Thread: Advice for Families Going to Seminary

At the end of next month I am selling my house and moving from Richmond VA to Orlando FL to attend Reformed Theological Seminary. I am married and have two kids (little more about us here).

I was wondering if any of you have attended seminary while being married and having kids and if you might share some advice or insight. I feel like we have a pretty good plan and (as best we can) know what we are getting ourselves into. But it never hurts to hear from others who have walked down the path before you.

Also, I'll probably share your advice and insight on my blog www.goingtoseminary.com, so you won't just be helping me, but also all the people who visit my site.

Thanks in advance.

No matter how busy you get in seminary, set aside specific non-negotiable times for God, your wife, and your kids (I learned these the hard way...). Seminary is not a substitute for private and public worship. And you will find that seminary is much more edifying if you maintain your walk with the Lord.

Also, keep the Sabbath. Don't do seminary work on the Sabbath. Enjoy the Lord's day with worship and fellowship. Otherwise you will dry up and burn out.

Keep up your family devotions.

Finally, a little tidbit that goes a long way, unless you plan on doing PhD work, no one will care what your GPA was in seminary. You are there to acquire tools, not memorize every detail.

I don't have any advice to share, except that Patrick's counsel is very good.

Just wanted to say, that if you'd like, while you're still in Virginia, come on up and visit us at the Presbyterian Reformed Church in Warrenton, Virginia. We have members in our church who live in Richmond. It's a bit of drive, but we would be glad to provide hospitality.

Meanwhile, blessings to you and yours, as you seek to serve the kingdom of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Originally Posted by Puritan Sailor

Finally, a little tidbit that goes a long way, unless you plan on doing PhD work, no one will care what your GPA was in seminary. You are there to acquire tools, not memorize every detail.

That's a good point. Hard one for someone who really wants to perfect everything he does... but a really good point. Thanks.

Get used to living with less. We had 3 by the time we graduated, and it was difficult, but worth it! Become frugal. Don't fear Ramen Noodles, they are your friend!!! Also, learn to be creative by making such dishes as macaroni and cheese mixed with cream of mushroom soup and tunafish (YUM!) ;-). Don't allow your wife to become a "seminary widow." Make sure to at least keep your family worship time together.

Yeah... in the budget (on paper), we've cut back a bunch... however, my wife is a bit of a health nut, so the grocery budget was one area I'm not allowed to touch (assuming I want to eat at night). Also, the "seminary widow" warning is good. I've already got that on my radar. And, actually, she is also going to be taking some classes, so hopefully that will be a blessing to our marriage... what's better than talking theology with your wife!

Mr. Burns,

Your pursuit parallels mine, except I'm planning on going to RTS in Charlotte and I have 3 children. Are you going to get part-time job or a full-time job while attending seminary? Keep in touch if you can, as I think we could benefit each other. Feel free to PM me.

Blessings!

I am currently full-time at Puritan Reformed Theological Seminary in Grand Rapids and I have 2 children, a mortgage and a car payment. I am currently unemployed, but I am looking for a part-time job. If you are able to study full-time and work part-time I would recommend it. In our situation the Lord's blessings are abundantly clear.

It is vital to have your priorities straight when in seminary. Patrick's experience is similar to mine, and I would guess that our wives would have the same advice for your wife. When I was in seminary, we had four children, the youngest of which was three weeks old when I started. do not forget that when you are in seminary, your primary job is to support your family. I mean that from two perspectives: the first and most important is that which Patrick mentioned, the spiritual well-being of your family; the second is that you are charged to "put food on the table." Too many seminarians are more concerned with whether they get an A- instead of a B+ than they are with whether their wife has to work.

