Thread: Heretic Dishes

Can anyone think of any?

Not heretic recipes, but heretic dishes would probably be a better title. Can't edit it.

Mod warning: Just be careful who you call a heretic!

All church heretics boiled in oil for 30min!

John Hagee briskets:

Start roasting 2 identical briskets on the grill. Remove one for medium done. Leave the other one on for 7 more minutes and shake the grill violently until done.

Originally Posted by Marrow Man

Mod warning: Just be careful who you call a heretic!

I was thinking along the lines of Word of Faith guys - real obvious folks. Yes, caution is indeed necessary.

-----Added 4/18/2009 at 08:12:19 EST-----

Joyce-car Meyer Wiener Appetizers
Marilyn Hickeyberry Pie

Yeah we need to only burn the obvious ones, not the ones that for example disguies themselves with sunglasses or wigs

j/k please do not burn me

Campbellite soup. Mmmm, Mmmm, Good!

Theognome

Nestorian Cream Pie:

Take pie shell and fill with chocolate filling. Take second pie shell and fill with cream topping. Keep two shells apart. Enjoy.

Finney roast chicken:

A succulent ,tender, moist, well seasoned..... oh can't you just taste it people.....when the little button pops, I want you all to run up front and grab a piece.

Originally Posted by Re4mdant

Yeah we need to only burn the obvious ones, not the ones that for example disguies themselves with sunglasses or wigs

j/k please do not burn me

Apparently you're not familiar with Roasted Martin Marshmallows.

Yeah I was affraid that old recipe might come up

Baked Chicken with Eutychian glaze

Bake boneless chicken for 20 minutes while thoroughly warming glaze. When chicken is done, remove from oven. Careful taken chicken and place in glaze until completely engulfed. Eat only glaze. Enjoy.

Rodney Howard Browned Chicken-

Withe the feathers still on, take a whole chicken, slay it by making it fall backwards into red-hot hellfire. Roast until very dark.

Theognome

Originally Posted by Knoxienne

Originally Posted by Marrow Man

Mod warning: Just be careful who you call a heretic!

I was thinking along the lines of Word of Faith guys - real obvious folks. Yes, caution is indeed necessary.

I just want to make sure no one comes up with Norman Shepherd Pie.

Pentecostal Twice Fried Burgers.


Fry burgers then deep fry them to make sure they are filled with grease.


(ok, that wasn't funy)

C Peter Wagner dinosaur burgers:

First you need to find a dinosaur. You say they are extinct with the closing of canon? Well, I'm one and I tell you there are more just like me. Unless you get under our authority, you will never make another burger. Ask Chuck Pierce.....he will clue you in on our secret recipe.

Tetzelstrudel-

This indulgent dish is easy to make. Take one Tetzel, add three cups of St. Peters, mix with two tablespoons coffee (from the coffers). Bake at 4,000 degrees or until released from purgatory.

Theognome

Kenneth Hagin-Daas Ice Cream

Get a worm. Just a mealy little worm. Burn it in fire for three days. Retrieve it. Claim that it is delicious ice cream and eat it.

Shake and TD Jake chicken-

Put one chicken quarter into a bag filled with one spice only- You can't have Trinitarian spices. Make sure it's baked by a woman, too.

Theognome

Marcionite Fried Chicken

Take a whole chicken and fry it. Throw away the parts you don't like. Eat drumstick and enjoy.

Jiffy Pope popcorn:

Take all professing ears of popping corn you can find. Tie them to a stake. Unless they recant, burn them till crisp and season with salt and butter.

Brussels Sprouts Au Aquinas

Rinse two pounds of Brussels Sprouts (no one likes them anyway), and put in a pot of boiling water. In another pot, boil two pounds of imaginary Roma Tomatoes and bow to them. Combine Roman mythology with disgusting Catholic sprouts. Sprinkle with Dante.

Theognome

Joel Osteen Buffalo Wings:

Take 5 pounds of chicken wings. Fry them until just done. Then mix two drops of tabasco sauce with 1 pound of melted butter. We just want to butter them up folks, leave that hell fire sauce for someone else's recipe.

