HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM IN THE SOUTH!

1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 16 work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns &Ammo magazine and your NRA magazines.

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and Magazines.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:


Hey Bubba,

Big Jim, Duke, Slim, Patty and I went for more ammunition.

Back in an hour.

Don't mess with the pit bulls -- they attacked the mailman this morning

and they messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it but
it was hard to tell from all the blood.

Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside.

We'll be right back.

__________________
1689 Baptist Confession

Psa 55:16 As for me, I will call upon God; and the LORD shall save me.
Psa 55:17 Evening, and morning, and at noon, will I pray, and cry aloud: and he shall hear my voice.
James Farley, Wilderness Road Baptist Assembly.
Husband of Melissa and father of Ann.
www.wildernessroadbaptist.org

Yep, sounds redneck to me. Hubby already has offers from his best friend (a redneck Spaniard ), my brother, my daddy, and an "Uncle Bernie" to come sit on the front porch and clean guns with him when our girls reach courtin' age!

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JC
URCNA
PA, but homesick for SC

"Who says you can't go back, been all around the world and as a matter of fact. There's only one place left I want to go, who says you can't go home" Bon Jovi

Here's another hillbilly security system.

__________________
Donald Jacobs
Marysville. WA
Cascade Church (CRCNA)

Cum vero infirmor tunc potens sum.

I recognize that hardware.

But mine has the combat stock, with handy slots for more shells.

Love that heat shield above the barrel, eh? Don't have a sling, though.

__________________
Rev. Bruce G. Buchanan
ChainOLakes Presbyterian Church, CentralLake, MI


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Illegal here in the UK

__________________
Richard
CofE
UK

That's too bad. In my home state something like that was a standard wedding present, along with rolling pins and cast-iron cookware.

__________________
R.Vic Bottomly
Providence Reformed Baptist Church, Tacoma, WA

Click to get: Board Rules -- Signature Requirements -- Suggestions?

It doesn't always function as a present in weddings.

This amendment enforces and protects all other amendments.

__________________
J. B. Atken
John Knox PCA
Layman, M.A. student at Louisiana College

Yes, the bride's father would hand it over after the ceremony!

__________________
R.Vic Bottomly
Providence Reformed Baptist Church, Tacoma, WA

Click to get: Board Rules -- Signature Requirements -- Suggestions?

This only works if the would-be crook is from the North. Everyone else in the south already knows Big Jim, Duke, Slim, Patty and Bubba and probably have a few extra ducks they just shot in the back of their pickup that they can throw to the dogs.

__________________

Back in some of the hills where I'm from, in some situations these are still used to ensure a wedding takes place.

__________________
Donald Jacobs
Marysville. WA
Cascade Church (CRCNA)

Cum vero infirmor tunc potens sum.

If you're using it for security, you ain't gonna be needin' a sling!

__________________

Problem is, you have to be home to use the device!

__________________
The man who is disposed to think of his sin as a great calamity, rather than as a heinous crime, is not likely either to reverence God or to respect His law. - John Kennedy, 1873
Meg
Blog
Member, Intown Presbyterian Church,PCA, Portland, OR

Click to get: Board Rules -- Signature Requirements -- Suggestions?

__________________
Richard
CofE
UK