Let me say this straight: God cares more that you provide for your family and give them as normal a life as possible that he does about your GPA. If you can't support your family on a part-time job, get a full-time job. If you can't find a full-time job, get two part-time jobs. When I was in seminary, I worked three jobs. I retained some of the work that I had before I went to seminary as a lawyer, and I was full-time pulpit supply for a small church, and I also worked as a teaching assistant for one of the professors. This meant that I had less time for study, it also meant that my grades weren't as good as some of my compatriots, but to be honest with you, I really could care less. In less you are going to do Ph.D. work, no ecclesiastical institution (Presbyterian or Baptist) is going to care about your grades, unless they are abominable (like a D average).

A second critical factor for seminarians, is that they find a good church to be in. By that, I do not mean a church in which you can earn the most money, or which will provide you the most opportunities to teach or preach. I mean, a church that will support your family in their own Christian walk, and be a place where your wife can find friends to confide in, help with the kids, and develop relationships with. I mean a place where your children enjoy going to, because they like their Sunday school teachers, because there are friends for them to play with, and because they know that they are loved. Seminary is not a "break from life." It is a part-time occupation for three to four years of your life. You must not sacrifice anything for your family's spiritual and relational well being that you would not sacrifice, where you are living right now.

A third critical thing for seminarians to remember, is that they must develop relationships with pastors, ministers, professors, and upper-level students. You want to learn from their mistakes, their successes, and their experiences. This is not a race that you are running alone, the Lord has given you others to help and guide you. Some of the best relationships that I carried with me from seminary. Are those with some professors. There are several that I still call to get advice from. Seminary is not primarily an academic exercise. It is a place where you go to be grounded more in the truth of God's Word and were you learn to minister to others.

I hope this helps somewhat.

i would also suggest, in case you weren't already aware of this for some reason...

rts does a scholarship thing where they'll pay a third of your tuition if you get a church to pay for a third of your tuition, leaving you to pay only a third of the tuition.

this can make all the difference in the world. i know from the flip side of it. unfortunately our church chooses not to support seminary goers in any such way, so i can imagine how great it would be to only have to pay for 33% of tuition costs instead of 100% of it. i'm sure it would make life MUCH less stressful, allowing you to have more time with your family, etc.

because of this I HIGHLY reccommend trying to get your church (or a church) to support you with a third of your tuition.

There are a few professors there that I would have some issues with. Frame is a bit quick to make more room for aberrant theologies than I am comfortable with. And Bruce Waltke, while a tremendous exegete, doesn't know much about systematic theology.

Thanks, everyone! Very helpful information. I may just pursue RTS online for 2 years, and then transfer to finish the M.Div. Any thoughts on that?

Lane, would this avoid certain questionable professors?

Originally Posted by moral necessity

Thanks, everyone! Very helpful information. I may just pursue RTS online for 2 years, and then transfer to finish the M.Div. Any thoughts on that?

Lane, would this avoid certain questionable professors?

You just need to make sure the classes you need don't conflict in that final stretch on campus.

Also, if I remember correctly, you are only allowed to do 1/3 of your credits through distance learning for the MDIV. I believe the other 2/3 has to be at the school, if you want an accredited degree. Just call the seminary and make sure about that.

But they do offer 1 week long condensed classes at the campuses during summer and winter terms which you could also take advantage of and they would count towards the on-campus portion. You could take a few of those while you pursue the distance stuff.

I've thought about doing this so many times, and it's just me and my wife! So I appreciate this thread and I definitely appreciate your blog, which is awesome! Prayers are with you.

Master of Arts in Counseling Ministries interests me greatly!

Originally Posted by moral necessity

Thanks, everyone! Very helpful information. I may just pursue RTS online for 2 years, and then transfer to finish the M.Div. Any thoughts on that?

Lane, would this avoid certain questionable professors?

If you go to Orlando, you will not be able to "avoid" questionable professors. I would not recommend Orlando, period. Jackson and Charlotte are far better, in my opinion. However, to be forewarned is to be forearmed. As long as you recognize Frame's and Waltke's problems (and I should mention Reggie Kidd as well), then you need not fear. Just be on your guard, and test everything against Scripture.

Thanks, Lane. I'll try to be unbiased, yet guarded, if you know what I mean...like the Bereans.