Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road ? - Page 2

Poimen · #41 (**permalink**) 10-08-2005, 02:07 PM

John Kerry: To get his medal of honor for his service in Vietnam!

Poimen · #42 (**permalink**) 10-08-2005, 02:08 PM

Jean Chretien: Dat is de, uh, collect the GST chicken?

Me Died Blue · #43 (**permalink**) 10-08-2005, 02:09 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by turmeric
Bill Clinton; It all depends on what you mean by "chicken" "cross" and "road".

I think even more relevant is the question of what you mean by "the."

Poimen · #44 (**permalink**) 10-08-2005, 02:11 PM

Don King: The chicken had the multitude of infinitude in all Republican righteousness to pursue the punctiliaristic purchasing of a higher life!

turmeric · #45 (**permalink**) 10-08-2005, 02:13 PM

That's true - and since I was trying to parody R.C. Sproul earlier, could someone please correct my Latin? I don't know it and spent WAY too much time on the net yesterday trying to figure out how to say it. Barbarian language issues!

gwine · #46 (**permalink**) 10-08-2005, 04:51 PM

Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?

To get to the same side. (credit: Tom Gregg)

ooooooookaaaaay How about this one?

When a snail crossed the road, he was run over by a turtle. Regaining consciousness in the emergency room, he was asked what caused the accident. "I really can't remember," the snail replied. "You see, it all happened so fast."

I'll stop.

Anton Bruckner · #47 (**permalink**) 10-08-2005, 08:02 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by poimen
Don King: The chicken had the multitude of infinitude in all Republican righteousness to pursue the punctiliaristic purchasing of a higher life!

:bigsmile:

you should have added, " and tune in tonight on pay per view, only $49.95 to see the chicken cross the road

[Edited on 10-9-2005 by Slippery]

turmeric · #48 (**permalink**) 10-08-2005, 08:15 PM

Who is Don King?

alwaysreforming · #49 (**permalink**) 10-08-2005, 08:18 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Slippery

Quote:

Originally posted by alwaysreforming
Ross Perot: Now, see, now that just sticks in my craw! You've got a bunch of PB'ers sittin around talkin about a chicken! You've got 37 replies from otherwise intelligent people and all they can talk about is a chicken! Well, it really is just that simple! A chicken without trade restrictions is free to open up a whole new exchange of corn for eggs! Can I finish?! Can I finish!? Can I finish?! Can I finish?!!!

The above is genius HAHAHAHHAHEHEHEHALOL

Ross Perot's voice is ringing in my ears saying the above HAHHHEHEHA

Keon,
Thanks for your discernment, my brother! I was hoping to get a few kudos but you're the only one who came thru for me. I guess the others just weren't doing the voice right!

Anton Bruckner · #50 (**permalink**) 10-08-2005, 08:20 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by turmeric
Who is Don King?

you can't be serious hehehehe. Don King is a boxing promoter known for his outlandish verbose statements, lawsuits, eccentric personality and vindictive business dealings.

He nearly bankrupted Zaire hosting the Ali-Foreman fight, and is said to have swindled Mike Tyson and other boxers out of millions.

Surely didn't you see him stumping for Bush on CNN during last year's election?

He claims to be a Republicrat

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Don_King

Don King
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.
Don King.
Enlarge
Don King.

Don King (born December 9, 1932), is a flamboyant American boxing promoter.

He gained fame in 1974 by sponsoring the boxing match between Muhammad Ali and George Foreman in Zaire, popularly known as "The Rumble in the Jungle." He consolidated his position as an influential promoter the next year by sponsoring a third match for Ali against Joe Frazier in Manila, the capital of the Philippines, which King named the "Thrilla In Manila."

Prior to entering the world of boxing, King was a numbers racketeer in Cleveland, Ohio. In 1954, King shot and killed a man attempting to rob one of his gambling houses; the death was ruled a "justifiable homicide," despite the fact that King had shot him in the back. In 1966, King was convicted of stomping to death an employee who owed him six hundred dollars. Although he then embarked on a campaign of hush money payments and witness intimidation, he was convicted of second degree murder and given a life sentence. The judge reduced the conviction to nonnegligent manslaughter. Some found this ruling suspicious, as it was made during a private meeting with King's attorney in the judge's chambers, without the presence of the prosecutor or a court stenographer. King has been investigated for possible connections with organized crime. During a 1992 Senate investigation King took the Fifth Amendment when questioned about his connection to mobster John Gotti. He has responded to these acts by calling them racist.