Peter Popoffovers

Mix flour and water and put in popover tin. Then, turn your back and wait for a cuecard to tell you that they've been baked. If no cue card is available, get an earpiece pick-up with someone in the kitchen on the other end telling you what happened.

Theongome

Mary Baker Eddy Chocolate Cake

That's not really chocolate cake; it's just an illusion. Here, read the cookbook and you'll see.

Charles Taze Russell Stover Candies

Devilishly sweet, these are actually a lot of work to put together. Your local representatives will be at your home shortly to show you the way.

Theognome

Joseph Smith imitation vanilla pound cake:

1 pound of sifted flour (let gulls pick out any bugs)
2 pinches of Nephi brand baking powder
1 pound of home churned butter
1 pound of Moroni sugar
1 tsp of Salt Lake City brand imitation vanilla extract

Bake at 451deg until someone believes it is really pound cake.

Your mothers in law will love the recipe!!!

Hi:

Flaming Servetus

-Rob

Creflo Dollar Pancakes

Mix the finest, most expensive flour with imported spring water. Fry on titanium pans. Expect wealth to come through this recipe.

theognome

Fuller Seminary Blue Plate Special

Carefully prepare and attractively present he following complete entre items and accompaniments (note: give due attention to gender distribution of chefs, cooks, and all waitstaff with a view to collaboration, non-hierarchical self-governing teams, and avoiding gender stereotyping of roles remembering that we are all called to a ministry of diakonia):

Arminian antipasto (be careful since some of them have a habit of slipping away through the fingers "holding" them)
Baptist BBQ (completely immersed in lively non-alcoholic sauce)
Calvinian cheese (specially pre-selected and persevering)
Emergent vegetarian escargot in beer broth (Seems like a contradiction doesn't it? Oh well, learn to live with the cognitive dissonance hang over from your modernist rationalism. If you don't like the item, just drink the beer)
Methodist mushrooms (raised in the dark on an interesting diet of impurities)
Pentecostal holy bird soup (to be consumed feathers and all)
Presbyterian potroast (sprinkle only a dash of spices, cook moderately, and serve decently and in order)
Roman rutabaga (nobody really likes these, but the seminary president insists on having some on the menu for reasons of diversity and inclusiveness especially when inviting the Los Angeles cardinal to speak in chapel)
Seeker seafood surprise (the surprise is that it is really cotton candy and marshmallows shaped like seafood but intended to satisfy the lowest common denominator of taste -- sickly sweet and insubstantial with no sour, bitter, or salty).

Now place an absolutely equal portion of all menu items in a blender, stir vigorously until homogenized, and serve in a bowl. If asked what it is, just repeat after me . . . "on the one hand, but on the other hand," "we can't really judge what someone finds sustaining to them," "I don't know, what do you think it looks like?", "I can assure you that it is an absolutely eco-just, egalitarian, socially conscious, green, collection of the very best of our richly diverse community of ingredients . . . "

Mainline Cream Puffs: They look substantial and pleasing from the bakery window, but take a bite into them and you get more air than substance.

Cindy Jacobs cupcakes:

Release that frosting bring that cupcake back up here Release that frosting I declare this is the year of chocolate frosting!!!!

Bart Ehrman's Perfectly Rich Chocolate Cake

Dr. Ehrman contends that the scholarly cooking community recognizes the problems of authenticity in some of the traditional offerings baked and served up to the unsuspecting public as nourishing and delicious food. He has produced a series of books unmasking this conspiracy to hide the truth from the people and to offer them baked items without hypocrisy and phony claims. What follows is an example of Dr. Ehrman's "Perfectly Rich Chocolate Cake."

Ingredients:
•2 cups sugar
•1-3/4 cups all-purpose flour
•3/4 cup HERSHEY'S Cocoa
•1-1/2 teaspoons baking powder
•1-1/2 teaspoons baking soda
•1 teaspoon salt
•2 eggs
•1 cup milk
•1/2 cup vegetable oil
•2 teaspoons vanilla extract
•1 cup boiling water
•Ehrman's "PERFECTLY CHOCOLATE" CHOCOLATE FROSTING(recipe follows)

Directions:
1. Heat oven to 350°F. Grease and flour two 9-inch round baking pans.

