I'd like some opinions on a situation that I'm going to be put into soon.

One of my best friends since high school is going to be getting married this summer. He's an unbeliever and has never been married before. The problem is that the woman that he's going to marry has been married previously. I got word the other day from another friend of mine that my friend that is getting married will soon be asking me to be in the wedding.

Do you think that I should participate? If I don't, I'm sure that he will really be hurt and will not understand my objections since he is not a believer. I've witnessed to him before and even bought him his first Bible but he was only interested for about a month. He's never gone to church and comes from a home that is not christian. I'm afraid that if I tell him that I won't be in the wedding, he'll be too hurt and he'll distance himself from me. Then how do I witness?

I've gone through this numerous times in my head but would like some more insight.

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Dan McPherson
Creekside, PA
Faith OPC - Indiana, PA

“The ultimate destiny of every individual is decided by the will of God, and blessed it is that such be the case. If it were left to our wills, the ultimate destination of us all would be the lake of fire.” -- A. W. Pink

The woman previously married...was her divorce legitimate (i.e. adultery on the part of her husband)?

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Josh Hicks, Chloë's Dad
Attending CCRPC, Member of TRBC
Reformers & Puritans -lllll- Puritan Pub
Board Rules - Signature Rules - Suggestion Box

I'm not sure if her previous husband commited adultery or not. I'm under the conviction that even adultery is not a legitimate reason for divorce (I know, I'm in the minority).

I believe it was allowed temporarily in the old testament, so that God could also divorce national Israel for their spiritual adultery but from the beginning it was not so. (but we won't get into that)

I'm with you on this one, Dan....we also believe fornication and adultery to be two different things. I've only lost one friend over this situation (and many of our friends are D&R). I would explain my beliefs to him in a calm, noncondemning manner (even though he may take it that way anyway and blow)...I try to explain in a manner that makes it as far from personal as possible. You cannot in good conscience stand with this man in the ceremony publically showing that you support the marriage when scripturally you don't.

No one argue this point with me please...at least not here...if you want to start a thread on it, go ahead...but here I am placing my

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JC
URCNA
PA, but homesick for SC

"Who says you can't go back, been all around the world and as a matter of fact. There's only one place left I want to go, who says you can't go home" Bon Jovi

Well, I don't know how to answer you, then.

Is not marriage an honorable estate? Even for unbelievers? The moral law is just as binding on their marriage as for believers. I would not object to them getting married, providing that the woman's previous marriage were a biblically allowed divorce. I've had no problem attending and participating in marriages of unbelievers. It may even give you an opportunity to witness to them in the long run, as you support their relationship and encourage them to model after Christ and His church. Two cents.....

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Patrick
OPC
MDiv, RTS Jackson.

"He does well, that discourses of Christ; but he does infinitely better, that by experimental knowledge, feeds and lives on Christ." Thomas Brooks.

I agree w/ Patrick here. I've been the other route. People just get riffed. It may give you the opportunity to present. Better that they marry than been in an illicit affair.

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Scott Bushey
Husband to Tina, father to Nicole, Danielle and Zoe
Member First Presbyterian Church of Margate PCA

Patrick,
Now that you are in seminary, you will have to answer a tough question that all ministers do (consciously or not): Will I officiate a wedding between two unbelievers? If so, how come? If not, why not?

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Bobby Gawthrop, V.D.M.
licensed, ordained SBC, licensed PCA
Ph.D. student (Whitefield Theological Seminary)
"Every minister in those days had a V.D.M. degree: Verbum Dei Minister. When, therefore, I became a teacher of apologetics it was natural for me to think, not only of my Th.M. and my Ph.D., but above all of my V.D.M. The former degrees were but means whereby I might be true to the latter degree." Cornelius Van Til

Ditto to Patrick, but you're "in the minority" and we want get into that :P

What is wrong with two unbelievers marrying? Thou shalt not commit adultery applies to unbelievers too. If I were to officiate such a couple, I would require premarital counseling, which would involve obviously the gospel. I would not consent to joining a believer to an unbeliever though. Those are my preliminary thoughts.

WCF XXIV on Marriage and Divorce is very broad in its statements. It does not limit itself to Christians. There are a few comments that are specific to Christians, but for the most part it applies to all men (as does the moral law).

