Preparation and nurturing of a minister's wife

Pergamum · #1 (**permalink**) 07-14-2009, 01:35 AM

Going through missionary preparation training, it is a family affair. The man takes classes alongside his wife to know better what to expect in cross-cultural ministry.

There are even courses for children to take and the preparation course we took also taught our children everyday simplified versions of the major themes which my wife and I learned everyday in class.

Also, my wife just returned from a spiritual retreat for missionary women, and they had specialized sessions on being a missionary wife, and how to do well in life despite the challneges.

NOW, HERE'S MY QUESTION;

Seeing all the problems of stateside ministry and my recent thread on clergy sexual sin and the high rate of divorce, pastoral transition, and stress, what are we doing to prepare, guide and nurture/mentor the wives of ministers? Should courses be set up, support groups, retreats for pastors wives, college courses whether modular or online? They often bear heavy loads, when a pastor falls, they are the sinned-against usually when a pastor fails, and they handle the kids while the husband often lacks intimacy and trends towards overwork.

What do we do to help the wivesof ministers?

Dovecat · #2 (**permalink**) 07-14-2009, 03:14 AM

At our old church in Georgia a new pastor's wife said the church elders were shocked when she said she didn't play piano. I guess stereotypes exist in all quarters.

I think this is a subject worth time and attention. Perhaps someone should design a survey where actual pastor's wives could chime in about what they need, would find helpful, etc.

AThornquist · #3 (**permalink**) 07-14-2009, 03:32 AM

Perg, I can't imagine what your thought patterns are like. You are always coming up with useful threads; it's great.

And consider this a bump; I'm very interested in the answers.

Lady of the Lake · #4 (**permalink**) 07-15-2009, 11:17 PM

I would agree on Andrew's take on your posts, Perg. :-) The best method I could think of would be to follow the dictates of Titus 2 by having experienced pastor's wives share what God has shown them over the years. I haven't heard of any such forum, but would have enjoyed participating when I was one of the "younger women". Anybody interested in starting that thread?

Backwoods Presbyterian · #5 (**permalink**) 07-15-2009, 11:23 PM

Of all the things my mainline education did not do one thing they did do well was get the wives (or spouses in this case) ready for the Pastorate. They developed several events that really did a good job of getting wives interacting with experienced Pastor's wives that really did my wife a great service.

Curt · #6 (**permalink**) 07-15-2009, 11:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Backwoods Presbyterian

Of all the things my mainline education did not do one thing they did do well was get the wives (or spouses in this case) ready for the Pastorate. They developed several events that really did a good job of getting wives interacting with experienced Pastor's wives that really did my wife a great service.

I agree with this concept. Within most seminary communities there are experieced pastors who will share with the men in training. Their wives also need to be open to helping the students' wives prepare for the realities of the role of pastor's wife.

Rich Koster · #7 (**permalink**) 07-16-2009, 07:51 AM

The ladies in the congregation should be encouraging and helping out a pastors wife. Mature women should make an effort to spend time with them and not lay any burdens on them, but offer to help out. One time when we went to help with gardening burdens, my wife just listened for better than an hour at all of the stuff she was being overwhelmed with and had not place to vent without fearing some gossip or repercussions.

Mrs. Presbyterian · #8 (**permalink**) 07-16-2009, 09:28 AM

To echo what Mr. BP said above the Spouses Alive! program at PTS was really well done in getting us ready for what living in a parish as the wife of a minister would really be like and what to expect. There was certainly no sugarcoating and excuse-making going on. They were very upfront with the difficulties (and blessings) of being a Pastor's wife. Since PTS has many denominations going to it (Methodist, Baptist, Presbyterian, non-denominational) we had an opportunity to see what it was like in many different situations.