2. Remove the sugar, flour, cocoa, eggs, and milk since we do not know if they are authentic or not. Different recipe's record various combinations of them in differing amounts. We cannot be sure if the recipe comes from Dr. Ehrman or is the result of a later recension, scribal interpolations, etc. Taking seriously the maxim, lectio brevior lectio potior, we should assume that the original Alexandrian recipe did not have the Byzantine items of sugar, flour, cocoa, eggs, and milk which are probably later additions to the recipe. Stir together the remaining ingredients in large bowl. Stir in boiling water (batter will be thin). Pour batter into prepared pans.

3. Bake 30 to 35 minutes or until wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool 10 minutes; remove from pans to wire racks. Cool completely. Frost with Ehrman's "PERFECTLY CHOCOLATE" CHOCOLATE FROSTING. 10 to 12 servings.

Nice

Originally Posted by DMcFadden

Bart Ehrman's Perfectly Rich Chocolate Cake

Dr. Ehrman contends that the scholarly cooking community recognizes the problems of authenticity in some of the traditional offerings baked and served up to the unsuspecting public as nourishing and delicious food. He has produced a series of books unmasking this conspiracy to hide the truth from the people and to offer them baked items without hypocrisy and phony claims. What follows is an example of Dr. Ehrman's "Perfectly Rich Chocolate Cake."

Ingredients:
•2 cups sugar
•1-3/4 cups all-purpose flour
•3/4 cup HERSHEY'S Cocoa
•1-1/2 teaspoons baking powder
•1-1/2 teaspoons baking soda
•1 teaspoon salt
•2 eggs
•1 cup milk
•1/2 cup vegetable oil
•2 teaspoons vanilla extract
•1 cup boiling water
•Ehrman's "PERFECTLY CHOCOLATE" CHOCOLATE FROSTING(recipe follows)

Directions:
1. Heat oven to 350°F. Grease and flour two 9-inch round baking pans.

2. Remove the sugar, flour, cocoa, eggs, and milk since we do not know if they are authentic or not. Different recipe's record various combinations of them in differing amounts. We cannot be sure if the recipe comes from Dr. Ehrman or is the result of a later recension, scribal interpolations, etc. Taking seriously the maxim, lectio brevior lectio potior, we should assume that the original Alexandrian recipe did not have the Byzantine items of sugar, flour, cocoa, eggs, and milk which are probably later additions to the recipe. Stir together the remaining ingredients in large bowl. Stir in boiling water (batter will be thin). Pour batter into prepared pans.

3. Bake 30 to 35 minutes or until wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool 10 minutes; remove from pans to wire racks. Cool completely. Frost with Ehrman's "PERFECTLY CHOCOLATE" CHOCOLATE FROSTING. 10 to 12 servings.

I saw Professor Ehrman leaving the dining hall the other day...wonder if he had one of these for dessert...

I won't even ask what we should use for an oven for these recipes.

Paul Crouch baked potatoes:

Put one big Idaho potato into my oven. Heat your oven to 400 deg for 1 hour. Open oven and you will have 40, 60 even 100 potatoes to serve your guests.

-----Added 4/18/2009 at 10:06:32 EST-----

Originally Posted by Theognome

Rodney Howard Browned Chicken-

Withe the feathers still on, take a whole chicken, slay it by making it fall backwards into red-hot hellfire. Roast until very dark.

Theognome

Don't we want to belly up to the bar for something to wash that down with

Home baked Mormon Apple Pie

JW Steak House

Marcion Mac and Cheese

Pelagian Puttenesca

Free Will Tater Tots

Joseph Smith Biscuit Company

Brigham Young Chicken

Joel Osteen Family Picnic Lunchables

T.D Jakes T.V. Dinners

Angel Moroni Angel Food Cake

Anton Levey Devils Food Cake

Gnostic Goulash

Ex cathedra Cassorole

Arian Apple Sauce

Docetism Dim Sum

Antinomianism Anti Pasta