Since the minister is acting as an agent of the state, they should be permitted to officiate at the marriage of two non-believers. If they just want the marriage solemnized, I see no problem. If they want the trappings of a "Christian wedding" including use of a church building, etc, then they should probably be counseled to go somehwere else.

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Tom Albrecht
Member, Covenant URCNA, New Holland, PA.

"I'm not a famous man. I'm just a simple country doctor with horse sense."

Wow! You're the only other person that I've run across that feels the same way. However, I don't believe the reason it was allowed in the O.C. was so that God could divorce Israel, but as Jesus said "BECAUSE OF the hardness of your hearts."

In the long run, if we say that the church is Israel then ultimately God never did truly divorce His bride. Our mother is the freewoman, the legitimate wife, not the bondwoman, the concubine. The question is "who is Israel" and "has God cast away His people whom He foreknew..." (Notwithstanding Isa 50:1 & Jer 3:8)

P.S. I forgot my It is never good to go against your conscience "and I think also that I have the Spirit of God":

(Rom 14:23) "And he that doubteth is damned if he eat, because he eateth not of faith: for whatsoever is not of faith is sin."

(James 4:17) "Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin."

[Edited on 2-1-2005 by VERITAS]

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[color=DarkRed]Cheri - Trucker
Reformed Baptist
Clinton, MS | Memphis, TN
====================
"Forget pink and purple paisleys, little mellow-yellow daisies...Her favorite color is chrome."[/color]
[color=blue][b]Deut 7:9-11[/b][/color][color=DarkRed] - The MOST IMPORTANT [u]principle[/u] in the Bible.[/color]

I say yes, participate in the Wedding...there is nothing wrong with that.

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Troy Norwood
Anselm Bible Church
South Central Los Angeles, CA

My problem with the marriage isn't that they are both nonbelievers but the fact that he will be commiting adultery by marrying a women who's first husband is still living. Will I be giving my blessing to this by publically standing with him? (as LadyFlynt pointed out)


Glad I'm not the only one who believes that way.

God divorced national Israel. He divorced the nation not the spiritual Israel (the elect).

One of the reasons that I don't believe that adultery is a cause for divorce is, we as the bride of Christ commit spiritual adultery againsy him everyday when we sin. Christ promises that he will never leave us. Christ does not divorce us for adultery. Isn't our physical marriages supposed to be a reflection of that? Oh wait, we won't get into that. Right Josh? :bigsmile:

[Edited on 1-2-2005 by Scot]

heh!

How was that different for believers under the old covenant? While it is true that God divorced the nation, did He ever abandon (old covenant) spiritual Israel?

I, and the Bible, agree with Patrick and Scott.
Remember that Christians are held to a higher standard. True, God's moral laws apply to everyone, but God has also instituted a higher revealed moral standard for His people so that they stand out as holy.

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Ben
Sanford, NC
TE Ohio Valley Presbytery, PCA

Cheri, Scot...go read the Unqualified Pastor thread...we were just hashing all this out, and boy I sure could have used you two to help!

*** Thou shalt not commit adultery applies to unbelievers too***


But the two people marrying are committing adultery,as the only valid reason for divorce is death."What God put together let no man put asunder."

"And he arose from thence, and cometh into the coasts of Judaea by the farther side of Jordan: and the people resort unto him again; and, as he was wont, he taught them again.
And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him.
And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you?
And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away.
And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept.
But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;
And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.
What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter.
And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her.
And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery." MARK 10:1-12


I do not think you should attend,for in the eyes of God they are committing adultery, and you want no part of that.Are you trying to please your friends or God?
andreas.

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andreas; By the grace of God,a Christian .

[font=symbol]
ean gar kai poreuqw en mesw skias qanatou ou fobhqhsomai kaka oti su met¢ emou ei h rabdos sou kai h bakthria sou autai me parekalesan [/font]
Psalm 23:4

This is not an exegesis question, it is a hermanutical one. Any question that has continued for as long as the divorce and remarriage issue has to be such.

I am however suprised to see Prebys' with the view of no divorce at all under any circumstances. I had previously only seen baptists with this view.

My personal view is that for Christians divorce should only be an option if forced. If a spouse cheats etc., we as Christians are required to forgive. However in case of abandonment etc, divorce and remarriage are viable options.

CT

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Hermonta Godwin
Christ The King PCA
Raleigh, NC