Apart from Ali, Frazier and Foreman, he has promoted such boxers as Evander Holyfield, FÃ©lix Trinidad, Mike Tyson, Larry Holmes, Carlos De Leon, Wilfredo Benitez, Wilfredo Gomez, Roberto Duran, Julio Cesar Chavez, Juan Laporte, Edwin Rosario, Salvador Sanchez, John Ruiz, Hector Camacho, Christy Martin, Aaron Pryor, Alexis Arguello, Oscar de la Hoya, and many others.

In May 2003, King was sued by Lennox Lewis, who wants 385 million dollars from the promoter, claiming King used threats to pull Tyson away from a rematch with Lewis. This is one of several lawsuits King has gone through.

Don King is well-known for his eccentric behavior and outlandish style. His catchphrase is "Only in America!" He has a rather unusual hairstyle, and is fond of wearing loud, brightly colored clothing and lots of jewelry. He is also a very grandiose public speaker.

In 2004, Don King became increasingly active in the re-election campaign of George W. Bush. Although a Democrat, King actively supported George W. Bush's re-election. He was at the 2004 Republican Convention and gave many media interviews.

[Edited on 10-9-2005 by Slippery]

Michael Butterfield · #51 (**permalink**) 10-08-2005, 08:58 PM

Quote:

When a certain shameless fellow mockingly asked a pious old man what God had done before the creation of the world, the latter aptly countered that he had been building hell for the curious.

Institutes 1.14.1 [p.1:160]

PuritanCovenanter · #52 (**permalink**) 10-08-2005, 09:02 PM

This is why the chicken crossed the road.

Without a gun I would run.

[Edited on 10-9-2005 by puritancovenanter]

pastorway · #53 (**permalink**) 10-08-2005, 11:30 PM

If the teeth don't fit we must acquit.....

(do chicken even have teeth??)

pastorway · #54 (**permalink**) 10-08-2005, 11:34 PM

by the Way, a specific chicken named Mike was known to cross the road frequently looking for HIS HEAD!!

Mike the Headless Chicken

Quote:

September 10th, 1945 finds a strapping (but tender) five and a half month old Wyandotte rooster pecking through the dust of Fruita, Colorado. The unsuspecting bird had never looked so delicious as he did that, now famous, day. Clara Olsen was planning on featuring the plump chicken in the evening meal. Husband Lloyd Olsen was sent out, on a very routine mission, to prepare the designated fryer for the pan. Nothing about this task turned out to be routine. Lloyd knew his Mother in Law would be dining with them and would savor the neck. He positioned his ax precisely, estimating just the right tolerances, to leave a generous neck bone. "It was as important to Suck-Up to your Mother in Law in the 40's as it is today." A skillful blow was executed and the chicken staggered around like most freshly terminated poultry.

Then the determined bird shook off the traumatic event and never looked back. Mike (it is unclear when the famous rooster took on the name) returned to his job of being a chicken. He pecked for food and preened his feathers just like the rest of his barnyard buddies.

When Olsen found Mike the next morning, sleeping with his "head" under his wing, he decided that if Mike had that much will to live, he would figure out a way to feed and water him. With an eyedropper Mike was given grain and water. It was becoming obvious that Mike was special. A week into Mike's new life Olsen packed him up and took him 250 miles to the University of Utah in Salt Lake City . The skeptical scientists were eager to answer all the questions regarding Mike's amazing ability to survive with no head. It was determined that ax blade had missed the jugular vein and a clot had prevented Mike from bleeding to death. Although most of his head was in a jar, most of his brain stem and one ear was left on his body. Since most of a chicken's reflex actions are controlled by the brain stem Mike was able to remain quite healthy.

In the 18 MONTHS that Mike lived as "The Headless Wonder Chicken" he grew from a mere 2 1/2 lbs. to nearly 8 lbs. In a Gayle Meyer interview Olsen said Mike was a "robust chicken - a fine specimen of a chicken except for not having a head." Some longtime Fruita residents, gathered at the Monument Cafe for coffee, also remember Mike - "he was a big fat chicken who didn't know he didn't have a head" - "he seemed as happy as any other chicken." Mike's excellent state of health made it difficult for animal-rights activists to garner much of a following. Even now the town of Fruita celebrates Mike's impressive will to live, not the nature of his handicap. Miracle Mike took on a manager, and with the Olsens in tow, set out on a national tour. Curious sideshow patrons in New York , Atlantic City , Los Angeles , and San Diego lined up to pay 25 cents to see Mike. The "Wonder Chicken" was valued at $10,000.00 and insured for the same. His fame and fortune would earn him recognition in Life and Time Magazines. It goes without saying there was a Guinness World Record in all this. While returning from one of these road trips the Olsens stopped at a motel in the Arizona desert. In the middle of the night Mike began to choke. Unable to find the eyedropper used to clear Mike's open esophagus Miracle Mike passed on.

