Bachelor up for defeat if he's pursuing a Christian Lady who has spent a lot of her time reading these things, and somewhat obsessing over them. Regardless of what's read, in most cases there's a lot more to the store than just the pleasant, sweet, romantic happenings. How do I know this? Because we're all born depraved sinners!

As thankful as I am in the renewed emphasis on courtship (and trust me, I really am), the pendulum can easily swing too far in the other direction, where unrealistic expectations are put upon a man who is not quite the "romantic" that most of the courtship stories require for good reading.

Kim G · #8 (**permalink**) 07-22-2008, 01:12 PM

These stories remind me of one that a cousin told me about. She doesn't like romance novels either, but she saw one lying around at a friend's house and picked it up.

Storyline: A Christian girl is being romantically pursued by a Christian man, but so far they have not acted on their feelings. While walking on a path in the woods together, a snake crosses their path. The girl is so frightened that she leaps into the man's arms and they begin passionately kissing.

That's where my cousin stopped reading.

Such junk!

Backwoods Presbyterian · #9 (**permalink**) 07-22-2008, 01:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mindaboo

I checked out Tracie Peterson online too and read some excerpts from her book and from what I saw there isn't much there to worry about. What I have found in Christian romance novels is that they usually center around the founding of the US or some other historical events and the story line usually deals more with the hardships faced in life during those times. For the most part they center around a couple trying to determine the Lord's will for their lives, and once in a while you have the love triangle. The major difference would be these books don't have adulterous themes, although they do have a lot of rebellious women in them. Generally the women rebel against their fathers.

I used to read a lot of romance novels and watch all of the soap operas, until the Lord convicted me of my sinful behavior. I started reading the Christian romance novels to appease the desire to read romance books. Do these books cause her to sin? Are they a stumbling block to her? If she is reading them and then looking to you to live up to the standard of the men in the books, then maybe you should approach her again and ask her to stop reading them.

I have stopped reading these books altogether. I have found as I mature in the Lord I see these things as a stumbling block to me personally. A friend told me years ago I suffered from "Cinderella Syndrome". She was right and for me I needed to put the books away. I do know many godly women who do read them and still live in reality. I guess it just depends on the heart of the woman.

I do not think they cause her to "sin" in the manner of causing her to have unrealistic expectations of me. Thankfully some Godly women have taken her under their wing and have been counseling her since she has no positive influence (in a Christian manner) from her own mother.

I am hoping that she moves in the way you did. She stopped watching the Soaps a while ago and now only has the Romance Novels (Nora Roberts, Stephanie Laurens, etc...).

Thanks all

BobVigneault · #10 (**permalink**) 07-22-2008, 01:25 PM

My wife reads the period pieces, the historical novels and some romance. Her complaint is that living with me has given her unrealistic expectations for what a romance novel should be.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Wannabee · #11 (**permalink**) 07-22-2008, 01:58 PM

Warning!

It is probably a good idea to keep our wives away from romance novels.

Our wives must be kept from finding out about Bawb at all costs!

Joshua · #12 (**permalink**) 07-22-2008, 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by a mere housewife

Once again, my dog --an atheist, no less-- has taken pen in paw and made a debut in this arena. The plot: the girl is forced to marry about four men because they either spoke to her, stood on her, got trapped in a barn with her, or thought she spoke to them, etc.

That was hilarious!

Ex Nihilo · #13 (**permalink**) 07-22-2008, 02:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by joshua

Quote:

Originally Posted by a mere housewife

Once again, my dog --an atheist, no less-- has taken pen in paw and made a debut in this arena. The plot: the girl is forced to marry about four men because they either spoke to her, stood on her, got trapped in a barn with her, or thought she spoke to them, etc.

That was hilarious!

Heidi's dog is really amazing!

a mere housewife · #14 (**permalink**) 07-22-2008, 02:16 PM

No, please don't compliment my dog. Even though he is (hopefully) dead now, I live in fear of his ego which almost destroyed us all. He actually caused a church split in our microdenomination and drove away our ruling elder (one of our three communicant members), and incited me to burn Ruben's apostate meeting place, thus leaving us homeless. It's a long story.

Pergamum · #15 (**permalink**) 07-22-2008, 02:20 PM

We need more Christian romance novels about men who, in their early thirties, begin to grow hair in their ears and on their backs and teaches his sons the "pull my finger" game and also teaches them the "Beans, beans, good for your heart" song. I.e. all the yucky things that men do needs to be in that book so that wives, after reading these books, come and squeeze their husbands and think they are normal.

Or, even better.....Publish more accounts of drunk, alcoholic wife abusing husbands who spend their children's inheritance on blackjack. Woohooooo....we can look REAL good in comparison to these romances. Having my boy pull my finger is no big deal then and any male pattern baldness still makes me seem like a studmufin if they read romance novels of real losers and the women who love them.

Backwoods Presbyterian · #16 (**permalink**) 07-22-2008, 04:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pergamum

We need more Christian romance novels about men who, in their early thirties, begin to grow hair in their ears and on their backs and teaches his sons the "pull my finger" game and also teaches them the "Beans, beans, good for your heart" song. I.e. all the yucky things that men do needs to be in that book so that wives, after reading these books, come and squeeze their husbands and think they are normal.

Or, even better.....Publish more accounts of drunk, alcoholic wife abusing husbands who spend their children's inheritance on blackjack. Woohooooo....we can look REAL good in comparison to these romances. Having my boy pull my finger is no big deal then and any male pattern baldness still makes me seem like a studmufin if they read romance novels of real losers and the women who love them.

It took until your early 30's to get hair on your back and lose your hair?

I guess some of us are just advanced...

Pergamum · #17 (**permalink**) 07-22-2008, 04:50 PM

What!? You think I'm talking about MYSELF!

[feigns shock and surprise while my son sings about beans being the musical fruit in the background]

Leslie · #18 (**permalink**) 07-22-2008, 05:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by a mere housewife

Joe, I have heard from several women that the books have had a serious influence on giving them unrealistic expectations of men --to the point where it has caused marital problems, or problems being able to be in a relationship with and maintain an admiration for a 'real' man. Basically these heroes are created by women: they are, without those who admire them realizing it, very effeminate men --always knowing exactly what to say to a woman, and how, and always focused on her etc., despite being so rugged, silent, and dreamily 'manly'. Real men don't exist as they do in a woman's mind. And some girls I know have never been able to accept this after reading the romance novels --they find the real men inadequate, too authoritarian, too 'gushy' when they are in love, too unsure of themselves once they trust you. They are always comparing a real person against an idea of a man made up by another woman, and finding the masculinity that is the real complement to femininity, made by God, to come up short. It's more than very sad.

It sounds as if "Christian" romance novels do for women what internet **** does for men--create unrealistic expectations, offer an alternative to a real relationship.

etexas · #19 (**permalink**) 07-22-2008, 05:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leslie