[Edited on 10-9-05 by pastorway]

JDWiseman · #55 (**permalink**) 10-09-2005, 06:17 PM

John Kerry: The chicken was just changing positions. Sometimes its easier that way.

George Bush: Well, heh, I could build a fence to keep all those chickens out, but chances are I'd lose the poultry vote.

Bill Clinton: If its my kind of chicken, it's lookin' for a hefty Polish hen.

Baseball Players Union: We're aware that the instances of underage road-crossing has been escalating in the avian population, and that's why we're proposing a hard-as-nails, tough, 57-Strikes and You're Out plan when it comes to road crossing. And after the 57th strike, the chicken gets a special hearing with the commissioner to see whether it really has to leave the barn.

Terrell Owens: T.O. doesn't know about chickens, T.O. knows football. T.O. plays football. T.O. is football, and T.O. needs to be paid for football. I'm T.O. Have you noticed I'm T.O.? I'm Terrell Owens. I'm so lucky to be me. Don't you wish you were T.O.?

Open Theist: Well I don't know, but my guess is as good as G**'s. (Couldn't figure out whether that was inappropriate or not, sorry if it was).

Mormon: Oh it was just looking for the "other coup" that it mentioned while it was still with us? Here, read this book to find out all about it. Did we mention that we had strong family values, a good choir, and very shiny teeth?

Ozzy Osbourne: Uh-uh-h, n-hun, na na, Sharon, S-s-sharon, uh, u-u-u-u-uh, mmmmm, ma na , chicken, uh, Sharon, ma-na-u-ma-mu-nah, uhhhhhh, uh, chicken."

Ralph Nader:

Oh sorry. I don't remember what he said. Does anyone ever really listen to him anyway?

JDWiseman · #56 (**permalink**) 10-09-2005, 06:20 PM

ESPN College Gameday announcers: Well, we're not entirely sure, but I'm sure there's something about this scenario that will serve as a segue into us talking about USC and Notre Dame, to the exclusion of every other team, state, and topic, for the rest of the show.

WrittenFromUtopia · #57 (**permalink**) 10-09-2005, 06:28 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Mudandstars
ESPN College Gameday announcers: Well, we're not entirely sure, but I'm sure there's something about this scenario that will serve as a segue into us talking about USC and Notre Dame, to the exclusion of every other team, state, and topic, for the rest of the show.

Is there anything more important this year in College Football history than the outcome of this game? No.

Anton Bruckner · #58 (**permalink**) 10-09-2005, 08:23 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Mudandstars

Ozzy Osbourne: Uh-uh-h, n-hun, na na, Sharon, S-s-sharon, uh, u-u-u-u-uh, mmmmm, ma na , chicken, uh, Sharon, ma-na-u-ma-mu-nah, uhhhhhh, uh, chicken."

LadyFlynt · #59 (**permalink**) 10-09-2005, 08:41 PM

It's sad when a chicken thread can go on for 3 (+?) pages...

PuritanCovenanter · #60 (**permalink**) 10-09-2005, 09:27 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by WrittenFromUtopia

Quote:

Originally posted by Mudandstars
ESPN College Gameday announcers: Well, we're not entirely sure, but I'm sure there's something about this scenario that will serve as a segue into us talking about USC and Notre Dame, to the exclusion of every other team, state, and topic, for the rest of the show.

Is there anything more important this year in College Football history than the outcome of this game? No.

USC is GOING DOWN!

PuritanCovenanter · #61 (**permalink**) 10-09-2005, 09:28 PM

The Chickens will run when they see the colors Blue and Gold coming.

pastorway · #62 (**permalink**) 10-09-2005, 10:15 PM

Disclaimer: This is in no way considered to be a college football political statement

USC - United Separatist Chickens - can't be going down because you get down off a duck. All you get from chickens is cheap chopped chicken feathers - achhooooo.

(anybody else remember that episode of the Dick van Dyke show?)

Average Joey · #63 (**permalink**) 10-09-2005, 10:25 PM